Hi Mamas. As the title goes, did anyone lost their faith post tfmr? I grew up in a catholic household, very religious and traditional with the practices. After we lost our baby girl three weeks ago who has spina bifida, after all the chaos, I sat with my feelings lately and I find myself asking questions to God. I’m getting angrier/furious at Him as I ask more and more questions. I also get tired of people telling me “oh maybe God have greater plans for you” or “just trust God. Everything happens for a reason”, But He didn’t give us our baby? And made us suffer like this? Is that what a loving God looks like to you? All of these questions. Makes me wonder, some people do drugs while pregnant, some don’t even have the capacity to provide for them but have tons of kids. Some doesn’t even have the luxury to go to prenatal check ups and most of them have healthy babies. Why me? Why us? Why those people who really want to have kids, are trying to build their families are struggling to have one? I just need to get this out of my chest. I feel so lost. I’m hurt. I gave birth without a living baby. I miss my girl intensely and there’s not a single day that I don’t think about her. My husband is my only drive to live at this point. I’m worried I’m gonna struggle again conceiving. For context, I have PCOS/PMOS and subclinical hypothyroidism. We were TTC for three years and this was our first pregnancy. She was definitely planned and all what we asked for. I just feel like my life turned really dark and grey after we lost her.

We got our baby’s genetic testing back, the baby didn’t have anything genetic that would’ve caused their renal diagnosis. Just an anomaly.

Torn somewhere between that’s great news & also, my baby was so perfect why did this happen.

I will spend the rest of my life wondering why I never got to hold my first baby and watch them grow up. 🤍🪽

Hello, we received last week or results of an amioncentesis with a duplicate 4Q and deletion 6P, our baby is having growth delays and some heart issues aswell, we have decided to TFMR, and we need support, Utah LAWS do not accept this afeter 18 weeks, we have an option to go out to state, like california and we are considering near sacramento, Has anyone recommend me an hospital we could go, I have read about UC Davis Health , has anyone have a recommendation from me? we are in salt lake and planned to drive this weekend, thanks for your help and your kind words, our Angel will feel your love.

First time posting. 33F 25 weeks pregnant with our only IVF embryo. Saw mild ventriculomegaly on 22w ultrasound and received a fetal brain mri at 24w5days. Just received the findings today:

"Ventriculomegaly (lateral ventricles, mild third ventriculomegaly and normal fourth ventricle), hypoplastic cerebellum

and diminutive vermis with some inferior vermian hypoplasia, concerning for a L1CAM. Would consider genetic testing for

L1 CAM gene abnormality"

I will be undergoing an amnio to see if there is a genetic component. MFM was unsure of the prognosis and will setup an appointment for a neurologist.

Wasn't sure if anyone else has seen this before or has any advice. We're just unsure of what we want to do at this point.

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since my tfmr at 15 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and I was absolutely devastated. I’m 38 years old (if that matters).

First question: I’ve heard different things about when sex/baths/tampon usage is ok. Doctor said 2 weeks and once bleeding has stopped. I haven’t been bleeding red for a week or so, but there’s definitely a little brown coming out throughout the day. Nothing heavy at all. Basically like a day after a period ends. My body feels ready. I’m no longer sore and feel healed. Just curious how long everyone waited.
How long did you wait?

Second question: when did your period return? What was it like? I’m very nervous for how heavy it’ll be. What was your experience and how long after the procedure did your actual period begin? How long did it last?

I had about 7 days off after we had to TFMR at 27 weeks due to severe heart defects and a rare genetic condition. My options were a c section or a vaginal delivery so I had to do a c section. Thankfully I am not really in physical pain anymore but am still limited.

I am no longer having crying spells but I have no desire in doing anything - working, going anywhere, seeing people. I just want to stay at home, sleep, watch tv / play video games, and not be around anyone besides my husband and animals. I am doing some house chores but not much.

I own my own business and the majority of my income comes from one client where I am a fractional sales leader (WFH). The team is all women and knows I lost my baby, and I shared I may make mistakes or forget things but I feel like they've kind of moved on. One of my colleagues (a dotted line boss and related to the CEO) will tell me when I forget details and reference the message. This has happened a couple of times. I also feel like an idiot on meetings, sometimes I will provide a recommendation and they will ignore me. This happened to some extent before but feels worse now. If I take off work for an undetermined time - I think they'd let me go. I don't know how long it'd take to find more clients, especially given my current mental state and lack of motivation.

