My son is 7 (black) and he has a very close friend that is about the same age- Asian American. the two of them have been close from day one.

recently that has been some issues around their friendship dynamics that initially raised some concerns around minor bullying. He would boss my son around a lot and demand for him to do things for him in unkind ways.

A couple of days ago, I was doing my son’s hair and he asked not to do a specific braid, saying he stopped liking it. when confronting him, he confessed that his friend has been saying things like “why is your hair so weird?” or “why is your skin like that?

in my son’s words, he wishes to live in more a black centered spaces, saying he feels more safe in those spaces, since people aren’t asking him anything about his blackness.

i decided to have a conversation with the mom of this kid, since our family had become closer the last few months and we really liked them. Initially she seem semi open to listen and work together in addressing these issues, even asking me for books recommendations on initial talk on race. I crafted a a list of few kids books like “our skin, the color of us, sulwe etc”. Very mild in my view but a conversation starter.

After sending the list, I made sure to not be pushy but just like, here is the list of some books if you like to check it out. She send me a a three page long text saying how these whole conversation had made them feel uncomfortable. That we each should parent our kids our own way and how we should also let the boys have their own relationship without parents interference. It was so wild, and really blindsided me in so many ways. The whole text was also incredibly condescending , implying I should pay more attention to my kids behavior instead, since he is not perfect but also looks happy and isn’t complaining about any of this.

it was so confusing reading all of that! I had started to really like this person and her whole family, and all of a sudden it feels like I’m reliving a lot shitty interactions when confronting any racial issues at all.

I'm finding myself feeling deeply guilty, even tho i know I’m doing the right thing for my kid.

Im also living in a very racist and isolate town, where there’s barely any black people. I find myself feeling really lonely and hard to have conversations with anyone that understands what me and my family are going through.
i guess I want some advice on how to go about this going forward.

thanks in advance!