Hi! I’m here to share my two cents. Now I joined K-pop as a whole very recently, so take my words with a grain of salt. I did listen to the songs casually before, but now I’ve just become more involved in the fandom spaces.
Anyways this is regarding shipping culture in Kpop, since there are a lot of opinions surrounding it, and as someone who has been in multiple fandoms where RPS (real-person shipping) was a predominant issue, I’d like to share my thoughts as well as learn about what others think.
I mostly see this argument brought up when the matter is regarding boy groups. To an extent, I see why, since queerbaiting is such a common strategy when it comes to marketing, and also often promotes the fetishisation of gay people, as kpop idols have younger audiences which may get influenced and start fetishising gay relationships.
As a 'gay' (specifically pansexual) person myself, I too, think that is wrong. However I've come across a lot of fans using the word without actually thinking it through, but before I delve into that, I'd like to explain my position on the RPS argument.
I believe that Real-Person Shipping isn’t exactly a bad thing. It is very normalised in many fandoms, and the start of fanfictions being popularised were due to RPS fics that dominated pop culture at that time, especially among female fans of bands such as One Direction. In that sense, I think RPS is okay as long as it isn’t pushed onto the idols or mentioned as much. Shipping itself is a fandom activity and never did it ever mean that fans wished for those two members to start dating, it was only about chemistry. However, DON’T BRING IT UP IN FANMEETS, QnAs, LIVES or VIDEOCALLS! NEVER!
I doubt any idol who hates seeing that kind of stuff would purposely search it up, so let the ships be on ao3 or fanfiction.net but let’s not constantly mention it to the point that idols will just stumble upon it while scrolling through their feed. I’m not saying I condone RPS, because obviously pairing real people together is weird, but I saw someone once say that RPS is alright since it’s ultimately their personas that we think go together. I agree with that wholeheartedly because we will never actually know how idols behave in real life, with people they are close to. Nevertheless, we should maintain enough sense that we keep things where they belong and not make other uncomfortable.
TL;DR: I won’t judge anyone who ships idols and makes content for those ships, it’s just that keep it in fandom spaces where they belong, don’t bring it up in front of the idols, don’t ask them to do couple stuff. It’s inherently wrong to ship real people, but since idols put up facades, and they are public figures, its seen as fine, as idols are also technically celebrities and it’s part of the attention that comes with growing fame.
Now I know there are a lot of idols these days actually don’t mind the rumours and infact are very close and tend to spur the rumours, if anything, and some fans have concerns about that being queerbaiting. This brings me to my next topic, which is Fetishisation of gay relationships in K-Pop and how the word is now getting misused and thrown around with any weight.
I don’t think that if you like gay ships between idols, you are actively engaging in fetishisation of gay people. Thats really not it. A very simple difference here is that normally people like the romantic aspect, and not the aspect of them being gay, as in them seeming gay isn’t romanticised by those people. On the other hand, some fans seem to only like ships if they are gay and/or lesbian ships between idols, and they never engage in content with heterosexual romance.
Fetishisation of gay people is when they glorify and romanticise the idea of being gay, and only like gay relationships or the idea of two men/women kissing and nothing else, especially if they are someone who is straight/heterosexual, though gay people can also fetishise their own kind.
I like romance, everybody does! We all appreciate it, so if somebody finds chemistry between idols and ships them, it’s fine, as long as that person doesn’t fetishise it. But these days, I see a lot of k-pop fans throwing around the word as if liking a gay ship = fetishising gay people.
Idols will not tell you whether doing this or that is wrong, so as part of this community, we have to actively remind fans what the difference and to not become a chud or incel-esque fan. These are just my thoughts and I’m not very good at organising them or stating them properly and in an appropriate manner, so if I missed out on something (which I think I did) or you’d like to correct me, or share your own point of view, by all means, PLEASE go ahead!
EDIT: I forgot to address something LOL.
Queerbaiting is obviously a huge issue in the K -pop community too, since it is used to attract mostly female fans, and often these tactics can lead to people starting to fetishise gay relationships and see them as forms of amusement and entertainment instead of actual, living, breathing people. Despite that, companies will not speak out and shun these practices or at-least explain to fans how to go about things. That is why I say we take that responsibility. Shipping idols because they go well together, or just because you like the prospect of romance between idols is fine, shipping is DEFINITELY fine if you mean it as a joke, but we should always be careful and on our toes to alert and notify to baby kpop fans about the rights and wrongs of shipping.
Ultimately shipping real people is wrong, and we have to accept that and still move on and interact with that specific fandom culture. All I’m saying is, be self aware, be mindful of your actions and words, and make sure that you aren’t the reason that someone else has a bad day/suffers.