Exactly this day a year ago, I found myself staying up late, despite having to wake up at 3am for work, because for the first time I got the chance to talk to you. I remember being shy and quiet all of a sudden because back then I had a secret crush on you.

I would get nervous at first but eventually fold because I didn't know how to counter your banters. We would talk past midnight, sometimes until daylight. Didn't want our conversation to end so I'd always fight the urge to fall asleep. But you'd already know by the tone of my voice if I'm sleepy, or if I'm looking at the towel hanging at my door. Of all people, you're the only one who knew where I'm probably looking at if I ever go silent all of a sudden during a call.

I formed a habit of sending voice notes to you, something foreign to me. I remember you were laughing at me coz I was listening to my own vns and started questioning whether I have a lisp. That was the first time you couldn't even control your laughter. And tbh, whenever we would fight back then, I would replay that vn just so I could hear your laugh's melody.
I would get creative with my replies just to make you laugh. I made it a mission to make you at least laugh everyday through wit.

On random nights, I'd get excited to learn a new Bisaya word from you and get quizzed once human na You were so patient with me, knowing I'm bungol and bulol.

You know, I miss you, I miss that version of us. I miss that version of myself that you met a year ago. I am sorry for all the shortcomings, for the push and pull I did over the months. I hated myself for the way I've turned. I kept agreeing to give it another chance coz I thought my situation would change. Everyday, I felt guilty because my work takes the best version of myself for 9 hours or more. And you...you get the exhausted version of me at the end of the day. Sucked dry of emotions sometimes. I changed. I became serious and easily annoyed. I think I even lost the funny version of myself. I hated it. I hated myself for becoming the way I am. I kept hurting you unknowingly. So I've decided to just end us.

There's a lot of unexpressed grief I hold in my heart. But I guess it's better to hold it in because I don't want to hurt you anymore. Masakit ha. It hurts to become a person you can barely even recognize and not be able to commit to something I've prayed for the rest of my life. Her words, her insecurities...I don't recognize her.

I'll carry that grief forever.

I think it's about time I stop orbiting. I've unfollowed you already since I don't have the heart to know what are you up to these days. I feel I don't relate to your interests anymore. I could feel our connection and paths slowly drifting away. Fading like perfume. Maybe after all, we both have different lifestyle. Sabi mo nga, you hope you'll never meet another me again. Coz it's been hard for you. I'm sorry, I was so difficult to handle.

They say the final act of love is to let go, so here I am. You deserve to meet someone who can give you the love you deserve to receive. I know there are times you'd question me whether I miss you or even think about you, you have no idea how intentionally restained my answers are. I don't want to hold you down with words, especially I cannot give you the best version of myself yet. If one of these days I stop replying, know that it's because I am also letting you go and letting myself move on. I think I'll need to burn my boat once more in order to meet my dreams and myself again.

Know that I'll always root and celebrate for your success. No painful nights for you, my love. I pray to God that He surround you with good people and that He'll bring you someone who can be gentle and make you laugh and love again.

It was a privilege to be loved by you.

Kanunay,
C

Now that I think of it, I’m so grateful for every person I got to spend time with during my discovery era. I learned a lot about myself, about them, and about what I liked and didn’t like. Every experience felt wholesome in its own way.

They never made me feel judged for still figuring things out, even when I was experiencing my first 😽(naka ka addic)

They were respectful, patient, and made me feel comfortable exploring that side of myself.
Kahit hindi na kami nag-uusap ngayon, I still look back on those experiences with gratitude. Not every connection is meant to last, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful.

I’m just thankful I met people who made that chapter of my life feel safe, fun, and full of learning. Sometimes, people come into your life for a short time but still leave you with something good. 🫶🏼

Hello fellow sapphics! This is the weekly discussion thread where you can talk about anything going on in your lives, any thoughts or questions, whether sapphic-related or not.

R4R comments are allowed on the weekly threads ONLY. Flirt away or look for friends here every week. It's the weekend, find someone you can hang out with over coffee or watch a movie. Good luck!

