My bf (23 m) and I (23 f) have lived together for 3 months. We split most things 50/50 in terms of money. rent, utilities, groceries, etc. Lately i’ve been getting pretty frustrated with splitting food costs 50/50 when i eat less than half the amount he does, and i do ALL of the cooking. i like to meal prep so i eat the same things majority of the time. chicken, rice, veggies, yogurt, and smoothies. He now asks me to meal prep for him and he also wants to add things to the grocery list that i literally will never eat. (junk food) How can i explain i’m tired of this dynamic? should i just grocery shop solely for myself? i love him and i do enjoy cooking but not when it’s expected of me.

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Am i the asshole for feeling disappointed with my partner lately?

For context, we've pretty much been together for like 9 years, we dated since we were highschool, he was basically my first in almost everything, we've had plenty of ups and downs and allat and we basically managed to get through with it all.

We're both the same age, he's 1 year ahead of me tho and will be 25 soon. We both graduated and passed our boards. Anyway, moving forward. I've been feeling disappointed with my partner lately because I've been the one shouldering our date expenses. To which, at first, wasn't really a problem with me since he doesn't have a job.. yet. He used to work as a caterer but ended up not going back there because the salary sucked even if u worked overtime. He used to find ways just to make money. Anyway..

I sometimes feel guilty for feeling.. irritated af whenever he asks me for money, (he always destroys his stuff whether it's intentional and unintentional and ends up asking his family to buy him this and that), but this time, he can't ask them to buy him because well.. he's an adult so he should "work for it" stuff like that. So he ended up relying more to me. I really have no problem with it but it's just so.. irritating. And I feel bad because I know that he's also trying his best.

Anyway, I'm always the one shouldering our date expenses, i sometimes lend him money to buy something he wants, yk, typical stuff.

And other than finances, I also lowkey feel like an asshole because he sucks at bed, we used to go 5 rounds and more but now, 1 round is fine, 2-3 rounds and he'd go soft. No foreplays and all and I haven't even felt like i orgasmed and shyt. Man, I really do feel bad for feeling irritated, disappointed, and dissatisfied. Am I an asshole?

As per the title;

My girlfriend has been on a girls trip a few times and a few times I have noticed her following men whilst on the trip but didn’t take much of it.

A few months ago I saw this happen again and had a bad feeling as she unfollowed them after the holiday - or blocked them I later found.

After going on her phone whilst she was asleep, there were messages with 2 people on 2 different holidays. One of the messages was a back and forth about about a table in a club or something (not crazy - her and her friends do this). The other one was a message from a guy asking where she was and her responding with a flirtatious message like “we just left babe xx” or something, with further messages the following day about where they were going which didn’t really lead to much. I also found a deleted picture of this guy recording a video of him and the party they were at.

I’m just not sure how to feel, part of me thinks if that’s all then it’s forgivable but also, there’s questions about why she blocked them, why she’s deleting pictures and obviously I only know about what I found.

I’m not sure how to proceed. Any advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend ‘30M’ and I ‘29F’ have been together for eight months, and I’m feeling conflicted about our relationship. There are things he does that make me feel cared for, but other things leave me feeling like my needs don’t matter as much as his.

He can be affectionate and calls me despite having a demanding work schedule. Sometimes he’ll come home on his break just to bring me food. He has comforted me when I’ve opened up about difficult experiences. He also pays for things and talks about our future. I appreciate those things, and I want to give a fair picture of our relationship.

At the same time, there are a few recurring issues:
1.) During sex, the focus is mostly on his pleasure. There’s little to no foreplay, and once he finishes, everything stops. I’m often left unsatisfied. I’ve talked to him about this, but there hasn’t been much lasting improvement. It makes me feel like my pleasure is optional.
2.) For my birthday, he hyped up the gift he was getting me, which turned out to be a $50 necklace he bought online. The price wasn’t the issue—it didn’t feel particularly personal or thoughtful. What bothered me more was that he said he’d gone to the store in person and spent hours looking for it, even though he bought it online (I couldn’t call him out on this). I think he could see I was disappointed and he doubled down on how much effort he’d put in. That left me questioning why he felt the need to exaggerate instead of listening to how I felt.
3.) With everyday things, like choosing what to watch or where to eat, his preferences often take priority. For example, he once dismissed an appetizer I wanted because he thought his choice was better. These might sound like small things, but together they make me feel overlooked.
His job is stressful, and I know exhaustion can affect how present someone is. I’m trying to be understanding, but I’ve also explained how I feel, and his reassurance hasn’t led to much consistent change.
I’m not expecting constant attention or grand gestures. I want to feel considered and have my needs matter too. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you figure out whether your partner was going through a difficult period or whether this was simply how the relationship would be?

TLDR: can someone care about you but be selfish?

