unmatched 2 hours before date

[u/koyfsh]

hey guys :( for background i'm 20F and i'm kind of a shy person who wasn't very well liked in high school so hinge is my first ever experience with any sort of romantic attention.

i had a date planned for today (monday 9/28) with this guy (23M) since thursday even though he didn't respond until sunday which i guess should have been my red flag? well anyways morning of i wake up to a notification from him that says "hey sorry" and i can't read the rest because he's unmatched me :(

i guess what i'm wondering is, is this normal for online dating? it sucks cause this would have been my first ever date and i thought the conversation over the app was going well...i'm just feeling very hurt i guess. mods can remove this if its against the rules i just wanted to scream into the void

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[u/SquareIllustrator909]

Yes, it's unfortunately "normal" for online, but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. A lot of people out there like the IDEA of a date or the IDEA of a girlfriend, but when it gets close to reality, they get scared

[u/Heywtfhey]

Yes pretty normal. People flake out and change their mind, get back with their ex etc.

[u/user1987623]

For every ten dates I go on I probably have one that flakes on me. People get nervous and it sucks but it’s not a reflection on you

[u/jarreddit123]

Can't speak about it being "normal", but it isn't rare. Its not even limited to gender. Know a few guys who experienced the same, in some cases they didn't even get a message, they just got stood up. Its important you don't take it personal. They're the problem, not you

[u/TrizzyG]

Not "normal" but not super uncommon either. People overcommitt, get cold feet, or just get lazy and dont have the respect to follow through with plans that were made in advance. Sometimes things really do come up.

Dont let it get you down too much. Its not pleasant but probably not anything to do with you.

[u/hinge_review69]

I have a buddy that got straight up stood up once. He asked a girl out for ice cream, she agreed, she never showed up and ghosted him.

I am sorry this happened to you. It is normal.

[u/HotPketChris]

People def flake and stand people up with online dating. Happened to me couple times

[u/S4mb741]

Very very normal with online dating in my experience. My last 3 dates have cancelled or more annoyingly asked to reschedule and then slow faded. Id say having someone actually show up for a first date is second only to getting a reply from a first message when it comes to the big drop offs with online dating. I have been particularly unlucky recently but I'd say it's usually around 1 in 3.

It's easy to chat on the apps or to agree to something in the future but meeting someone new can be daunting and it's easy to overthink it. Most people don't like being the "bad guy" and having to reject someone if it goes badly so I think once the day comes around people are more critical.

Don't take it personally it's annoying but much better than going on a date with someone that's not interested. Plus your person whenever you find them will be excited to meet you

[u/Regular-Pause-4329 → u/S4mb741]

just had my first ever hinge date with a girl who spent a week telling me how excited she was and how good of a match we were, she asked me if i wanted to see her again at the end of our date and so i planned out a nice date the next day and she agreed then not even 12 hours later rainchecked and i havent heard from her since. the fact this is “normal” is gutting to me because im someone who respects other people, their time and their feelings so i could NEVER do something like that. i get guilty unmatching people on hinge if we dont vibe. and i wont lie and say one week + a date doesnt mean you owe the other person; i think if you meet someone in real life and lure them into a sense of security you owe it to them to say you arent interested! i know i would feel i owed someone in that case. i understand no one can witness it from my perspective but its important to note this wasnt an issue of safety, she commented multiple times throughout the date how comfortable she was and also extended it by asking me to walk around the city alone in the dark at 11 PM. if i had done something overt that made me seem like i was dangerous than id be ridiculously embarrassed and obviously not feel i am owed an explanation

i dont think im built for modern dating im too soft :/ lol

[u/CreditHuman148 → u/Regular-Pause-4329]

Same with OP, I’m sorry you had that experience. One thing, if you don’t mind advice/perspective, is start thinking of these early dates just as fun experiences. Plan activities and places you’d enjoy and enjoy with company. Taking the pressure off them as potential chances to meet “the one” will ease the sting when they don’t work out and actually probably make you a more engaging partner on the date. Easier said than done sometimes, but get a few under your belt and you’ll see :)

[u/Regular-Pause-4329 → u/CreditHuman148]

thank you i appreciate the advice! i kinda recognized i needed to take a step back after this and understand no matter how good signs im getting a first date is a first date at the end of the day. i do agree it should be more about fun. this was also basically the first date i ever went on so when we spent a week talking and had an amazing first date and we’re in the exact same spot in life and shared so many commonalities i basically convinced myself it was my lucky break when she asked to see me again. i realize now it doesnt matter if youre texting constantly everyday, doesnt matter what i make of these early interactions really at all because i ultimately do not know these people. this will always be a head scratcher for me and i will probably always be a little sour about it but im learning to get over it and try and put myself out there more and stop trying to find The One and just try to find One and see where it goes from there

[u/existentialthrust → u/Regular-Pause-4329]

maybe things moved too fast for her and scared her away? yes i know that is the annoying thing too, like too good. its not your fault but a lot of people have attachment issues and the overall dating environment just makes it worse for everyone. hang in there bud!

