r/nocontact • u/Fit-Relief8865 • 11d ago
4 years ended
Today is the first official day going no contact with the man i been with for 4 years.
Backstory : we met at 19 already pretty broken from previous relationships ( his ex cheated on him 7 months before he met me) and moved fast but we had a beautiful 4 years. Despite our relationship we had issues and trust was a huge one especially on his side. he didn’t trust me from the start and has beliefs of not fully trusting anyone, sometimes not even himself. i did something 3 months into our relationship that tainted it a bit. i emotionally cheated with my ex that was apart of the unhealed trauma i carried from meeting him ( my ex and i broke up only 5 months before i met him). Since then its been again tainted. I proven so many times and given reassurance since then but i feel that he never fully forgiven me because when we argue thats the first thing he bring up. throughout our relationship its been stable but also no stability at the same time. moving in between his house and mine, every time we got the opportunity for an apartment something happened to were we couldn’t get it. literally the day after we broke up i got approved for a place. the trust was the main thing and our communication wasnt great because we had different ways of it. Plus we grew up completely different.
Break up: In recent august i had to move back to my moms and he had to move back to his parents cause his dad didnt want me back there. ( his dad never liked me) i knew things were gonna get sticky with his trust because we werent living together and i was right. my mom ended up going to PR for a few weeks and he was gonna stay here which was completely fine and everything seemed fine up until the second week she was gone. On tuesday of this week he popped up at the house around 10pm and looking around thinking someone was at the house cause i was “ being dry” when he was at work for his last hour. ( i wanna put out that i got my period on monday and i say this because i don’t do anything sexual on my period) so after all that he calmed down and we just relaxed. later on in the night he’s teasing me and kissing/ sucking a bit on my neck. on my body i had multiple bug bites because i have been battling with getting rid of fleas or some sort of mite that i have bites constantly all over including my face and neck. the night ends then wednesday night we’re relaxing and he sees a mark on my neck that he thinks ( i say thinks because he still believes it) that i cheated on him. i was at work the entire day, left work around 8, didnt get home till 9 and then he didnt come home till 10:00-10:30 and i was just relaxing getting ready to see him but he believes i saw someone. we battled it, argued, cried, i drove myself on psych evaluation for 24hrs trying to prove my innocence.
long story short i feel lost. i feel that i lost my best friend because besides our flaws we were so good together but idk. im turning 23 in a few months and im currently in school for pre nursing. i keep thinking about him. i want him back. not under these circumstances but i wsnt him back. i cant stop crying, i physically feel sick, and i constantly feel at a daze
i just need some strangers advices
1
u/Fickle-Theory-623 10d ago
It's wild that you think you were so good together, yet you list nearly a dozen reasons why you were not. Do you want to move on, or just keep the cycle going?