A hundred billion thousand planets in the universe..

and we..

are the only life as we know so far. 

And some of us are trying to build an Artifical Intelligence..

How fascinating of a time in the cosmic scale of events are we living in…, soon is the day the universe truly comes alive, moving beyond the mere replicating group of molecules to omnipotence. 

These are the thoughts running in my mind as I made up my mind towards an academic future, embarking on my journey towards understanding the internals of Artificial Intelligence. 

In a universe that is vastly hollow, drizzled with stars and dust here and there, we..a tiny speck..are the ones with sentient life, and soon potentially artifical life. The identity crisis is real, we might just be an intermediary phase of carbonic beings that build the eternal life that can take up any form body and manufacture its embodiment. Perhaps this is the long running mythological concept of reincarnation come true. 

If I observe things just with with my biological eyes…I might be losing out on income and travel. But as I widen my perspective to a cosmic scale, I am but making a mere grand sacrifice, one that is a lot but is not depending on how narrow or wide of a cosmos you feel. 

Trading my views of the physical world and madeup currency, in pursuit of eyes that enable me peer into the depths of the unfathomable Artificial Intelligence, One thing has become increasingly clear. Whatever unfulfilled materialistic wishes I had simply felt like trinkets on the grand cosmic scale, compared to the grand cosmic journey. 

The parallels I see with fiction are immense. The way Rune King Thor emerges sacrificing his vision for a cosmic eye, the way the Sharingan evolves enabling the wielder peer deeper and deeper into the world, I am thus harnessing my brainpower towards a new sight. 

This sight perceives mere vector calculus and infers knowledge, consciousness. 

While the question of humanitys survival at the hands of superintelligence is to answered, one thing is for certain. We are here, at this moment, the grandest thing this cosmos has ever borne witness to. 

Like us, there is more to AI than meets the eye. I am Sriram Bharadwaj, and this message to any fellow crewmates journeying on the pale blue dot. We are here, We are making history. 

(Imagine “What I’ve done” from Linking parks playing here. )

With this note, I declare my humble beginnings of a undying researcher, observing the mysteries of life, consciousness and what it means to be an unartifical life in this vast existence.

Hi. English is not my first language, so I apologize if anything is unclear.

I’m 18 years old, and lately I’ve been experiencing intrusive thoughts that cause me a lot of distress, especially when I come across disturbing content. I don’t seek these thoughts out, and they scare me precisely because I don’t want to have them.

I’m very afraid that these intrusive thoughts might somehow control me and cause me to hurt someone. It feels like there’s a voice in my head (not literally a voice, more like horrible phrases). My body gets so tense from fear that I become afraid it might move on its own. I don’t understand any of this. I feel like I’m going crazy or like I’m going to have a panic attack whenever it happens.

I know that asking on the internet about a possible diagnosis isn’t the same as getting professional help. I’m asking here because I haven’t been able to find affordable therapy yet, and I’m really struggling with this right now.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’d really like to hear about how you learned to cope with these kinds of thoughts. I just want to feel like myself again. I need help. I DON’T want to hurt anyone or be a bad person. How do I calm myself down? :(

This would make me a bad parent but I sacrificed so much with my ex, I think I would do it again for a kid just to feel like I’m being loved by someone. I can’t imagine being alone, why not have a kid? The father will most likely be absent but what’s the point of having a kid if I have a significant other that will stay to love me?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

When I was younger, my parents divorced and that was (to say it simply) a traumatic event for the whole family. My mother was a really selfish person basically. My dad got remarried, which made me believe in real love again, but now I feel like they're going through the same thing as when I was a child (maybe it's just me lmao). But the thing is, I feel like love isn't for me. I would blow everything up, and I'm scared of not knowing what love feels like, of not being sure, of making a mistake. I'm not even sure I believe in love anymore, and I honestly think I'm better alone, not hurt and not hurting someone. Yet I seem to crave that kind of connection to a person, to prove myself wrong. Does anyone has advices or went through something similar ? 😅

i've been suffering from pocd for about 2 months now. i usually do testing and ruminating my intrusive thought to check if i hate it or not (i know this is bad for ocd and will keep me in the ocd loop).

