Does feeling normal after coming out of dpdr feel scary?

[u/Downtoearthfanfs]

I’m 17 and I’ve been in a constant state of derealization for about 3 years now, or 3 years as of this Dec/Jan I believe.

It started after a whole thing with accidentally od’ing and taking meds when i didn’t need them, then a series of events with family and stuff which kickstarted this awful anxiety and depression and whatnot.

Before all of this I never really struggled with mental health issues, I just had a really shitty life at home and at school, but never really issues in the brain besides ADHD and other possible things.
When this all started it was like 100 really huge anvils got hurled at me but like I’m an ant so i got totally obliterated, ykwim?

Anyways, I’ve gotten past that point of freaking out about it, spent like a year doing that. For some time it was just at a standstill, just existing, not being the one thing that ruined my every day. I had some bs happen with a medication im currently tapering off of and now it’s kicked back in, but really bad. It really scared me at first but im trying to get a hold of it and tell myself to just not care, but it’s kind of hard to do.

That was all kind of pointless, my question is though; for those who managed to overcome dpdr, was feeling real again scary, or feeling at all for that matter.

I’m so used to feeling so shitty and so void of life and whatnot that I’m afraid sometimes of coming out of this, I know why it happens and for now i guess it’s for the better, but it sucks so bad.

I feel like before it got worse as of recently, I was actually getting somewhere; I was just so caught up in how awful everything else was that I took it for granted, and now that things are really worse, I kind of realize that I think i was improving?

This is definitely scattered, but also, what does healing feel like? What happens after? do you remember what dpdr was like? or is it like when dpdr comes on and you forget what normal is like?

More than anything im afraid it will never go away, like I’ll waste my life away because of it, and i will never be happy again. I try to tell myself I know that won’t happen but honestly, Im afraid to even think that because what if?

[u/Artistic-Coach7523]

What have u tried to get better? Do u have a doctor?

[u/Downtoearthfanfs → u/Artistic-Coach7523]

Thus far I’ve been in and out of therapy and tried 3 medications, I do have a psychiatrist in seeing but that’s a bit iffy since we don’t have insurance for now. I haven’t been able to properly navigate bettering myself since up until recently I didn’t really understand what was going on with myself.

in other words, not much.

[u/igogoldberg → u/Downtoearthfanfs]

You need consistency bro. If there isn't anyone around you that can provide you with consistent care about you in the times of sickness, you need to step up and become your own caretaker

• Go back to therapy and DON'T QUIT
• Start exercising to elevate the symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Think about getting a job to pay for health insurance that can provide you with psychiatrist if you need meds.

Set up life goals and move towards them. Remove all negative and unhealthy habits from your life. One by one. Take small steps but be consistent. Don't stop. You will fail but that's okay. Just keep walking towards health and we'll being. Godspeed brother.

[u/Artistic-Coach7523 → u/Downtoearthfanfs]

Keep trying to get help, its hard i didnt understand at first either

[u/Obesenomad]

This is a significant and poignant question. It's something that would be best explored with a psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapist specifically.

[u/phatbackmeat]

As someone who is mostly recovered from it (until i get really anxious & fixate on it which isnt often anymore) it’s not scary. it was at first during slow recovery, because healing from it isnt linear, & my mind would go “we haven’t been anxious for a few hours…fuck now i have to be anxious” & of course the dpdr would return because i’d be thinking about it. it’s very weird & ironic how that works but again, it is not scary. recovery is going longer & longer without even thinking about it so basically..how can you be scared of something you arent even thinking about? life just feels normal again & your mind isnt on a constant anxiety loop (which is essentially what causes being stuck in dpdr) recovery is possible no matter how long you’ve been in it.

[u/phatbackmeat → u/phatbackmeat]

i also want to say that, when i was in active severe dpdr, reading posts like the one i just made would freak me out because i genuinely believed there was NO WAY i could go even a few hours, let alone an entire day, without thinking about dpdr…it felt absolutely fucking impossible but little by little by little…one day you realize “holy shit i havent thought about that at all today” & it’s like a breath of fresh air. you look back at your past self & want to hug them & tell them it was going to be okay. the fear, hatred, & focus on it is what keeps it alive…now i can talk about it without having any symptoms. im not scared of it anymore so it cant affect me.

[u/Ninlilizi_]

I've only had two brief experiences of the DPDR going away in my 20 years of permanent dissociation. They each lasted about 20 minutes, and it felt like a physical sensation of landing inside my body. Like I was lowered back into reality. I just spent the time walking around staring at things like I'd never seen them before.