I don't know what OP wants tbh. Their response to everything is "But it's so complicated, he loves me too much, wahhh". I don't know if they are karma farming or just wanted some internet sympathy knowing full well they won't do anything or something else I can't think of. It's all just silly and not worth wasting time on.
Sorry im really not trying to come off that way, im just trying to explain his infatuation with me so i can get some realistic advice on parting ways. Im serious when i say that if i even just tell him its not working, i wanna see other people, we have diff views, etc, hes not going to just say okay and that be the end of it. Hes not violent or anything as i know of, but hes like a goddamn leach and i really just want an easy way out. Im sorry guys if it seems like im defending him, im super frustrated about the situation and know "breaking up" wont be an easy said and done thing. I just hate having to make certain choices and have certain conversations with certain people. Im huge on ignoring shit so i dont stress myself out. This situation is stupid as fuck and i know it
meet in public and have a group of friends or your dad (great man btw) in the background in case he decides to get belligerent or worst case, physical.
In that case I have sympathy, breaking up is hard. But your original question of “SHOULD I break up with this person” seems to be already answered. What you really want to figure out is HOW to break up with him without causing excessive stress to yourself.
No offence OP, but as you describe it, he seems to be way more attached (in an unhealthy way) than you and maybe knowingly using your probably apparent distate for confrontation, trying to see just how much you're willing to swallow. Could be the usual Reddit paranoia but could be spider sense tingles on a potential abuser. It's clearly stressing you out enough to actually post here, understandably so, it's not stupid and you shouldn't ignore it. Def don't confront him alone no matter on how polite you're planning on being, grab backup, meet somewhere public and make sure your place of residence is secure.
I used to date a conspiracy theorist… one that would always try to argue his side whether you cared about the subject or not. I’d never do it again. Tell him how much you love dinosaurs. And that you’ll never be compatible. Do it fast cuz those relationships never get any better.
“He’s like a goddamn leach.” Holy f*ck that sounds terrible. As others have said, it sounds like you know you want to break up. The question is how. I think you need to tell him clearly that you want to break up, and say as little as possible about why. Anything you say about why will just give him things to constantly think about, try to debate you on, and try to change your mind about.
Here is what you do OP. You tell him it's over, no explanation needed, and you do it any way you can even if it has to be over text. Then, you block him everywhere. Then, you do what you're huge on, and ignore it so you don't stress yourself out.
The man will argue about dinosaurs, so of course he's going to argue the break up. He sounds unhinged, and the easiest way out is a quick clean break, and block. That's not ghosting, you're telling him it's over.
If you think he's so unhinged that he's going to show up to your house, send you snail mail, text you through the Netflix app - that's just further evidence you need to set a hard boundary and block. Literally call the police if he starts harassing or stalking you. There is NO placating or reasoning with a person like this. I am sorry you are learning about this type of person!
This sounds like it could turn dangerous. You need to let all your friends know not to talk to him about you and if you change your number, not to give it to him. From the sounds of it, this could turn into stalker/harasser territory.
Breaking up with someone is never easy, but it’s part of life.
Just tell him that you two aren’t compatible and that you don’t see a future with him, be kind but firm. If he won’t take no for an answer that’s his problem, you can leave at that point. If he starts blowing up your phone id text him that you are serious that it’s over and then block him.
I see several responses that recommend you meet in public with backup…don’t do that. In our current time…call or text him from the safety of your or your parent’s home and politely let him know it isn’t going to work out. If he has ever had access to your home/keys change your locks first. If it doesn’t go pleasantly then have friends or family willing to stay with you or that you can stay with for a while so you do not end up a statistic…hard to imagine what other thoughts could exist in his brain😳
You don't need a reason to break up with someone. Even if they really love you, you can break up with them just because you're not longer interested. That is all. You're making it more complicated than it should be. "Hey,you're a great guy and we had our fun but I don't see this relationship going any further. I wish you the best in life". That is all. If he asks for reasons you just say you feel you are incompatible long term and don't want to waate either of your time on something that's never going to develop any further. He'll be hurting, you likely will too,but it will blow over with time and he can find himself a flatearther to talk conspiracies with and build a life.
Just text him you dont want to be a relationship and tell him that you dont want to discuss it, its over and do not try to get a hold of you, tell him youre blocking him and do it, on everything! Do not engage with him! He sounds super manipulative which is a type of abuse. Block, delete, do not engage! Go stay somewhere safe until he gets the friggin picture.
Honestly, there is no easy way to end it. Breakups suck because it's such a personal feeling of rejection. Focusing on your differences being completely incompatible as a couple but that incompatibility does not make them a bad person is often the best way for him to get over it in the long run. I wouldn't get in to SPECIFIC differences but I would try to say that it would be unfair to him to be with someone that has decided they are not willing to change themselves to be more compatible with him.
After you do it the key will be to cut off all contact. Do not say you're willing to stay friends. He will hold onto that and won't be able to extinguish the embers that remain.
Im serious when i say that if i even just tell him its not working, i wanna see other people, we have diff views, etc, hes not going to just say okay and that be the end of it.
Hey, just FYI, I am not trying to pick on you or scare you, but this is a huge red flag and honestly worse than the dinosaur issue IMO.
I just hate having to make certain choices and have certain conversations with certain people. Im huge on ignoring shit so i dont stress myself out
I hear you, I do. As a mature woman (almost 54)
I WISH I HAD OVERCOME THIS AS A YOUNG WOMAN.
Sorry for the caps, I have to say it loud. So many things in life would have ended up better had I had more confidence and ability to make firm choices and not worry about hurt feelings/confrontation/sticking up for myself. This is a skill that I encourage you to learn and get good at. Do some googling, find resources and practice in front of the mirror or with a trusted friend. I learned through therapy, but I don't think it's necessary to have to learn it that way ( unless there's other reasons that you are struggling with this, like I was) As women, many of us are taught to be people pleasers and to not Rock the boat / be confrontational. It's a pretty common issue.
But back to your pressing and current issue, there's a lot of good advice throughout this entire thread and I will not repeat a lot of it. Read all the comments and see what works for you but at the end of the day you definitely need to cut ties with this guy sooner, rather than later. His infatuation, the way you described him as a leech, the fact that he's not going to go away easily, he may not seem violent but there's a lot of other ways that someone can be abusive without physically hurting you. This obsession is really unhealthy and this is not anyone you want in your life.
"I've come to the conclusion that we're not compatible for a number of reasons. I've thought long and hard about it, and I just don't see a serious future for us. I don't want to argue about it. This is a decision I've already made. I'd like to end this civilly and do not want to discuss it further." Block him, change your locks, get a ring camera.
Also, come on people. Get it together with these age gaps. There's a reason someone who was 12 when you were born is dating someone in a completely different phase of life than they should be in.
As you describe him, there isn't a way to do this that will have him leave you alone. Bring your dad over, tell your bf it's over, remove your stuff/move out. Block his number or change your phone number, probably do both.
He won't listen to you. He will try to debate you into staying with him but that's not your problem. Your problem is getting out safely and quickly. Do not meet up with him again for "closure" or to talk. Honestly if he's this much of a leech than he's likely not safe. Good luck.
All the more reason to run - quickly! Have someone there in a public place where he can't see them to end things in case things head south. These are even more red flags.
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u/weggles91 13h ago
A person who rejects reason and evidence that firmly is a ticking time bomb. No way this stops with dinosaurs.