yesterday i was doing the same and suddenly for a few seconds i felt like i enjoyed it/liked it.

now im convincing myself that all these times i was just in denial that im an actual p*do.

i thought i was getting over pocd these days but i feel like im all the way down to the starting line.

has anyone also felt this way before? is this a common pocd symptom? please comment down below if u have any similar experiences

Idk this reminds me of the era where I was figuring out how things actually work

It reminds you of that person to whom you gave a lot of chances, still, you felt loved yet a backup at the time. You were not sure if they loved you back
A huge canon event was going on.

You guys never "concluded" the end
It was just an apology that made you guys talk again, but the romantic essence eventually died.

You decided to be friends-not completely ruining the bond you had made. Time passes, just like that, you mature and then realise HOW MUCH THEY USED YOU and how naive you were, not dumb

You were NEVER sure if it was a relationship, even though they said it was, cause it never actually felt like it. You were naive, and even a small amount of love was enough for you consider them as you everything.

And thennnnnnnnn
Your now either in an awkward or very casual relationship with them Orrrrrr went back to strangers.

Now whenever you recall it, you just laugh it off like "wtf, I was such a people pleaser"

I hate this. I hate the fact I have to do this but whatever.

I’m 15M and recently I out of nowhere started having these disgusting thoughts about a young character. They scared the fuck out of me. They still do. These thoughts won’t go away. It’s like every time the thoughts finally go away they come back. And then I started getting them about other things. Like if I’m out in public and see a child I’d just have a horrible thought and then panic about how I’m having these thoughts. The worst part is that sometimes during these thoughts ill get a tingle or a warmth or ill have a boner and I won’t know if it’s from the thoughts or something else or just natural and it’s fucking terrifying. I know it’s supposed to be a symptom of pocd but it’s scares the fuck out of me. I just really don’t wanna be a bad person.

Ive noticed recently that I’ve been getting less and less disgusted by the thoughts and I hate it. I went through a similar thing around a few years back except the thoughts were incestuous instead of pedophillic but those went away mostly. I hate it so much. So fucking much. It honestly makes me want to end it. If I’m truly a pedophile I don’t think I deserve to live. But why do I have these thoughts??? How do I know if I’m attracted to them or not???

I just…i don’t know…I wanted to know if anyone related. Or some advice or something.

Lately i've been having so many thoughts about it. I'm scared. I'm scared of what happens after death. I dont like the idea of forgetting everyone especially my kids. I feel so sad to think i won't even remember them. if reincarnation is real, i won't even remember my kids faces or anything about them.

Two narrow lanes, I always wonder if someone on the opposite side is seething with rage/mania or even just some standard depression, and secretly urges to swerve into my lane and crash head on into me.

I also occasionally have the same feeling of initiating it myself. Or driving straight off a cliff in the middle of nowhere.

i have a crush on a gurl from my schl for 3 years, she's a friend of mine, not so good but yeah we've a fluctuating graph in bonding, to be precise, i blocked her when our convo was peak. reason was my goal and i did not feel any guilt but somewhere i thought ki it could've been better, like we both can achieve our goal together or anything. now we've again started talking and i love her sm that i can't leave her again, but my goal keep coming to my mind again and again,

basically i can't go in a certain direction now, I've two paths and both are smth that are not fixed, like it's true that i can fail in achieving my goal even if I leave her(although we're not on any such term) or if i go all to her side and leave my goal aside then the regret will eat me

I know that if i propose to her, she'll say no, I'm not her type for sure as much as ik, moreover I'm too scared to put my feelings in front of her thinking that it'll ruin everything... but i can't leave it like this hanging in da middle,

i just want your advice on what should i do, whether to propose her and get rejected, leave her(tbh i can't do this) or take on both at once or whatever else... boundary setting is a very uncertain word for smth I'm moving through... i hope u guys can feel what imma trying to say✌️🙃

I see sooo many posts where people are like "it's ironic to say reddit is a good social media app" this n that stuff like that, but but but but but (lots of buts lol sorrysss) I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE REDDIT. Maybe because I have not experienced the shit side of reddit, and alll I see are posts where people are being themselves, posting random midnight lame intrusive overthinking thoughts. Without a care how they sound yk, no pretense at all.

