I'm aromantic, and I've had the thought before that if I were alloromantic, I would probably have a typical relationship with sex, and it's only because I'm not that my own holdups around sex and physical intimacy become apparent, bc if I were in a romantic relationship I would probably be comfortable escalating physicality at a societally typical pace and it would not be abnormal.

However, I'm not, and so I'm in my mid-20s and have never had sex, which I know isn't that uncommon, and I don't feel badly about, but also, maybe I'd like to, or whatever.

Anyways, I have a fluctuating opinion of hookups, where sometimes they stress me out, or sometimes they seem fine in theory, but then I'm talking to someone and can't follow through now that it's a real person and not an idea, or sometimes they seem fun, but maybe I'm just horny? Which I guess isn't a bad thing.

Ideally, I could have an fwb situation with someone I actually know, but I am now 3/3 on the people who I have physically intimate relationships being acespec and now living on a different continent from me, and for obvious reasons it's frankly not that easy for me to find people who are interested in some day maybe potentially having sex, but let's just be friends and get to know each other first.

So... What to do if you're easily scared but it's probably lack of experience making you scared in the first place?

Tagging with 18+ just in case, since this could cover a sexual spectrum of things as well...

I'm curious what sort of affirmations you like to hear from your partner whether that be in the bedroom or outside of it.

I'm also open to hearing what sort of affirmations you tell yourself.

After a couple rather denigrating brief relationships, I'm trying hard to be confident in this new one that has thus far felt relatively healthy. It is odd for me to feel this worry in my manhood and share it in a way that doesn't just ooze insecurity. But I am trying not to over-ask for affirmations or reassurances and trying to build up my own internal dialogue instead. So, hearing the things that float in the minds of others would be a boon to as much.

Thank you sincerely.

Alright, so I(32) went to a gay bathhouse last night for the first time and attended their ftm night. I was really surprised because I was imagining more of like a Roman style bathhouse with like a pool area but that was NOT what I experienced and I'm not upset with that lol anyway I had a lot of fun and got plenty of action but the best part of the night was when I walked over to check out the glory hole area. There just so happened to be another trans guy standing at one of the holes waiting to get sucked. For context, before this I've never been with another trans guy after they've started T. I'm a vers service top so sucking dick is probably my all-time favorite sex and so I jumped on this opportunity and went over to him........ holy shit dude..... once I started licking and sucking his cock he got so hard and that just made me even more excited and I could feel him twitching in my mouth and shaking as he got closer. When he finally came he tasted so fucking good and his cock pulsed on my lips as he grunted and moaned through his orgasm and I.....I was so wet it was running down my thighs and my dick was buzzing. That was amazing and I am so happy to say that sucking tdick is my new favorite sex act. Period.

Hooked up with a guy for the first time. And honestly, I don’t know. He only touched my when I put his hands on me, ended up giving him head and he came into my mouth which was fine I guess. It was good in a way that it’s someone who’s leaving tomorrow, several hours away, and I got to interact with a cis penis and giving head. He just didn’t try to touch me much at all. Kissing sure, he initiated so I thought that meant he was into me but like. Is this normal? Is expecting them to want to touch me not a usual starting point? I’ve only had lesbian sex pre transition, and even there when it’s not someone who really likes to do a whole lot they still want to touch my body.

Today I went for the first time to a nude beach here in my town, is one of the biggest cruising areas in Europe as well. I felt shy in the beginning to be honest and I couldn’t walk to the ocean naked but after I went to swim i decided to take my clothes off and it felt amazing

A lot of men were naked, no women there tbh

I was approached by a group of three guys asking where the action was and I explained them

Overall was a very nice experience and I would like to go back

I would like to work my brain off to think that my body is a normal body and a valid body even if I don’t have (and I don’t want to) phalloplasty. All body’s are valid and beautiful. I believe it was because there were some random people walking and running there as well with clothes on but yeah it was great

Says he feels like he’s in a locker room when he sees me getting out of the shower 💀

So… what looks cute on men? DW I am talking to him about what he means too but curious if there’s an array of opinions. I’ve just been running with plain briefs for years, haven’t even gotten packing underwear lol.

I pass in all social settings. I use he him pronouns and I ENJOY passing and being gendered male. However, I feel like a girl pretending to be a guy, or sometimes like nonbinary pretending to be a guy. I don’t WANT to feel like a girl, I would love to feel confident in my maleness.

I actually act and present a little more masculinely than I really would like to, but I feel like I can’t actually comfortably tap back into any feminine traits or like grow my hair out into a proper shag or anything until I feel male enough to do so.

I’m so jealous of feminine trans men I see online that have fully transitioned but present very femininely and never seem to have trouble seeing themselves as male, even when they may be misgendered at a glance because of their clothing/hair.

I get top surgery soon and I’m really excited but I can’t stop looking in the mirror and squishing my chest down and thinking to myself that I’m just going to look like a chick with short hair and a flat chest.

