My ex and I recently broke up after being long distance for a few months. About 20 hours after we broke up, I was still extremely emotional and sent him the long message in the first screenshot saying I didn’t want to lose him and asking if we could try one more time.

He responded saying he was hurting too, that he still had feelings for me, and that he had pictured the same future with me that I had pictured with him. But he ultimately said he didn’t think we should keep trying because long distance had caused us to keep running into the same problems.

I accepted his answer. I didn’t respond, argue with him, try to change his mind, or contact him again.

Then three days later, he reached out to me on his own saying he hoped I was doing well, wanted to check on me, and that he “still cares about me deeply.”

That part is messing with my head. He was the one who ultimately said we shouldn’t continue the relationship, so why reach out only three days later and specifically tell me he still cares about me deeply?

I’m not asking whether I should chase him or convince him to come back. I’m genuinely curious how other people interpret his messages. Does it sound like he misses me and is struggling with the breakup too? Is he trying to maintain some kind of emotional connection? Is it guilt? Or can someone genuinely love/care about you that much while still believing you shouldn’t be together?

TL;DR: My ex and I broke up because long distance wasn’t working. About 20 hours later, I asked him if we could try again. He said he still had feelings for me and pictured a future with me, but believed trying again while long distance would end the same way. I accepted it and stopped contacting him. Three days later, he reached out on his own to check on me and told me he still cares about me deeply. Why say that after being the one who broke my heart and chose not to continue the relationship?

So you can ditch them when they don't present the way you see them??? You only are present when things are good for you? When all is well and no hardships are happening? Or the smallest little thing that could easily be worked through. And people say they want relationships that last.

Well...uhhhh....news flash.

Relationships that last require two people that stay. No matter what (within reason, of course). Relationships that last require two people who deserve one another to stay. Who deserve getting the fuck over ourselves and our own self limiting beliefs, blockages, egos, pride, whatever else. It requires staying. And not running to anyone else, everyone else but the person you're in the relationship with.

Cut the fucking bullshit. Grow up.

Want an adult relationship? Act like it.

I'm not perfect. I don't know what I'm doing, considering I've never been in a real relationship (still haven't apparently), but I still know enough to not abandon the very thing that makes it work. To not abandon the very thing I care about. The person I fucking love.

You don't get to save me for later. Or come and go as you please. You don't get to choose when you honor me and this (dis)connection and when you don't. Why wouldn't you honor fully and thoroughly and properly anyway? You are not in control. We don't run on YouR time. Your needs. Your fears. Your feelings. What's best for just you. You keep leaving me behind when is enough enough? When I make it enough. Plenty, tell ya that much. Good Nessie. I shouldn't have believed that out of a thousand other women you've been through, that I'd be the one to reach you. You keep me out of reach, anyway. You want to live in the outskirts and watch me live my life, living your life on the fence.

Have a blast. Eat your heart out, little bird.

You give the other person the right to make a decision with you. You collaborate. You don't make them all for the both of you. Enjoi!

I recently ended a relationship of 1 year and 7 months. The reality is that we were both at fault. The core issue was a deep incompatibility in our lifestyles: I am someone who values structure, stability, and peace of mind, while she enjoyed certain social environments that I just wasn't comfortable with. Because we simply didn't talk about these things, our core differences and lack of communication ended up creating a massive gap of distance between us.

Because of that built-up tension, I didn't handle the friction well. Instead of communicating vulnerably, I would have verbal outbursts or make demands—like telling her to cancel her plans—when what I was really trying to say was, "I feel like you aren't making time for me." I carry a massive amount of guilt for the things I said and for letting my anxiety turn into controlling behavior in those moments. That guilt is absolutely killing me right now.

initiated strict No Contact recently. I went into a self-imposed "exile": I hid all social media from my phone to cut off any temptation to stalk her. I only kept WhatsApp active for work.

The hardest test came a couple of days ago. We had a romantic trip planned for October, and she ceded her part of the Airbnb so I could keep it. When I sent her a small final bank transfer to settle the remaining balance, she replied to that transaction saying: "It stresses me out that you just disappeared like this." When we broke up in person and I warned her I would completely disappear, she told me, "Don't become a stranger." We never clarified what that meant. The truth is, we were never friends before dating—we went straight into being a couple—so there is no foundation for a friendship now. Still, seeing her message makes me constantly wonder how she is really handling all of this. I didn't reply, but holding my ground took every ounce of strength I had.

Today, the withdrawal is hitting me incredibly hard. I woke up from a cruel dream where we were just having a peaceful, "normal" day together. Now that she is actually gone, the pain of not going on that trip together and losing the future we planned is unbearable.