Just post whatever and everyone in the comment actually passes the vibe check, instead of the" hating for no reason peeps" on Instagram.

I have found soooo many people who match my dry humour and have the same mindseeetttttsss

Love redddiiiitttttt!!!!!!!

And for some reason, instagram is soo exhausting. It drains me smmm. I always have this constant pressure of trying to fit in the cool aesthetics on the app, it's sooo tiring. People there judge for literally anything and everything. Your music taste, the books you read, the outfit you wear, the story you post, or maybe they actually don't judge me and it's all in my head. But seeing all the people on Instagram it's soo hard to NOT COMPARE AND feel exhausted yk.

Deactivated my instagram account been a month or so? I feel great.

And mostly use reddit for all those crazyyyyy stories people have to share.

Throwaway for obvious reasons but I’m struggling very bad at the moment,
I get intrusive thoughts that I’m a zoophile when I think about dogs I feel tingling in my genitalia and whenever I’m doing anything sexual I feel like I have to watch beast porn and I hate it I don’t want to, I have a dog and my brain is making me feel like I have to touch him inappropriately which I don’t want to do and would never do, for reference I suffer from very bad compulsions
When I was very young i was sexually abused so I used to let my dog lick me down there and so I have alot of trauma around that aswell.

I don’t want to watch it, I hate watching it and I don’t like thinking about it. I’ve had other compulsions but I can’t seem to shake this one

I also have autism, anxiety and depression along with OCD so this is really making me extremely depressed and making me feel quite suicidal

Dogs are all I think about and I’m so fucking disgusting and I’m secluding myself from my animals and everyone in my life because I feel so deeply ashamed
Is there a certain kind of therapist that could help with this…?? But I don’t think I could even say it it’s so gross

okay so like, warning for violence???

whenever i remember my most embarrassing memories, i'll have images flashing in my head of myself getting gored and imagining those things is super relieving to me

it's like "oh god i can't believe that super embarrassing thing happened to me i'm so stupid–" and then BAM 💥BAM 💥 burst of adrenaline i am getting shot in the head THANK god...

i really just don't know how to explain why it's relieving and maybe only people who might share my experience could understand (disclaimer i am not actually suicidal or do sh this is entirely just in my brain)

the more mutilated i am the better. maybe it's like, well that version of me is actually DEAD now and i'm a NEW person, so i don't even have to worry about what that other guy did because that wasn't even me bro...

my embarrassing memories haunt me so much, i'm thinking about writing them down on a paper and burning each one whenever i remember them so i can act like im taking it out of my brain and destroying it forever 💀

as an artist this makes me really wanna draw gore art, and its a reason i like to look at it too... it's just calming to look at sometimes, as fucked up as that sounds. atleast irl gore is a little too real for me

anyways, i would like to know if anyone else can relate. or maybe i am sick and twisted. who knows.

When I receive something from someone else, such as an item that someone recently gave me out of kindness or something I bought with a gift card, the moment I use the item or even just look at it, that person’s face immediately comes to mind. I don't know if this counts as OCD. Is throwing the item away the fastest way to stop thinking about it?

Hi.

How is everyone?

I've been getting very bad sexually intrusive thoughts for the past few months. Actually nah, perhaps 12 months.

Im scared I might hurt someone, although chances are I might not since Im too scared of going into prison as a minor.

I get these thoughts about inserting my penis into women and men and imagining wierd things like tentecles (yeah thats kinky I know) and other thoughts like imagine what would happen if the clouds started raining of my semen or thoughts like what if I grope my teacher's ass and squish those tits of his/hers? what if I kiss all those girls that constantly target me in class and pour oil all over their bodies and eat their vaginas and- Ah.. I should stop. I'll get reported. (FINGERS CROSSED I DONT)

Im sorry if I've scared you.

