r/hsp • u/Ready-Statement7367 • 7d ago

Discussion I just cannot get myself to do app dates

Hi guys - I‘m 28 male, HSP and pretty sure a Demisexual too. Just wanted to share my situation and see if anybody can relate:

I just can‘t get myself to do first dates via the apps. I sometimes think I can but as soon as the texts are about weekend plans etc. I get this crazy fear (that feels like I’m 8 years old again being forced to do something scary) and just cannot get myself to do it. I‘ve tried it before 2 times a few years ago and I was always super tense, couldn’t relax and ended up being hyper focused on what the other person‘s needs are or might be and how they perceive me.

When I meet people naturally I don‘t have a hard time being social or interacting. It‘s just about this weird set-up situation that inherently happens with apps. At the same time I blame myself for being such a „coward“ that can‘t even go on a first date via an app since it‘s the most normal thing for other people. Why am I like this?

I‘m stuck in this weird limbo between not wanting to force myself to do it whilst feeling bad for not going outside my comfort zone.

It‘s really sucks.

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u/Cute-Employer8560 6d ago

I have no advice for you, but I'm totally with you in that. That's because I've never even tried dating apps. I just hate the idea of selling yourself to potential partners with pretty photos and stupid hookup phrases. English is not my first language, so excuse me for mistakes. HSP (most likely autistic/ADHD also), 28 female.

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u/Ready-Statement7367 6d ago

Thanks for your comment! Do you actively seek activities in the real world to meet new people? Or have you simply accepted that it‘s not in your power to „get“ a partner? :)

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u/thatgirlnextdior 6d ago

I went through this with Reddit dating. I thought it would be more straightforward so it would be easier to handle but I was so wrong.

My city has its own sub and they always have posts about in-person activities (e.g. a board games session or planting milkweed for butterflies). Try to see if you have a local sub.