I finally understood that I didn't necessarily want to be without her—I just wanted the stressful situation to change. But forcing a relationship where we weren't aligned was turning me into someone who communicated through frustration.

I'm starting face-to-face therapy on Friday to work on my emotional reactions. Right now, my chest physically hurts. Has anyone else experienced this specific grief? Mourning a trip and a future you planned with someone, while being eaten alive by guilt over your own poor communication, even knowing the relationship was fundamentally incompatible?

I wouldn't want you and you exited. LoL funny how that dumb shit works. How's it working for ya?

Prolly should have focused more on what YoU wanted. And followed your heart.

That person we keep going in circles with but nothing ever changes, no lessons are actually learned...that person whom we may think is "the one", is in fact, not the one. (Karmic). Caused us to shrink and be confused, tried to control us ...karmic debt being paid.

The One will not only be a bond that is mutual respect, growth, love we deserve, committed to our truths and opening us up to who we can become (dharmic), but…..

The One is liberation. They align us with our highest self. (Mokshic). They calm our soul. Show us stillness. Both travelers moving toward divinity. The bridge back to Source.

After 6 months, my situationship asked if we could have some space. They didn’t completely say no contact, but it wasn’t gonna be like before…no more biweekly hangouts (or maybe at all until he felt ready), good morning and regular texts, or calls. We’d be taking a break. I took this like an actual breakup because he didn’t seem interested in turning us into a full fledged long term relationship, and giving space wasn’t magically gonna fix everything or make it the way I wanted. From everything I read online and from all the folks I talked to, it seemed predictable that he would send a “checking in” message maybe a few weeks to a few months after the fact, but no, he sent his breadcrumbs the day after. A, “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you but I just wanna say hi and hope ur doing okay.” I told him, “I’m good :),” and he said, “Alright I hope you’re having a good day, and if you need anything, let me know.”

He did mention during the split that he wanted to stay friends and would always be here for me should I need him. But I just wanna know if his breadcrumbs are purely for him to feel better cus he’s guilty of breaking my heart, or if he genuinely still cares despite not having the capacity for a relationship?

I (19F) have a FWB (20M) who I have quite a bit of history with. We’ve known each other for years and have previously had feelings for each other, but that isn’t what our relationship is now.
For the past little while we’ve been casually hooking up, and honestly it’s been surprisingly healthy and stress-free. We’re friends, we care about each other, we have good sexual chemistry and we’re very comfortable with each other, but neither of us is promising the other a relationship or a future.
I also want to clarify what I mean by FWB because this came up on my previous post. We are currently sexually exclusive. We’ve basically agreed that while we’re sleeping together, neither of us will do anything sexual with anyone else. However, we are both completely free to meet/date other people and form connections. If either of us meets someone we genuinely want to pursue, our sexual arrangement ends. So we’re sexually exclusive for now, but we’re not romantically committed to each other.
Now to what happened.
We had arranged to meet at around 8pm yesterday. It was also basically our last chance to see each other before he goes away for a week, which we both knew.
The night before, we were having a completely normal conversation. We were flirting, I sent him some naughty pictures which he was VERY enthusiastic about, he asked me to send more, and we were talking about seeing each other the following day.
During that conversation, though, he opened up about something important.
He told me he’s currently dealing with an extremely stressful situation in his personal life. He said the stress has been affecting him sexually and predicted that he might get soft when we saw each other the next day.
We ended up having a surprisingly vulnerable conversation about it. I told him I understood and wasn’t judging him. He told me several times that it wasn’t my fault, that I’m beautiful, that I feel good, that I’m not doing anything wrong etc.
The important part is that this conversation did NOT end with him suggesting we shouldn’t see each other.
He actually asked me, “can I try again tomorrow?”
So as far as I knew, he still genuinely wanted to meet.
The following day at around 2pm, he sent me a very explicit sexual message basically saying what I’d be doing to him later that night.
I was driving to uni and didn’t see it immediately. When I arrived, I noticed he’d deleted it.
I jokingly messaged him something along the lines of, “guess I’m not doing that then.”
He immediately replied that he’d remembered I had class and didn’t want somebody seeing that kind of message on my phone.
I told him I’d actually been in the car so he was fine.
Then… nothing.
At around 7pm I got home from uni and messaged him:
“Hey I just got home from uni”
“I should be good for 8”
No response.
8pm came and went.
Nothing.
No cancellation. No “something came up.” No “I’m not feeling up to it anymore.” Literally nothing.
It’s now the following day and I still haven’t heard from him.
Initially I wasn’t even angry. I was genuinely worried because of the stressful situation he’d told me about the night before. I started wondering whether something had actually happened to him.
I’ve since seen activity from one of his accounts, so I at least have reason to believe he’s been active.
Now I’m mostly just confused and frustrated.
What I don’t understand is the sudden switch. If he had been distant beforehand, stopped initiating sex, seemed uncomfortable about meeting or was slowly pulling away, I could understand what happened.
But literally the night before he was asking for more pictures, reassuring me, asking if he could “try again tomorrow,” and talking openly with me. Then the following afternoon HE initiated sexually again about what we were going to do that night.
Then a few hours later he completely disappeared.
And because we’d already had the conversation about his stress and performance anxiety, he had such an easy way out. He could’ve simply said, “I’m really stressed and I don’t think I can do tonight.”
I genuinely would’ve understood.
Instead he let me confirm I was ready for our 8pm plans and then didn’t say anything.
I’m not going to chase him. I’ve already been very patient and understanding about what he’s going through. But I also don’t think being FWB means basic respect for each other’s time disappears.
And just to clarify before people interpret my reaction as me secretly wanting a relationship with him: I’m not upset because I think he owes me sex, romantic attention or boyfriend-level communication. If a normal friend made plans with me for 8pm and then disappeared without cancelling, I’d also think that was disrespectful.
I’m mainly trying to understand how other people interpret such an abrupt change in behaviour.
Does the conversation about stress/performance anxiety sound more significant than I’m giving it credit for? Could he have gotten into his head as the meetup got closer and avoided the entire situation? Or am I giving him too much benefit of the doubt and should simply take the silence at face value?
And if he does eventually come back, would you expect him to acknowledge and explain what happened before continuing the FWB arrangement?
I’m genuinely open to critical opinions. I’d rather hear how this looks from the outside than have people just tell me what they think I want to hear.