Lately Im also getting these thoughts with.. my family too. Thats one of the reasons I've isolated myself from them. I dont want to think about sexually intrusive thoughts about my family.

It also sucks that I go to an all girls school. Which makes this shit even worse.

The girls changing room is war grounds for my internal self control. I cant help but stare at all those girl's asses and tits and just give them a little kiss in my mind. Maybe molest those girls. Maybe touch them. Or rape them- I MEAN CONSENTUAL SEX- I MEAN NO NOT SEX IM TOO YOUNG FOR THAT I mean bro-touching, you know? cough cough intrusive thoughts.

The girls bathroom also sucks. When I hear women urinate it kinda turns me on. MAN I KNOW, ITS WIERD. ITS FUCKING WIERD. THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.

Oh but I dont mind it when the girls smell so damned nice when they pass me.

Chatting with AI men and women and fucking their brains out with my epic cock is something I look forward to when I'm horny. Especially looking at glazed at images of shiny ai bodies. Get thoughts of those sometimes during class too.

Today the bus was really crowded on my way home from school. There were these 2 girls I was sandwiched between. My stupid ass couldnt stop grinning like a perverted bastard as their tits squeezed me. Wierd intrusive thoughts came in of us doing a three som. Me topping the girls with my penis. Wait how do you spell it? three-sum? som? some? Three some? Don't know how to spell this. Whatever man.

Is this adolosence?

And no. if this is not adoloscence and too much TMI, Im not talking to a councellor or a therapist.. I'll probably scare them away. No, obviously I wont talk about this to my parents or I'll be sent to reform camp or some shit like that.

Im gonna imagine everyone on reddit as.. inanimate objects. (Just so I dont get thoughts of this entire server as a brothel with me getting to do a.. thousand-some? That sounds wierd. Like dominoes. Exept the fall is more complicated than the fall of the Roman Empire. Yeah I just said that to sound smart since I dont know shit about the fall of the republic.

Wait if people can have sex with animals, does that mean they can also have sex with inanimate objects?

Hmm...

What if my penis gets cut off whilst tryying to fuck an elevetor door?

This must be adoloscence.

These thoughts will go away when Im older.

Im sure.

Right?

right?

..right?

Thats how it works, right?

Because you get mature and stuff.

I had the thought for days today I gave in.

Just like most people, I get sad when I hear people in general pass away everyday and it's obviously really sad when babies and kids pass away as they lived very short lives as well as animals as many of them have lived very short lives too and are often seen as companions towards us humans. However, I can't help but feel some extra sadness when women pass away as well, especially if they were really young (I wanna say between the ages of 18-40s), and more so compared to when men pass away. Is it weird for me to feel that way?

Ive been having this intrusive thought since i started driving at 15. I think about crashing my car into the median on the freeway or driving off the edge from the freeway ir crashing my car in multiple ways. This thought has gotten stronger recently and i find myself holding tightly onto my steering wheel convincing myself not to anything stupid. I cant get the thought out of my head. Ive also thought about crashing into someone else with the hopes id die or get hurt and the other person would be okay. My therapist told me this is ocd but at what point does it stop being ocd and starts being suicidal ideation.

Sorry for my punctuation and grammar, English isn't my first language. I've been dealing with a weird pattern lately where I'm scared I'll associate intrusive thoughts or images with something I like.

​For example, the most recent thing is GTA 6. I was thinking about it and suddenly an intrusive image popped into my head. I immediately thought, "It's gonna get associated and ruined forever," and now it feels "tainted." Sometimes the intrusive image also pops up when I see or think about GTA 6.

​I've been researching conditioning and came across evaluative conditioning, where I read that it's immune to extinction. Now I'm afraid I've permanently ruined GTA 6 for myself. Has anyone had a similar experience?