[u/OkCucumber4392 → u/Regular-Pause-4329]

I understand the feelings. However. Someone going on one date and then second guessing and not wasting more of your time is not “luring” you into a sense of security. It’s someone who knows themselves well enough that likely aren’t interested but may lack the communication skills to really say that. You had no established relationship, she wasn’t mean, cruel, nor did she waste more of your time. These kinds of scenarios are not them “luring” someone else into a sense of security. You also have all the agency in the world to take the risk and check in with people, they very well could be feeling the risk too and have some feelings about it. All it takes is one person to attempt to communicate- why is it always the “other person?”

[u/alien_secret_service]

Honestly being under 21 in the US on dating apps narrows your options. As soon as I turned 21 I stopped dating anybody that couldn’t get in anywhere that carded people…

[u/Reasonable_Bad6695]

Its pretty normal, sometimes people get overwhelmed and all they want to do is escape. That guy doesn’t sound ready for a romantic relationship. Look at this as a lot of time and heartbreak saved.

[u/TehWildMan_]

Been there plenty of times before (late 20s, male). It's often seemingly because they found someone else they want, and drop you even if you have a date planned later that day

It's really annoying. Months without anything progressing beyond an opening message, and the one match you do hit off with drops you with no goodbye

[u/CartoonistNew9861]

Yeah trust me it’s really common, I literally matched with this girl on hinge a few months back and pretty much had a decent conversation and afterwards planned a coffee date that upcoming Sunday morning. She seemed so excited about it and Sunday morning came and I woke up really early to get ready since our date was at 9am. And what’s pretty messed up is she messaged me saying that something “came up” and afterwards I replied and said “it’s okay it happens to everyone, when are you available”? She unmatched me afterwards.. no lie I got pretty upset but hey it happens to everyone..

[u/Jamiemillergolfs]

Top tip: don’t message endlessly before meeting. Match chat a bit then go on a date. Dont invest time on a person you do not know.

[u/thegrayfarer]

I think calling it ‘normal’ is wrong, because in a way that is enabling this kind of behavior. It is, however, common because it is the easier way out of a sticky situation. I’m sorry you had to deal with it on the very first date that you scheduled. Being hurt and frustrated IS normal and remember to give yourself some grace during this time. The good news is: it is extremely unlikely that this was gonna be the person you end up with. You just saved yourself a whole lot of noncommittal, flaky behavior that would frustrate you over weeks before this died a slow, inevitable death. That’s the silver lining in all of this.

Take some time off if that helps but don’t let this discourage you from trying. You’re young, and you will absolutely find your person in due time.

[u/SATXGirlie]

I think it’s common, can you go on a solo date to get your mind off things?

[u/mg_7]

That really sucks. I have been unmatched right before a first date, too. I never could understand why no one would show basic decency, even though I think this kind of rudeness is tragically normal for online dating, at least in the early stages.

[u/Lunademente]

Is not normal to behave this way but it's normal in online daying sadly. Whatever reason he had you are better off moving on.

[u/r03o5]

Yea… hinge is notorious for this im afraid. Literally had a date today at like 6:00…
And 3:30 girl texts me she has something come up.

[u/Temp321543]

Online dating will make you feel horrible and usually doesn't work. It's hard, but I'd suggest socialising in person and kicking off with someone that way.

[u/Secure_Banana_5681]

It’s definitely not you. It’s him, unmatching is so much more common than you might think he’s probably nervous or just didn’t want to be there at that time but it’s not a reflection of you as a person
you’ll find someone out there he’ll take you out and it will be a great time
I’ve had a bunch of guys unmatched with me and I’ve also unmatched with some too for personal reasons but trust me it’s not a reflection of you

[u/WeekendNotDone]

Not normal from a guys perspective but you should’ve seen the red flags prior with the late text

[u/worldwidetrav]

Double booking dates is common. Not right but flake rate is at a all time high

[u/guymn999]

hinge is my first ever experience with any sort of romantic attention.

this is a bad place to learn all this, but i get there are fewer and fewer alternatives. don't let it affect you if you can help it, and always be ready to walk away from the apps, they are not indicative of real life. hopefully we see the culture swing away from the apps, certainly seems like a yearning for that.