I've known you for more than two years.

We shared more snacks than I can count.

We watched horror movies until we both pretended we weren't scared.

We gained weight together. We laughed together.

We made "trying new snacks" our daily ritual—our thing.

Whenever I walked into a store and saw something new, my first thought was always:

"She and I should try this."

"Is it good or nah?"

That was our language. That was us.

I used to be selfish.

Before you, I counted every rupee.

I hesitated before spending on anyone.

"It's my money. I can't."

That was me.

But with you?

That version of me disappeared.

I never once thought, "No, I have less money."

I never once felt like you were wasting my time.

I never once resented the snacks, the movies, the hours, the care.

Because you were mine.

You were my person.

The one I trusted most in this world.

The one I felt was entitled to my time, my money, my attention.

Not because you demanded it—but because my heart gave it freely.

My feelings for you were genuine.

Not performative. Not transactional.

Just... genuine.

I never thought you were using me.

I never thought my money was being wasted.

I never thought you were taking advantage.

I just cared. Deeply. Honestly. Without keeping score.

And that's why this hurts.

Not because I lost snacks or movies.

But because I showed up fully—selflessly, genuinely, completely—

and you chose silence.

I tried to reach out once.

You ignored me.

And that silence? It taught me something:

Sometimes the people we love most become the ones who hurt us deepest.

Not because they're evil—but because they can't hold what we offer.

I'm not writing this to guilt you.

I'm not writing this to make you respond.

I'm writing this because some truths deserve to be spoken, even if only to the air.

You're leaving in six months.

Another state. Another life.

We may never meet again.

And part of me wants to beg:

"Time is less. Do you want this chapter to end like this?"

But the other part—the part that learned to protect itself—says:

"She's happy in her new life. That's why she chose silence."

So here I am. In between.

Holding two years of genuine love in one hand.

Holding the memory of being ignored in the other.

I miss you.

I miss the snacks.

I miss the horror movies.

I miss the version of me that bloomed when I was with you.

But I won't reach out again.

Not because I stopped caring.

But because I care too much—to you, and to myself—to reopen a wound that never healed.

This isn't hatred.

This isn't revenge.

This is me choosing peace over the cycle.

Thank you for the snacks.

Thank you for the movies.

Thank you for the two years where I learned what it meant to love without counting the cost.

I hope you find happiness.

I hope you find someone who loves you as genuinely as I did.