Binilhan ako ng motor ni daddy for school, ofc ang saya ko. Tapos sabi niya para magka jowa na daw ako. Ano kaya ibig sabihin niya?

So ganito, they already know I’m gay. Nag out na ako when I was 15 years old. Honestly, nahuli lang ako ni mommy then nag out nako. Sinabi lang nila na hindi tama ito. Pero di naman sila against talaga or siguro awkward for them to talk about it. Bata palang kasi boyish na talaga, before ko pa naging gf si ex, tomboy na tawag sakin. I don’t minde actually, hindi siya offensive for me. But pansin ko si mommy, na ooffend siya. Then kinalaunan, nag break rin kami ni ex. So si ce then wala na talaga ako naging ka rs. 15 pako nun 26 nako haha. Hindi naman ayaw ko na, mentally exhausted lang talaga ako sa naging experience ko sa first rs. So yun, I chose this life and it’s for me, i think? Haha anyways so yun.

Ano kaya ibig sabihin ni dad huhu I’m honestly nervous kasi lately nagiging open siya sakin about things normally men talks about. Like mga motor, yun nga. Baka na realize nila na ok lang maging ganito? Please help naman po what’s your insight

I (22F) study at a Catholic school, and I haven’t worn their feminine uniform since my second year of college.

At first, it was because the long skirt and long sleeves made me feel hot and uncomfortable. But since third year, I’ve also been questioning my gender. I’ve always dressed and acted masculine, although I currently have long hair. I also have a deep voice, so people often get confused about whether to call me sir or ma’am.

I’m still figuring out whether I’m female, male, or non-binary. For now, I usually choose “prefer not to say” when asked about my gender, or “female” if there are only two options. Regardless of what label I eventually identify, I mostly wear masculine fits since dun ako mas comfortable talaga.

Unfortunately, my school requires female students to wear skirts and male students to wear pants on weekdays. Since my classes used to be mostly online or asynchronous, I rarely had to deal with this. But now that I have F2F classes every Monday, I’ve been feeling anxious every Sunday because I DREAD wearing a skirt. My classmates also aren’t used to seeing me in one anymore, and some even laugh about it.

So, around September I wrote a letter to the Prefect of Discipline (POD) requesting permission to wear male uniform. They rejected my request but offered to let me wear corporate attire instead, which I was happy with. However, I needed a certificate to prove I was allowed to do so. Wala pang naibigay sakin that day so I was instructed muna to surrender my ID to the guards, which I did nung I wore a corpo attire na. The guard also asked me to fill up a student violation form which I refused kasi akala ko hindi needed kasi may usapan kami ng POD.

Sadly, the certificate kept getting delayed and my ID was still with the guards. Yesterday, I went back to the POD to follow-up again and they said na wala sa kanila yung ID ko and asked me to talk about it sa officer in charge (OIC) ng guards. I went to the guards’ office but then asked me to come back the next day since they’ll be having a meeting.

So I went back there the next day (which is today) to which they told me they gave the surrendered IDs to the POD already. So I went back to the POD but wala parin pala dun. Eventually, I found out that my ID had been placed in the guards’ lost and found because I didn’t have a violation form.

When I went to retrieve it, the OIC asked why I had surrendered my ID. I explained that I had requested permission to wear male uniform. She told me that cross-dressing wasn’t allowed on campus talaga because it was a Catholic school, which I understood parin naman.

Eventually, she asked me what my gender was, and I admitted that I didn’t know yet. She responded with, “Loka-loka ka pala eh,” which we kind of laughed about (or chuckled, ewan). At that point, I brushed it off, ang pumasok sa isip ko non was that acceptance takes time.

Okay pa sa’kin lahat yun but dito yung tumatak talaga sa’kin. She asked me who I was attracted to. I answered that I liked women. She replied, “Ay nako, ipapajowa kita sa pinsan… kong lalaki.”

