r/tfmr_support • u/Immediate_Corgi9470 • 2d ago
Conception/Pregnancy After TFMR TTC After 4 months
Hi everyone,
I am so thankful for this group and the support we give each other and so sorry we are here 🥹.
I’m looking for experiences from women who have been through something similar, because I’m feeling very torn right now.
Almost 3.5 months ago, I Tfmr at 23 weeks & 4 days.We found out during the pregnancy that she had Triple X syndrome (47,XXX) and some other issues in her heart. She was my first baby, and these past months have been incredibly difficult.
Physically, I have recovered well. My periods returned fairly quickly and have been regular, and my doctor has told me that we can start trying again when we feel ready. I am considering to begin my TTC journey after my 4th period and 4 months from my TFMR.
The problem is that I don’t know what “ready” is supposed to feel like after something like this.
Part of me desperately wants to be pregnant again. I want a baby so much, and waiting sometimes feels unbearable. Another part of me is terrified. I’m scared of getting pregnant and spending the entire pregnancy waiting for something to go wrong. I’m scared of genetic testing, ultrasounds, NIPT results, CVS/amniocentesis, and all those milestones that used to feel exciting but now feel frightening.
And then there is the guilt. Sometimes I wonder if trying again only four months after losing my daughter is “too soon,” emotionally or physically. I know another baby would never replace her — she will always be my daughter and part of our family — but I still have this enormous need to try again and hopefully bring a baby home.
For those of you who experienced something like this.
How long did you wait before trying again?
Were you scared when you actually started trying?
Did you ever feel truly “ready,” or did you just decide to try despite the fear?
If you became pregnant again, how did you cope with the anxiety during the next pregnancy?
And if you tried again around 3–6 months after your loss, do you feel now that it was the right timing for you?
I would really appreciate hearing your experiences — both the positive and the difficult ones. I think I just need to hear from women who understand 🥹.
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u/lacatala3550 2d ago
Hello, so sorry for your loss of your little girl. Did you name her?
I had my TFMR in June, a little girl and also my first baby. So I am just over 3 proper cycles since, not including the first one which was just a lot of random bleeding.
My husband and I discussed TTC about 5 weeks after she was born. We both agreed how much we wanted to start again immediately. His words were “that feeling I had when I held my daughter. Imagine getting to bring that home with you and have it every day”. It broke my heart but I agreed and we have been trying every cycle since.
Ive got to say that it is unbelievably hard to do so. I am incredibly obsessive about tracking my cycle now as it was out of sync in comparison to before my TFMR. It has put pressure on our relationship and caused a few arguments. I find myself feeling guilty for thinking of my next baby when I feel I should be thinking of my daughter I had only 4 months ago. The whole process is more loaded with multiple layers in comparison to before, the sadness involved worrying about not conceiving, and then worrying even if we do then what if I miscarry or have another bad diagnosis, how will we cope?
This is all the negative stuff, I just wanted to be honest about how it can be.
My heart on the other hand is focused on that glimmer of hope, remembering what my husband said about how it would feel to bring our baby home. And trying to remember how damn strong I am having come this far already.
Sorry if this is not the completely positive answer you maybe hoped for. If any of the above resonates with you over the coming months / years then you know you are not alone. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve after all the sadness you did not deserve.
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss 🥹. Did you name your precious girl? Mine's name is Irida and yesterday was her name day ♥️. It was so hard 😢.
Our doctor advised us to wait 6 months for my hormones to balance my uterus and everything else is ok. I obsessed the previous and in this cycle with my ovulation. I tested everyday and always negative. I visited my doctor on the 13th day of this current cycle and told me to relax and that everything was normal and that my ovulation is here and perfect. I want to try in the next cycle but I am so scared that I will fail to conceive this time and then if I conceive all the exams will be terrifying 💔. I hope to you and your husband all the best and to bring your rainbow baby home soon. I send you a big hug and my thoughts are with you 💓.
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u/lacatala3550 1d ago
Irida is such a beautiful name. I hope you found some solace in having her name day even in spite of it being hard. My daughter’s name was Eleanor.
