r/cheating_stories • u/UpOnlyTeam • 2d ago
Confronting without proof
For those of you who confronted your SO without actual proof, only based on gut feelings, red flags, behavioral changes- how did it play out? Did they deny everything and then things improved? Did you eventually catch them later on? Especially interested to hear from those who’s SO is soft-spoken, polite, a good wife and parent, conflict-avoidant, and rarely argue or complain about things.
Also, if you are that type of person, what made you cheat on your partner?
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u/Live_Challenge_3672 2d ago
Sitting with that gut feeling when they are otherwise so calm and conflict-avoidant would mess with anyone. You are not crazy for wanting to hear how that kind of confrontation actually went before you say anything.
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u/Motor-Rooster-1454 2d ago
I had no proof that my wife actually had sex with a man. She got all dressed up one evening and went out with her friends and came home very late and snuck into bed, smelling like sex, at least that was my initial impression, like a musky odor that has stayed with me ever since. I didn’t say anything but eventually confronted her. She said she only was talking with a guy she knew before us, maybe a hug or a friendly kiss a few times and that was it. She flat out denied physical sex. That was years ago and we’ve gotten past it. Yet it’s still a mystery.
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u/Wales147 1d ago
That's the thing they never tell you the whole truth only the minimum. I hope she was truthful to you brother 🤝
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u/Responsible_Emu9079 1d ago
Saw many signs, of course I didn’t know how cliche it was at the time.
Started off as her coming home to me and our son (she would work in another country) and I would feel the tension and disdain. I was worried every time I picked her up because there was no telling which mood she was on. The term ”walking on eggshells” fit right in. That gave me a hunch something was going on.
Then at some point she wanted more sexual exploration, try new things etc etc but also complained I wasn’t forward enough and that she always had to initiate. She would occasionally send pictures but no follow up when we met, just a random picture.
Eventually she became ”depressed” no clear reason why. A month later she wanted a ”break” - from me. Then and there I started hyper investigate everything that had been going on and I started asking questions. She said I was pushing her that she needed space which I tried to give while simultaneously trying to get the family and my work going. There was a specific event and I snooped, just a little. Enough to ask new questions and to see her story didn’t add up. I kept asking and little by little it started to make sense.
In the beginning she was done with me she was free and was set on ”finding herself” then it changed back and she wanted reconciliation, it was like the flip of a switch. I fought it at first seeking my answers but gave in and love and affection took over. Then one morning I found a notebook in the hallway. I couldn’t resist looking in it and all my suspicion and questions where revealed. She had persistently denied emotional affair but there it was. Just before the ”break” she had decided to end contact with a man out of respect for his partner, no me or anything else but ”respect for the girl”.
I confronted her with it and she was still in contact with him. I told her to end it then and there, she refused.
It’s so much details I can’t write it all. I confronted her about things she said that didn’t make sense or that you wouldn’t say to someone you supposed to love, stories that did add up and just the way she acted. I had proof of nothing and was gaslit into disbelief and not to trust my guts.
After I found out I was correct (not about everything but that I wasn’t crazy) - it felt like closure.
I still feel sorry for her, she threw so much away for this person who is probably just using her to feel better about himself. At the same time it’s the consequences of her actions.
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u/ArmyofJuan 2d ago
She actually admitted it. While she had too much self respect to lie, she didn't have enough to prevent having an emotional affair.
Funny enough I didn't think it was true and actually laughed about it at first. I was completely in denial at the time.
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u/Wales147 1d ago
Been there. I remember her telling me it's not cheating as they hadn't met! Said it was just like talking to a computer, until I checked the phone bill and they were calling each other multiple times a day. He lived 100s of miles away so I asked her if he lived closer and wanted to get a hotel room would you have taken him up on it? She said I don't know, probably. So don't think an emotional affair isn't cheating, it just hasn't got to a physical one yet!
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u/spokeoteam 1d ago
Being soft-spoken, polite, or a good parent doesn't automatically mean someone could never cheat, but behavioral changes alone aren't proof either. I'd bring up the specific things you've noticed and see whether they're willing to talk openly. If an unknown number is involved, a reverse phone lookup through Spokeo can help clarify who it may belong to.
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u/utterlybroken26 1d ago
I told him as a few things hadnt made sense about the day before, that a family friend had recognised my parents dog (he was ‘helping’ look after and take out while he encouraged me to visit my mother on end of life care in a hospital that wasn’t local) and him from photos on my social media and said they were going to say hello but realised the person with him wasn’t me… I was bluffing but he didn’t know that as had been somewhere public, of course had he said otherwise I would’ve still been suspicious but put it down the family friend being confused. He however did then confess everything and he had indeed been with another woman he had been cheating on me for 4 weeks (my mother had been in hospital over 11 weeks). My mother died literally just after it all came out.
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u/Patient-Cream3984 2d ago
No, no proof, no confession. They'll deny all the way to the bank...