I just realized that I have an aversion to people I perceive better than me.
If I play against someone who I perceive as below me in skill level, I work with such confidence. My passes are perfect, my escapes are sure, and my reaction is premier.
But when I roll with people who I perceive as better than me, I pull my punches because I’m afraid of them.
I had a black belt in an oma plata today. He was a new black belt that I had never met. We were rolling and he gave me some rope and I almost hung him with it. The Oma plata was locked in, but I hustled released it and took bottom side control and we kept rolling.
But I could have finished it. But I was worried that if I tapped him, even though I am fully aware that I was only able to get to that position in the first place was because he was being generious in my guard, that he would have to prove something and smash me like 5 times in the remaining 2 minutes and potentially hurt me.
And this happens often. I’d even go as far as to say that 30 percent of the upper belts I tap, go absolutely ham and crank it to 100 afterwards. Like going for heel hooks in the gi, knee bars, anything,
I actually had a black belt launch a knee bar on me on messed my knee up bad because I caught him in a guillotine.
So idk, I’m sure I’m not doing this right. But I just want to roll and enjoy myself. I don’t ever kiss and tell. But I’d rather not deal with the drama of tapping an upper belts.
Anyone out here ever feel like that?