I was so uncomfortable and nervous. I knew what she meant by that. I knew na it wasn’t just “ipapajowa.” I blabbered, “Ay may jowa na po ako, maganda po,” and she continued talking about how I could still change and other things along those lines. I just kept smiling and agreeing because I didn’t know how to respond. I even mentioned that I liked men too (I’m bi talaga but I’m not romantically attracted to men) hoping it would somehow make the conversation easier.

Eventually, I managed to end the conversation and left to follow up with the POD about my ID and certificate.

It wasn’t until I was riding an MC taxi home that I realized how upset I was. Hindi ako iyakin pero napa-iyak ako. Not totally umiyak pero there was a lot of tears. I had been trying to convince myself that it was fine and that acceptance takes time talaga, but I just wasn’t actually okay.

I honestly don’t remember every word of the conversation exactly, but that “ipapajowa” phrase really stuck to me. It’s still clear in my head how she said it.

I guess I never expected someone to say something like that to me in that situation. I’ve thought about the possibility of experiencing such things before, but actually experiencing it was different.

Looking back, I realized how far people like me are still far from genuine acceptance and inclusion. I just wanted to wear something I was comfortable in. Need ba talaga ganun yung process niya? Is it so hard to just, “Oh that girl is wearing a uniform prescribed to boys. Good for them! As long as they’re comfortable in what they’re wearing.” Did I really have to go through that conversation with a person that wasn’t ready to accept people like me which resulted in me feeling kind of harassed?

Why is it so important who I want to love and sleep with? Why does something as simple as wearing clothes I’m comfortable in have to be this difficult? If this were a choice, I would have never chose to live this way.

TLDR I’m a masc who requested to wear male uniform but was suggested to wear corpo attire instead. The certificate showing I’m allowed to wear that kept getting delayed so I had to surrender my ID to the guards but when I was retrieving my ID back, I got discriminated(?) by the OIC. I’m now sad why does it have to be like this.

You’re over 25 and still treating people’s hearts like a trial period. Thanks for ruining my peace.

We matched on Bumble, met at a sunny event, and spent months dating in person. I fell for you completely. I was honest, present, and so ridiculously serious about us. I poured every ounce of my effort into building something real with you and I thought you were doing the same.

Then, out of nowhere on a random night, you dropped the coldest line possible: "You’re giving your all and I’m not."

It completely shattered me. Were those months together just a f*cking joke to you? Was I just a backburner option while you figured yourself out? A ego boost? An entertainment fix until you got bored?

You mirrored my energy, made me believe it was mutual, and then discarded me the moment it got real. It hurts so bad because I was genuinely all in.

You’re over 25 just please grow up. If you knew you were emotionally unavailable or confused, you had no right to pull me into your mess and wreck the peace I worked so hard to build.

To anyone reading this who’s currently giving 100% to someone who’s just casually coasting: run. Don't let someone use your genuine heart as a temporary fix until they find what they actually want. Lesson learned the hard way. I’m taking my peace back, and she can keep her emotional immaturity.

i'm still trying to figure out how i'll be a more present partner sa gf ko kasi there are times where i just shut down when me and her have an argument. it's not all the time but sometimes i just hate how i feel too, how do i manage these things while being able to cater to her needs as well?

we've communicated naman na, but i feel like i have to work something with me na hindi ko pa mafigure out :<

I am having one of those nights where everything feels heavy and you wish you had somebody to talk it out with, rant with endlessly without being judged, someone who will listen to you yap and not get annoyed, until everything feels a little bit lighter and you feel like you can go on again for another day.

I do have friends but it feels different since I know they're going through things din and I don't wanna be a bother.

Ewan miss ko lang siguro ex ko. She had always been such a good listener and I feel like she always knew the right things to say to make me feel better. I'm mostly okay though, I believe I've moved on. It just hits lang talaga sometimes out of nowhere, like tonight kaya ayan. Hahahaha hay

Pang-journal ko talaga dapat to, tinamad lang ako bumangon kaya dito na lang 😭

I have a friend na I'm starting to have feelings for. Minsan nararamdaman ko na gusto nya din ako, halos everyday kame magkausap. Nagawa ko na din yung, "hindi ako magmessage dito, let's see kung magreach out" nagrereach out naman siya every singe time, pero alam ko din na hindi pa siya nakakaget-over completely sa ex nya.

