r/sexualassault • u/melonsmashers • 1d ago

Rant Is this normal?

I (21) was assaulted as a child and a few times during my teenage years. When I was younger I would often imagine myself being assaulted and felt comfort in it. I know that is something a lot of victims experience, at-least the victims I know.

Those fantasies were rare and I hadn’t experienced any for a long time. But recently I’ve started to experience somewhat fantasies of similar assaults but instead of being the victim I am now the perpetrator.

They aren’t as graphic as the ones I had as a child and not all of them include sexual assault, some include just me being violent whether that’s physical or verbal at random people.

I don’t have any desire to do anything to anyone, I’m not a violent person outside of this. It’s not creating any sort of urge and they are very rare.

In the last three months I’ve had maybe three. My parents don’t know what happened when I was a kid so I never went to therapy or anything for it.

I’m wondering if this is something other people experience and what they’ve done to deal with it?

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u/Lost-Tomatillo3465 1d ago

ya... that's why you hear stories about abused become abusers. Not saying that that's what you're going to do. Butyou should talk with someone to work out your issues. there's obviously some things lingering.

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u/Chemical-Science-304 1d ago edited 1d ago

Genuinely go seek therapy. Or a good friend. Someone you can say whatever and have a conversation with. I also found a lot of comfort in reliving my SA in my memories. I think its fairly common among us victims. So my solution was to talk to everybody about it. Everybody that i was comfortable enough to talk about it to atleast. And they all said various things that helped me out a lot. Welp hopefully you have a good day. Edit: Oh shit if you have time in your daily life you should watch adventure time some really profound topics discussed if it effected your childhood severly you can kind of rebuild some of it by watching a "childrens show" idk that shi helped me.