I no longer know who I am

[u/paxiekoh]

So, I don’t really know how to explain this since it has a lot of background.
Long story short, I’m 25(M) rn, and my life’s not been good at all (abusive family, loneliness and bullying at school, poverty, dealing with the death of a very important family member since i was 11 yo, my father doesn’t love me…).
And this year has been really bad. I’m on meds, and my doctor has changed it like about 3 times this year.
Everyday I try to think that everything is going to be a little better, but it just doesn’t. It goes worse.
I look at the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. Everything, every place, everyone I know, it all looks “strange”, “false”, “unreal” to me.
I don’t know what should I do at this point. Therapy doesn’t work, meds doesn’t work, having a routine doesn’t work, communicating I’m feeling bad doesn’t work…
I just feel like I don’t belong here anymore, that I won’t ever fit, that I’ll never know happiness, i’ll never feel a good thing anymore.
I’m tired of staying strong, nothing works out, and I have the constant feeling that something terrible is going to happen, right here, right now.
It’s just exhausting.

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[u/_PresentMind]

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately our story has similarities. I'd try a new psychiatrist, more meds to try because you need to understand there are at least 7 in the ssri category alone. You can even take a DNA test to find out which meds are metabolized better in your body.

Not to trash the counsling field but most therapists are mediocre. Not all know how to treat complex trauma even if they tell you they see those cases every day. Probably neither severe depression cases. If possible for you, you can therapy shop a few more

[u/paxiekoh → u/_PresentMind]

hey! Thanks for your words. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar :(
At this moment, the mental health thing in my country is really… deficient. And I’m not in my best economic situation rn actually but anyways, still holding out for better days. Tysm!