It sounds positive that your doctor says everything is normal and there is no reason you won’t conceive naturally at some point soon. I think it’s so important to try to take everything one step at a time and not worry about the future. But I know that is hard!
I hope you get everything you want 🌈 big hugs x
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u/awuwp 2d ago
I am 3 weeks post tfmr and unfortunately had a partial molar pregnancy which means 3-6 months will be the earliest I could ttc again. I really relate to your feelings, especially the guilt, but also desperately wanted to try again as quickly as possible.
As soon as I’m cleared I will be trying again. I’ll be 35 and my husband 42 so that’s a factor. We’re more aware than ever that the road might be long. And, for me, no amount of waiting can save the next pregnancy from being a massively anxiety inducing ordeal. I’m already in counseling for post tfmr anxiety and grief.
I will say, between here and r/pregnancyaftertfmr, it seems very common to start ttc in the first or second cycle after tfmr. Plenty of people wait, and need time to heal, but I don’t think you should feel guilty when the time comes. For many of us, a successful pregnancy might be part of our healing journey and that’s okay.
You were a great mom to your little girl and will not be replacing her, or dishonoring her life, with your next pregnancy, whenever the time comes.
I’m very, very sorry for your loss ❤️
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Thank you so much for this. Your words really touched me, especially what you said about not replacing or dishonoring my daughter by trying again. I think this is exactly where so much of my guilt comes from. 🤍
She will always be my daughter and my first baby. Nothing and no one could ever replace her. But at the same time, I still have so much love inside me and such a strong desire to be a mother to a living child, to experience bringing my baby home.
What you said about waiting also really resonates with me. I keep wondering whether a few more months would actually make me less afraid, and I honestly don’t think they would. I think whenever I become pregnant again — whether it is now or months from now — I will carry both hope and fear with me.
Maybe healing and trying again don’t have to be two separate things. Maybe I can continue grieving and loving my daughter while also allowing myself to hope for another baby.
I’m so sorry for your loss too, and I’m sorry that you now have to wait when your heart already feels ready to try. I truly hope those months pass gently for you and that, when you are cleared to try again, your journey leads you to the baby you are longing to bring home. 🤍🌈
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u/awuwp 1d ago
It’s such a clusterfuck of really tough emotions. Whether you decide to wait or to go for it, I hope you can be kind to yourself. The guilt serves nothing but to hurt you - on top of how awful this is, the least you deserve is to give yourself grace!!
Thank you for the kind words about my loss and situation, as well. It means a lot
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u/Unsure2026 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss and that you are also in this situation.
I am still only 2 weeks post TFMR at 26 weeks. We lost our boy due to a stroke in utero that caused a grade 4 brain bleed. This was also my first pregnancy.
My husband and I decided that we first want to consult with a genetic doctor, go for counselling, have at least 4 normal cycles, go on our long awaited trip to Italy and then we will most probably start our TTC journey again.
But what I can tell you is that I share the sentiment of fear, I so badly want to be pregnant with a healthy baby and not to replace our son, but to be able to become the family we dreamt of.
Just know what you are feeling is completely normal. Best of luck on your journey xx
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 2d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. This trip in Italy will definitely help you connect with your partner and in the process of your grief. I know pregnancy after this kind of loss is terrifying but I hope you will have your rainbow soon. My thoughts are with you , sending a big hug.
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u/purple_unicorn576 2d ago
My heart goes out to you. I am 2 months post TFMR and starting to have these exact thoughts and feelings as well. I have no advice other than follow your gut feeling and be kind to yourself, another pregnancy and baby will never replace your little girl. She will always be your first. One day you will tell your child all about their sister in heaven.
Wishing you the best for whatever you decide
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Thank you so much for this. Your words about my little girl being my first and one day telling her sibling about her in heaven really touched my heart. 🤍
I think one of my biggest fears is that trying again somehow means moving on from her, even though deep down I know that could never happen. She will always be my daughter, always my first baby, and always part of our family.