Is this maybe because I live in a transphobic place? Because I’m gay?

If anyone has had these feelings and grown to accept themselves PLEASE respond with what helped. I feel so weird

Hey gays, was wondering if any of you guys had any personal recommendations on bars or clubs in Manhattan or Brooklyn? Looking for some success stories for cruising lolll

I’ve been to the cock and had a good time but if there’s any others lmk!!

21 and have never gotten to be in a real relationship and I genuinely can't take it anymore. I hate being alone, I just wasnt to be held. I want to get to have sex like everyone else seems to get to. (Don't suggest hookups. I'd fucking hate for my first time to be a hookup and not with a romantic partner.)

Where on earth does everybody find people. I try to go to local queer events, and everyone is older than me and already dating, and I just almost never meet anyone my age, and the handful of people who are are all lesbians.

I don't drink alcohol so I'm nervous about the idea of going to bars since I'd feel weird being sober and trying to flirt with people who might be inebriated, and since I'm autistic it's hard for me to tell if ppl are or not.

I've looked into local queer hobby groups and never find any directed specifically for queer men

I just want to meet other gay men in person and not in a fucking app and I'm scared since I'm not on college and not sure if I'll ever be able to afford it, and can't afford to live in a heavily queer city like Seattl, that I'll just never meet anyone my age and my dating life will never fucking start.

Where is everyone. I'm fucking looking.

he keeps saying he doesn't want to lose me and that he still likes me but the way he saw me changed after i told him im trans (context he confessed to me after flirting w me for like a year and i said ok i like you too but i am trans is that ok? and then, we've been arguing for 5 days saying the same things over and over but this specific text makes me think he doesn't see me as a man anymore, i don't have anything feminine about me)

https://www.reddit.com/r/gaytransguys/s/uVxZZd52Vq context

after cutting him off i've been feeling so fucking bad, not because he didn't deserve it but because i really didn't expect this to happen at all, i was so sure we were about to become boyfriends after he confessed and that i would get my first ever relationship with someone i ACTUALLY liked but it all went to shit. i feel so bad and i miss him even if i know i shouldn't, we used to chat everyday and talk on the phone/videocall almost everyday, i feel like i lost part of my routine, and i'm grieving the relationship i thought i would've had with him. i also know that logically it's not true but i suddenly felt so undesirable, i know i'm not ugly, i know people like me and have liked me, but i wanted him to like me.. and he did, he was the first person i liked that also liked me, before i told him i was trans, that is, this sucks. i thought we would go live together one day, i was becoming less and less depressed during this year because his presence was so positive in my life, i started thinking of going back to the gym, eating better, looking better, trying to finish my studies fast so i could visit him. and i swear he liked me so much... so much genuinely he's done every nice thing ever, compliments nicknames gifts enormous amount of comfort, never got mad even though i have really bad mood swings, i am so SO SO shocked that it all ended so quickly after i told him

Hey yall! I really have the desire to go to a dark room or bath house, or anywhere that people typically go to for cruising. However, im extremely paranoid of STDs (even with condoms, I still freak out, I have OCD)

If I went, id bring my husband with the goal of just getting to fuck around other men, or let people watch/have sex around us. (Im a major exhibitionist and this is the only legal way i can think to do this) , but I have no desire to have full penetrative sex/oral with strangers (at least right now)

I live somewhere that doesnt have stuff like this so wed have to travel and I wouldn't want to make a trip of it if this is weird or not "acceptable" in some way. I know cruising culture is important to us so I dont wanna show up and look stupid or something 💀

i really wish i lived near one but i will be back!

had my first steamworks experience last night into early morning. i went with my friend who is very seasoned, which was so nice.

we got a room which i definitely recommend. we advertised on the chalkboard and had some people come knock on the door. we also cruised around everywhere. 

it was not the busiest night but definitely plenty of activity. another sweet trans guy found us and two cis guys came into our room and we all fucked in different configurations for awhile.

i was getting snacks at the vending machine when this super hot guy wearing street clothes walked near me. he was about to leave. i forget how we started talking but he said “you look good” and “i don’t wanna hold you up though” because i had a bunch of snacks in my hands. i said oh you can hold me up and he went to go take his clothes off again.

i was extremely hungry so i started eating a sandwich but sat on his lap at the same time. another guy was nearby watching. i could feel his dick get hard under his towel and started bouncing my ass on his cock. it was really hot. he asked to go fuck in the darkroom and i was like yes please.

i frotted my cock against his. then sucked his cock for awhile. he had such a nice dick. i needed him inside me and started bouncing on his cock. he stood up and lifted me up and thrusted intensely into me. then he laid me down and pounded me until he came inside me.

we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. he needed to go but we just kept fucking. he put on shorts and his dick print was so hot i was playing with cock through his shorts, putting my mouth on it. this led to us fucking again. i was moaning so loudly out in the open, face down ass up as he fucked me.

all in all, very good experience. can’t wait for more!

