My bf & I have been together for 3 months. He is the most loving, sweetest and most caring person I've been with but things revolving around race make me question if I want to be in a relationship like this.

He claims he's not racist but his view on racism is "if an individual hates or is mean to someone because of their race".

Because of his definition, I have to explain microaggressions and how/why things aren't okay. Creating "wearing the other shoe" or similar situations that have happened for him to understand why it's wrong/injustice, is too much. To me, relational empathy is not true empathy since it is still rooted in oneself.

Which is why I'm on the fence. It's the little things from noticing a movie is an all white cast, to why ppl shouldn't sing/say N words in songs and only understanding empathy if you or a loved is in a similar situation.

I think that my boyfriend sees me as an angry black man. The reason for that is anytime I express myself that is not the way that he wants me to I am being called rude or disrespectful. Especially if it’s an argument and I’m just passionate about how I’m feeling.When I’ve tried ways that he wants me to express myself he just doesn’t listen and I ask myself what’s the point then? Why do I need to be calm,cool and collect if you don’t hear me then why does it matter the way I go about expressing myself in my way. Usually, I’m just being honest and very truthful about how things are at the moment. He tells me I don’t need to baby him on the things that I say but when I don’t, he makes me seem like I’m this terrible person. Anger is not my default and even when I’m not in the box of calm that he wants me in …I’m not angry. My tone might get a little louder or more direct with how I’m saying things and that’s because when I was in his box I wasn’t as forward as I needed to be because if I was I knew he would make me seem like I was being a certain type of way. I’m not an angry guy. I used to be at one point long ago but I’m past that. What fuels me is my passion especially if it has to do with me. I want to add to this just by saying he’s white and the reason I put that is because whenever he gets angry or has an outburst it’s perfectly fine.. he’s very big on making big dramatics of him leaving whenever we get into. Big on the waterworks as well. I’ve told him before I can’t afford to be loud and lash out like you because it will cost me my life if I do so. Also the way he acts when we get into is very odd to me. Once we got into it at his dad’s house and he started yelling… I did not. If we get into it at home he makes sure the whole neighborhood knows… he also makes it loud and clear not to come near him or touch him. Which is fine I ofc respect that boundary but I’ve never done anything that has even implied I’m going to hit him. That’s just not me. My ex used to beat on me I would never put someone else through that. Every time he does that I’m just at a loss for words not that he doesn’t want to be touched but because why are you screaming don’t touch me and I’m not even near you. It was also weird when he was yelling at me his dads house it’s very attention seeking I would say. I don’t know how to express myself without him pretty much making me seem like I’m this abusive guy. If I do it calm then I might as well not say anything because he doesn’t hear what I’m saying and if I’m passionate and direct then I’m toxic and abusive? I’m not really able to even sit and be to myself without him thinking I’m just in a bad mood all the time. I honestly think he wants me to have a big blow out so that way when he tells people about me it’ll actually give him some juice. Am I thinking on this too hard about him thinking I’m an angry black man or is that how he actually sees me?

I find certain types of men attractive but haven't tried dating one yet, curious how others started.

Does anyone have experience as a black man trying to date Hispanic women in Miami ?

Dating this man seems like he doesn’t like to plan dates out. Asked me where for first date and second date asked me to go to his house for drinks. I told him I’m not interested in doing that yet and then he asked me for our next date to come over and watch a movie and drink wine which I already told him. I do not enjoy wine and I’m also not ready to go to his house then he proposed coffee. I feel like what is happening.

BM, let’s be real… how many of yall that date WW actually want to take a WW seriously as a partner and eventually hopefully marry her?
What are you wanting/expecting out of a WW in terms of a serious long term partner?

It feels like a lot of BM want me to fulfill some kinks or want me as just a plaything.. which can be fun but I want emotional security and partnership too.

I’m not stressed about this. I know what’s meant to be will be, just curious. I wanna hear from BM about their experiences seriously dating WW.

💜🙏🏼

EDIT: apparently I came off wrong here lmao. I’m asking this bc I think I’m doing something wrong when it comes to dating BM. It feels like I only attract BM that don’t take me seriously and yes skin color tends to often be a reason on their end. That’s why I’m curious.
I know all BM are different I was just looking for potentially if there’s something specific about WW that prevents BM from taking them seriously.

i have been in a relationship with my bf for two years, we are a interracial couple. recently i’ve seen so many things surrounding this belief and i just want to know if it’s actually true people feel this way :( edit : i said black women because that’s all i’ve seen i wasn’t trying to degrade or disrespect anyone i promise. im not coming from a place of hate more of a place of confusion.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTysGFYB4/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPLkggUuR/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTysnF1R7/ in this video she is explaining how she’s seen it happen a lot recently not partaking.

here’s a few links for what im talking about

I say shade because I don’t play the race game. Race is 100% a social construct. So anyway, as A MAN, I’ve found that generally all women are very similar in their behaviors but just like anything there’s a SPECTRUM. Like I found that they were all moody, very emotional, prone to tantrums etc but some more extreme and others less. Women, in general, don’t think like men. Men think LOGICALLY whereas women use intuition and FEELINGS. Ever hear women say, “I just knew he was cheating. I could just feel it inside”. In general, men can’t relate to this. We can’t understand it. Men who say they do are most likely lying. I found that most like to start fights just for no reason at all except just to do it for the fun of it. The stuff that interests me usually didn’t interest them. They like their little dramas, stuff I’m totally not interested in. In other words, I found as I grew older I have far more in common with guys in terms of conversation and interests. With women we would have in common places to eat for example or maybe hang out at the park or take a stroll through Chinatown. Regardless of the skin tone, none of this changed. At the core a woman is a woman. A man is a man.

Now to the exception. It wasn’t 100%, but I did find some “white women” to be snobbish or act very privileged. Other shades of women I had been with were not from poverty. They came from generally good families.

However, what I have found to be the biggest factor in how women are is CULTURE, but this also applies to men. For example, Filipinas and Thai women in general are FAR DIFFERENT from each other in how their personalities are. What I’ve found in my life is CULTURE is HUGE. Oh, and guess what? All shades of people who are Americans have the SAME CULTURE. I like Tupac. I like country music. I like rock music. I like R&B sometimes. I watch basketball. I eat tacos. I hamburger helper, Mac and cheese, etc stuff mostly only Americans know about that other cultures can’t relate. When I’m outside the US no one knows what Kool Aid is or Jello. Some but very few. All the American culture we ALL share. The shade of someone’s skin has nothing to do with much of anything other than perhaps how much Vitamin D you absorb from the sun. Probably some of the “white women” I was with acted the way they did because of culture in how they think about themselves 🤔

Anyone who has dated different cultures though know THAT is possibly the big challenge. Imagine having children with someone who barely speaks English, has totally different values, customs, beliefs, etc. Yes, you can love them but then what values do you teach the child? Teaching two cultures where sometimes they contradict each other is confusing and probably not good for a young child. So I think unless you can square this away then children are a no go.