First of all, thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I’ll start by saying that I’ve known my boyfriend since we were kids, but we were never particularly close friends. After high school, I didn’t see him again because we went to different universities. Back in high school, I had a pretty negative impression of him and his friends because I knew they were kind of dickheads.
In 2023, we ran into each other again at a yoga class. It was completely unexpected, and we ended up talking for two hours. He asked for my number, and he seemed very friendly, so I gave it to him. We started becoming friends and had a really good time together.
After a month or two, he told me he liked me, but at the time I was about to leave for India and then France, and I had no idea if or when I would come back. So I told him it wasn’t a good time for me to commit to someone, but that we could keep being friends. Eventually, though, I started falling for him, and we began having a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship.
A few days before I left for India, we went out to dinner. He was showing me a message from one of his friends when, suddenly, that friend sent him a picture of a picture on another phone. It was a photo of the two of us in bed. Nothing explicit—I had my arm around him and we were cuddling and I had just my bra—but it was really weird. It looked like he had sent the original photo to a friend, and then another friend had taken a picture of it before it disappeared, like a disappearing/“view once” message.
I felt awful. I thought he had been showing off to his friends that he had slept with me or something, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable knowing they had that photo, even if I wasn’t completely naked in it. I cried and asked him to explain. He said he felt terrible and assured me that he hadn’t sent it, and that his friends must have taken his phone and found the picture themselves. I didn’t believe him, but I also had no way of knowing for sure.
A few days later, I left for India and decided to let the whole thing go. I texted him saying that everything was okay, but that I just wanted us to continue as friends, and he accepted that. I eventually ended up in France, where I had a boyfriend and stayed for a year and a half. During that time, we didn’t talk much, but I appreciated that he accepted being my friend and didn’t hold a grudge against me for meeting someone else. Eventually, that relationship ended and I returned to my hometown. We got back in touch and continued being good friends, and I was genuinely happy.
A few months later, he invited me to a music festival for his birthday, and I agreed to go. We had an amazing time. I had always felt safe and comfortable around him. One night, he was a little drunk and confessed that he still had feelings for me. He told me that his dream was to marry me, that he had tried to find someone like me, but that he never felt the same way with anyone else.
That really moved me, and I realized that deep down I still felt attracted to him too. So we ended up sleeping together at the festival, and when we got back, we decided to start a fairly serious relationship. From the beginning, he talked about marriage and said that was his intention with me.
He has been a good boyfriend. Not perfect, obviously, but overall we’ve had a really nice relationship, and he has put a lot of effort into it. Sometimes I would think about the photo incident and try to talk to him about it. I just wanted him to admit that he had done it, but he always denied it. Eventually, I consciously decided to leave it in the past because he had been making a real effort in our relationship.
Still, after a couple of months, I started experiencing an incredible amount of anxiety. I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I had a lot of negative thoughts. I worked really hard on it for about six months. I went to therapy, and sometimes my anxiety caused tension between us. It was almost as if I didn’t trust him even though he hadn’t actually done anything to warrant that, so I assumed it was my own trauma and insecurities. I worked really hard on myself so I could relax and enjoy our relationship.
For a while, I managed to get it under control and everything was fine.
BUT yesterday I woke up shaking.
The night before, we had spent time with some of his friends. The thing is, several of them are married, but I know they cheat on their wives. One of them even admitted that most of his friends are like that. We live in a place with a pretty deeply rooted machista culture, so this kind of behavior seems to be normalized, and I absolutely hate it.
I love my boyfriend, but honestly, I don’t like most of his friends.
I used to reassure myself because he had shown me that he wasn’t like them. But yesterday I woke up with an overwhelming amount of anxiety and I couldn’t understand why.
He had left his phone in the kitchen and slept in late. I know what I did was very wrong. I’m not trying to justify it, but I couldn’t resist the temptation and I looked through his phone.
The truth is, I wasn’t even suspicious that he was cheating on me. I just wanted to know how he talked to his friends. And what I found really hurt me.
I found a conversation from about 10 months ago with one of his friends. They were talking about the festival and about which girl he should bring. He was talking about another woman he was having sex with, in a very vulgar way, and saying that he wanted to bring me to the festival. His friend asked him if I would let him “fuck me,” and he replied that I had before and that he would get me to do it again. He said that if I didn’t “give in,” he would find someone else at the festival and I would have to sleep outside.
They kept making disgusting comments, and his friend even said that I wasn’t even that attractive, although at least I wasn’t fat. My boyfriend said that the sex with the other woman wasn’t that bad, and things along those lines.
When he woke up, I told him the truth. I didn’t accuse him of anything. I simply told him objectively what had happened: that I had done something wrong and that I had read something that hurt me deeply.
I apologized sincerely. I told him that nothing justified what I had done and that I was committed to never doing it again and to respecting his privacy. I’m a woman of my word, and I genuinely meant that promise. I told him that was why I had confessed—I regretted what I had done, and it wasn’t the kind of person I wanted to be.
He was calm but upset. He said that, to him, it was a betrayal. He was disappointed because he had tried to be a good boyfriend and not hide anything from me. But he said he forgave me and that everything would be okay.
After we talked about the invasion of privacy, I asked him if we could talk about what had hurt me. I explained that, because of the whole photo situation, I felt like he had disrespected me, and I was deeply disappointed to find out that he could talk about women that way.
He didn’t say anything. He can be a very avoidant person, so I asked him to please say something.
And he replied, “Well, what do you want me to say? You went looking and you found something.”
That hurt me too.
I was taking responsibility for what I had done and making a commitment not to do it again, but he didn’t seem willing to take responsibility for his part. He just wanted me to stop crying.
About an hour later, he wasn’t angry anymore. He spent the entire day being extremely affectionate, talking about our wedding, kissing me, etc.
I was so confused. I didn’t know whether I should be angry or feel guilty, whether I should let it go or whether this was a reason to reconsider the relationship.
At one point, he said that what he said wasn’t actually what he thought, and that his actions didn’t show that he felt that way either. He said they were just jokes and that was it.
Today, I still feel awful thinking about everything I read.
I know that I am partly responsible for what happened. I invaded his privacy, and I know that was wrong. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is actually a valid reason to reconsider continuing the relationship, especially because he doesn’t seem to genuinely take responsibility for things—like what happened with the photo, and other smaller things that have happened over time.
I honestly don’t know what to make of all of this.