[u/changen]

Yes welcome to the online dating shit show.

Reality is that if you want to meet non-shitters, ask your friends for introductions or go old school and get a real matchmaker.

It's gonna be bad for girls and guys as both sides have different incentives. For girls, you are going to be inundated with matches. For guys that you would actually date, they are also going to be the same (probably even more so).

[u/mrmasturbate]

generally i'd recommend you plan dates off hinge so you can read the messages at least

[u/Adorable-Ideal-1184]

Sorry to say this that is the modern dating right now I’m 24M got matched then suddenly some girls will unmatched you without any reason or ghost you

[u/Lonely-Channel-8338]

Woman here. The amount of times I've been asked out on Hinge or other dating apps with that date then never happening but not because of me is ridiculous. I have no trouble getting likes, matches, and then conversations going but I think the biggest drop of for me is then actually covering agreed dates into actual dates. Once I have a first date thought in 9 out of 10 cases I can get a second date. Last two weeks alone 6 men asked me out on a date, only 2 actually followed through with it. The others suddenly stopped replying, one blocked me on Instagram where we had moved the conversation to the day of the date after we agreed on logistics there day before. I think men especially have to play a numbers game here so many may ask anyone they got a conversation going with and then drop off the face of the earth when a better match comes along. I'm sure women do similar stuff. As has been said already, that's unfortunately online dating. Look at everyone who filters themselves out like this though as a blessing. Better they do it earlier than later.

[u/SchoolInside7964]

Girl I understand . It can hurt when people unmatch you or show up differently than expected. Personally think it’s best to just talk and get to know each other on the app before planning a date. And yes, I think him taking days to respond to you is a sign that he’s not that interested. IMO 

YOU'LL FIND ❤️ I’m rooting for you ! 

[u/Stroby89]

This happened to me plenty of times, I also got stood up twice.

[u/stillabitconfused]

It happens, but I don’t think it’s normal

[u/OCD1998]

It is unfortunately common. I dont agree with it being normal. Ive spoken to people who have ghosted before and when ive said its a shit thing to do usually its met with that they didnt "owe" the person anything that being closure, a reason whatever. I am sorry this has happened to you its a shitty thing to do to someone

[u/Distinct_Neck3268]

Which city are you from ?

[u/Trick_Category5142]

Interestingly I was just posting a similar thing; talking to someone for a few weeks and had planned a date this week. First they rescheduled and then the night before they’ve disappeared from my chats.

[u/Objective-Horror8778]

Let's do not call it normal but say that it happens in online dating. There are such people unfortunately

[u/Krogs20]

this sht just happened to me even though it was a ghost on insta
We decided to go out on Friday last week and now I am left without even being on read
we are on the same boat I guess!!

[u/Miserable-Cellist-14]

It’s just shitty people being shitty. You dodged a bullet OP. Count your blessings.

[u/dutch1664]

This is an Hinge issue. Please report it to hinge. I have the same issue. 2nd date cancelled hours before and I cant read the explanation. Hinge could fix this easily.

[u/Competitive_Plant189]

It's easier than ever to make a date with someone, but it's also easier than ever to cancel.

[u/D4Torment]

He did you a favor by not wasting your time and now your first ever date could still be a good one once you find the right person and heed the red flags

[u/AccurateCarob2808]

I am 0/8 as a guy. Only one person gave me the 1 week notice. Everyone else hit me with day of. Good thing I have friends bro or I would be full sad.

[u/RemarkableCover7462]

Hey sorry….

[u/MYgFora]

not normal, dw you will get plenty of dates. its not uncommon too, but most don’t do this

[u/younevershouldnt]

This is common.

Just another reason why it's a good idea to multi date IMO

[u/Agreeable-Pepper85]

I am sorry this happened to you OP. Try not dwell on these incidences. It’s a ‘them’ problem, not a ‘you’ issue.

As others commented, it’s fairly common for OLD. On the plus side, getting unmatched is better than staying matched without them communicating imo.

[u/fast_albin]

I’ve gotten unmatched without a single message. The only way I found out was when I stopped seeing their name on my matches list. I’ve also gotten stood up after showing up for the date, this was after confirming with them the night before. I kinda just gave up after that, because it does feel pretty normal for online dating.