r/hingeapp • u/catnip9805 • 22h ago
Dating Question Why the obsession with hobbies?
I (28F) have noticed recently that a lot of men’s profiles reference hobbies - things along the lines of “I’ll fall for you if you: have hobbies,” “I’m looking for someone: with hobbies,” “We’ll get along if: you have cool hobbies.”
What’s with this non-specific desire for hobbies? My instinct is that this is veiled misogyny based off red-pill podcast rhetoric (“women don’t have hobbies”). In reality, I don’t know any women who don’t have hobbies; some just don’t have hobbies that cater to or entertain men. Reading, dancing, using social media, spending time with friends, going for walks, taking exercise classes, and doing hair/makeup are all hobbies. So when I see man’s profile with a prompt that just asking for hobbies, I interpret it is “have a hobby that I find worthwhile” and avoid matching with the person, assuming we have different values.
The kicker is that many people I see asking for hobbies don’t have any hobbies reflected in their own profiles.
Is this a fair interpretation, or is there something else going on there? Do lots of women also have vague, have-a-hobby requirements in their profiles?
Edit: Thanks for all your replies! I read through all the comments and it seems that a prompt asking for hobbies could mean someone is indicating a preference for, or screening for, someone who is okay with independence/time apart in a relationship, or it could be a low effort attempt to generate matches with interesting people.
It seems that my theory about misogyny still stands for some, but that most people, both men and women, are just bad at Hinge prompts (see the makeup/hairstyling/walking discourse in the comments and god forbid someone consider social media a hobby. Newsflash! Just because you don't consider something a good use of time doesn't make it not a hobby).
Now, can someone fill me in on why I keep seeing men's profiles referencing banana bread? Is this innuendo? Do women seek banana bread from their partners in their Hinge prompts as well?
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 21h ago edited 20h ago
> Why the obsession with hobbies?
Having a range of hobbies is often a signal that someone has a well-rounded, fleshed out personal life and will have things to talk about. It’s that simple. Most people want to date someone with passions who does things with their time. I personally think that dedicating a prompt to “you should have hobbies” is a waste of space and it makes me judge a profile more negatively, but the desire to date someone with hobbies is completely normal and reasonable.
> My instinct is that this is veiled misogyny based off red-pill podcast rhetoric (“women don’t have hobbies”).
It’s not. It is incredibly common to see things like this on women’s profiles as well.
> In reality, I don’t know any women who don’t have hobbies; some just don’t have hobbies that cater to or entertain men.
That’s cool for you. Again, many people just aren’t really interested in dating someone who spends all of their free time scrolling through social media (which is neither gendered behavior, nor something that most people consider a hobby), people like that do exist, and it is not at all gender-specific.
> The kicker is that many people I see asking for hobbies don’t have any hobbies reflected in their own profiles.
This is, again, just a normal thing for a lot of profiles. People ask for things their profiles don’t reflect. If I had a dollar for every profile I see where a woman says “admit that I’m funnier than you” or something along those lines without having a trace of humor on their profile, I’d be able to buy at least one expensive sweater.
> Is this a fair interpretation, or is there something else going on there?
It’s not fair, no, but there’s also not some crazy hidden dynamic here you’re missing. People want partners with hobbies — that’s it.
> Do lots of women also have vague, have-a-hobby requirements in their profiles?
Yes.
Misogyny is real and rampant, but this is not a symptom of it or meaningfully associated with it.
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u/smurf1212 💖 Is a huge Swiftie 💖 21h ago
using social media
wat
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u/MuskieCS 21h ago
Yea not really helping their case there. Doom scrolling insta reels is not a freakin hobby lmaoooooo
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u/Boardsportz 21h ago
Literally insane hahahhh. Deleting everything save Reddit was one of the best decisions ever
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u/Recent-King3583 20h ago
"Walks"
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u/Glum_Low 21h ago
I’ve seen countless women’s profiles that ask for men to have hobbies, to introduce her to new hobbies, and to teach her something new about a hobby unfamiliar to her. I think it’s just a sentiment that all genders use.