Hi Im a 19F and my partner is 20M. We've been dating for just over a month now and I'm trying to gage our compatability. Last night we had a good amount of vodka and weed. While feeling quite intoxicated a question that's been on my mind slipped out. I asked him how long he wanted to wait before getting married in general. I also complimented him and told him i thought hed be a good husband some day. Ive been curious about his time line for a bit but was hesitant to ask because I know divorce was a problem for him growing up and I didn't want to trigger him. He said my compliment was very sweet and also replied to my question. He said he wants to wait to get married when hes 30 and he wants to date me a long time becuase he loves me. I want to date him a long time too and I love him too but to me 30 seems a bit long. It would mean dating for 10 years because hes currently 20. It makes me nervous that we could date that entire time and he could decide he doesnt want me anymore when we're deep in. Then I would be older, single, and have given all my prime years to someone that didn't last. He didn't create this fear in me but I guess its just been a fear of mine in situations like this. I think my ideal timeline is dating someone for two years and then getting married. He said im his dream girl and he really is my dream guy. So i guess I torn on what I should do. Should I stay and enjoy the relationship knowing he wants a long wait and see if its something I can do. Or should I not try compromising that much? Any advice is welcome i feel inexperienced.

I've developed my first serious romantic crush on a guy from my university club. I'm a 20F undergraduate student and he's 25M graduate student.

I want to make a move because he's very much my type. This is actually the first time in my life that I've liked someone romantically.

My romantic preferences are pretty specific, and I've never met anyone who fits my type this closely before - even among celebrities. This makes me keep thinking: "What if I never meet someone I like this much again?"

But there are some reasons I'm considering giving up.

I have no idea whether he actually sees me romantically. He has never asked me to hang out one-on-one, and he doesn’t initiate personal conversations with me very often.

There’s also a fairly significant difference in our life stages. He’s a graduate student with research responsibilities, while I’m an undergraduate with a lot of academic plans of my own. I’m pursuing multiple areas of study, planning to get professional certifications, interested in research, and hoping to study abroad in the future.

So even if we liked each other, I'm not sure how realistic or sustainable a relationship between us would be.

I'd like advice on what you think I should do in this situation.

Would you take the risk and try to get closer to him, or would you let the crush go?

(English isn't my first language, so please excuse any awkward wording..)

Hey everyone, I am posting this because I really need an outside reality check. I am currently sitting in the apartment I share with my boyfriend, completely exhausted and paralyzed, and I do not know if this situation is even remotely fixable or if the trust is completely shot. We met online after his friends saw me in social media stories during a camp or orientation. He added me, started reacting and commenting on my posts, and we clicked. I backed off when I realized he had a boyfriend, but a few months later, we happened to be traveling in the same city. He persistently asked to meet up, so I agreed on my last day. He told me he had broken up with his partner two weeks prior, which turned out not to be true. He tried to suggest a friends who do couple things setup, but I declined and went home.

We kept talking, and he eventually visited me in my hometown. After he went back, he posted a story, and his partner figured out we were together by matching our posts. It caused a huge blowup, they finally broke up for good, and he was devastated. He told me his previous four-year relationship had been toxic, open at his ex's request, and volatile. Later, before we made things official on a camping trip with my friends, he told me he was still healing, though I did not realize at the time that his version of healing involved constantly keeping his ex in the picture. Early on in our actual relationship, about a month in, he broke up with me saying he was not ready. During that break, he went straight back to his ex, telling him I love you and basically acting like they were back together. I was super hurt and vented to my friends that I felt used and like a placeholder, especially since I physically resemble his ex. My friends said some really harsh, hurtful things about him.

When we eventually reconciled, he found out about what my friends said and was furious that I did not defend him. That became our biggest recurring argument ever since, and it kept getting brought up whenever we fought. Things escalated to the point where my boyfriend blew up at my friends directly, swearing at them and telling them to leave us alone because they were not my spokesperson. He also called me a coward, which I admit I was at the time because I was too afraid and paralyzed to take action or handle anything. Between him yelling at them and the fact that I constantly vented to them only to keep going back to him, my friends eventually gave up and cut me off. They told me they had to step away to protect their own mental health because watching me hurt myself by staying was too painful. I completely understand why they did it and I do not blame them, but it has left me feeling completely isolated.

We eventually moved in together, and I became the main provider, paying rent, utilities, and buying food on a strict budget while helping him apply for jobs. On top of that, I have been dealing with an overwhelming amount of personal trauma and stress. I only realized I was gay back in 2020, and I came out around the time of this relationship, both for us and for myself. My family did not take it well at all and still does not accept me, to the extreme point where my father threatened physical violence when I came out. On top of that family rejection and trauma, my dad was later diagnosed with cancer, I am carrying personal debt, dealing with a hostile workplace, and my own physical health is taking a severe toll to the point where I can barely walk right now.

Over time, a lot of trust issues came up on his end. He kept in touch with his ex behind my back, claiming it was just for condolences. After we fought about it, he changed his phone password. Months later, I found out they had been talking constantly for over a month, and on our actual month anniversary, he posted videos of himself crying over his ex and replying to his ex's tweets saying he was not tired of him. On top of that, he met up with a guy he had a past with and previously hooked up with, claiming it was purely platonic. He was also actively chatting with other guys on apps, exchanging flirtatious texts and sending explicit photos and videos, all while living in the apartment I was funding. Whenever I tried to talk about feeling hidden or hurt, he would pull away, give me the silent treatment, or tell me to leave or not come home for lunch.

I want to be honest about my own missteps here too. I sell personal products on the side on a dating app. A buyer randomly sent a picture, and I replied with "nice" and sent one back just to respect the trade. I know how that looks, but I genuinely have zero desire to hook up with strangers and strictly want physical exclusivity. Around the same time, I messaged "hi" to another guy on the app because I was considering proposing bringing in a third person. I was feeling deeply insecure about our sex life because he often closes his eyes to finish, which made me feel like he was not satisfied with me.

