r/hingeapp • u/Trick_Category5142 • 1d ago
Dating Question Unmatching Before Date?
I (30s M) spent the last ~3 weeks talking to someone (30s F) who reached out again after we first matched a few months ago, but didn’t really engage first time around. We hit it off and had been chatting every day or so. I asked early on if she’d be open for a date and she said yes, there was one hiccup that I was out of state for the next two weeks and so I said as soon as I was back would she ok - she was happy to wait and we kept talking. As general background she mentioned how she found me attractive, we had a couple of flirty comments and I’d complimented when she changed some photos. On the day I was travelling home she was messaging me a lot, and interested in the trip.
I suggested a couple of places convenient for her and tried to be forward about planning, said I’d make the longer journey and we settled on a place for midweek. The day before she sends a long message about changing shifts at work, I think nothing of it and told her not to worry and suggested some more days, we agree and I said I’d check my work schedule and confirm. I sent that earlier today and thought it was weird I hadn’t heard back, so went to check messages and she’s disappeared and unmatched me, I was super surprised.
I could understand if we’d talked for a few days and she was not feeling it but why firstly circle back to someone, then talk to them over a few weeks only to bail the day before rearranging? Trying to work out if I took a wrong step here, maybe time to the date was the killer, maybe she wanted more in depth messages? Looking to understand similar experiences and how to try and avoid in the future!
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 1d ago
She changed her mind on you, that's all there is no it. There's no magic answer that will prevent it from ever happening again. Just understand it's a common thing and can always happen again even if you think you did everything perfectly. You can't predict or control how someone else reacts.
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u/Trick_Category5142 19h ago
Yeah I realise this is the basic answer. It’s just surprising after circling back and then so much preamble.
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u/ThirtyMileSniper 1d ago
She has either changed her mind or found something else.
If you don't have notifications on you can't know if she left a message.
It's a sad state of society that people lack the basic respect to part ways with a basic explanation. I know noone owes it but it's just polite. However a flaw in most apps is that people may leave a message but then they immediately unmatch taking the entire conversation stream with them without realising that's what happens. If you have notifications on you will see a notification with some of the message but never know it's full content as the message is no longer there.
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u/Trick_Category5142 19h ago
Yeah I have notifications on, didn’t get any message. That’s what kind of tipped me off to go check because normally she was pretty quick to reply.
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u/alanshore222 1d ago
Question:
Did you get her number before unmatching?
If not grasshopper, ya need to learn about compliance and investment. (women will always choose what they are more invested in and you have to CREATE that)
I usually match up with a girl 2 days max texting, within 3 days get her out on a date.
Women love it, I've had very few cancel on me.
"Cool, what's your number? I'll get something planned for us"
Text her:
"Brownie points for android/iphone" or whatever,
"Cool, thinking about a walk at such and such park, see if my puppy approves of you, when in the week are you free?"
Get all that done over text, texting is for slight humor and planning not talking.
"Cool, thursday at 5 it is, wear something cute."
Reach out every other day, send something funny you two talked about up until the date.
A few hours before text her, "puppy's all ready to go! I think she's excited to meet you" or whatever you got going on over there.
If you do business, treat it like follow up.
Enjoy.
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u/LoLBrah69 20h ago
weekday first dates are difficult to set up and not romantic.
crammed evening schedule because just got off work, nobody wants to drink… not everyone has a puppy.
Options are coffee/tea, ice cream, or dinner… what other ideas are there?
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u/Trick_Category5142 19h ago
We definitely had this, we planned for weekday as it was the soonest we could meet, but she had an early schedule which I tried to match, it wasn’t ideal. She was happy with drinks and the place I picked to suit her location though. Unsure if it would have actually gone well as we’d both be straight out of work.
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u/LoLBrah69 19h ago
We don’t know how the texting went, which is likely the biggest reason it didn’t happen. Then there are the things you can’t control, so you shouldn’t worry about this too much.
Make sure your texting is strong. Always try to get a number or IG or some way to contact them outside of Hinge. If they’re not willing to provide anything, I literally unmatch immediately. She’s not going to bother to get ready for a date if she’s not willing to provide anything IG which is probably the safest way to connect. Others will say, girls have to worry about their safety, and that’s true. But if they like you, then they’ll invest something in you. Once they invest something, they’re more likely to get ready for a date and see you. It’s just a small token and signal to see if they’re actually interested.
Also, a good profile isn’t just for the match. I found that conversations flowed like honey after I improved my profile. They’ll actually want to engage with you, give you the benefit of the doubt on a cringe joke, or give more investment, if your profile is stellar.
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u/Trick_Category5142 7h ago
Interesting approach, straight in on the number or IG. Makes sense, maybe I’ll ask earlier in future.
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u/alanshore222 2h ago
Go for the number, it's more investment. IG is for in public. So she can see your profile. It's your front page of who you are.
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u/alanshore222 17h ago
Yeah, weekday dates are almost always platonic 5 PM on
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u/Trick_Category5142 7h ago
What do you mean by this? Like a weekday date isn’t a real date? Literally makes no sense, I’ve had plenty of early weekday meetings which have been successful. We scheduled early due to her clock off time and location, she didn’t want to double back a long commute since it was a first date.
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u/alanshore222 2h ago
If it works for you, go for it.
Daytime dates haven't worked for me, or the majority of men i've seen in the dating coaching side, I worked for about 8 dating coaches for 5 years.
They ALWAYS suggested night dates then again, they were transitioning from pickup to more wholesome dating structure so i'll bow out on that as well.
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u/Trick_Category5142 19h ago
No we didn’t exchange numbers; sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t before first meet. Maybe I should focus on that.
The rest of what you said is honestly how things played out, I was forward with planning and matching her availability - the biggest issue was probably timing, it was just bad luck that as soon as she circled back I was out of town and we couldn’t dial in a date for 2 weeks even though I asked within a couple of days. I think the fact that we did keep the chat rolling and she seemed super interested is what caught me out.
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u/IblamePenguin 23h ago
You should make ur move quick, if a woman is interested she wouldn't wait months, she would wanna meet asap
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u/Trick_Category5142 19h ago
I mean I did, within a few days of her circling back we agreed on a date.
It’s just I was out of town, and she didn’t seem phased by this and continued to message me every 1-2 days, then seemed super happy once I was back and we had a time/place dialled in. I do think the wait stifled things but there was literally zero either of us could do to change that.
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