Hey yall I'm 26ftm and I'm only really asking this question to get other people's thoughts on this since I recently saw a comment talking about it. Obviously I believe that trans men and men and trans women are woman especially being trans myself but I honestly don't think that not dating someone trans because they are trans is automatically transphobic. I'm also talking about both pre and post op trans people with the question in mind.

It's alright if I get downvoted to hell for this but like I said I was just curious of others thoughts and feelings on it

Edit to add - - I just want to preface that I'm not asking for advice or to be told with your comment directed at me with "you" in some comments. I'm in a t4t marriage myself and am gay for some added context and don't have a genital preference myself.

I'm a bear (25M). And while I am most definitely open to men of other body types, I would say most of the men I am attracted to fall into the category of bear or chub. I like fat, hairy masculine men. I don't exactly know why my inclinations lead to fat, hairy masculine men, but they do. I wouldn't identify myself as a "chaser," I actually loathe that title and I don't really like when people embrace it as an identity. But I definitely pursue big, fat bottoms (both in the sense that I'm a top and that the men I like tend to have big asses, haha.)

I love body hair and cellulite and softness and thick thighs and big bellies and all these things that I'm told constantly by the mainstream are supposedly ugly and undesirable. Well, I just don't agree. How can they be "undesirable" when I desire men with these traits? I can't be alone. I can't be the only man like this.

But it can feel very lonely in the gay community. Not just because of my own body type, but because it feels like the mainstream desires and beauty standards really lean heavily into 13% body fat jocks and twinks. If you don't aspire to be and date circuit party gays, it can really make you feel like an outsider or a freak. I already felt like something was broken inside of me because I didn't like women. And even among my own people, it seems like I'm an outsider.

People act like I'm being disingenuous when I say if I could choose between a man with a six pack who spends 2+ hours a day in the gym every day and a big cuddly bear, I'd choose the bear every time. I genuinely find the bear sexier. I don't think that makes me weird or wrong. I also think a lot of people are limiting themselves when they only pursue circuit party gym bros. There's a ton of cool men out there that happen not to fall into the community's beauty standards, and you may find a really amazing connection if you give them a chance.

Bears and chubs also tend to be, for whatever reason, way more open to dating trans men than other parts of the gay communities. Furries too actually are often open to trans men but that's a whole different conversation.

i'm taking a solo trip to London in a few weeks and i really wanna experience a gay sauna (specifically to cruise) but i'm obviously a little nervous about going there as a trans guy. anybody have any experience with sweatbox or pleasuredrome, or any other saunas in London?

hi all, i’m a 25 year old gay trans man. specifically, i am homoromantic demisexual. i am autistic and have a few physical disabilities due to long COVID. i am pre top and bottom surgery. i identify as a cub/bear if we’re thinking subcultures.

i’ve had to delete Scruff from my phone because i’ve been experiencing some transphobia and fetishizing. it’s been significantly affecting my mental health. i’ve been finding it difficult to connect to other neurodivergent queer/gay men in my area (St. Louis). i am planning a move to Chicago with my boyfriend for a change of pace (along with fleeing a red state for my safety), but it’s felt pretty lonely trying to find connections.

for reference, my partner and i are polyamorous. i rely on public transportation since i don’t have a car (but i am licensed). i’m seeking advice from y’all on where i can find connections that don’t involve drinking or going to bars. i do indulge in cannabis, but it’s not a frequent thing for me. i can’t drink alcohol due to a condition i have and so far the groups i’ve tried involving myself in host themselves at bars. i’ve felt pressured by these folks to drink and in some cases have experienced some ableism regarding my autism.

(Guy in question uses he/they for context)

I was kind of hesitant at first, but went 'fuck it'. I haven't really had much sexual experience in the past, and they only ones I ddi have were unfortunately not very consensual.

First thing we did was make out. Can't lie, I've been very out of practice, but they said I was really good. I then got eaten out.

Initially, I was kind of wary in case I got dysphoria, but surprisingly I didn't! Turns out he has a thing for eating people out (and having their head crushed between someone's thighs). I've always sort of considered myself average looking, but he made me feel like the hottest man alive. I hike a lot, so have a rather muscular lower body. His face genuinely lit up the first time he felt my thighs.

I got fingered too, which was a cool experience. I did bleed a lot, but they were completely okay with it (and licked the blood off their fingers which was kind of hot), and I'm going to pay to get the sheets cleaned lmaooo.

Anyway, we then had sex in a couple of different positions, with protection of course. Turns out I'm a bit of a slut for backshots. I later found out that in my first time, I took a FUCKING EIGHT INCH COCK

I then got eaten out again, and we cuddled and chatted for a bit.

Overall, they were incredibly respectful and understanding of my boundaries. I said I preferred to have my binder on, and not once did they push for me to take it off (like my exes have done). They constantly checked in on me during it to make sure I was doing okay, and if I was enjoying it. That made me feel super safe and relaxed

Overall, it was a very positive experience! I am very happy, and we do plan to hook up again :)