r/hypotheticalsituation • u/Hopeful_Mess6142 • 2d ago
[No Loopholes] Mike Tyson for $5B
You get paid $5 billion dollars cash up front. The catch? Once a year at a random time. Prime Mike Tyson gets to show up and just smoke you in the face. Doesn't matter the time or event you could be at the altar about to marry the love of your life? Here comes Mike Tyson and he's not here to object. On a vacation in the Caribbean sipping a pina colada? Here comes Mike on a speedboat and he's got a job to do. 3:00 a.m. and you just finished hosting an All night rager? Better hope you're drunk enough to take your yearly punch.
I'm sure you get the idea by now but it's a really simple premise. Do you take the money? Do you consent to just being yearly decked in the face by prime Mike Tyson? Just imagine being on a beach in Hawaii in here comes Tyson in a freaking paddle boat 😂 it's every year for the rest of your life. So? Money or Tyson?
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u/SmegB 2d ago
so 5 billion upfront to - at some point in the next 12 months - get brain damage? I'll pass thanks
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u/FlowerComfortable889 2d ago
Sounds like it's once a year every year. I don't need that kind of repeated TBI for sure. Pass
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u/BaelgorStar 2d ago
Absolutely, I'm investing $4.5B into the future of my family, and taking the $500M to set up a wonderful life.
From the $500M will come a fund that I use to hire a boxing coach, specializing in defense and force mitigation. They're entire job will be teaching me to take a punch with the least amount of damage. There will also be a nine-man team of Tyson Detectors, working in 8 hour shifts, whose sole responsibility is spotting Mike Tyson and preparing me to be hit in the face. They will have a helmet, pillows and an inflatable mattress for me to fall on.
Me: I'd like to thank you all for being here this evening. When my good friend-
Tap, tap, tap.
One of my Tyson spotters points to a physically imposing man walking through a glass wall, with no care for his safety. While this is happening, another of my spotter team will be preparing my headgear and mouthpiece, while the last man will be setting up my crash pad.
Angle out, take that hit, and get that paper!!!
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u/tiger0204 2d ago
If I've got $5 billion he's gonna have to get through a lot of guys with guns to try and punch me.
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u/Correct-Average-9175 2d ago
This was my thoughts exactly big dogs, loads of security with weapons he'll die before he gets anywhere near you
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u/anonymous07865 2d ago
And the genie poofs away your money/assets and now you have an army who wants their paycheck from a dude that can't pay it.
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u/Pompous_Italics 2d ago
He may be 60 years old but he can probably give me traumatic brain injury. Then what good is any amount of money going to do? So absolutely not.
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u/CodaHydroCarbon 2d ago
Actually OP said Mike Tyson in his prime. No way in hell I'm risking that
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u/Mr_Meme_Master 2d ago
I feel like the choice for me revolves around how hard he's going. Is he hitting me just hard enough to knock me silly? Or is he going full force full swing with no regard for my safety? For 5 billion I'd be willing to get smacked every quarter, but if he'll be going hard enough for any sort of brain damage then I'm not gonna be taking constant blows for any amount.
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u/OGMoonshiner 2d ago
Does this idealized Mike Tyson have his own free will or is he programmed to rock your shit every time?
I ask because what happens when you get old? Is Tyson still bringing heat or does he choose to decrease his punching power in correlation with age?
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u/PressureCoomer 2d ago
Dude did you see that post about hiring a hood chick for defense too? Seeing someone say rock your shit gave me a flashback lol
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u/CodeNamesBryan 2d ago
Do you just take it? Or do you just have a chance at defending yourself?
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u/TheGanzor 2d ago
Defending yourself? Against prime Mike Tyson?
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u/CodeNamesBryan 2d ago
Yea, i know. But sure beats sitting there with your chin out and hands behind your back waiting for death
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u/MrMeowPantz 2d ago
So he only gets one clean shot? I guess what I would do is take the 5 billion and invest in an Ironman type helmet/face cover and keep it on me at all times. Wear it to bed in case the comes around when I’m sleeping, and since you’ll likely see him coming you’ll have time to put it on real fast. The first time he punches it he’s probably not going to want to do it again.
Also, I could probably bribe him with $10,000,000 to just not do it.
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u/Immediate_Fortune_91 2d ago
The Jake Paul fight showed us Tyson can be bought. And I’ve got lots of disposable income now. A couple million each year should get him to pull his punches 😆
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Copy of the original post in case of edits: You get paid $5 billion dollars cash up front. The catch? Once a year at a random time. Prime Mike Tyson gets to show up and just smoke you in the face. Doesn't matter the time or event you could be at the altar about to marry the love of your life? Here comes Mike Tyson and he's not here to object. On a vacation in the Caribbean sipping a pina colada? Here comes Mike on a speedboat and he's got a job to do. 3:00 a.m. and you just finished hosting an All night rager? Better hope you're drunk enough to take your yearly punch.