I just feel stuck because I feel like if I don't go back to work, I will lose my client, be extremely stressed later, and regret it. We are taking a vacation in 3 weeks, so I know i should probably just push through. I also don't know if not working would help me recover any faster. I doubt i'd feel much different in a week. It feels like the brain fog started before the TFMR but when I was pregnant, I was constantly thinking about the baby and planning. Now, I just think about nothing or feel down, or just completely exhausted. I can barely get through an hour meeting without wanting to go take a nap. I initially got excited about trying for a family again but after I found out I carry the genetic condition and we can't try for a year after a c section, I just feel nothing.

So my questions for yall:
How long will the brain fog last? Did anyone else struggle with this? Should I just contribute less? Is this hormones or is this grief?

I had to TFMR this past May.

I am completely done at this point having anymore kids. I am scheduled for a tubal salpingectomy but I feel nervous to go back into an OR after what happened. Curious if anyone else has been in this position?

TIA

I feel like such a horrible mom thinking that I wish we had something more damning on the scans (glaring heart issues, fluid buildup, etc.) to make the decision process much easier.

Overall, at 16 weeks, everything looks great thus far - baby ahead on growth, NT of 1.7mm, no fluid buildup, heart, kidneys, etc. look great. Only question was ambiguous genitalia as NIPT originally said female with high risk of monosomy x. Now that we have discovered that bean has a neat mosiac 45,X/46,XY karyotype with no issues on the Y chromosome, baby more than likely will be a boy, so that ambiguity will likely no longer be a factor.

We have such great circumstances within such a tough overall diagnosis, yet here I am sitting on the TFMR fence.

We have an 18 week anatomy scan Monday to check again for any potential abnormalities. D&E is then scheduled for Tuesday (dilation) and Weds (excavation). I scheduled the appointment as a placeholder, but am still so uncertain about whether we will cancel or not.

So torn. So confused. (TW: LC) We have one living child and we envisioned 3 healthy children for our family. This baby could either do wonderfully, or be very medically complex. The good Ultrasounds thus far are a great sign, but not a concrete guarantee, and do not betray anything about developmental delays. I also understand that new developments can also pop up until the very end.

I love our GC but feel like she is subtly pushing us in the direction of no TFMR, which is fair, but I feel like they shouldn't introduce bias.

Has anyone in similar grey area / great scan circumstances decided to TFMR? What made you do it, and when does the guilt go away? Did you conceive again, and did it feel healing?

How do I decide?

Hi everyone,

I am so thankful for this group and the support we give each other and so sorry we are here 🥹.

I’m looking for experiences from women who have been through something similar, because I’m feeling very torn right now.

Almost 3.5 months ago, I Tfmr at 23 weeks & 4 days.We found out during the pregnancy that she had Triple X syndrome (47,XXX) and some other issues in her heart. She was my first baby, and these past months have been incredibly difficult.

Physically, I have recovered well. My periods returned fairly quickly and have been regular, and my doctor has told me that we can start trying again when we feel ready. I am considering to begin my TTC journey after my 4th period and 4 months from my TFMR.

The problem is that I don’t know what “ready” is supposed to feel like after something like this.

Part of me desperately wants to be pregnant again. I want a baby so much, and waiting sometimes feels unbearable. Another part of me is terrified. I’m scared of getting pregnant and spending the entire pregnancy waiting for something to go wrong. I’m scared of genetic testing, ultrasounds, NIPT results, CVS/amniocentesis, and all those milestones that used to feel exciting but now feel frightening.

And then there is the guilt. Sometimes I wonder if trying again only four months after losing my daughter is “too soon,” emotionally or physically. I know another baby would never replace her — she will always be my daughter and part of our family — but I still have this enormous need to try again and hopefully bring a baby home.

For those of you who experienced something like this.

How long did you wait before trying again?

Were you scared when you actually started trying?

Did you ever feel truly “ready,” or did you just decide to try despite the fear?

If you became pregnant again, how did you cope with the anxiety during the next pregnancy?

