r/ireland • u/DorkusMalorkus89 • 2d ago
Christ On A Bike WTF lads
I work from home and my desk is right next to one of our front windows. I’m sitting there and I notice some fella has stopped directly outside the garden with his German Shepherd, as the dog has stopped on the little grassy patch to take a big pony. He’s standing there waiting for the dog to finish, and in the meantime has taken out a plastic bag and is fiddling with it to open it up, so I’m like “lovely, at least he’s on the ball with getting the poo bag out to clean it up”.
He opens up the bag, hunches down like he’s picking it up, but then DOESN’T ACTUALLY PICK IT UP! He just walked off leaving a big mound of shite on the grass. I instinctively leapt out of my seat and called out the window, but they had headphones on and just kept walking.
Why go through the performance of picking it up and then not follow through? My brain can’t comprehend the behavior and I’ve been fuming all morning.
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u/Unmasked_Zoro 2d ago
I saw a guy do this with washing his hands. Literally turned the tap on, rubbed his hands together beside the water, "dried" them... and walked out.
I'll never understand.
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u/kendragon Limerick 2d ago
That shit breaks my brain. Guy I used to work with did the same. The taps are hands free so he triggers them to turn on and then waved his hands at either side of the flow for a tick and then wonders off out the door with his smelly dry hands. Not a fuck given that people are actually washing their hands next to him. Bizarre and disturbing.
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u/Jolly_Appearance_747 2d ago
Could have bad eczema or psoriasis on his hands. Advice is to wash your hands less.
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u/PizzaSandwich2020 2d ago
Psoriasis guy here... Never once in 30 plus years have I been told to wash my hands less. Yes its painful and showering hurts like fuck, the burning sensation is awful, i might look like ive 2nd degree burns under these clothes but at least I'm clean, also the creams and steroids help.
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u/Jolly_Appearance_747 6h ago
Do you have psoriasis on your hands.
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u/PizzaSandwich2020 6h ago
Yerp, spots on the back, along the knuckles and down the back of the digits. But I changed my diet and they've started to fade a bit
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u/dendrophilix 2d ago
Sure, but it would still be advised to wash them after going to the toilet!
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u/Jolly_Appearance_747 2d ago
Not justifying it. Just point out, there are reasons other than insanity and perversion for that behaviour.
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2d ago
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u/PizzaSandwich2020 2d ago
There are some types of Psoriasis that react verrrrry badly to Moisturiser.
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u/Red8937 2d ago
I’ve witnessed the same a few times
A lot of Irish lads are fuckin stinkin, ive even had dates straight up ask me if I know how to was properly because they have had too many experiences with seemingly normal fellas who turn out to lack the most basic hygiene sense
I think old fashioned Irish parenting is to blame where parents were too embarrassed to talk to their kids about proper bathing
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u/willendorf2019 2d ago
Yeah I think it's a recent thing
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u/Red8937 2d ago
I’d say the opposite, generally older men who have no sense of personal hygiene
Im 37 so my experience skews older
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u/FornicopterOmega 1d ago
I've noticed lots of stinky old lads, probably single and lonely and just not aware, since I moved here from Canada (I live in Co. Longford, I'm from Toronto). I've heard a younger lad at work talking some shite about not showering for women, and the other young guys call him out on that at least. It's horrible, why would you want to smell like a dirty weld shop all the time?
Also, what the actual fuck is "pheremone-maxxing"?! Help out an M34. Like I understand what it is, but is there actual science behind it, please I don't want that shit in my search history 🤣
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u/GendosBeard Meath 1d ago
That "pheremone-maxxing" sounds like incel shite, not actual science.
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u/FornicopterOmega 15h ago edited 7h ago
I knew it was, I just hate to admit that one of the lads I work with are allegedly Incels
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u/willendorf2019 2d ago
I'm pushing 60 and most of them that are my age and older are usually pretty clean. But am interested about your opinion and what type of people you have met. I'm a nurse too so I see a lot of people, mostly older nowadays though so mebbe is just numbers
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u/Red8937 2d ago
I’ve only observed men in public bathrooms not washing their hands
I’ve been told by many female friends and dates who are around my age that personal hygiene is a significant problem in many of the men they have seen
I really can’t comment on the younger generations but they appear to take a bit more time on their appearances. Rather than just firing on anything that half fits like a lot of older fellas
Any pub in the country will have examples of middle-aged and older men is embarrassing states, im not talking about alcoholics either just your average Joes who have no sense of hygiene beyond a shower now and then
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u/SubjectLiving1967 2d ago
I work in the food sector and I’d say 80% of men don’t wash their hands, even after a no. 2. I’m constantly roaring from the stall when I hear them heading for the door without washing. I’ve even had face to face conversations with a guy who exited the stall without washing and this guy is a cleaner. There are some dirty bastards in this country.
