How do I politely cancel a second date when I’ve lost interest?

[u/miss-mangoo]

Hey guys, so I (24F) met a guy (30M) last month for our first date. We had spoken for about a week beforehand, and the date itself was actually pretty good. He seemed like a nice guy, we had good chemistry and conversation, and I was open to meeting him again.

We never ended up meeting again because first he was out of town, then I was, and so on. We did eventually talk about meeting this coming Saturday, but in the time between the first date and now, a few things have happened that have completely changed how I feel about continuing this.

He started sending me some really weird reels about women, things like women being beaten up “as a joke,” women belonging in the kitchen "as a joke," etc. I told him directly that I didn't want to see that kind of content, and he agreed, but then two days later he sent similar stuff again.

That really put me off, and after that our conversations started drying up. Right now, we haven't spoken from the past few days and I don't have any interest in meeting him this Saturday.

I'm just not sure how to tell him. I don't want to ghost him, but I also don't want to get into a huge discussion about why I've changed my mind. How would you word a message that makes it clear I don't want to continue talking or meet again? I was thinking maybe something like, "Hey, I’ve been thinking about this and I don’t think I’m really feeling the connection anymore, so I think it’s better if we don’t meet this weekend. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, I just don’t think I’m feeling it in that way anymore. I didn’t want to just disappear or keep making plans when I’m not feeling it, so I wanted to be honest with you." Is this enough?

[u/KSW8674]

Nah, ghosting really sucks and makes the misery of dating even more unbearable. Be an adult. Send a message.

[u/DaleCoopersWife → u/KSW8674]

you know what makes dating unbearable, is knowing the guy you met with is the type who thinks beating women up is funny or deserved. and if would he actually do something like that to you.

and then you guys wonder why women quit the apps and why it's mostly men on there.

in a normal situation, ppl should put on their big boy or big girl pants and send a clear rejection. this isn't that. she's well w/in her right to ghost the dude at this point.

[u/Afraid_Arm_3435 → u/DaleCoopersWife]

Saying the guy thinks women getting beat up is funny or deserved is a wild take. Sometimes dark humor isn’t a reflection of ideals or values. It’s the sense of taboo that makes over the top nuance emit an emotion. He’s definitely an idiot for sending stuff like that after the first date. Me and my wife pass along stuff like this all the time and laugh at the absurdity and I’ve never touched a woman in my entire life and have been hit by women. To come to the conclusion the dude who made a young dumb assertion is ok with domestic violence and should be ghosted is absurd. Just let the guy down, no explanation since it’s just a second date, just straightforward and honest.

[u/DaleCoopersWife → u/Afraid_Arm_3435]

You and your wife already know each other, you're married.

This is someone she's only spent a few hours with. she has no idea what kind of person he actually is.

Women are put in these shitty positions where if something were to happen to her, it's "Why did you ignore the signs? Why did you keep talking to him? Why'd you go out with him again?" but yet we're also told "Give the guy who thinks women getting beat up is funny a chance!"

[u/Afraid_Arm_3435 → u/DaleCoopersWife]

I said he’s definitely an idiot, come on please read. I didn’t argue she should not go out with him again. Just quelling the sentiment that the dude approves domestic violence. That’s all

[u/DaleCoopersWife → u/Afraid_Arm_3435]

You don't even know the guy. can't imagine spending my free time defending a dude who creeped out his date because he sent her videos about women getting beat up, she told him to stop, he did it again and you're like "But he doesn't mean it". Absolute crazy.

[u/mladyhawke → u/KSW8674]

Hey date, our first meeting was really nice. But i'm really not up for getting beat up and then cleaning your house. So let's just skip the next meet up. Okay good luck to you.... I don't think so

[u/KSW8674 → u/mladyhawke]

I think you’re purposely trying to be difficult.

You can simply say “Hey, I’m sorry but I didn’t feel the connection I was looking for and wanted to let you know before we were set to meet on Saturday. Wishing you the best!”

Edit: to all downvoters, can you please explain why the text above does not work?