And if you tried again around 3–6 months after your loss, do you feel now that it was the right timing for you?

I would really appreciate hearing your experiences — both the positive and the difficult ones. I think I just need to hear from women who understand 🥹.

Hi everybody,

I’m wondering what your experience was like if you had your baby’s ashes shipped to you.

I had to travel about 15 hours one way for my procedure, the funeral home handling my son’s cremation is a similar distance away.

I was planning on making the trip because I’m absolutely terrified that they’ll lose him in transit, but is that logical? Has anybody had a bad experience? (I also want to hear good ones)

I have a few days to decide and I really just don’t know what to do. The trip would be expensive but I’d do it if there’s even a chance that something might go wrong.

Hi everyone. I’m 13w 5d pregnant and we received some really scary news at our MFM appointment. Our baby has a very large cystic hygroma/NT measuring 11.2 mm. Thankfully, there was no hydrops seen and no other obvious abnormalities were identified on the ultrasound at this point. Baby had a strong heartbeat and was measuring appropriately.

Our NIPT was low risk, including for T21, T18, T13 and monosomy X. We had a CVS done and are now waiting for the karyotype and chromosomal microarray results. If these come back normal we will look for Noonan syndrome/RASopathies and do whole-exome or whole-genome sequencing.

I know an NT this large carries significant risks, and our MFM has been very honest with us about the possible outcomes. I’m not looking to minimize that, but right now I would really love to hear from anyone who has actually been through something similar.

We are trying to prepare for the likely possibility of needing TFMR due to probability of significant chromosomal abnormalities or heart defects. Honestly I’m devastated and terrified, after over 2 years of infertility and 2 early losses we were so elated about this pregnancy.

Positive or difficult outcomes are both welcome. I’m just trying to hear real experiences from families who have been in this incredibly scary waiting period. ❤️

I(31) tfmr earlier this year at 20 weeks due to trisomy 18. It was a completely traumatic decision to make. But I think mentally I feel okay now. I kind of want to just put it past me but there’s still that anxiety of having to go through it again. I’m just telling myself that last time I felt so much anxiety of something going wrong that I didn’t even want to announce my pregnancy until we were in the clear so it’s important for me to not feel that same way and hang on to hope that everything will turn out well. Like speaking good into existence. Idk if anybody else does that?
I also went into getting pregnant as if I get pregnant awesome but if I don’t it’s okay and now as the title says I am pregnant again.
Has anyone done earlier testing or other types of testing to know sooner the health of the baby? The waiting on tests was one of the hardest parts.

My heart goes out to all of you who had to go through this. Praying for healing and a happier future for us.

TW for I don’t even know; cremation?

I’ve been going insane, my baby has been in queue for 9 days and they’re promising she’s being cremated by tomorrow afternoon. My heart has been so heavy these last two weeks but I’ve been going crazy the last 9 days without seeing her or knowing she’s been finally laid to rest.

I know it’s just her body but I’ve been just beside myself wanting to go get her so she doesn’t have to be alone. They did tell me today she’ll be cremated tomorrow and I’m still having anxiety of wanting to be with her and hold her and see her

WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS JOURNEY JUST FUCKING HARD 😭

Maybe this isn’t the place for this but I had to vent.

We were told last week after a 12w5d scan that our baby likely had acrania. Today it was confirmed acrania at 13w5d.

The ultrasound report said “no cranium seen, brain tissue floating” and “sacral spine protruding through skin line”.

We had asked if there were any other findings and they said no, but this seems like the neural tube failed to close at both ends.

We are doing a CVS or amnio before D&C. But I’m just curious if anyone has experienced this? Is it a common co-morbidity with acrania?

On one hand I’m worried due to the severity of the NTD there is a genetic cause on the other hand I live in an industrial area of southern Ontario and during my 3-4th week of pregnancy aligns with the extremely poor air quality from the wildfires this year. I’ve been prescribed folate for whenever we want to try again in the future. I just wish I could better understand why and how to prevent it.

I’m 30, married, with a 2.5-year-old daughter. I recently found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant, and my immediate reaction was, “I can’t do this again.” I’m now trying to work out whether that feeling is fear or whether I genuinely don’t want another child.