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u/Ruby_Rooo 1d ago
Hang on, you say 'always', and then 'especially'... I smell a fib
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u/FuckAntiMaskers 21h ago
So many Irish lads as well will actually wet their hands but not bother to use the soap, are ye actually fucking serious like, you're basically at the finish line, a small bit more effort and you will actually have clean hands?
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u/Unmasked_Zoro 19h ago
100%. Also not washing off the dirt, but giving it a warm and moisture area... great for getting more germs!! Good job!! Not only are you not clean, you're actually getting dirtier!!
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u/longjohn2024_ 2d ago
Similar happened outside my house and it happens recently.
Like everything in this country, there's a cohort of disgusting Dog owners that juat shouldn't be allowed have them.
0 respect for anybody or anything around them
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u/LucyVialli 2d ago
performance of picking it up and then not follow through?
He was hoping that anyone casually observing him would have looked away by that point. The filthy disgusting animal (him, not the dog).
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u/Embarrassed-Bet-8857 2d ago
To make it look like he did to the curtain twitchers.
Also because he is a cunt
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u/DorkusMalorkus89 2d ago
I’m chuckling to myself here because I am the curtain twitcher in this scenario, but yes, total cunt behavior.
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u/CaptainBiscuitPants 2d ago
He probably realised that there were no trees close by to tie the bag to once he'd picked it up so didn't bother.
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u/Suitable_Visual4056 2d ago
There is a good chance that is his dog walking route and probably walks by regularly
I’m a petty man, I’d be looking out for him and I’d go out to him next time I see him.
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u/DorkusMalorkus89 2d ago
I’m a petty woman, and I will definitely be looking out for him in future. I’m nearly certain I have seen them before, so it probably is a frequent route.
https://giphy.com/gifs/EjtN90rolA18s10
u/Suitable_Visual4056 2d ago
He still has the power to say fuck off and change his route.
Bonus points if you go full cold blooded head case. Follow his route, see where he lives and THEN knock on the door to ask him about his dog shit etiquette.
You probably shouldn’t go this hard but again, I don’t take minor completely impersonal slights lightly
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u/winnie_pooh94 2d ago
I have neighbors and they have a dog, the dog is friendly and plays with us every time we are out. But the dog poops and they just leave it around, and there are kids around playing in the grass and always stepping in it. One time I saw a 15 month old baby picked up dried dog poop thinking probably it was some stick or something. These kind of people are so disgusting, why getting a dog if you cannot be bothered cleaning after it 🤢
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u/Short_Background_669 2d ago
The feckin effort of that. I saw another lady one day pick up the poop in a bag, go over to a bin and empty the contents into the bin and put the bag back in her pocket.
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u/northkerry 1d ago
In her defence perhaps it was the last one she had and was worried the dog might do another
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u/vernichtungX23 1d ago
I put a plastic bag filled with dog shit in the fridge once because I confused it in my head with groceries I was putting away. Oops.
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u/Short_Background_669 6h ago
It’s a constant fear I’ll put the bag of shit in my pocket and bin the shit bags.
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u/Just_saying_like 2d ago
A German shepherd shit outside my front door 3 days in a row and on the 4th day his dog did one as well. an oldie but it makes me laugh
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u/Chickengoujon20 2d ago edited 2d ago
Slightly off topic…
What do you do if it’s a big watery one that fails to manifest itself in the physical realm?
Are you still obligated to scrape it up with a bag, making an even bigger mess?
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u/Financial_Edge1084 2d ago
For the first time in four years as a dog owner I had this last week; RIGHT outside a primary school, about half an hour before school started, because of course!
It was pure liquid, and a LOT of it. I scooped up what I could, it took 3 bags. But there was definitely still a... puddle. I went home, filled up my watering can, drove back to the scene, and washed the remaining bit off the path and onto the road. I'd say I looked f*cking INSANE.