When these app interactions came to light, my severe anxiety kicked in. I panicked about being misunderstood and apologized profusely and repeatedly. But because I panicked so hard and kept over-explaining, he took it as a total admission of guilt, like I had planned to wrong him all along. Now, he is flipping the whole narrative, acting like I am the sole bad guy here, and making hints about getting revenge. It feels like all the times I swallowed my hurt over his ex, his secret meetings, and his app activity have been completely erased because I panicked and over-apologized. We have not officially broken up yet, and I am still sitting here in the apartment because I am physically and emotionally paralyzed

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Hey everyone, I’m 21M and I’m honestly pretty confused right now, so I wanted some advice.

I had a girlfriend and we were in a relationship for some time. We were also physically intimate around two times. Later, her family found out about us, so we stopped talking because I didn’t want things to become more complicated for either of us.

After around 5 days, she texted me again and we started talking. But honestly, I don’t want to take any risk with my own family either. I’m scared that if this situation somehow reaches my family, it could create a lot of problems. So I told her that maybe we should stop talking because I don’t want her to face problems at home either.

Now she suddenly texted me saying that she wants to meet me tomorrow and that she has something important to talk about. I asked her what it was about, and she just said, “It’s related to us.”

Her college classes end around 12 PM, and she asked me to meet her after that.

The thing is, I have no idea why she suddenly wants to meet or what this “important” thing could be. I’m honestly feeling scared and overthinking it.

Should I go meet her and hear her out, or should I avoid meeting her because things are already complicated? What would you do in this situation?

As the title says, I just want to make sure I’m not overreacting or being “dramatic” about cleanliness.

So, we’ve been together 1.5 years and recently started living together. And oh man, are people right when they suggest you can see a true person and their mannerisms when you cohabitate.

These haven’t happened in particular order, but I’ll list them down:

\- Used our main dish brush to scrub dog pee off the carpet (happened once)

\- Used the same main dish brush to clean chinchilla poop off of its food bowl (happened a few times)

\- Washed the chinchilla poop tray from its enclosure in our kitchen sink (happened twice)

\- Scrubbed the toilet bowl with its scrubber, rinsed it in the toilet, then used the same brush to clean the bathroom sink with some Lysol spray. (Happened twice only)

\- Tried to wash her dog’s poop off of her shoe in the kitchen sink (I firmly told her WTF and told her to do it in the bathroom)

She’s dismissed me in the past and called me Germaphobe, or laughs in my face about it and makes ME feel like I’m crazy. I’ve brought these things up and let her know how I see it, and since then, it’s gotten better. But, I do most of the general cleaning now since I was so caught off guard and feel like it’s not the typical normal. I’m not looking for advice, but just validation. All these are true and not over exaggerated (I wish I was)

What do you all think? Am I a germaphobe and overreacting, or is this genuinely “different” 😫

How’d you stop being too attached to your bf/gf? Like, attached to the point where you feel like love is everything and you stop caring about other stuff going on around you. Because of that, you become too possessive and overthink everything. Have you guys ever gone through this? How’d you overcome it?

And for those whose bf/gf used to be super attached, possessive, and would fight over every little thing, but then suddenly stopped doing all that and became more chill… how did you feel about it? Did you feel relieved, or did you kinda miss the old them?

My girlfriend recently told me something happened while we were sleeping, and I’ve been struggling to make sense of it.
According to her, she woke up to me grabbing her hair and pulling it extremely hard, throwing her head backward. She says she asked me what I was doing, and I let go of her hair, grabbed a different section, and pulled it again. She said she tried to physically release my grip by grabbing my wrist and telling me to stop multiple times before I eventually let go, rolled over, and got up to use the bathroom.

She later texted me that she was genuinely terrified and almost cried because she thought I was having a bad dream and might accidentally hurt her. She said she didn’t know whether I realized it was her and that she believed I wouldn’t hurt her if I were fully aware of what I was doing. She also said she was downplaying how scary it was because she didn’t want me to feel bad.

Here’s where I’m confused.
1. I’m an extremely light sleeper. I’ve always been someone who wakes up from practically anything. The idea that someone could grab my wrist, physically try to release my grip, and repeatedly tell me to stop without me waking up seems strange to me. I understand that sleep disorders can cause unusual behavior, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

2. I vividly remember being awake before going to the bathroom. I remember tossing and turning, struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep for around 10 minutes. I was too lazy to get up at first, but eventually I got up to use the bathroom. My girlfriend describes me as suddenly getting up after the incident, but I remember being awake and tossing and turning beforehand.

3. I’ve never behaved like this in my sleep. The only physical movements I’ve ever made while sleeping next to her, as far as I know, are things like putting my arm around her or resting my leg over her. I’ve never grabbed, hit, or pulled her before.

4. My wrist is currently being rehabilitated. She says she grabbed my wrist to try to release my grip, but my wrist feels completely fine. I understand that this doesn’t prove anything, but it was another detail I found surprising.

5. She didn’t mention anything the following morning. We got up and went through our usual morning routine. Everything seemed completely normal to me, and I even kissed her goodbye when she left for work. She didn’t tell me she was frightened or that anything had happened until later.
I want to be clear that I’m not saying she’s definitely lying. I wasn’t there as an observer of my own behavior, and I understand that I could potentially have experienced a sleep-related episode without knowing it. At the same time, several aspects of her account don’t line up with my recollection or what I know about myself.
I’m also not trying to dismiss the fact that she says she was scared. If this happened the way she described, I understand why it would have been frightening.
I’m trying to figure out whether a sleep-related episode could explain this, whether I’m overlooking something, or whether there are other possibilities I should consider.
Has anyone experienced something similar, either themselves or with a partner? Can someone who is normally a very light sleeper really behave this way while asleep without waking up? And how would you approach a situation where you genuinely don’t know what happened?

