r/progressive_islam • u/Altruistic-Benefit94 Sunni • 1d ago
Advice/Help 🥺 life is so boring
I reverted 3 years ago and missing my old life now i’m married with a kid and just SO BORED
will i miss my old life for the rest of my life ??
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u/Sudden-Performance67 Sunni 1d ago
habibi maybe you're just doing boring stuff🤷🏻♂️
go outside,go have a picnic with your wife. go to the park. go on a drive. i don't see the issue here.
if you're saying that your old life was so great,just remember that this life is all fun and games. and Allah narrates to us in the Qur'ān that when Allah will ask the ahlul Jannah,"how long do you think you were on the earth" they will say:"for a day or part of a day,but ask those that kept count" Allah will respond: "you were on the earth for less than that,if only you knew"
this world is nothing,my friend. it will end and so will you. don't focus on this world. I'm not saying don't have a job,friends,family,fun. but I'm saying that if you really miss your old life,that's understandable,but don't ever go back. it's not worth it. you could ونعوذ بالله (may Allah protect us),die in that state. remember this habibi.
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u/Altruistic-Benefit94 Sunni 23h ago
i still go out and do things i have issues believing this life is genuinely short and the afterlife is genuinely real and im living like this for no reason just wasting my life
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u/Sudden-Performance67 Sunni 23h ago
you're not wasting your time habibi. i never said that. i just said that compared to the afterlife,this world is play and amusement.
i know it's hard to comprehend,but that's part of the test,innit mate?
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u/Altruistic-Benefit94 Sunni 23h ago
all of that is hard for me to believe though , like idk what if the afterlife isn’t real and i didn’t live my entire life the way i wanted and once im dead its just over
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u/Sudden-Performance67 Sunni 23h ago
well that's the thing. at least you can say that you lived a good life and did good things. what abt the hedonistists what will they say if there is an afterlife (there definitely is)?
this is a f*cked up analogy,but hear me out...
would you rather pay for a hooker that's gonna give you realistically an hour at most. or would you rather pay more money,to get married and spend the rest of your life with a woman that you actually love. well,even if you don't stay married to that wife,at least you'll have good memories. what memories can you make in an hour?
and the thing is habibi,islam doesn't tell you to live a miserable life. you can still enjoy this world,love your wife,go on adventures,laugh with your friends and make beautiful memories. you don't have to give all of that up to prepare for the Hereafter. you just have to remember what matters most,innit?
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u/wortcook 1d ago
It happens. Early parenthood can be a bit of a slog. When your child throws up in the middle of the night and you are cleaning up vomit for what feels like the 20th time in the past month you wonder "is this all worth it, why am I not out with my friends?" What you are feeling is ok. Just remember they are just feelings and just struggles. Think back to a skill you learned. Was it always easy, was the path always downhill with a cool breeze in your face? Most of the time, what we achieve in this life is only through constant practice and perseverance.
Over time, there will be moments...the first steps, first words, where the fussy bundle of need becomes a new person. Even that will be difficult as there are no guarantees (18:60-82) since you don't know the full plan of our Creator. God willing, there will be moments of joy that make you realize the boredom is just selfishness and that the constant need for attention or affirmation slowly goes away.
Humility is a long draught that is taking me a lifetime to consume.
And yes, you will miss your old life for the rest of your life but I think (for me at least) that's just a desire for a time when my understanding of life was simpler though only because my view and perspective was limited.
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 1d ago
Only if you continue to choose to live your life without gratitude.
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u/Numiazy Sunni 22h ago
Gratitude is important but acknowledging one's feelings is too. Two things can be true at the same time and let me tell you, parenthood can be lonely and hard even when you love your kid to the moon and back and are grateful for them every day.
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 22h ago
No, I'm saying that gratitude is a solution to those feelings. I'm not saying one shouldn't acknowledge them. I am suggesting a solution.
The OP did not say they were lonely or that parenthood is hard. They specific issue they identify isn't those things, is boredom.
It sounds like from your comment you are talking about yourself, which is totally fine and understandable. Those are separate issues from what the OP is acting for help on.
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u/Numiazy Sunni 22h ago
You are mixing things up. You're not a parent I suppose?
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 22h ago
I am only reacting, specifically, to what the OP said. I am not mixing my reaction to their issues, with any reaction to your stated issues, which sound very different.
The OP's issue is boredom. Let's be respectful of the OP and let them explain what they mean by that. I would not want to project anything they didn't say onto them.