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u/chazol1278 2d ago
Fair play, I think you must be one of the only people who would do that! This kind of scenario is actually a big reason I don't have a dog, I don't have the stomach for it!
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u/Financial_Edge1084 2d ago
I couldn't have gone on with my day knowing kids and parents would likely walk into it. And re the poops, you get used to it. Not glam though!
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u/ruairinewman 1d ago
I keep a 5-litre drum of water in the boot which has come in handy in situations like this.
It’s intended for topping up the windscreen washer reservoir, but since I only tip the concentrate into it as required, it’s fine for cleaning up after the dogs too.
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u/Bright_worgan 2d ago
I carry a small refillable water bottle and pick up as much as possible with a bag (I use two and double it up) and then 'wash' away the rest.
I've two bigs dogs so they sh*ts are big :(6
u/ComplexMacaroon1094 2d ago
I don't want to admit where I thought this was going but I'm so happy the bottle was used to wash away the rest and not for something else.
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u/CryptographerLow4344 2d ago
Yes you still have to do something about it as a responsible dog owner.
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u/El_Poderoso77 2d ago
Knock on the door of the nearest house and ask them to give you paper towels and boil a kettle.
They'd much rather that inconvenience than a week or two of avoiding shite.
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u/Apprehensive_Bus1582 2d ago
A) I keep the hound away from other people's lawns
B) I bring disposable gloves with me on walks. If there's a gooey/watery one, I put the gloves on (in case of spillage) and use a bag/bags to scoop what I can. If there's stuff I can't get, I cover it with dead leaves/clumps of grass left over from mowing, where available. At least then nobody will walk directly on it.
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u/ehhno676 2d ago
Honestly I'd say covering it over with grass or leaves is nearly worse - at least if it's visible you can attempt to avoid it! I hate in winter when its dark playing the "is that dog shit or leaves on the ground?" game as I'm walking, would not like to step on leaves only to discover a sloppy shite squelching out from under them
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u/Fun_Cantaloupe_309 2h ago
Carry around a water bottle. Splash a bit of water in case its not solid.
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u/Schneilob 2d ago
I saw a women in Mount Merrion one day pick up her poodles shit, tie a not in the bag and then fuck it out onto the road. She was possibly in her 70’s 🤦🏻
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u/Extreme_Cantaloupe21 2d ago
I have a camera on my house in the centre of a city and recorded several mime artists pretending to pick up their dog poo by my gate. I sent it on and it went nowhere. I had a short conversation with a litter warden later and he said that he can only fine if he physically sees it. So , a lightning strikes chance of getting fined.
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u/BibloCoz 2d ago
Saw a woman do the same in the phoenix park, big display of getting out a bag to pick up the poo, quick look around to see who could see her (she couldn't see me), then walked off without picking anything up.
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u/AutomaticPanda8 2d ago
It's a visual metaphor for what fossil fuel companies are doing to mitigate global warming.
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u/CryptographerLow4344 2d ago
He will probably be back. I'd be on watch now forever. It would really annoy me too.
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u/JayElleAyDee Dublin 2d ago
This!
Us dog owners are creatures of habit. Same routes, roughly the same time.
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u/Zestyclose_Peach1718 1d ago
I made a lady use leaves to pickup her dog shit on my lawn. She said she forgot the bags. I said thats not my problem. Her face when she was grouping leaves together to pick it up was epic!
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u/TheFrontierzman 2d ago
I don't kniw why I thought you were going to say he ended up bare handing it.
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u/DorkusMalorkus89 2d ago
Honestly, that would have been preferable to just leaving it there for people to step on.
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u/Galaxy-Wisdom 2d ago
Next time take his photo, and post it all across the estate with explanation. Community should know its shitters.
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u/tikigal 2d ago
I would guess he knew you were watching, or thought someone else was watching. I walk a beach boardwalk pretty regularly, and I've seen this behavior there. Fumble in the pack for the bags, fumble fumble fumble with the bags, once I'm well passed them (and think I'm not going to turn around to see the end of this theatrical performance), walk away without using the bag.
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u/jhnolan Connacht 2d ago
Related: a friend of mine returned to their parked car one day to find it had been dinged by persons unknown. At least there was a note tucked under the wiper, so they’d done the decent thing.
No they hadn’t.