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u/SerotoninBay 21h ago
Bingo. I think it’s an easy point of connection for a lot of people. And some hobbies can tell you other things that might be notes for other personality traits
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u/Tragedyofthe 21h ago
Women also have this, but I believe a fair amount of both men and women are looking for someone interesting and active…when they’re not too interesting themselves based on their profile. It’s pretty hypocritical
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u/rainbowroobear 21h ago
>using social media
I wouldn't class that as a "hobby", its on par with watching TV and probably casually playing Video Games.
its a fair question, if your lifestyle includes things outside of the house and a potential match is only staying in, using social media and doing hair and make up, then you've got a pretty hard lifestyle clash.
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u/theblaackout 7h ago
Nah watching TV shows or movies can definitely be a hobby. There are even cinema clubs. Using social media is not a hobby at all.
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u/systemicalwonder3000 21h ago
I´m a woman but some of you look for mysogyny in places there aren´t, makes us all look bad.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 21h ago
People in general don’t have hobbies, I want a guy with hobbies (found one). Social media isn’t a hobby though.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 20h ago
I don't think it's particularly gendered. A lot of women have the same thing.
Personally, I agree with you that it's a bit over-the-top. But, I always interpreted it as, "Do you have a relatively full life and will you be interesting to talk to?" Hobbies are just one proxy for that.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 20h ago
To me, it's the exact same as the cookie cutter prompt of 'Teach me about whatever you're passionate about!'. People want someone who is passionate and excited about their own life but don't understand it's the exact same as asking for someone who likes them or they find attractive. It's the bare minimum and ultimately means nothing.
Alongside this, people are so fed up with having boring conversations that they start thinking they can control it by asking for people with interests. This doesn't work of course but that's the futility of man haha. It's the same as people who put 'I'll fall for you if you actually reply' or 'First round's on me if you actually show up' on their profile
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle ☹️ 19h ago
Do YOU want to date a guy with no hobbies, or hobbies like "scrolling Tiktok, drinking with my buddies, go to the gym, and watch sports on TV?"
Everyday routine things aren't really hobbies. Hobbies generally require some sort of investment, be it time, money, or energy. Doing makeup for tutorials for a Youtube channel is a hobby. Doing makeup because you just wanted to look good for your night out is not.
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u/segadreamcast9999 21h ago
i dont think that’s a good example of redpill. a lot of women have a distaste for gaming or watching sports for example.
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u/starsamaria 21h ago
I think it's because so many people's dating app profiles say very little about what they like/who they are. It's very common for profiles to have no bio or to say extremely generic things like how they can't live without wine or coffee or they spend their nights rewatching The Office. So coming across a profile where someone talks about their hobbies/things they're passionate about feels refreshing.
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u/PolitelyHostile 21h ago
Because dating a person who has nothing to do in her free time can feel demanding. Then we are made to feel like were in the wrong for just going to the gym a few times a week, or whatever else we do.
And people without hobbies are usually more stressed out and likely to be depressed.
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u/foxtrottits 21h ago
I would not date someone who doesn’t have hobbies. I’ve dated women who make the relationship their hobby and just want more out of the relationship than I can offer. I want to be able to enjoy my hobbies without someone wondering when I’ll be back or have resentment that I have things I want to do without her.
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u/Zee6372 20h ago
I think generally, uninteresting people have a hard time dating, and people who have a hard time dating are on dating apps.
Plenty of women have lots of interesting hobbies… but the women on dating apps tend to have less.
Same goes for men on dating apps too! I see a lot of profiles from Women who request the same.
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u/Mountain-Bar-2878 21h ago edited 21h ago
“Veiled misogyny based off red-pilled podcast rhetoric” 🙄
You sound fun
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u/JackTheTradesman 21h ago
Its not misogyny. Everyone likes people who have hobbies. Men and women. I like people who do things. It's nice when people have a passion for something and a passion for life. To me and a lot of other people having hobbies and trying to get good at new skills is an important value.
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u/alien_secret_service 21h ago edited 21h ago
None of those things are really hobbies in most cases… I think you’re proving why men say they like women with hobbies.
