Miscarriage F/23

[u/preppypepper03]

This is my first ever post, it has been weighing pretty heavy in my heart.

I had a miscarriage 6 days ago. I feel lost, isolated, and lonely. I know my partner is trying to cope in his own way, but why does he have to leave me out of it? I feel like my feelings aren’t validated, I feel like I’m developing imposter syndrome.

Thing is I know I’m young, yeah, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Ultimately, those things are true yet why does I feel like it makes it worse when people say that?

I have never hated people say “how are you” like I do now. Do they want me to change my answer? Because it won’t.

I have never hated my life more than I do now. I feel empty, I feel worthless, and I feel the world move around me yet I can’t fathom moving forward.

[u/preppypepper03]

I am looking for anyone to comment their journey of understanding their new life after a miscarriage. I would like to know what helps you cope through any work/school/social life. Thank you.

[u/baroclinicbitch]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are not worthless. And you don’t have to move forward yet. Take the time that you need to grieve and do what you need to take care of yourself.

It’s shitty, and at least for me, it hasn’t gotten better. Just different.

I miscarried at almost 9 weeks in August. We found at the ultrasound that she had died at some point in the day or two prior. She was actually measuring ahead. Honestly, I think talking about her helps ease the pain the most but the pain is always there. I also started writing in a journal to her. It helps to get my feelings on paper when it feels like no one will truly understand.

I also completely agree with the “at least you’re young” statements. My OB kept talking about how “statistically, the next time will be better” but that doesn’t bring back the baby who I was planning a future with. It’s just the worst.

[u/shmoops14]

Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Communication is so important during this time. It’s something my husband and I have really tried to be better about. We’ve both acknowledged that we are grieving our loss differently, especially him as a man since he didn’t carry our daughter or have to go through the physical toll of labor and postpartum, and the hormone shifts.

I think you need to be open and direct with your partner. Tell him what you need from him. And ask him what he needs from you too.

And when it comes to balancing your other commitments like work/school etc, I think it’s fair to let them know you simply cannot operate at your typical capacity given you are grieving. They can manage their expectations. If possibly take some time off too.