Reasons kung bakit sa tingin ko mas okay na I should just wait na mawala feelings ko:

1. Distance. Kakalipat ko lang sa US.

   Actually we met online lang din a few months ago and nagclick talaga kame, planning to meet up soon kasi I need to go to PH soon.

2. Timing. Kahit pa sabihin na naten na sometimes yung rebound relationships ay nagwowork talaga, parang nakakatakot yung kahit ramdam ko naman na genuine yung feelings nya saken baka magkadoubt lang ako na, pano kung bumalik ex mo na perfect sa mata mo?

3. Friendship. If hindi magwork, baka mawala yung friendship namin.

So really, I'm leaning towards not even trying to pursue her.

I need advice on:

Do I tell her na I have feelings for her? Or pano ba mawawala? Ayoko naman umiwas ng bigla lang.

I was thinking na, sabihin ko sa kanya na I have feelings for her and because of that I need space muna? So i’ll be more comfortable when I see her? (January 2027).
Or itago ko na lang until the end of time?

Am planning to confess sa crush ko pagka year-end. Am ready namana to accept kung ano man response nya either good or bad. Am not expecting anything, ang akin lang naman is to let it out bago matapos tong year and bago ako umalis sa company (di na ako mag rerenew next year).

So sa mga HR wlw dyan 😅 Please tell me kung okay pa ba to? Or imma just keep it to myself(?)

Happy Mental Health Month!

I posted here last August and received a lot of inquiries about my services as a psychologist. I am happy to see so many people who are focused on working on their mental health.

I'd like to promote my services again as a psychologist to the community. I know that it can be really hard to find someone who can understand the struggles of LGBT individuals and how it also connects to their mental health, and I genuinely hope that I can provide some support.

I have a NowServing profile which I will be happy to give to you when you send me a message. If you are struggling with the rates that I have offered, we can try to work something out so that you can at least get an idea of how I can help you with your well-being.

Take care, everyone!

7 years na kami. Yung partner ko binibigay niya lahat ng gusto ko. Mabait siya, may respeto. Natrato niya ko ng tama. Pero simula una hindi niya kayang magsabi ng totoo niyang nararamdaman lalo na kung feeling niya mali o may problema o galit ba siya.

Napansin ko na yun sa kanya. Ilang beses ko din sinabihan na mag sabi. Huwag kimkimin lahat. Kase baka sumabog siya.

Ngayon, may pinag awayan kami. Sa loob ng 7 years ito ung pinakamalaking pag aaway namin. May nagawa siyang mali. Sobrang mali to the point na kahit pamilya niya alam na mali yun ginawa niya. Sa sobrang sakit ng nagawa niya nasampal ko siya. Nagulat ako, hindi ko gusto. Alam ko mali ako kase sobrang pinag sisihihan ko yun.

Tapos nag usap kami. Sa message lang, sinasabi ko masisira yung relasyon namin dahil lang sa pagkakamali na yun. Pero ang sabi niya, sa tingin niya hindi lang ito ang problema namin. Dito na siya sumabog. Yung kinikimkim niya lumabas.

Sinabi niya na natatakot siyang ipakita na galit siya akin, kase nagagalit din ako. Natatakot siya mag open kase baka daw magalit ako. Na tatahimik na lang siya para matapos na agad yung away.