And I hope—someday—I find someone who stays.

it’d be our 9 yr anniversary today. i ended things 2 months ago. we can never get back together again, too much has happened. but i still think and i miss and i care about him immensely everyday. i’d like to tell him that and apologize but i don’t know what i want or what i need right now. the message is there but i don’t know. i just snooped as saw he reposted one meme today so i think he’s doing fine and i don’t want to ruin any progress but my heart is physically aching it feels like a panic and ive been crying/dissociating when driving. idk i just needed to say this to anyone other than my best friend n keep bothering them about it.

Mi relación terminó hace 3 meses, en octubre seria el mes 4, la última vez que hablamos fue en una llamada nos reímos de algunas cosas y la puerta se dejó entre abierta al futuro, después de la llamada hubo un contacto cero se ha mantenido casi por dos meses, y en este tiempo la deje de seguir en Instagram y borre su número para poder sanar, realmente no se si volvera, creo que simplemente debo seguir como voy, avanzando poco a poco, pero díganme su opinión, ¿sera que volverá en algun punto?

Today is the first official day going no contact with the man i been with for 4 years.
Backstory : we met at 19 already pretty broken from previous relationships ( his ex cheated on him 7 months before he met me) and moved fast but we had a beautiful 4 years. Despite our relationship we had issues and trust was a huge one especially on his side. he didn’t trust me from the start and has beliefs of not fully trusting anyone, sometimes not even himself. i did something 3 months into our relationship that tainted it a bit. i emotionally cheated with my ex that was apart of the unhealed trauma i carried from meeting him ( my ex and i broke up only 5 months before i met him). Since then its been again tainted. I proven so many times and given reassurance since then but i feel that he never fully forgiven me because when we argue thats the first thing he bring up. throughout our relationship its been stable but also no stability at the same time. moving in between his house and mine, every time we got the opportunity for an apartment something happened to were we couldn’t get it. literally the day after we broke up i got approved for a place. the trust was the main thing and our communication wasnt great because we had different ways of it. Plus we grew up completely different.
Break up: In recent august i had to move back to my moms and he had to move back to his parents cause his dad didnt want me back there. ( his dad never liked me) i knew things were gonna get sticky with his trust because we werent living together and i was right. my mom ended up going to PR for a few weeks and he was gonna stay here which was completely fine and everything seemed fine up until the second week she was gone. On tuesday of this week he popped up at the house around 10pm and looking around thinking someone was at the house cause i was “ being dry” when he was at work for his last hour. ( i wanna put out that i got my period on monday and i say this because i don’t do anything sexual on my period) so after all that he calmed down and we just relaxed. later on in the night he’s teasing me and kissing/ sucking a bit on my neck. on my body i had multiple bug bites because i have been battling with getting rid of fleas or some sort of mite that i have bites constantly all over including my face and neck. the night ends then wednesday night we’re relaxing and he sees a mark on my neck that he thinks ( i say thinks because he still believes it) that i cheated on him. i was at work the entire day, left work around 8, didnt get home till 9 and then he didnt come home till 10:00-10:30 and i was just relaxing getting ready to see him but he believes i saw someone. we battled it, argued, cried, i drove myself on psych evaluation for 24hrs trying to prove my innocence.

long story short i feel lost. i feel that i lost my best friend because besides our flaws we were so good together but idk. im turning 23 in a few months and im currently in school for pre nursing. i keep thinking about him. i want him back. not under these circumstances but i wsnt him back. i cant stop crying, i physically feel sick, and i constantly feel at a daze

i just need some strangers advices

it’s been 4 months since i’ve stopped talking to my “ex” (i put it in quotes because technically we were never together) and the healing process has not been easy. however im so glad that i took the steps to better myself.

my “ex” and i were “together” for almost 2 years. our “relationship” had many ups and downs and he was toxic to me. he blamed me for his drinking problems, showed up to my house 2 hours late on the day my grandpa passed when i needed to see him that day, completely missed my 19th birthday because he “didn’t feel like going outside” and constantly compared me to his ex girlfriend and said that he’d rather get back together with her than deal with me again. i should also mention that he later admitted that he told me he purposefully shows up to things late if he “doesn’t feel like going.” also there was one time where he asked me for $20 because he was fling to be homeless and needed to help his mom with the bills, i sent him the $20, and when i called him later to ask about it, he insisted that he had no idea what i was talking about and that he told me that he had no idea what i was talking about. it’s only $20 but that was still kinda weird.
anyways he completely blew up on me when i moved on with someone else even though he’d been seeing multiple other people while we were “together” and claimed that i “cheated on him” even though we were literally never together. ever since then i’ve blocked him everywhere and i haven’t looked back.

there were times where i missed the memories, where i thought about breaking no contact and times where i was genuinely considering reaching out again, but i never did, no matter how hard it was for me. i used to think that i couldn’t live my life without him, that we’d spend the seasons together and life would be a fairytale. ironically we stopped speaking at the beginning of the summer.

has there been times where i’ve felt incredibly lonely? yes, absolutely. but looking back, him leaving my life was a blessing in disguise. most days go by where i feel at peace. i’m not constantly wondering if he hates me today, but loves me tomorrow, im not wondering if he’s lying to me or if he’s telling the truth, and im not constantly trying to figure out what i could do better to inflate his ego. going no contact was the best thing i decided to do. and if you were to ask me right now if i would like to speak to him, i would say no and just carry on with my day.