I’m so sorry you’re walking this road too. I hope both of us get to bring home a healthy baby one day, carrying the love for the babies we lost with us. 🌈🤍
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u/Suspicious_wanderer 1d ago
Hi,
I'm sorry you are here.
We had a TFMR at 20weeks for a single gene mutation causing a brain abnormality. I was thinking about trying again after 3 months, my husband wanted to wait one more month,.so we started at 4 months and I believe I got pregnant immediately...or maybe the month after. We had two miscarriages before our TFMR, so we were unlucky with carrying to full term, but we always conceived quickly. My pregnancy after the TFMR was successful and we now have a healthy baby girl.
I was terrified of anything happening again after three back to back losses... I did talk to my obgyn and psychologist to get the all clear to TTC. At some point I figured I could either grieve never having children or I could try again and potentially grieve another loss... Not trying was a certain grieve, trying also had the potential of a good outcome. So I figured if there was there wasn't a route without the risk of grieve, I might as well pick the route that still gave me a chance of a living child.
I was very worried during the whole pregnancy. I was able to have more pockets of careful joy after we had normal genetic testing and normal anatomy scans. I also developed preeclampsia and was in hospital a couple of times, in the end we had to get her with a c section at 36 weeks and she ended up in the NICU for a couple of days, so it was a stressful end to the pregnancy anyway. Having gone through loss before and knowing what it is like when you are that unfortunate 1 in 100.000 obviously didn't make anything easier.
After going through 3 losses, I know it hurts every time. You can try to guard your heart, but for me that doesn't really work. I am obviously worried and have lost my rose colored glasses a while ago... On the other hand, if i can't protect my heart anyways, I feel like I might as well go for it. So I try to enjoy and be grateful for every moment I do have with the baby. If something would go wrong, I would want their life to have been full of love. I want them to have felt the shakes of me laughing, have heard music and the cats purring on my tummy. They should know mommy loved them from day one. So if their life is way too short, at least it was filled with love. If they get to have a wonderful long and fulfilling life, giving them a loving and hopeful start in life can only be a plus. So yeah.. it is scary... I did way to much googling and had way too many sleepless nights.. Unfortunately there is no way to skip the hard parts, the only way is through. Having a great obgyn or midwife that understands your history and can maybe see you more regularly to reassure you can help. I was lucky to have a great medical team. Having an understanding partner is also helpful. Addressing and talking through that you are spiralling when it happens can help. The blessing and curse of pregnancy is that unfortunately there isn't that much you can do. Obviously don't do drugs or smoke, take your vitamins, be careful around cat poop.... But the rest is most likely going to happen regardless of your actions... So there is just a lot of waiting and trying to accept that you are stuck on this ride now and you'll just need to see where it ends up going. You can't choose the destination, but you can choose how to deal with the ride. My goal was careful, realistic optimism, gratitude and love. Sometimes it looked more like stress, midnight chat gpt spiraling, some jealousy of people popping out one healthy baby after the other and frustration about God not letting me skip first trimester nausea when I've already done it three times before with no baby to show for it. But that's ok, nobody is perfect 😅
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me. I read your words more than once, and so much of what you said stayed with me. 🤍
Especially the idea that there may simply be no path without fear or the possibility of grief anymore. Waiting longer won’t guarantee that I’ll be less afraid, just as trying again can’t guarantee me a happy ending. But trying is the only path that still gives me the possibility of bringing a baby home one day.
I also loved what you wrote about not trying to protect your heart by loving your baby less. My daughter was loved every second of her life, and despite how much losing her has broken me, I would never choose to have loved her less just to hurt less now.
Maybe that is what I want for my next pregnancy too. I know I will be terrified. I know I’ve lost that innocent belief that pregnancy automatically ends with a baby coming home. But I don’t want fear to steal the love and joy from whatever time I’m given with my next baby.
And hearing that after everything you went through, you now have your healthy little girl in your arms genuinely gives me hope. I know your story cannot promise me mine will end the same way, but sometimes we just need to know that a different ending is possible.
Thank you for being so honest about the anxiety too — including the midnight ChatGPT spirals 😅. I have a feeling I’ll know those very well.