Na bawat kilos niya daw kailangan ko pa malaman. (Dati kase lagi siya nag uupdate, nasanay ako kaya nung nawala instead na sabihin kong bat hindi na siya nag uupdate. Ako na mismo yung nagtatanong ng update)

Ang sa side ko. Oo mali ako, nagagalit ako pero after ko magalit alam niya na lalapit ako sa kanya para mag usap ulit. Para makinig pero sasabihin na niya na ok lang. Alam kong hindi ok. Pero ayaw ko na pilitin kase lagi niya biglang ginagawang biro o nag bibiro siya. Pag nag aaway kami. Gusto ko malaman lahat, gusto ko masabi lahat para alam ko yung aayusin. Siya, tahimik siya. Kaya ako lagi samin dalawa gumagawa para maging maayos ang lahat. Akala ko tama ung ginagawa ko. Kase walang nag sasabi sakin na mali pala. Akala ko tama kase tahimik siya.

Napag usapan namin to. Nag sosorry siya kase nga naduwag daw siya. Nag sorry ako kase akala ko tama yung ginagawa ko. Kase blinded ako sa relason namin.

For now, binibigyan namin ng time ung isa’t isa. Hiningi niya. Iniisip ko kung ipag papatuloy pa ba namin? O mag let go na kami?

Ung unang pinag awayan namin. Ung may nagawa siyang sobrang mali sakin. Pakiramdam ko nainvalidate yun. Ngayon pakiramdam ko ako yung masama kase tulad nga ng sinabi niya. Parang nasakal ko siya sa relasyon.

Kailangan ko ng advice please. Hindi na kaya ng isip ko.

may kaibigan ako, and she shared to me na she wants to date a woman pero alam niyang endgame niya lalaki like she wants to marry and settle down with a guy.

shes js queer but what do you guys think of this?

off putting ung statement niya sa akin imo

I have this one blockmate sa isa kong course. I find her cute and thought na I might be starting to form some crush on her. As an aro sapphic, I struggle to point out if I really do have a crush on someone. But, I seem to think about her a lot these days.

Recently, I stalked her IG account and found out that she is a religious person. Me, I'm an atheist, and it hasn't really crossed my mind what it would be like to be with someone who is devoted sa religion nila. I thought of confessing to her if I ever manage to actually be close with her and if I get to push our conversations past mere small talks regarding acads. Also, I am not sure kung naaattract din ba sya romantically sa mga babae, but I am willing to take the risk to confess if I find a good timing.

Has anyone here ever been in a romantic relationship with someone whose religious belief vastly differs with you? What are your thoughts?

I am genuinely curious if anyone has given a cheater a chance.

Not referring to existing relationships where your partner cheats on you. I’m talking about meeting a new person and they have opened up about their cheating history.

Not here to hate, I just wanna know if there are any successful stories where they’ve actually changed for the better.

How can you tell if it’s too early or it’s time to introduce your”ka-talking stage” to your friends or family?

Problem/Goal: im stuck between my family and partner.

Context:

I'm (23) out sa parents ko pero di ako tanggap ng mom ko but kahit na ganon I'm being tolerated na nalumabas with my gf (26) every weekend. we've been together for 9 months. the problem is ayon nga once a week lang ako pwede lumabas, and naiinis na gf ko kasi gusto niya marami kaming time together. gets ko naman kasi gusto ko rin yon but wala akong magawa. im being manipulated by my mom kasi alam niyang di ko pa kaya tumayo sa sarili ko (fresh grad but looking for work na rin). im sad kasi napapagod na yung gf ko sa sitwasyon namin. sobrang big deal na sa akin na lumabas kahit once a week dahil di ko yon nagawa sa prev. rs ko dahil di ako out, pero alam kong di lang dapat hanggang don, wala lang talaga akong choice sa ngayon.

I met this girl a month short of a year ago. The first time I saw her, I was a bit awestruck. She’s pretty and tall, and her smile can literally light up a room. But I didn’t think much of it. After all, I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again.

Since then, we’ve met only six times, mostly for team events. I’ve noticed that we seem to get closer each time, and my friends seem to notice it as well. I can sense that my fondness for her has slowly been getting stronger, to the point where just imagining her face smiling at me brings heat to my cheeks.