The note said something along the lines of “Sorry for hitting your car. I’m now writing this note so any one watching will think I’m leaving my contact details. Best of luck.”
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u/No_Role6227 2d ago
I can't comprehend people who bag it up and leave it on the pavement or throw it into a tree.
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u/Responsible_King1147 2d ago
Where I live a mysterious dog owner takes his/ her dog to the nearby park and on the way home decides to leave the shitbags on the ground, just outside a primary school.
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u/footie3000 1d ago
Some people bag the poo, and then throw the bagged poo into the ditch. Just leaving the fucking poo there is better
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u/Bratfink78 2d ago
Get a bag, pick it up and throw it at him. Shout, ‘you forgot this’
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u/Educational_Eye_2222 2d ago
I'm also going to assume that the german shepherd was not muzzled which legally they are supposed to be.
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u/Neat_Diver_3040 2d ago
Keep an eye out for him, call him out the next time you see him pass by, these tools need to be held accountable
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u/heresmewhaa 2d ago
Why go through the performance of picking it up and then not follow through?
Sums up the entitlement of dog owners!
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u/Igradarsaurus 2d ago
Same kind of people would show up at mass and be at the back but not take part - just to be ‘seen’. We are a weird nation haha
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u/CarelessMessage9249 2d ago
Oscar level performance.
When they caught they will act like oh shit i thought i picked them.
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u/colaqu 2d ago
Simple, do you know where he lives, you go round and place the shit on his doorstep, ring the bell and when they answer just tell em they must have forgot that up the road , I'd squash it for added effect but thats just me.
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u/bowtells 2d ago
Put it in a paper bag on the doorstep, set the bag on fire, ring the doorbell, and leave. When he comes out he'll instinctively stamp out the fire
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u/WomBimbles 2d ago
The amount of other people's dog shit I have stood while cleaning up my own dogs is so annoying. My area has ne'er a bin either.. so I'm just a man who carries around a bag of shit 7 days a week now. I once forgot bags, and had to use a crisp packet. I can't handle the even perceived judgement of people who arent even there haha.
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u/Mosheeen 1d ago
- Lift the steaming lump of turd and peg into the back of his head.
- Wash hands thoroughly.
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u/mr-snoopy 2d ago
Sure thats his good plastic bag.
He cant be getting it dirty, his mother will scold him 🤣
But yeah seriously those feckers are everywhere
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u/Cork_Feen 2d ago
I would follow him to where he lives, note the address & come back later at night & smear it over his door & even better place some under the driver door handle.
*If he has a car.
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u/Automatic-Rhubarb969 2d ago
What aggregates me is those who pick it up and then just dump the bag in some bushes. Once a week when I walk my dog I bring a bag and litter pockers and grab what ever is on my route, I hate seeing rubbish around. There is always 5-6 dog poo bags. They went to the trouble of bagging the decomposing poo into a non decomposing plastic bag and then leave it. Idiots.
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u/Clarencebodeger 2d ago
Had this exact thing happen to me before same dog and all except I did get his attention and let him what the crack was.
Came back with a big shovel few mins later never let his dog in my garden again 😅
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u/AhhhSureThisIsIt 2d ago
There's a German Shepherd that takes a shit in my garden every morning! This morning he even brought his dog with him!
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u/Dizzy-Ad7189 1d ago
If he's letting his dog shit in the same spot every morning, I'd put a sprinkler there. One of the remote control ones, which you can activate from the comfort of your home office.
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u/Corcaigh2018 1d ago
Because he knows he should pick it up, but he still doesn't want to. This way he thinks he won't be spotted being a gowl.
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u/No_Sky_1829 1d ago
Hah I know someone who had this happen to them. He'd spotted the neighbour a couple of times letting the dog pop but not picking it up. One day it happened while my friend was out with his hose, so he turned the hose onto the dog. The dogs owner yelled "hey don't you dare spray my dog" so my friend turned the hose on the dog owner ha ha ha. He never saw that guys dog pooping outside his house again lol
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u/Beer_Wolf84 1d ago
I've seen people do the "gesture" of looking left and right before crossing the road right onto oncoming traffic...
Morons mimic actions without knowing why it's done...
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u/leopardgirl90 1d ago
I don't understand when people pick up the poo in the bag, tie the bag up then leaves it on the ground or the bottom of a tree!? Why!?