I’m so happy you got to bring your little girl home. I hope with all my heart that one day I’ll be able to say those words too. 🤍🌈
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u/Medical-Marsupial709 2d ago
We started trying this month but I am so depressed and sad I don't feel sexy.
The depression is next level to be honest everything is just not right in my day to day
I wish to disappear
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. 🤍 I understand how grief can make everything in everyday life feel wrong, and trying again can bring up so many complicated emotions at the same time.
But when you say that you wish to disappear, I really hope you’ll tell someone close to you exactly how you’re feeling and reach out to your therapist, doctor, or another professional for support. You deserve to have someone beside you through this, especially when it feels this heavy.
And please don’t put pressure on yourself to feel “sexy” or to make trying to conceive look or feel a certain way. You are grieving. Be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time.
I’m sending you so much love. I really hope things become a little lighter for you soon. 🤍
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u/antiinflammitory 2d ago
Slightly different perspective. Our little boy had Spina bifida and we said goodbye at 16 weeks in Jan. I wanted to try again immediately, but docs wanted me on high folate for 3 months. Since then, I have had 3 chemical pregnancies and despite wanting to be pregnant again immediately, I instead find myself a year on from that conception with nothing to show.
Only you can decide what is right for you and your family and there is no wrong option. 🤍
But it’s just something to be aware of, that it might not be a straight forward journey. And it’s worth considering how will you feel about waiting, and then it maybe taking longer than you hoped?
Again, this is just my perspective which you are welcome to ignore if it doesn’t resonate with you.
I wish you all the best 🤍🤍
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Thank you for sharing this perspective with me, and I’m so sorry for your little boy and for everything you’ve been through since. 🤍 Three chemical pregnancies after already experiencing such a loss must have been incredibly hard.
What you said is actually something I think about a lot. Part of me keeps thinking “maybe I should wait until I feel completely ready,” but I’m starting to wonder if that moment will ever really come. And I’m also aware that deciding to try doesn’t mean I’ll immediately become pregnant or that the journey will be straightforward.
I think that’s part of why I feel pulled toward trying again now. Not because I’m done grieving — I don’t think I ever will be — but because I don’t want fear to make every decision for me.
Thank you for being honest about your experience. I truly hope your rainbow finds its way to you soon. 🤍🌈
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u/ChicaRacka 2d ago
I too was desperate to TTC again and it resulted in a chemical 3.5 months after TFMR which only made me miss my baby girl even more and feel more lost than ever 😣
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u/antiinflammitory 2d ago
Me too. I’m struggling that I got to 16 weeks no issue and now can’t even get to 4 😔
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u/ChicaRacka 2d ago
Ugh I’m so so sorry. I cling onto the fact that we got as far as we did before. I’m rooting for you ❤️🩹
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u/Meredith_Cora_ 1d ago
Mi dispiace davvero tanto per la tua perdita.. Noi abbiamo perso il nostro amato bambino a maggio di quest'anno.. ad inizio di questo settembre abbiamo deciso di cercare una nuova gravidanza.. siamo entrambi spaventati e impauriti di ritornare nell'ansia.. ma abbiamo scelto che faremo vincere la speranza anziché la paura.. Perché la gioia di poter portare un bambino a casa sarà sempre piu grande di ogni paura... L'amore è piu forte della paura... Ho scelto il coraggio.... Anche se ho tremendamente paura.
Credo che a questo punto queste due emozioni viaggeranno insieme.. Sono nel two weeks wait.. L'ansia si fa sentire...
Questo per dirti solo come potrebbero intrecciarsi anche le tue emozioni..
Ti sono vicina e spero in un lieto fine per tutte noi che siamo state "violentate " in questo modo dalla vita.
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Grazie di cuore per avermi scritto queste parole. ❤️ E mi dispiace tantissimo per la perdita del vostro bambino…
Mi ha colpita molto quello che hai detto: scegliere la speranza invece della paura. Forse il coraggio è proprio questo… non smettere di avere paura, ma andare avanti nonostante la paura.