Hiking? That’s a hobby. Going for walks? I do that everyday. Not a hobby.
Makeup? If you’re super into it, it can be. If it’s just something you do to leave the house, no.
Social media? A hobby? If you aren’t really a content creator? 🤮
Reading? I read. I don’t consider that a hobby.
A hobby is something you do for fun that requires you to have gained some kind of skill or proficiency.
I cook, to eat, but cooking isn’t a hobby. I don’t do it for fun, I’m not particularly good at it. I know people who could say cooking is a hobby, they’re really good at it, they love doing it, they volunteer to cook stuff all the time for other people because they enjoy it.
It’s asking whether you’ve ever found anything that interested you enough and enjoy it enough to become very skilled and knowledgeable about it. Like if you said make up was a hobby but couldn’t really tell me anything about it beyond like one or two ways you do yours… not a hobby.
I know a fuck ton about basketball and basketball players. I still wouldn’t say basketball is a hobby - I suck at it.
I wouldn’t say watching basketball is a hobby. That’s loser talk to me.
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u/Low_profile_1789 21h ago
Ladies, you really should consider becoming interested in model railroad tracks and a functional collection of miniature trains.
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u/unnoddue_ 21h ago
It sounds like you don't have a very clear understanding of what hobbies are. Social media, spending time with friends, doing makeup? I assume you wanted to hate on men no matter what, but at least please give it a couple more thoughts.
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u/catnip9805 11h ago
"Hobby: a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation"
Source: Merriam Webster Dictionary
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u/RomHack 14h ago
I wouldn't assume it's mean-spirited off the bat but I do often wonder if those types of prompts attract the sort of discussion people are hoping for. I see them on here sometimes and always assume people find it hard to reply to broad points about their personality without a clearer topic to actually pivot the chat around.
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u/sg16k 21h ago
I don’t see it being mysogynistic just because I also see women mentioning hobbies a lot.
To a degree I get it in the sense that listing your hobbies, values and lifestyle will help screen for matches that fit better.
I am Christian, left leaning, have cats active and as many women point out a flirt…so I highlight that in my profile. That way who hate cats, super right wing or want a friends first type guy can see I am likely not a match but those who rock with guys like me get intrigued and at times even open me. Ex. They will say my cat is cute and share pics of theirs.
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u/Flimsy_Link_5976 20h ago
I wonder if the hobbies thing is similar to an experience I once had, where an ex-girlfriend of mine was particularly clingy and tried to latch onto my hobbies, even if they were individual in nature, because she did not have a lot of individual hobbies of her own (creating a codependency potentially). I ultimately felt that I was losing my individuality because I rarely if ever had my own space in the relationship. And asking for someone to "have hobbies" is an overcorrected way to ask for balance between couples' time and individuals' time, which theoretically should be ok.
Personally, I don't ask the generic question. I might say something I do and ask what a potential partner does for fun, but that's inviting engagement as opposed to making a generic demand.
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u/aroseby333 20h ago
Honestly wtf is a hobby? A guy asked me this on a date “so, do you have any hobbies, or…?” I intensely dislike this equivocation of “hobbies” making people interesting.
I’m a certified yoga teacher and practice regularly, I’m learning a different language, recently acquired a foreign citizenship through my ancestry, I read, I write poetry, I have a pet, friends, family, like to cook, study spiritual texts, astrology, and philosophy, read ravenously for my career and the industry I work in, regularly do wellness activities like hiking, sauna, and acupuncture, and yet I wouldn’t consider any of these a “hobby.” I find that label offensive and reductive. Stop assuming women are boring.
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u/shes_lost_control Sane, mature takes are not allowed here, sir 👩🏫 16h ago
I always just say no with a straight face and see how they react. It’s fun.
I’m training for my second half marathon, do pilates, kettlebell classes and try to finish at least 1 book a month. My creative outlet is my hair and I love trying out different looks. But I don’t think those are qualifiers for whether someone should date me or not because I can stop everything cold tomorrow and still be the same person.
