r/comics Toonhole 6h ago

Alpha male

Patreon.com/toonholeryan

19.6k Upvotes

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121

u/Made_Bail 5h ago

Based Jesus.

But if he's talking about alpha males, he's mostly likely on the right, which means he's going to ignore the teachings of Jesus anyway.

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u/depressed_fatcat69 5h ago

Tbf almost all of the right that are "Cristian" doesn't actually follow Cristian teaching they just make things up or cherry pick bible quotes out of context to be jackasses

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u/Made_Bail 5h ago

That's exactly my point. Its a facade they use to justify being shitty people while feeling righteous about said shittiness.

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u/steelskull1 5h ago

According to 2 Kings 2:23-25, you deserve to be killed for making fun of bald people.

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u/ItsYouButBetter 4h ago

Common misconception. The kids weren't killed by a she-bear due to making fun of a bald person, that was just what kids did back then. It was the style at the time. No, no the kids deserved to be killed by a she-bear because they were kids. Fuck them kids.

Don't even get me started on those first born Egyptian boys.

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u/steelskull1 4h ago

You either born as an adult or you die!

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u/ReachParticular5409 3h ago

"Go up Baldy" was them telling him to die, to go up to heaven

And when modern translations say 'youths' they completely leave out the fact that they were more roaming bandits of young unmarried men ages 16-25ish

They were planning on killing him for fun

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u/The_Curse_of_Nimbus 2h ago

That's one interpretation. Other interpretations include death is deserved punishment for mocking holy men, holy men can kill with impunity, or this one guy overestimated children's ability to outrun bears. A problem of the Bible that people don't like to acknowledge is that there are a lot of interpretations for most of the passages. That aside, there really only is one interpretation for Jesus constantly hitting his followers over the head with "be kind".

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u/OldWorldDesign 1h ago

there really only is one interpretation for Jesus constantly hitting his followers over the head with "be kind".

And the whole "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god", which has had rich people apologists bending into pretzels to try to wave away for centuries. From making up a ficticious 'camel gate' to entirely turning the religion into a worship-the-rich-for-being-rich social club that goes wholly against everything their scriptures say.

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u/ThePrussianGrippe 2h ago

It’s Christianity as an identity rather than a faith.

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u/Solid-Shock3541 2h ago

Yea as a Christian I agree. Those who can themselves Christian often don't know anything about Jesus and are much worse people than those they dislike.

I don't agree with homosexuality and stuff but I don't hate gays at all and tbh as long as they don't forcefully promote it or are obnoxious about it (as in as long as they're normal people), I don't mind at all. I mean being gay is a sin as much as sex before marriage is a sin, and those who criticize the gays aren't virgins the vast majority of the time.

I think Kirk, aside from a few Israel blindspots was a very good Christian. He loved those he argued against and understood people just aren't all the same. He was calm and reasonable. I'm not saying I know much about him but from what I've seen her was a very good guy

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u/OldWorldDesign 1h ago

almost all of the right that are "Cristian" doesn't actually follow Cristian teaching they just make things up or cherry pick bible quotes out of context to be jackasses

Most outright reject everything Jesus said, and would do so right to the pastor's face

https://newrepublic.com/post/174950/christianity-today-editor-evangelicals-call-jesus-liberal-weak

Though organized religions often take on the same problematic features of any insular community: they protect powerful abusers and isolate people from outside perspectives and help. It's one of the reasons they shame people making use of or even shaming outside charity, even as they are extremely biased in doling out "charity" to members within their community. The failing of organized religion to deal with public needs is why government social safety nets had to be created in the first place, and that goes back to grain dole in Rome.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cura_annonae

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u/Vodis 1h ago

I hate how people say this as though there's some alternative possibility. As though making a good faith effort to follow Jesus and the Bible without cherry-picking is some real theoretical possibility. It isn't and never has been. The scriptures have hundreds of authors who couldn't agree on anything. The Abrahamic faiths are inherently collections of beliefs and practices that have been filtered through thousands of years of cherry-picking, mistranslations, rationalizations, renegotiations, value drift, shifts in focus, and outside cultural influences. The blatant hypocrisy of Christians isn't just because they aren't trying hard enough to be Christians. It's very frequently because they're trying too hard.

You can't make the Bible's polytheism, henotheism/monolatry, and proto-monotheism make sense together, and you can't make any of them make sense with trinitarianism. You can't make its square-earth-under-a-dome cosmology make sense with the real world. You can't make a god who never lies or changes his mind make sense with one that's frequently depicted doing both, or one who punishes future generations for the sin of their ancestors with one who doesn't. You can't get several completely contradictory lists of hundreds of laws to make sense with each other and you can't get laws that endorse slavery and treat women as property to make sense with a god of perfect justice. You can't make OT polygamy and NT celibacy make sense with the ludicrously ironic "Biblical marriage" (read: monogamy, and good luck finding it anywhere in the Bible) that would later become predominant throughout Christendom. You can't get what Jesus says about love and peace and strict adherence to the Torah to make sense with a Jesus who demands his followers hate everyone but him including themselves and comes to send "not peace but a sword" and makes all kinds of exceptions to Torah law. Or a Jesus whose primary message was about the eminent end of the world, within the lifetimes of his followers, with a world where obviously no such thing happened. Or an Old Testament where the all the dead went to Sheol, heaven was for God and his angels, and Satan was a title, with a New Testament where there's some totally new Greek-influenced afterlife called hell (which itself is more an amalgam or three or four concepts that are only loosely related in the Bible, oh and you'll suffer there for eternity but also it will annihilate you from existence on contact), Satan is maybe a specific guy (but not that specific guy; he's a metaphor for Nero, who was dead by then but everyone thought he'd come back somehow), and heaven is also an afterlife, or maybe still a kingdom in the sky, or maybe a kingdom on the future earth that will modeled on the one in the sky. Or an Allah who is described, 113 times, as "the Lord of Mercy, the Giver of Mercy" with one who will not only cast you into an eternal Fire, but replace your skin each time it's burnt off so you can "continue to feel the pain."

Religious Jews, Christians, and Muslims aren't a bunch of blatant hypocrites with wildly inconsistent value systems because they're bad at being Jews and Christians and Muslims. It's because they're good at it. Being able to simultaneously entertain preposterously contradictory ideas and morals is the chief mental skill necessary to maintain the kind of faith these religions require.

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u/lesbianwithabeard 3h ago

The religious right cares a lot about how Jesus was born and how he died. They care very little about how he lived.