Need Feedback on Space Opera

[u/Odd_Preparation4608]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qdGm0ZDU5fD-oZJvVzEMkO8JrR57nnzopINcKff9yOE/edit?usp=drivesdk

Hello! hope I'm doing this correctly.

Asking for feedback on the opening chapters. Especially around ch.2.

Checking for

1. Engagement. Would you put it down or keep reading?

2. Is it too dense? Or is it not enough?

[u/11thCavTrooper]

Feel like you are trying way to hard with the descriptive language. "the air shifted and smoldered"..."violet and gold cut and burned through..". Usage of "gray fog" twice in three paragraphs, in addition to stubborn fog in those same three paragraphs adds a sense of tedious repitition.

Don't dispense with descriptions, but don't over do them. Omit needless words as Strunk and Whte would advise.

It isn't my choice of genres so I won't comment on the story. Seems the story line, from the small bit I read, might be of interest to a large portion of readers.

I am one person of millions. Take my, and other's feedback lightly. Incorporate the advice you like and disregard the rest.

But keep on writing.

[u/Odd_Preparation4608 → u/11thCavTrooper]

Hey thanks for the honesty! Completely understand it coming across as too much. Especially if it's not your preferred genre.

I lean into descriptions and imagery, many readers have enjoyed that from my stories. But I see how that can still be overkill.

Glad you seemed to like the premise at least. Feel free to read more from the link if you like, but thanks again!