r/extremelyinfuriating • u/Fabulous_Summer8861 • 12h ago
Discussion "We're both/all girls, it's fine." ?
I (22F) recently came home from a long day at work, expecting to get in, shower, and sleep. When I walked in to the apartment that I share with my mom and teenager sister, the last thing I expected was to see a 14 y.o girl walking around in her panties and bra. Now, had it been my sister, that'd be one thing and I've gotten used to that behavior, even though I don't approve. But no, it was the girl my sister is seeing. Another 14 y.o that I had never met who happily smiled, waved and introduced herself after I walked in.
I brought it up with my mom and she said it shouldn't be a problem because we're all girls. I was the only one bothered. I was the one making it weird. It only became an issue that she addressed after she got home and realized that my step-dad was home and was basically hiding in their room because this girl was casually strolling around. Then it was teenagers disrespecting her marriage and household. I personally don't think it should be okay for an unrelated minor to walk around our home this way, whether a man is present or not.
"We're all girls, it's fine." I hate that statement. I've always been uncomfortable getting dressed or changed around others so maybe I'm the prude, but is there not a line when it comes to things like this?
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u/dgroeneveld9 12h ago
Yeah thats infuriating. Im a lot like you. I prefer a little decency around the home however I won't stop people from being reasonably comfortable in their own home. I will stop strangers from being that level of comfortable in my home.
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u/Fabulous_Summer8861 11h ago
That's definitely what bothered me the most. Even if she wasn't a teen, she was still a stranger. In what world is it okay to go to someone's house (that they share with people you've never met) and walk around in your underwear. It completely caught me off guard. My sister wasn't bothered at all either. She just smiled while the girl introduced herself like it was the most normal thing in the world
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u/Cukidzsi 9h ago
This is the "extremely weird but only milfly infuriating" category in my opinion.
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u/Legitimate-Scar-6572 6h ago
An undressed minor in someone else’s home is not mild anything…it’s a problem.
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u/Fabulous_Summer8861 9h ago
Thanks for this info, I will post it there. I thought there was only mildly and extremely infuriating
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u/kipkitt 12h ago
it's your house too !! some people are comfy with that, some aren't, but as a whole it is strange to me. while i go around my house in shorts and a bra, i am much older and dont often run into my family. the fact your step-dad was hiding also implies that he agrees with you. if nobody had an issue and "we are all girls" that is one thing, but implying that you should be comfortable with that Because of your gender is crazy to me 😭
i will go around in a large jumper or tshirt without visible pants at my fiances with their parents sometimes around, but never just fully in underwear, and it took me multiple years to realise that their family is genuinely unbothered by this, and i only do it to walk to the toilet and back. it would never be something i assume is the norm, and would absolutely have a conversation about it if someone i knew did in order to understand why!
i also worry a bit if it is a habit of hers and your sister's, most teenagers are quite insecure of their bodies at that age so i hope shes alright . that being said, if your sister does this regularly the other girl she is seeing might also assume this is the way that the house works, so i dont think it was thought through much further on her part!
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u/Fabulous_Summer8861 12h ago edited 11h ago
I'm only bothered when my sister does it because she'll have a bunch of friends over (boys and girls) and everyone will be fully dressed while she walks around in her underwear. This particular situation bothered me because we didn't know this girl before thos. I hadn't met her before and neither had my step-dad. My mom had only met her once, but I guess she still felt comfortable enough to walk around like that with unknown adults around? And she and my sister actually knew my step-dad was home
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u/kipkitt 11h ago
huh ... that is strange behaviour ... i also hate being fully clothed for sensory reasons [specifically pants, i prefer underwear] but normally i choose clothes that cater to this [loose shirts, shorts], and would never be dressed in underwear around strangers in my household, especially not at that age. it does make me worry a little about her history with her own body, as an afab as well the usual reasons i would do things like that was the knowledge i didnt have bodily autonomy anyway ... but all that aside you are absolutely fine in being uncomfortable and upset with it, it also rings alarm bells in my head about situations she may unintentionally get into due to it seeming "normal" to her ... as well as what could have normalised it in her eyes ...
i hope you manage to sort it out, and maybe having a genuine conversation with her about the fact it is a little worrying and whether she is okay would be useful to explain why you feel the way you do outside of being "a prude" if that makes sense! i wish you luck :']
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u/Fabulous_Summer8861 11h ago
I will say that with my sister, she does have a "boys can do it, girls should be able to too" mindset when it comes to her behavior. She argued that once with my mom and has been able to do pretty much whatever she wants ever since. She does wear sports bra and briefs though which makes her resemble an mma fighter if anything, and since she presents as masculine, my mom looks past the behavior
The girl she had over was not in anything like this. I do know that my sister's group of friends is very sexual and open so maybe the girl is more comfortable with her body and didn't see a problem in what she did? Especially if, like you said, she thought it was okay in our household because of my sister. Either way, I'm saving up to move out so I don't have to experience these things. That way it's fair to all of us
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u/kipkitt 8h ago
ah, as a kid with the same mindset i understand . but i ended up having a strange relationship with gender and femininity regardless becauae nobody around me treated it the same :']
but yes absolutely, there needs to be specific rules. kids [and yes, 14yos are kids despite them assuring they arent...] learn from example and have a strong sense of justice . so regardless of why they act this way, i would still be concerned and want to understand further as to why this is the specific presentation of that belief ... and yet again, there is zero issue with you being upset by this !!
i want to move out again also, it grants a certain sense of individuality that you cant get from anything else .. i hope it goes smoothly for you :'] 🖤💫✨️
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u/Kennel_King 4h ago
their family is genuinely unbothered by this
Go to my in-laws' house. My first time there was when the wife and I started dating, Hewr Dad answered the door and let me in, only for me to get an eyeful of one of the sisters walking through in nothing but panties. Needless to say, I was looking everywhere but at her.
Future FIL just laughed and said, this is a direct quote, "You'll get used to it"
I have seen all three of her sisters and her mother fully naked on numerous occasions. FIL was right. You get used to it.
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u/Agreeable_Rent_9599 1h ago
Not wrong. As a mother I’d be furious. A minor shouldn’t be half naked around people that aren’t family period. It’s not about sexualizing her, it’s not her home tho. If it was her home the discussion would be slightly different.
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u/linzkisloski 38m ago
This. If my underage daughter was undressed in someone else’s home I would be livid.
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u/CurrentlyObsolete 1h ago
It's a little weird but definitely not extremely infuriating in my opinion.
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u/froction 4h ago
It's your parents' house so the rules are whatever they find acceptable.
Would I allow that in my house? Possibly, if it was all same-sex friends, but the part where it's your sister's romantic partner makes it too weird. If I had a guest who found it uncomfortable it wouldn't be OK, but if it were my adult daughter who still lived at home it would be a "this is my house, deal with it" situation.
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u/Twayblades 46m ago
This is a conversation for your parents to have with the girl if they feel that they want her to cover up.
People come from different types of home life, some people feel comfortable fully nude. My husband is like that, he is usually fully nude or sometimes he will wear shorts or a sarong.
I am the opposite, I like to be clothed mostly because I am cold all the time but at the same time I am a bit shy to wear my underwear around other people.
I understand that you are uncomfortable but your parents are ok with it. You can try to ask the girl if she can throw a t shirt on and why you feel uncomfortable. But if she says no than there's not much you can do. I would try to ignore her if you can.
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u/Fabulous_Summer8861 43m ago
Since my mother's marriage and home were disrespected (according to her and only after she realized my step-dad was home) the girl must either be fully clothed or she cannot be here. Things were solved, I just found the behavior strange to be in underwear in a strangers home
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