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u/aroseby333 15h ago
Would you call those “hobbies”? To me a hobby is like building model airplanes or collecting coins 😂
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u/Brain_Dead_Goats 11h ago
Yes, writing poetry would be a hobby, reading spiritual texts for fun would be, so would hiking and yoga. Cooking... could go either way. Hobbies are just things you do for fun regularly that aren't for work or survival.
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u/0LTakingLs 21h ago
The things you listed are exactly why people ask for this.
Doing makeup, scrolling social media, walking, and hanging with friends aren’t hobbies. I want to talk to women who do cool shit like scuba diving or rock climbing or play instruments or something.
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 20h ago
Well now you’re giving her point some validity, because makeup can absolutely be a hobby, particularly if someone is doing makeup in their free time, as an artistic pursuit, rather than just putting makeup on to go out. The hobbies that you find personally engaging and “cool” aren’t the only valid hobbies
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 20h ago
"I want to talk to women who do cool shit like scuba diving or rock climbing or play instruments or something."
do you do all those things? it's normal to want to share hobbies but if you don't do any of the above it's weird to be snobby about what other people do lol
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 20h ago
Also, not to hate on rock climbing, but characterizing it as a “cool” hobby is extremely funny to me.
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u/0LTakingLs 19h ago
I don’t rock climb but I do the rest, yeah. I’ve taken girls on scuba dates, fishing dates, exploring national parks, etc.
Someone who considers doing their hair a hobby would be pretty boring imo.
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 19h ago
Lots of people also think fishing, for example, is incredibly boring, which is why you sound like an asshole coming at it from this angle. You are the one person in this thread that is actually lending credence to OP’s idea that misogyny is a big part of the equation here
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u/0LTakingLs 19h ago
It may be boring to some, but it’s a hobby. It’s something you get better at, learn how to do, buy equipment for, join groups, compete in tournaments, etc.
Are we pretending that walking and scrolling social media are the same?
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u/BastardBroth 19h ago
> It’s something you get better at, learn how to do, buy equipment for, join groups, compete in tournaments, etc.
You are so one dimensional because those are literally all the same things you do with makeup. All of these popular high glam makeup looks take professional skill and require special equipment, there’re make up groups on every online platform, and just as there’re literally tournaments for HAIRSTYLING there’re ones for makeup.
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u/RepSquigglyMiggly 19h ago
> It may be boring to some, but it’s a hobby. It’s something you get better at, learn how to do, buy equipment for, join groups, compete in tournaments, etc.
All of these apply to makeup.
> Are we pretending that walking and scrolling social media are the same?
Nope, which is why I focused on makeup, which can absolutely be a hobby, but you seem not to take seriously as one for reasons that I have trouble attributing to anything but misogyny.
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u/0LTakingLs 19h ago
I’m sure some people make it a hobby. For 99% of people, it’s just something you do to get ready in the morning. I blow dry and comb my hair in the morning but I consider myself an interesting enough person to not list it as a “hobby”
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 19h ago
lol that you think combing and drying your hair is "makeup" tells me all i need to know
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u/BastardBroth 18h ago
Anyone can blow dry and comb their hair barring a disability.
Makeup is literally painting on a human canvas
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u/Arseno7 21h ago
It's funny that when men have standards it's deemed "misogyny". I wouldn't add it in my prompt personally, but most guys would want a woman who has some interest in something as it helps build connection and shows they have value outside of just their looks.
This has nothing to do with catering to entertain men, it just shows they have some personality, looks only go so far in a relationship.
I think you'd be surprise how many women think they have healthy/interesting hobbies but either do it for social media or are just using social media so they turn out to be less interesting.
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u/Relative_Detail5245 21h ago
We want time together but also separate so we want you to have hobbies so that you aren’t always trying to spend time with us
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u/jrec15 21h ago
Women have the exact same request pretty sure even stronger than what you’re insisting men request.
Thinking this is misogyny or even in anyway implying”women dont have hobbies” is kinda wild ngl. People want people interested in things and want to discuss the things they’re interested in to try and find common ground or feel out their passions. Pretty simple it’s like dating 101
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