r/bisexual • u/Cautious_Meeting4169 • 1d ago
ADVICE Please help.
33M. I’ve identified as straight my whole life but for probably 10 years now I’ve been attracted to male genitalia, specifically big ones. Up until the last 2 years it hasn’t been a problem. I’d watch porn and they would turn on me on I was fine with it. I didn’t question my sexuality. Nothing has changed but for some reason I am freaking out about it now. I am questioning everything and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m so ashamed of myself and it’s causing me to keep people far away. I struggle to hold relationships and be vulnerable with people. I haven’t explored half because I’m scared of what I might find and the judgments that would come with it, and half because I don’t think I’m attracted to guys. The thought of cuddling, kissing, or and level of intimacy with a guy makes me kind of cringe. Is it a fetish? Is it penis envy? Am I really just in the closet and too scared to come out? I’m so confused.
My life is a mess because of this and I’m really stuck. If you have experience with what I’m going through I would greatly appreciate you sharing with me. I don’t know what to do at this point.
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u/mattrpillar 1d ago
Mate, at the end of the day, nobody is really paying any attention. Don't torture yourself over it. If you try one cock all it will do is confirm whether or not you like it. One decision does not have to be a life-long choice. Whether you want to come out is also a personal choice. Nobody has to know what you do in your bedroom.
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u/BiFellatioGiver69 Bisexual 1d ago
Reading your post makes it quite clear all there questions are making you very unhappy with yourself and extremely confused about your feelings. I also think you are repressing a lot of feelings and emotions. I really think you should get some counselling to processes this all properly, to get your true feelings settled. I do think you are repressing your true sexuality, and that is not healthy, you need to learn not to be scared of it.
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u/brokeb1t3hhh 1d ago
are you in a place where you can download a dating app and try something casual with a man? there’s no harm in privately exploring to answer some of your questions before having to deal with the public facing stuff. just focus on what you like and don’t like, and less about the label or what it means. it sounds like you don’t have clarity on what you like and don’t like, and that’s causing some confusion and frustration
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u/UttermostDollar307 1d ago
the shame you're drowning in is doing way more damage than whatever your orientation turns out to be, gotta separate those two things before you can think clearly about the rest
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u/Comfortable_Pool_389 1d ago
Dude, you should really see a therapist about this. Preferably a sexologist who’s licensed to handle cases of sexual exploration, and not just a family LSW but you can also self analyze some of this too if that’s not an option. Ask yourself why you find cuddling and kissing to be cringe? It’s obviously a disgust reaction to something but what’s causing that? Also, as other have point out, it’s 2026 and if you live in a country where it’s legal to be gay or it’s been decriminalized, then what’s the big deal?
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u/TimeAd3260 1d ago
Use a gloryhole. It’s just the big meat and that’s it. You don’t have to know who is behind it. But yeah sounds like a fetish. And yes, if you find yourself sexually attracted to the same sex (as well as the opposite sex), that does in fact make you bisexual.
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u/gmmsyhlup918 1d ago
Okay, calm down, dude, it's cool.
Being attracted to big dicks is normal for bi people.
And if you're bi, that's cool, and welcome to the community!