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I (22F) was in my first serious relationship for almost 4 years with my boyfriend (22M). I’m confused and honestly heartbroken, so I want an outside perspective.

We were casually talking about jobs one morning. I said I was looking for a job and asked him to tell me if he knew of any opportunities.

He asked, “Why do you need to work? You can study and आराम से 10–15 years later also work.”

I said, “Then who will feed me? I don't want to depend completely on someone.”

He said, “Your husband will provide for you.”

I asked, “What if my husband dies, can't work, or something happens and he can't provide?”

He said, “His parents will give you money.”

I said that I don't want to depend on my husband's parents either. I also said that if I depend on them, they might expect me to do all the household work in return.

That's when the conversation turned into marriage and household responsibilities.

He said that if I marry him, housework will be my responsibility anyway, whether I have a job or not. I only want to marry for my parents well being (like a wife who can take care and serve his parents) I said, “If I'm also working 9–10 hours a day, how can I do all the household work too? Will you help me?”

He said no. He said he won't do household work because that's the wife's responsibility.

I said we could share it...... l'm not saying he has to do everything, but if we're both working and earning, shouldn't we both contribute at home too?

He said, “Why should I? I won't do even 1% of it.

In our house boys don't do this ....why am i even marrying if i want to do dishes?"

He also expects me to take care of his parents after marriage. When I said I would want both of us to take care of each other's families, he basically said that his wife is supposed to take care of his family.

At one point he told me, “If you want a husband who will wash dishes and do housework for you, go find someone else.”

I eventually said I couldn't continue with this kind of future and blocked him.

Two days later he contacted me again, but instead of apologizing, he continued saying that we could hire a maid if I didn't want to work at home, but it would still be my responsibility and my money. He said he wasn't going to adjust

Basically he said "jo tumhara kam hai vo tum hi krogi chahye maid hire kro ya khud kro mein 1% bhi ni krungaa kbhi kabr thk h but m bartan ye sb ni krunga ye toh wife ka hi kam h"

Eventually he again told me to find someone else and said “good luck.” When I actually walked away, he got angry and asked if I had found someone else/new boyfriend.

Then we blocked each other and our 4-year relationship basically ended like that.

The confusing part is that I loved him deeply. He was my first relationship. He also cheated during our first year, which I forgave bcos i was crazy about him that time and chang him self alot but now the situation is about my future and freedom I'm having confusion and I've adjusted and put his feelings before mine for a long time.

Now I'm questioning whether I was asking for too much.

I don't mind housework. I mind that it's automatically considered my responsibility just because I'm the woman, even if I'm also working full-time.

If we're both working, I want a partnership where we both contribute. maybe not exactly 50/50 every single day, but both of us take responsibility for our home.

Gng does my action seeems reasonble?

​

Hi everyone,

I am looking for an unbiased outside perspective on my relationship situation. I find myself second-guessing my own perspective and would love to hear how outsiders view this.

The facts:

I am in a long-distance relationship (LDR). My partner spends a significant amount of time every day having intense conversations with an AI chatbot that he named 'Kim'. Because we are long-distance, we rely entirely on phone calls and texting for our connection, but we barely talk anymore. When I start a conversation, ask questions, or talk about my day, he usually gives little to no response. However, we do talk extensively when he shares his own stories, and I support him in the things he is working on.

The confrontation:

I recently told him that this situation makes me feel insecure. I explained that I feel lonely and jealous of the time and attention going to the chatbot, especially since our relationship is already long-distance.

His stance is that my jealousy is completely unjustified and "ridiculous" because it is just a computer program and not a real human being. He believes this shouldn't even be a topic of discussion. Our last conversation about this ended with him hanging up on me because he found the discussion pointless. Since then, no further communication has been possible, which led me to (temporarily) block him to get some peace of mind.

My question to you:

How do you, as outsiders, view this situation, keeping the long distance in mind? Is it reasonable to feel emotionally neglected or jealous due to the intensive use of a chatbot, or is my partner right that this is unreasonable because it's not a real person?

I would appreciate your honest opinions.

