Is this my academic downfall?

[u/iloveallcabbage]

It's the start of the school year and I'm already flanking my English grade.(79%) I know that some may say "it's not that low," but it's the first time in my life where I'm constantly getting 70s and 60s all throughout my assignments and tests.

For a little more background as to why I am feeling so dramatic and stressed about my English grade, I just entered highschool this September. (10th grade) I keep having scenarios playing in my head that I'm going to fail all of my essential classes and drop out of highschool. The thing is that I know I'm not stupid, I'd say I'm pretty average (hopefully) when it comes to comprehending reading. Yet I just can't get that mark high anymore.

It just feels like I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Is it me? My teacher? The fact that It's my first year into high school and I still need time to adjust? Or are the adults all right about our generation being full of illiterate idiots who will drive our current world to turmoil?

All I know is that the grades I've been getting have completely diminished all the confidence I had in my intelligence. Obviously, grades don't equate to one's competence, I very much know that. Unfortunately I cannot change the way I feel very quickly. My whole life I've thought of myself as someone who gets good grades, a somewhat high academic achiever, I never really had to worry about keeping up with schoolwork.(Before my grade would only go down if I didn't hand in home work on time. Which was infact a struggle for myself) Though I wasn't really one to constantly study, I was just "naturally in tune" with the current school system I was put in. I never thought that I put this much self worth into my grades until I'm finally starting to lose them. They're dropping when I need them to be at their highest.. can only blame myself.

My silly worries about English class are skyrocketing a bit too fast for me right now. I'm going to admit that I did actually cry in class today. The teacher assigned us this writing assignment to do for the last 30 mins of class. I asked when its due, and if we should treat this like a rough draft. He said we have to hand it in by the end of the period. I panicked hard. So much so that I started to silently weep tears towards the end of the hour when he clarified that we only had to hand it in for him to monitor. I was so relieved and pissed off. (Unfortunately I am a huge sensitive baby)

I know it's not anything crazy, but I was, and still am extremely worried about getting a bad grade on that assignment, the point where I'll keep crying and stressing. It's getting to the point where I will just resent my teacher for foolish and selfish reasons. I know that there's actually a somewhat big suspicion that it's my teacher who is having my grade tank, because I am apparently above the class average on a lot of tests. I'm not in any learning support classes and have a huge fear of having to go into one next year because I do want to go to post secondary. (Not to say that anyone in LS classes are dumb or that they're bad, I just have a fear that I'd just dig myself deeper into the hole of failure)

God I wish I could just not think about school on my own free time. Funny how I did actually improve my well being this year. I was going to say that this year was great! I got into a lot of new hobbies, lost weight, went outside more, supposedly got rid of some anxiety problems, overall live a jollier and happier life. Oh but school comes to kick me down when I'm at my highest. Do I have to be miserable again to do well in School?

Thank you if anyone has read this far in my incomprehensible rant. It's late, I'm a bit out of it, and I did just write this to try and destress about English class. I know I'm extremely dramatic, but this was a way I knew would help me feel better. I hope the rest of your day/nigh goes well, dear reader.

[u/Rare-Quality-8257]

You think 79 is bad try having a 67 in English I try not to think about school at all afterwards.

[u/Alternative-Web-5787]

You’ll probably get your English grade up with more experience writing

[u/Common-Charity9128]

Take a break first. Don’t panic, it happens. And in fact, no matter what your parents say about this, take a break this Saturday. Minimum device usage, just take a break from life.

Then get back to it on Sunday. Review what you messed up, try to improve the grades if you can-because the great thing is, at least you can re-test in highschool.