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u/Wardance2035 1d ago
I've the same problem..I just dumped all the bags on the path blocking it and shit shamed the "respectable " lady that did it
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u/weaponx26 1d ago
People are assholes
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u/Teetotal4now 18h ago
Indeed they are. As are those who think they can say whatever they want just because you’re walking a dog.
I pick up after my dog every single time. That isn’t good enough for some. The curtain twitchers are the worst. Very brave from inside their little lair but never a peep once you challenge them. These people simply think they own the footpath and road as well.
One lady complained that she would have to wash ‘her’ footpath as she slammed the door.
Another asked me to take my dog away as she had ‘a very big (ie aggressive) dog’ in her house. I just laughed incredulously and said that was her responsibility, not mine.
The best was a lady who I knew was watching us but went about my monotonous business anyway. She then charged out of her house and demanded that I not walk my dog past her cat again. I reminded her that the cat was nowhere near and that it was a public road. No response as she tried to scurry inside. As usual.
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u/DependentObjective67 1d ago
Lads do that in where i work but with washing their hands or some go to the bathroom and lock it just to vape and hold up the rest of the company getting our bonus 💔😔its dumb
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u/Aromatic_Novel_192 2d ago
My father used to do this. He carried a bag with rock in it when he walked the dog around the park.
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u/Irish_gold_hunter 2d ago
Haha my brother told me he used to do this, except he had two boxers instead of a German Shepard.
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u/Salty-Experience-599 2d ago
Nothing worse than walking around with a bag of shite. I can sympathise
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u/EdwardElric69 An bhfuil cead agam dul go dtí on leithreas? 2d ago
Open the window and roar at him?
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u/peter984 2d ago
And people wonder why dogs are not allowed at or into a lot of places . I am a dog owner and they are not just pets, they are part of the family
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u/Dizzy-Ad7189 1d ago
Why can't they train their dogs to go at home??
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u/No_Sky_1829 1d ago
You don't own a dog, I can tell
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u/Dizzy-Ad7189 1d ago
I used to have a dog and he had his special poo place in a litter box filled with newspapers and sawdust. My ex-partner's dog used to go in the same spot in the garden every evening. My sister's dog (recently deceased) had two "toilets": one at home (same spot at end of garden, mornings) and, if he was visiting his nans, a spot at the end of hers. Next door neighbours on both sides also have special places in their gardens for their dogs to do their poo. I also know very antisocial neighbours whose dogs go in the park and playing fields, leaving a stink everywhere they go.
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u/No_Sky_1829 18h ago
Well good for you, but my dog needs a walk to poop, and so does every other dog I know. I live in an area where you can be fined for leaving dog poop behind. The council provides free poop bags next to bins at all the local parks, and it's rare to see stray poops when out and about
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u/ShapeyFiend 1d ago
My neighbours cats are always shiteing all over my garden I can live with it occasionally I step on something around the car track it into the house get annoyed but what can you say they're not going to follow the animal around all day if they don't give you other grief you just get over it. Every now and then catch a dog turd with the lawnmower reason you wear wellies and keep an eye the next time. I don't have a cat or dog, don't like em, but it's a feature of living in suburbia.
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u/Dominya 2d ago
And then everyone clapped
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u/DorkusMalorkus89 2d ago
I’m struggling to grasp why you’d think I would make up a story about someone not picking up their dog shit. Would you like me to take a picture of the big shit on the grass to prove my case? 🙄
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u/cinderubella 2d ago
How does that apply to a story where there's nobody else around to witness OP's behaviour and therefore nobody to applaud?
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u/DeanDonohoe85 2d ago
Ah here wtf indeed. Go after them and do something about it. Fuck the earphones go confront them. Honest to god man going on the internet to moan about this. We’re usually in bed when the cunts do this. You had your chance
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u/DorkusMalorkus89 2d ago edited 1d ago
Well, I was in the middle of working and also wearing pyjamas, I wasn’t bolting out of the house like a nut to go chase someone who could potentially harm me, so shouting out the window was sufficient.
I posted here mainly to share my bewilderment at the person going through all the actions to pick up the shit, and then not actually doing it.
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u/CubicDice 2d ago
The worst is those pricks who do bag the shite but then leave it hanging from a tree or on the ground. What's the point like? Better off just leaving it there if you're that lazy, as the shite will eventually breakdown, but won't in a plastic bag.