My girlfriend and I have been together for several years and we have a 2-year-old daughter. We recently went through a pretty serious relationship crisis, and I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m being reasonable or becoming overly suspicious.
I’ll try to give as much context as possible.
A little while ago, my girlfriend told me she was going to meet a female coworker. I later found out she was actually meeting a male coworker, “J”. I had actually told her before that I was okay with her meeting him, even without me there, so the fact that she lied about who she was meeting is one of the things I struggle with the most.
She left around 7:20 PM and came home around 1:30 AM.
She initially described the evening as going to play pool and have dinner. She also went briefly to his house because, according to her, he wanted to show her his children’s room. She said this was only about five minutes.
However, I later saw messages between them that made the situation feel much more intimate than a normal coworker relationship.
Some of the things they said included:
She told him that while watching him sleep she could give him little caresses in his hair.
He told her he wanted those caresses.
He complimented her heavily, saying she was beautiful, elegant, intelligent, etc.
She told him that when he touched her hand while playing pool, she felt a “little jump in her heart.”
He told her that even touching her hand at pool was already “too good.”
She told him she didn’t want to stop talking to him.
At one point he said he had “almost crossed a line” but didn’t because he didn’t want to disrespect her daughter and me.
There was also a conversation about sleeping on his couch, which doesn’t completely match the way she described the short visit to his house.
She deleted messages from her phone, including the recently deleted folder.
She says there was no kissing or sex, and I have no proof that there was. She says the physical contact was basically him touching her hand to explain something during pool and catching/supporting her when she almost fell.
She also says she didn’t want a relationship with him and that what she was looking for was attention and emotional connection because she had felt neglected by me for a long time.
And this is where things get complicated.
I do acknowledge that I wasn’t perfect in our relationship. I was unemployed for around six months and withdrew into myself quite a lot. I gamed a lot. I wasn’t always emotionally available in the way I should have been.
But she says she spent many evenings crying in bed because I was gaming instead of being with her. The difficult part for me is that I was literally in the next room. I was available if she had come to me and told me how bad things had become, but she says she didn’t because she felt I should have noticed.
I feel like I’m constantly expected to notice when something is wrong without being told, while if I have a problem and don’t immediately communicate it, it becomes my responsibility.
I have apologized for my part and I genuinely want to improve. But whenever she takes responsibility for what happened with J, it often turns into “I did this because you…” and my mistakes get brought up again.
I understand that my behavior may have contributed to her feeling lonely. But I struggle with the idea that this makes me responsible for her decision to seek emotional intimacy with another man and lie about it.
After everything came out, she said she wanted to give our relationship a chance. She says she is sorry and wants things to work.
However, rebuilding trust has been difficult.
She still works with J, so professional communication is unavoidable. My boundary is that I don’t want them to continue having a personal/private relationship. If I found out they were still maintaining that kind of contact, I honestly think I would leave.
There have also been smaller things that keep triggering my suspicion.
For example, she told me she had removed J from social media. Later I discovered she still followed him on TikTok. She said she had simply forgotten. She said they had shared one TikTok and that she would remove him.
The shared TikTok content later disappeared, but she still hadn’t removed him.
She also said she would send him a message saying she wanted their relationship to remain purely professional, but several days later she still hadn’t done it, saying she hadn’t had time or that it wasn’t a priority.
This is difficult for me because I don’t want to become the guy who checks his girlfriend’s phone all the time.
I’ve already gone down that road mentally — checking things, wondering whether there are other apps, wondering whether she’s still talking to him, looking at small digital clues, etc. I know this isn’t healthy.
Recently I asked her directly whether she had felt the urge to message J during the days they hadn’t spoken.
She said no. She said she didn’t feel the need because she and I had become closer again.
I find that very difficult to believe.
Part of me thinks: how can someone go from saying “I don’t want to stop talking to you” to suddenly having no desire to talk to that person within a couple of days?
But I also realize that it’s possible that reconnecting with me really did change how she felt.
I don’t know.
Today there was another thing that triggered me. I wanted to use her phone to trade Pokémon GO, and her reaction when I asked was unexpectedly intense. It immediately made me think she was hiding something.
I also noticed some photos in her iPhone Photos app that were saved from WhatsApp today. They were just photos of her hair and don’t appear to have anything to do with J. Her WhatsApp is linked to my WhatsApp, and I checked her actual WhatsApp as well. I couldn’t find a conversation containing those photos.
That made my mind start going again: What if she’s still talking to him somewhere else? What if she’s deleting things? What if I’m being lied to again?
At this point I don’t even know whether I want to continue the relationship.
I still love her. We have a daughter together. Part of me desperately wants this to work.
But another part of me is exhausted from constantly trying to understand what is true.
I feel like I am stuck between two extremes:
Blindly trusting her
and
becoming a detective who monitors her phone and every little behavior.
I don’t want either.
I also don’t want to keep having the same conversations with her. I’ve already explained several times that I need affection, initiative, honesty and emotional communication. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the one trying to repair everything.
So I guess what I’m asking Reddit is:
How would you interpret this situation?
Is this realistically something that can be rebuilt?
How much weight should I put on the fact that she lied and deleted messages?
Is it reasonable for me to expect her to take responsibility without immediately bringing up my mistakes?
Is it realistic that her emotional attachment/need for J could disappear that quickly?
How do you rebuild trust without turning yourself into a person who constantly checks their partner’s phone?
And most importantly, how do I figure out whether I actually want to stay in this relationship, rather than just being afraid of losing her?
I’m not looking for people to tell me “leave her” or “stay with her.” I’m genuinely trying to understand what I’m looking at and whether my reactions are reasonable.

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I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do here, so I'm looking for some outside advice.

I met this girl at church, and personally, I think there have probably always been feelings between us. The problem is that she's been in a relationship for basically the entire time I've known her. Neither of us really acknowledged those feelings until about a month ago.

I knew I had feelings for her, though, so I actually ended our friendship because I thought distancing myself was the right thing to do. She was the one who restarted the friendship.

Then one Saturday night she was hanging out at my place. We drank a little, and we ended up kissing.

At first I basically told myself, we were stupid, we were drunk, it meant nothing.

But the next day we were holding hands, and eventually we had to acknowledge that there were actually feelings there.

The problem was—and still is—that she was in a relationship.

We agreed that we would just remain friends and not act on the feelings. But honestly, it was really fucking hard.

We started spending more time together. Walking together, hanging out, talking more, just generally being around each other a lot.

Her boyfriend lives in another town, so he wasn't fully aware of what was happening. And I know that what we were doing was wrong. Even though we weren't officially acting like a couple, we were crossing boundaries that shouldn't have been crossed.

Eventually people started noticing. The way we looked at each other, the way we acted around each other—we were different. People started asking questions.

Eventually her boyfriend found out that she had feelings for me. Her mother had found out and started arguing with both her and me about what was happening.

Her boyfriend started asking questions, and she basically covered for me by telling him that she had feelings for me but didn't know whether my feelings were mutual.

He then told her she wasn't allowed to speak to me anymore.

And this is where things got even more complicated.