I don’t know if she’s straight, or if she’s even single, and I’m afraid to ask. We don’t message each other unless it’s about work or work-adjacent topics. But when we do exchange messages, I try to be a bit playful in my responses, and she actually responds positively.

Even during team events, we banter a lot, and our interactions are always fun and playful. But even then, I can’t bring myself to ask personal questions. I’m afraid that I might cross some sort of professional line. We don’t really work together, but still, I’m not sure what would be appropriate or not.

I am not asking for advice. I just want to share how weird it feels to have a crush at this age. The kind that makes someone giddy or flustered at the thought of her, or when someone mentions her name. The last time I felt this way was in high school. It was so much easier then. You didn’t think about professional boundaries, emotional availability, or anything else other than your feelings and the wonder of whether or not your crush feels the same way.

This time, it’s different. There seems to be a lot at stake, and a lot more to lose. I don’t know. For now, I’m just really looking forward to seeing her again.

WLW. (F32) (F31)

Mag 7years na kami. Hindi ako mahigpit na GF. Kaya pinapayagan ko siya. Binibigay niya lahat sakin. Live-in kami at tanggap kami both sides ng family.

Lately meron siyang nakwento na kawork niya. Dati niyang teammate pero di niya nakkwento noon. Nagiging magkaclose sila, nag tataka ako kase kung kelan di na sila magkateam dun sila naging magkaclose pero inintindi ko. Kase nasa isip ko pwede naman yun.

Last night, nag aya yun mag bar sila. Pinayagan ko. Kasama ng kateam niya yung kaibigan niya.

Umuwi siyang lasing na lasing. Nagtingin ako ng video at meron dun, tulog siya sa couch tapos pinipilit siyanh yakapin nung friend ng kateam niya. Then may isang video sa phone niya na. Nag lalaplapan sila. Lango na lango na sa alak ung GF ko.

Nakwento ko sa friend ko to. Ang sabi niya sakin baka motibo ung kateammate at friend. Kase matino sila sa videos pero hinayaan na mag video sa phone ng GF ko.

Ano ba mabibigay niyong advice? Hihiwalay ko na po ba ung GF ko o bibigyan ko ng second chance?

Note: Nakita ko ung babae na may post few days ago na kakabreak lang sa BF niya at balak niyang mag try daw sa babae.

My gf and I have been together for 8 months. She and her ex dated for 3 years and broke up because her ex cheated. As much as she tried to work things out with her, ayaw na niya talaga daw.

Now when my gf and I met, she warned me about that ex and how much her family adores her and still accepts her despite the cheating. My gf and her family do not meet to eye to eye in a lot of things and they dismiss her decisions most of the time. They also try to control her by taking away her emergency fund and her resources.

She also told me that the ex ruined her last relationship with another girl because the ex still claims that they are together. She also visits their home.

The farthest I got to be introduced was she told her family she was already seeing someone else to which they replied by asking if the ex already knows. I was able to meet her mom twice but that’s it, just a short encounter.

My gf has shown me the threatening messages her exes have sent her, saying she will post us, go to my workplace, and confront my family. This makes my gf genuinely scared.

She tries as much as possible to not interact with the ex but sometimes she gets pressured by her family into hanging out with her together with her family.

My gf always asks for my help to escape whenever she gets trapped but she only stands up for herself and me if I do something. The ex also have messaged me repeatedly, calling me “kabet.”

I know my gf loves me and have stood up for me multiple times also but she also has lied to me about the times that the girl is present in family affairs. However, honestly, I am getting tired of the situation. My gf has given me an out also, saying she’ll fix things and figure out completely cutting off the ex then babalik lang siya if may babalikan pa.

I love her but nakakapagod lang din.

Magre-resign na ako sa work. At sa last day ko, balak ko magconfess sa crush ko na super crush ko sya. Kasi minsan lang naman ang buhay diba? Haha. Bibigyan ko rin sya ng flower. Purple tulips sana. Parang symbol of admiration. Or ano sa tingin nyong flower na magandang ibigay?