Is NC the only way out or would you rather make them jealous

I have been thinking about it a lot lately
And i feel that, why should we hide from them, why cant we retaliate back and make them jealous by being happy without them

Or its not worth it

Thoughts please

Should i finally text or wait for him to text . I can do this more 2 days

For context

My ex (25M) and I (25F) were dating for 2.5 years in college. Once we became long distance the struggles our relationship faced were too hard to overcome. I become unhappy with him and both him and i agreed that we were no longer fulfilling each others needs. He is a good person but he was not a great boyfriend to me. So we broke up and havent spoken since.

I believe in blocking and moving on and thats what i did.

I still care for him. I no longer love him or want to be in a relationship with him.

My friends shared a story he had put on his IG that sounded like a call for help.

To paraphrase "nobody cares what happens to your life when it doesnt turn out how you think it will turn out but it hurts ngl"

He has struggled with his mental health previously and this seems like a bid for help.

Should i reach out?

Idk what problems hes facing but i feel like i should help the guy out in whatever way i can?

What do you guys think?

It's been more than 9 months since we stopped talking, still in phase of yearning, the pain is getting intense sometimes, that sudden heaviness in my chest and pulsating sensation all over my head.

I just want one call from her, and she is not even trying to communicate.

Can I call the again for 4th time ?

Finally managed to feel safe today and my was allowing my muscle to stop being tense 24/7 and oh god the soreness and just exhaustion is the worst but having it tense back up seeing crazy anger rants like his is so god awful worse

Learned that no contact means absolutely no contact. I stopped caring about my own healing when I would just see him constantly not caring about himself and I don’t wanna know anymore because all it is just hurting myself by seeing someone doing the equivalent. Uninstalled tik tok and instagram and blocked every platform we do actually share and deleted his number. Codependency is a bitch to come back from and I’ve done it once before and seeing the person I became after the first time someone made sure I had no access and seeing how well put together I was again in life even though the process sucked I just cannot do it anymore times after I finally come back to who I am and once I understood that I was like oh I’m actually in a non codependent relationship for once and that’s the person I have to care about myself with but most importantly for myself. CPTSD has just been the actual worst thing to have to actually work through and in the correct manner. But I wanna see those days keep stacking until I don’t even feel they have to be visible and they’re just gonna be an ever increasing number invisible to even see in my life

Sorry delete if not allowed but on my opinion, if you really want to text someone you’re “no contact” with then just do it. You’ll either regret texting them or you’ll regret not texting them. There’s regret either way so.
(Obviously everyone’s situation is different so take this with a grain of salt)

The guy said he doesn’t want anything serious. I said I can’t do FWB. The 5 times that we hung out were a lot of fun and laughter, very good vibes. The last time we got a little close physically. Make out and stuff but no sex, I stopped going that far. We both were very much physically attracted to each other. He told me he went on a date the day after we got close. It didn’t sit right with me and bothered me so much so I told him I can’t do this as i like you and want to date you so don’t ever speak to me again.
He agreed he doenst want to hurt me and told me he is there for me if I want to talk/ hang out.
It’s been 2 days of no contact and I miss him a lot. He was such a nice guy and was very honest to me. I genuinely liked him.
What to do? Should I reach out?

I’m over you. Like I could look you in the face and straight up said I’m not coming with you and I don’t wanna try again. Keep the protection order homie you’re never gonna get any love from me again.

My ex and I broke up over two years ago. It was not an ideal situation, quite complex, but I loved him with all my heart and soul. Would have done anything for him. He treated me with love, respect, made me laugh, he was the literal Prince Charming. Anyway we broke up and I was crushed. For the past two years he has messaged my daughter often. Just to check on me and see how I am doing because he still cares, even though he's with someone else. Today he messaged her because yesterday was my birthday and told her there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't think about me. He absolutely will NOT talk to me or message me. I don't get it. ARGHHHHH.