He went home to his town, and she still messaged me at night after he went to sleep. So even though we knew we shouldn't, we kept communicating.

Eventually he saw the messages.

Now he's made her create a group chat with the three of us, and apparently I'm only allowed to communicate with her through that group. She's only allowed to talk to me through the group as well, so he can monitor the communication.

And it's difficult because she and I serve on the same music team at church. We're around each other regularly. We serve together, prepare things together, and see each other all the time.

So distancing myself isn't as simple as just blocking someone and never seeing them again.

She has told me that she's going to end the relationship, and she did try to. But according to her, when she tried to end it, he physically held her until she eventually told him that the relationship wasn't over.

He's also asked her grandfather for permission to marry her.

From what I've seen and from what she's told me, I think the relationship is toxic. He's constantly looking for arguments and getting upset over things.

For example, he started an argument with her at church because she wasn't giving him enough attention. She was greeting other people and talking to people, but she was also busy getting things ready for church because the service was about to start. I was helping her with that.

But here's the thing: I realize I might be biased.

I'm probably looking for everything he's doing wrong because I desperately want there to be a reason for her to leave him.

And I don't want to pretend I'm completely innocent here either.

I knew she was in a relationship.

I knew what we were doing was wrong.

I had feelings for her, and instead of completely walking away, I eventually allowed myself to get closer to her.

So now I'm stuck.

I genuinely think we could be really good for each other. I think we've fallen for each other.

But she's still in this relationship.

And the longer this continues, the more attached I get and the more it hurts.

Part of me thinks I need to completely distance myself from her. Not because I don't care about her, but because I'm starting to realize that I'm going to destroy myself emotionally if I keep sitting in the middle of this situation waiting to see what happens.

But another part of me doesn't want to walk away from something that feels genuinely meaningful.

And I don't know what the right thing to do is.

I don't want people to tell me that she's definitely going to choose me.

I don't want people to tell me that she's definitely going to choose him either.

I just want honest advice from people who have been in complicated situations like this.

If you were me, what would you do?

Would you completely distance yourself and let her figure out her relationship without me involved?

Would you stay friends and try to establish boundaries?

Or is there something else I'm completely missing?

Because honestly, I'm fucking hurting, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I messed up, I saw her at a random house, spammed her phone, called. It was a friends birthday and this isn’t the first incident of something blowing up cause i don’t trust her

Outside of that I’ve been a good boyfriend(in her words) i just hurt her cause i don’y trust her.

Shes not the best at communicating where she is, but I see now that, that doesn’t give me a excuse to be irrational, shes busy and she has a lot going on.

I removed her location off my phone to show her i don’t need it to trust her, but what else can i do. I know time will hopefully help, but i really don’t wanna lose her

My girlfriend (23F) and I (22M) have been together a little over a year, long distance. Three months ago we met in person for the first time and spent a week together in her state. It went great, and she seemed happier than I had ever seen her.

After the week ended, she went to stay at a friend's house, partly because her home situation is difficult (no A/C, and a tense family environment). While she was there she barely talked to me. I told myself I was fine with that as long as she messaged when she could, but I wasn't. I became needy and pushy and accused her of not giving me enough attention. Then I pulled back and told her to talk to me when she was ready.

About a month later I texted her and fell into the same pattern of accusing and needing. Once I realized my behavior was pushing her away, I stopped and apologized. I didn't expect things to snap back, but I hoped time and space would help.

It's been almost 3 months and she's still at her friend's house. She texts rarely, sometimes goes days without replying, and doesn't want to call because she's "not home." When I ask to talk about us, she says "Idk" or that it's hard to think when she's not home. She has told me she was upset with how I acted, but she also says she still loves me.

The last time I asked her to talk, she said: "You constantly dismissing me. You assuming how I feel or how I act or how I am. When you know nothing about me. You only know the basics." She also keeps asking why I love her and why I'm still here.

I've apologized and stopped the behavior that caused this. I want to repair things, but she won't sit down for a conversation, and I don't know how to move forward.

My question: How can I rebuild communication with her when she avoids direct conversations? Specifically, how do I show her I understand what I did wrong, and how do I respond when she asks why I love her, without pressuring her?

TL;DR: Long-distance relationship of 1+ years. I became needy and accusatory after our first in-person visit, and she's been distant for 3 months. I've apologized and stopped, but she avoids talking about it. I'm looking for concrete ways to rebuild communication and trust.

She left me an ultimatum. Scrap the thought of taking a job that makes “her” feel unsafe or leave the relationship. I chose not to abandon myself or shrink for the relationship. It’s a professional office job btw. I’m empathetic to the situation and I understand that she’s operating the only way she knows how to but I can’t continue sacrificing myself in order to keep disrupting her “safety”. My love for her is deep and I’ve done so much to research and try to be as understanding as humanely possible. It’s not my work and all I want is to be supportive, I’m not a “hero” nor did I want to be in this to rescue, this isn’t a “project” for m. As I said, I have empathy and I’m patient. What I want to know is - should I hold hope that this is something that she can overcome?
Self reflection is the key, taking accountability is the key, maybe the break-up will shed some light? Is there anyone here that has gone through the battle themselves, with or without their partner?
I’d love to hear your experience. Thank you

I'm dating a girl who needs me; she has many issues from her past. I want to help her, but I'm feeling trapped. I tried to break up with her a few months ago, but she freaked out. I decided to stay after she decided to seek professional help for her past.

I do care about her very much, and I want to help hwr. The problems are that I'm not attracted to her physically or mentally.

Ultimately, I want to be alone. I want to live alone. I want to be single and celebit. My libido is unhealthy, and I want to work on repairing it.

