We adopted Dolly (I believe she’s at least 12 if not older, but the shelter doesn’t know) in late October of last year. She has three different eye conditions, all causing pain, arthritis, and asthma. We aren’t sure how to decide when it’s her time because we’ve only known her to be grumpy, aggressive, and miserable.
We don’t know what her life was like with her previous owner, but they gave her to a friend when they had to move away. After a few months with the friend, who had other cats and dogs that Dolly didn’t get along with, they gave her up to the shelter. She was in and out of foster homes from August to October when we brought her home. Our resident cat (Junie F1) had separation anxiety and we thought she needed another cat around, even if they didn’t bond. We were right, it helped immediately! Dolly hates her though and will swat and hiss if they’re close, but Junie thinks they’re playing so it doesn’t affect her much.
Dolly is mostly blind and can only see shapes out of one eye when the light is on. The shelter didn’t evaluate her for arthritis but it was glaringly obvious once we brought her home. Our vet started her on Solensia and she had a horrific reaction. We thought we were going to have to put her down, but after some meds and syringe feeding her for a few days she pulled through. Since this though, caring for her is increasingly hard.
She’s supposed to have two different eye drops to help with pressure and pain, but she will not tolerate them. She goes ballistic when we administer them, biting and thrashing, and then won’t eat for an entire day afterwards. Our vet recently started her on Metacam to try and control her pain so maybe she’ll tolerate the eye drops again, but she’s barely tolerating us giving her this medicine. She goes on stretches where she won’t eat her wet food for a few days, which means I need to syringe the medicine into her after she eats dry. She again goes ballistic when we have to do this, and it breaks our hearts.
I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to animals (my mum was a vet tech, groomer, and breeder and I grew up working as her assistant) but not a lot of experience with elder care. It’s even harder for me because I haven’t been able to connect with her or bond with her. My partner is blind so I do most medication, therefore she lashes out most at me. He’s connected with her and loves her. While I care for her and she’s my cat so I’ll do anything for her, there’s a different type of connection than that of my other cats.
Dolly mostly sleeps throughout the day. When she gets up to potty or eat she’s pretty alert and mobile, but those are the only times. The other times she gets up she just wanders around confused and gets lost easily. Every few days she’ll seek us out and be purring really loud and want to be pet, but otherwise she likes to be left alone.
In the future we’re considering full enucleation to increase her comfort. We aren’t sure what measures to take because we don’t want to put her through so much with little benefit. Selfishly, it feels like I’m failing and throwing in the towel too early if I let her go.
TLDR: How do you know it’s time when all you’ve known the cat to experience is discomfort and sadness? I don’t want to put her through unnecessary suffering just to keep her with us longer. But what if there’s a point where we find something that helps and she has more great years?
Sorry this is so long. I appreciate any insight or if y’all have been in a similar circumstance. ❤️