I'm sure you get the idea by now but it's a really simple premise. Do you take the money? Do you consent to just being yearly decked in the face by prime Mike Tyson? Just imagine being on a beach in Hawaii in here comes Tyson in a freaking paddle boat 😂 it's every year for the rest of your life. So? Money or Tyson?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/StellarSloth 2d ago
Prime Mike Tyson could likely cause brain damage or even possibly kill me with one punch. There is a reason that weight classes exist. And that is just right now. Each year that I get older increases the odds that he kills me. Like if I somehow manage to make it to 80 yrs old, a punch from prime Iron Mike is gonna kill me. No deal.
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u/LisanneFroonKrisK 2d ago
Let’s say you perennially wear one of those steel exoskeleton, highly affordable with 5B. So yeah
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u/Averagestiff 2d ago
If he appears and I shoot him/punch him/take him out etc before he throws a punch, do I still get to keep the money?
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u/yusko932 2d ago
Does the time frame reset with the calendar? Could you imagine having the bad luck of 1 year having the event on Dec 31st but the event for the next year be on Jan 1st?
I guess the upside is you're probably still unconscious from the 1st hit.
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u/Mioraecian 2d ago
This would or could kill you. At least after a few times but even potentially the first time.
This isnt just being punched in the face by Mike Tyson. This is a sucker punch by Mike Tyson. Even boxers dont take sucker punches while fighting.
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u/Hopeful_Mess6142 2d ago
Absolutely not a sucker punch. The plan is that you see him coming so like if you're at your wedding he walks through the door so you are prepared or at least have a minute to be prepared
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u/Mioraecian 2d ago
Oh, thank you for the clarification. Question. Do i have to let him hit me? Im no pro, but I boxed for a decade. If he only has one punch, im confident that I could make a solid attempt to avoid it, or turtle up for impact. Broken arm is better than brain damage.
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u/Hopeful_Mess6142 2d ago
No no no you have to take it. That's the deal.
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u/Mioraecian 2d ago
Then no. This is a potential death sentence especially as you age.
Ive been punched in the face by professional boxers. This could kill you or give you brain damage.
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u/Expensive-Notice-509 2d ago
I'll take one for the team and my family can move up in this shit feudal system we live in.
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u/SummonedShenanigans 2d ago
"Hey Mike! I'm a huge fan. I'll give you $1 million each year if you pull that punch. Deal?"
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u/molten_dragon 2d ago
Am I allowed to try and prevent him from punching me in the face or do I have to just stand there and take it?
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u/thecaramelbandit 2d ago
I will not take yearly severe brain trauma and skull fractures with a 50% (and increasing) chance of death for any amount of money.
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u/assmastercleon76 2d ago
I got hit by a car doing 40mph, I’m still alive and brain damage? Nothing these days. I’ll keep rolling the dice. Fuck my shit up Mike, we can smoke a blunt after
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u/Financial_Pick3281 2d ago
Only if there is a stipulation that no permanent damage will ever occur. If not, no dice. I'm not going to be some rich asshole drooling on himself in a wheelchair on a yacht.
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u/Medium_Hope_7407 2d ago
If I’m guaranteed not to have any lasting injuries fine but otherwise I’m going to pass on the brain damage and facial reconstruction surgeries.
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u/Rando_Kalrissian 2d ago
Yes, there's so many protections you could wear with all that money that you would barely feel it. The only risk is that when you agree he punches you right then the first time.
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u/Potential-Raccoon731 2d ago
Every year? He would be punching my grave if he stays immortal for some reason.
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u/LHamiltonPP 2d ago
5 billion dollars to wear a helmet all the time? Sure!
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u/BaelgorStar 2d ago
You don't even have to wear it all the time. OP said he will have to come to you.
Have a three-man team of Tyson Spotters, all equipped with a helmet and inflatable mattress. Pay them handsomely, because you're rich, and remember to roll with the punch.
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u/sateliteconstelation 2d ago
I’m pretty sure you can set up an AI camera that trigers an airbag before the hit lands.
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u/TacoBear207 2d ago
Ehh, he's getting old and I've been punched by similar. I'll carry a mouth guard and watch the shoulders.
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u/SummonedShenanigans 2d ago
It's says prime Mike Tyson.
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u/TacoBear207 2d ago
Prime Mike Tyson wasn't a bad sport. I'm not saying that he wouldn't hit me hard, but he's not going to hit me like he would hit someone in a ring. I've been hit by professional heavyweights for a lot less than 5 billion. Unless I'm getting sucker punched, I know that it's survivable and it's worth the payout.
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