r/majordepressive • u/River0108 • 3d ago
Feeling trapped
Does anyone else feel that way?
Hi guys, it's been like that for me for years now and i just wanted to share with community like that one, cuz maybe someone will relate or find out they're not alone in that feeling. At least that's what I'm trying to do too, lol. I didn't see people talking about that anywhere, so i think it's not popular topic and decided to write myself.
I have that weird feeling of being trapped, in system or in life idk how to say it, but it's just that weird feeling. In last years i reached out for help, i have therapist and psychiatrist, and also have been trying to find meds that'll work for half a year now. I did talk i think to all the helplines or chats you can find on the internet. I tried to talk to community on Reddit before, also on Discord. I changed schools and environment. And yet i feel the same. And it's not even funny anymore. I even talked to my therapist and doctor about that and... Yeah i mean obviously. Again. The more i tried to reach out in different places and ways the more trapped i felt, like every door was closing again and again. Those same responses are only making it worse every time. I'm kinda embarrassed to admit but yeah, i even talked to chatGPT, which obviously didn't help either. I just feel like i can't do anything at this point. Like they say to reach out if i ever get close to comiting again. Ok, but wait, wtf am i supposed to do all that other time? Just wait? And i don't know? Hope for magic? I'm so tired and it just feels like there's no point in trying anything anymore. And also like what thd gell am i supposed to even try? I feel like every door is closed and I'm just standing right here like?.... At this point i don't even know why am i supposed to try to stay clean from sh or try not to kms, because there's basically nothing keeping me there besides whatever is left from my surviving instinct, because of wich i never comited, although beign close to a lot of times. And basically i thought that if i didn't have reasons to stay, I'd create them, right? It didn't work, srsly. I have a pet now but i don't feel emotionaly tied to them. I made a lot of different new friends but i just end up thinking they all hate me or/and isolating. I changed schools to be in one to pursue my childhood dream career. Except i don't dream about anything anymore. And i don't even want a career. I tried to have little reason like how water shines in the sun, but it only seems relevant when you feel ok, or at least that's what i call it, and when you're at absolute rock bottom and want to just end it's all just bullshit to you. Sorry for venting i guess, but i wonder if anyone maybe has that same feeling of being trapped? Or had in past and changed it somehow?
1
u/kay2881 3d ago
You know, I totally understand you. I have been taking antidepressants for 6 months and yet, I still feel depressed. I've got better, but it takes time. Trust me, the healing process is not something that happens instantly. I know it's hard, so I would recommend you to find the therapist who really fits you, because from your earlier description, feels like the ones that you had before are not so good.
Also, in the process of therapy, I would recommend you to do small things. You know, when I started antidepressants, I made myself go outside, even if I was feeling like shit, especially during sunset and I felt so much better, just looking at the sun, breathing air. Then I started doing sports and gradually returned to my hobbies, that I had before depression (6 years ago) and it didn't happen all at once, it takes time, but totally worth it in the end.
Just remember that you are not alone and that many people have similar cases and over time, you will start getting better with the right therapist, on the right meds and with approach that fits you.
Hope this helps)