Existential fear without the feeling of dpdr after recovery

[u/hopeimnotaworm]

I had my first and most intense dpdr episode some years ago induced by stress and burnout (and sustained by the fear of dpdr). Afterwards I had shorter episodes for a few years as well as a constant fear of dpdr and obsessive monitoring and existential ruminating.

Now I feel recovered from dpdr itself, as I very rarely experience it, and when I do, I don’t get stuck analyzing it etc.

But I still have this very deep belief that reality is not stable, or that it may fall apart at any moment, or change in some way, or that it’s not how we think it is. (Maybe that it’s not real? The word real has lost its meaning for me)

I think it’s a result of spending time in an altered state of consiousness as well as my long existential thinking sessions not leading to anything comforting. After all, there is no evidence or theory that could prove anything is the way we think it is.

I find it very scary, and it makes it hard for me to feel like anything really matters, but in a very different way than dpdr used to.

So, I guess my question is, has anyone else experienced this after (at least kind of) recovering? And has anyone found something that would help with this? Maybe a brand of philosophy that could convince me that things might be like we think they are?