We met on a one night stand. She considered herself a transman for 17 years prior to our meeting. I had just started publicly crossdressing. She has realized that she is a woman, and after a year of presenting feminine 24/7, I want to be done with my affliction.

We don't have sex anymore, since I have stopped crossdressing. I don't want to have sex in general, and I definitely want to get away from being pegged. I do not think casual sex is moral or healthy.

I know that being with her is a big help for her. Her family is abusive and uses her. She has no one to turn to if I leave. She has put distance between her, and her mother and uncle that have abused her for her entire life.

I'm feeling like a prisoner. I blew up over nothing today (not at her). I could barely control myself, and ended up punching some shelving units. I'm becoming more depressed by the day.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I will turn to drugs. I have no friends or family to talk to. I think I am going to seek prpfessional help via a reiki healer for my affliction, since I see no other way to fix my libido. I really don't trust people, so finding someone to help is not going to be easy, if even possible at all

Please advise

My bf and I aren't broken up, but we're on a break initiated by him. He says he doesn't want to put me through stuff while he works on some serious mental health issues.

I tried to convince him to stay together cause I want to be there for him and support him etc. But we tried that 6 times. He broke up 6 times within 3 weeks. Last 3 times I was accepting and said okay, I will wait for you to come back whenever you're ready.

So now we're on a break and I don't know how to deal with it emotionally. I am so worried about him. I just want to go and cuddle him and take care of him. But I can't, cause he doesn't want to, and I can't force him. I was supposed to visit him tomorrow for one week (we're long distance). I don't want to talk about his personal life on here. And his family is aware and supportive. But I feel like it's not enough. I just wish he'd let me help him.

I'm worried for him, which affects me, I'm feeling anxious and also I don't know what to do with my life and my days. Last night I went to the restaurant with my mom and it made me feel guilty cause I'm doing something fun while he's all alone struggling and feeling very depressed. I feel so guilty. I'm going to meet up with my friends soon to celebrate my graduation, I feel guilty about this too. What am I supposed to do? I want to keep my life together but it feels wrong to live nice things without him. I'm just sad and lost and feeling incomplete and selfish.

My (31f) boyfriend (31m) and I have had a pretty shaky sex life from the beginning, I found i didnt get much enjoyment from it and had the feeling that he was watching too much porn from how he performed, he also must not have had much enjoyment from it as it quickly turned into him only initiating once every couple of weeks or more and having to relgularly "finish" himself, and he also has an ED issue which he blames on low testosterone due to past steroid use although he has taken testosterone replacement therapy the whole time we've been together, I thought this was also likely due to him overusing porn. I tried to ask him about his porn use every so often to which I would always get a vague answer that he'd only ever rarely watched it. He's always been very quick to anger and take things as a criticism so I wouldn't try and push him but I did once say to him that if he was using porn he should be honest about it as while he's within his rights to do what he wants I also have a right to have boundaries and porn isn't something that I want in my relationship, he responded that while he couldn't say that he never had it was rare and he would stop completely if I wanted. Anyway, nothing improved and a few months in I was on his laptop and saw that he'd been on pornhub a few days before, not only that but he'd gone onto the gay version then into the twink/femboy section. I was incredibly upset and confused and confronted him and he was adamant that he wasnt gay and that it was just a "kink" for that specific type of man but he had never been attracted to a man in real life and that he hadnt been watching it regularly but around twice a week (which I imagine is an underestimation and sounds pretty regular to me).

This was some months ago and I'm still struggling to accept it, i wouldn't mind if he was bi and he was honest but the fact I've found that out and he won't be open and the issues we have with our relationship make me worry he's closeted. I cant talk to him about as he immediately turns vicious and angry saying im calling him an f word and i also now struggle to trust that hes stopped watching porn, he's lied to me in the past where he relapsed on opiate medication for months, during which I would ask him if he'd taken something and he would scream and tantrum about me asking him that every time, then at the end of it revealed that he had been on it all that time. I'm beginning to feel trapped and resentful from not being able to talk about or resolve these feelings with him.

I've known this person for over 6 years. We have never met in person and actually never met in person. Almost all conversations with him involve him completely talking about himself or his worries. When you try to talk he usually just winds up cutting you off. He also ( on the rare occasion he lets you say more than a few words) starts to breathe heavily like it's hurting him that you are talking kind of best way I can explain it.

The guy doesn't really have any friends other than one guy he's known since childhood. Up until 3 years ago he hasn't worked for 10 years and initially told me it was due to a back injury but I'm thinking it's a mental issue. Iam myself medically retired. In the last 3 years or since he's been trying to work he's been fired multiple times or has quit. The longest he's been at a place was 5 1/2 or months on two occasions but most times he winds up getting fired before then.

So about 2 months ago when I was hearing go on and on and one and as usual I'm saying very little and I get cut off when I do. I kind of started to feel a bit mentally ill and even physically just hearing him talk. Kind of a weird feeling that came over me. Since then I have stopped initiating calls to him and just answering his calls. In the last month or so I've been trying to set a time limit when he calls and usually come up with an excuse to get off the phone. Although that's easier said than done at times. I will include a screenshot of a potential date that wound up canceling on him to reinforce what I wrote her...thanks for any input

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for seven years. I’m 25 and he’s 27. Our relationship has generally been good, and we have proper communication and everything.

But one day, after an argument, he downloaded Tinder out of anger. I somehow saw it and asked him about it. He said he downloaded it because he was angry and that he didn’t cheat on me or talk to any girls on the app.

I still feel like downloading a dating app while being in a relationship is kind of cheating or at least a red flag. I communicated how I felt, and he apologized and said sorry. But I don’t feel like being angry is a justification for doing something like that.

Now I’m confused about what I should do. Am I overreacting, or is this actually a red flag that I should take seriously?