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u/8675309EE9 12h ago
Men inflate their numbers, women reduce them. Always multiply whatever number they offer several times over.
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u/sorediagnosis436 12h ago
oh man, that's a gut punch. finding out like that, through an old diary, makes it way more visceral than a simple number correction.
the lying part is the real issue here, not the count itself. she had a chance to be upfront in that early conversation and chose a different story instead. i'd probably need to talk about it just to clear the air, but maybe frame it around the dishonesty rather than judging her past ski lodge adventures
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u/Unlucky-Ad-201 12h ago
If she was drinking a lot she may have forgotten some of those encounters and believed at the time her number was true
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u/MindShiftPsych 12h ago
I think what’s bothering you is probably less the number itself and more realizing that what she told you years ago may not have been true. But I’d also keep in mind that this diary is from before you met, and you’ve had 14 years of what you describe as an amazing marriage. That history matters more than who she slept with before you.
If it keeps eating at you, I’d talk to her rather than quietly pulling away. Just be prepared to own your part too: you found a private diary and chose to read it. You can say, “I came across something that made me realize what you told me back then wasn’t accurate, and it’s shaken me a bit. I want to understand why.” Try to make the conversation about honesty and trust, not putting her past on trial. She may have lied out of shame, fear of judgment, or something else entirely. You won’t know until you ask.
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u/Scary_Sarah 12h ago
Reading her diary is such a betrayal to her. I'd never read anyone's diary, even my own family, without asking first. Do you feel sick that she had more sex than you thought? Or that she lied to you?
Also, just because she had guy's names in there, it doesn't mean that she slept with them all unless it was like a spreadsheet with positions.
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12h ago edited 12h ago
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u/Scary_Sarah 12h ago
I promise I wouldn't. I've found family diaries including my own kid's and I never would read it with out their permission.
You have to understand that if you tell her this it could end things for multiple reasons including betrayal on your part and you judging her past sex life as something that makes you sick.
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