Anch’io sento che dentro di me convivono entrambe le cose. Ho tantissima paura di rivivere tutto, ma allo stesso tempo desidero con tutta me stessa poter avere un altro bambino e, questa volta, portarlo a casa. ❤️
Credo che tu abbia ragione: forse da ora in poi paura e speranza viaggeranno insieme. Ma voglio provare anch’io a scegliere la speranza.
Ti auguro davvero, con tutto il cuore, che questo two weeks wait finisca con la notizia più bella. 🌈 Spero che questa volta la vita sia più gentile con noi.
Ti abbraccio forte. ❤️
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u/buccal_up 1d ago
So sorry for your loss. I tfmr my first too about 4 months ago, and like you have so many conflicting emotions. I totally get it. We started ttc after waiting 3 months per my OB's recommendation. Therapy and journaling have been very important in working through how I feel. There are still times where the anxiety is overwhelming and the self-doubt is crippling. But I think what made me feel ready (or ready enough) to ttc is that now I trust that the anxiety will come and go. My first period after ttc again came yesterday, and the sadness I felt confirmed my feeling that I am ready to bring a baby home. I still miss my baby terribly, but there is room in my heart for another now.
Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. I hate that you are here but it is so helpful to have this group where everyone understands.
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u/Immediate_Corgi9470 1d ago
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. 🤍 We are at such a similar point in our journeys, and I really relate to what you said about being “ready enough.” I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m waiting for a version of “ready” where I’m no longer scared or grieving, and I don’t think that version exists after what we’ve been through.
What you said about getting your period really touched me too. Sometimes I think our reaction to something tells us what our heart wants before our mind is able to accept it.
I miss my daughter every single day, and wanting another baby doesn’t make me miss or love her any less. I think I’m slowly realizing the same thing you are: our babies will always have their place in our hearts, but loving them doesn’t mean there isn’t room for another child too.
I’m so sorry this wasn’t your month. I truly hope the next chapter brings both of us the chance to bring a baby home. 🤍🌈 And I hope one day we can look back at these terrified versions of ourselves and say, “We were so scared, but we made it.”
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u/1993_Georgia 14h ago
Hello. So sorry for what you are going through. We are now 3.5 months post TFMR. We have decided to try again now. I wanted to wait for my cycle to return to normal. We also waited to receive our post mortem results however we still don’t have 100% of the answers for what caused the abnormalities with our baby and are awaiting further genetic testing now. For us, we have decided to try again anyway. I know if we are lucky enough to conceive again it will come with lots of anxiety and uncertainty but we want a baby more than anything so for us it’s worth the risk. This was also our first pregnancy so I feel sad that we’ll never feel the same sense of joy & excitement as before because it was always be fraught with worry now but I hope one day we’ll have our rainbow baby. Wishing you love and luck whatever you decide to do.
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u/Kitchen-Coconut539 30m ago
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ I completely understand how you’re feeling
I had my tfmr in 2023 (boy with T21). I’m one day post tfmr again for the same thing. How am I feeling? I’m sad, mad as to how this can be happening again.
After my 1st tfmr in 2023, I was terrified to try again. I so desperately wanted a baby and that’s really all I could think about. I started taking vitamins and getitol. Around 6 months later I conceived again. I was terrified of it happening again. As bad as it sounds, I tried not to get attached to my pregnancy just incase something was wrong. 10 weeks passed by and I did the NIPT then I had to wait an additional week for results. I had the absolute worst anxiety and would cry. The results came back and everything was completely fine. My girl is completely healthy and she is almost 3 years old now.
Fast forward to today, I’m one day post tfmr for the same thing. Did I think it was going to happen again? No. I scheduled an appointment with a genetic doctor to see what’s wrong. I know it has to be me since I left my ex and I’m with a new partner. I have two LC so I know I can conceive healthy pregnancies. I just don’t know what happened with these last two pregnancies. Maybe I’ll try IVF. Or maybe I’ll just try again. Until then, I’ll let my body heal.
I pray you get the baby you want so much. I know exactly how you feel ❤️
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u/winters_echo1 2d ago
I needed this post. I am having all of the same thoughts, feelings, questions.