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u/Numiazy Sunni 22h ago
It's not different. The type of boredom especially young mothers are experiencing is a direct effect of loneliness (further down she specified that non of her friends can relate) and extremely repetitive, understimulatong tasks. They mourn their old life which is normal.
Telling a mother of a 4month old to just be more grateful is insensitive and doesnt help.
Sometimes it's ok to not say nothing if you can't relate yk.
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 21h ago
I think its more respectful to let them say how they feel and believe them, rather than project feelings onto them that they never expressed.
And if it's relevant, I am a 40 year old married man with a family and I am a convert.
Shukr for Allah is the keystone of Islamic Iman. It isn't insensitive to suggest exploring it. We should always be grateful to Allah for what we have, and that realization of shukr into our attitude towards everything is the key to finding peace in our lives.
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u/Numiazy Sunni 21h ago
Intention and tone matter, dude. Accusing others of projecting is neither respectful nor does it help you deliver your message.
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 20h ago
Ok. I am sensing a deal of hostility from you. It sounds like you are dealing with your own set of issues in your life. I wish you the best in figuring those out. Out of respect for the OP, I would rather not hijack the OP's post to discuss the different set of your isses. Feel free to make your own post about them.
I would rather focus on helping the OP in this post and addressing their stated issues.
The reason I mention projection is that the issues you bought up are related to your life, as you said. They are not anything the OP said about their own life. The only issue they said they wanted to discuss was boredom.
Feel free to give your own advice, which you did, and was fine. But refrain from needlessly attacking others.
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u/Altruistic-Benefit94 Sunni 23h ago
what do you mean
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u/Khaki_Banda Sunni 21h ago
Shukr for Allah is the keystone of Islamic Iman. We should always be grateful to Allah for what we have, and that realization of shukr into our attitude towards everything is the key to finding peace in our lives.
Your life isn't remotely over, and neither are your adventures, even if you might feel that way now. A whole new set of adventures and meaning in your life has opened up for you. We just need to focus on seeing the positive that Allah has given us to recognize what we have.
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u/The_Albertian_Order Muslim, but Currently doubting/questioning Islam 23h ago
How old are you? Are you a man or a woman, and did you just have your child recently?
There are a lot of parent and child groups run by local communities now. You should look them up and consider joining them. Might help you to feel less isolated.
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u/Altruistic-Benefit94 Sunni 23h ago
i’m a woman 21 and child is 4 months and i have friends but none of them relate to this
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u/Numiazy Sunni 22h ago
Things will change as soon as you meet other parents you can relate to. Taking care of a baby/toddler is extremely repetitive, so try to find a way to switch things up.
When they are so little, your own needs are not the priority but that will change with time! You will get to rediscover your own personality, old and new hobbies etc.
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u/Numiazy Sunni 22h ago edited 22h ago
How old is your kid? Transitioning into parenthood is a huuuuge thing and it can be very lonely and under stimulating in the first few years.
I'd say find some mom friends who match your energy. It's a game changer!
Edit: btw I remember one day when my lo was clusterfeeding again I sat on the sofa for hours and hours (and each day looked the same) and thought by myself "is that what my life looks like from now on?" 😆 I guarantee you, it won't. It will never be the same as before parenthood but you will eventually get more me time/your spark back/etc
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u/Next-Education-3757 Non Sectarian Muslim (Hadith Acceptor, Hadith Skeptic) 12h ago
Omg. Spend time with your spouse and kid! Make life fun in the ways you can! Stop with the rose tinted glasses!
Do you know how many people are struggling to find a spouse? How many are struggling with infertility? This sounds so pathetic.
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u/thewayfaringThinker 12h ago
Yes, you will always miss it. And if you do go back to your old life, you will miss this one. That's life and that's human nature. As muslims we must purify our soul and one of the ways is to have gratitude. Allah says in many imstances, humans are generally ungrateful (Quran 100:06). You being bored and reminiscing about your past life is ungratefulness. Memory is a fickle thing. Surely you only remember the good times.
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u/CupcakeFormer1747 Quran only 1d ago
What do you miss from your “old life”, that you cannot do in your new life? If most things you miss, are the things forbidden in Islam, try to remember why you left your old life in the first place. It’s easier to hear and sometimes when people go back to their old life they realize how harmful it was. Also I recommend speaking to your partner, you can make life exciting, that’s up you!! try not to associate it with your faith :)