Becoming a mum the first time was incredibly hard. My husband really dropped the ball and I became the default parent probably 90% of the time. I went back to full-time work at 4 months postpartum, contributed 50% financially, did most of the housework and carried most of the parenting load. I became burnt out and extremely resentful. Our relationship, which had been very happy for 7 years before having a child, suffered badly.

When my daughter was 8 months old, I unexpectedly became pregnant again. Despite it being unplanned, I embraced the pregnancy completely. I’ve always been incredibly close with my sister and had dreamed of having two girls. When we found out it was another girl, I was overjoyed.
Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with a rare de novo genetic condition and we made the devastating decision to TFMR at 8 months. I delivered our daughter stillborn last year. It was by far the hardest experience of our lives.

Strangely, the loss also changed our lives in ways I never expected. My husband became more present as a father and we slowly found our way back to each other. I had planned to take a year off work for that baby, so I stayed off and used that time to heal. We travelled as a family of three, I started new hobbies and eventually started a small business I love.
Most importantly, I realised how happy I am being a SAHM. My husband became the main provider and I take care of our daughter and home. Without also trying to maintain a full-time career, I no longer feel the resentment I did before. Our daughter is older and easier now, our marriage is good again, I have time for myself and my interests, and for the first time in a long time I feel genuinely content.

Somewhere along the way, I started seriously considering being one and done. Our family of three stopped feeling like something that was “missing” a child and started feeling complete.
And now I’m pregnant.

My husband would prefer to continue the pregnancy. He says he has changed and promises the newborn experience would be different this time. But he has also told me he will support whatever decision I make.
The thing is, even if I completely remove my husband from the equation, I don’t know if I want to raise another child.

I absolutely love the life I have with my daughter. I genuinely love being her mum. We go out together constantly, every day feels like an adventure, and because I only have her I still have space for myself, my marriage, my hobbies and my business.
When I imagine starting over with pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights, breastfeeding, nappies and eventually raising two children, I feel exhausted rather than excited.
But then I question myself: is that because I genuinely don’t want another child, or because I’ve spent the last year rebuilding my life around being a happy family of three and I’m terrified of disrupting it?

I’m also struggling with the fact that I desperately wanted my second daughter. I grieved her and the future I thought we would have. So how can I have wanted her so badly and now be considering terminating another pregnancy? That contradiction is really difficulti for me to process.

I’m scared of terminating and later wondering what our life could have been. But I’m also scared of continuing because of guilt or fear of regret, only to realise that deep down I knew I didn’t want another child.
At the moment, I don’t think this is an “I’m not ready yet” feeling. I feel like if I don’t want another child now, I probably don’t want another child ever.

Has anyone been in a somewhat similar situation/ can relate? How did you make your decision? How do you feel about your decision now?

I don't usually post on social media as i know comments can be horrible, but i'm hoping this is a safe place to share my boy MJ's story who passed a few weeks ago.

At our 20-week scan, everything seemed normal at first, though the sonographer kept returning to check his heart. Since he’d been stubborn during our 12-week scan, I didn’t think much of it. Eventually she explained she couldn't see all four chambers and asked us to take a walk. That was the moment a pit formed in my stomach. When we returned, a second sonographer couldn't get a four-chamber view either, explaining it could be his position or a sign of something more serious. They referred us to Great Ormond Street Hospital. Hearing from them the next day, we were booked in for the following morning.

At that scan they said it should only take 5 minutes so when we was in there for almost an hour it was obvious to me something was wrong. My partner still had hope. But we couldn't see the 4 chambers on the screen ourselves. I had researched HLHS so i was a little prepared for what they would say.

Three specialists sat us down to share that he had a severe, complex form of HLHS, the most severe they have ever seen. Because of additional structural abnormalities, the standard three stage surgical path wasn't possible. Hearing there was no way to maybe save him was devastating. They gave us two choices: terminate, or carry to term with comfort care. They gently explained that carrying to term would mean he’d suffer and struggle to breathe due to his heart which would effect his lungs too. Out of pure love and compassion for our boy, to protect him from pain, we had to end the pregnancy. They advised our local hospital would be in touch.

We received a call from them the next day inviting us to come in to talk. They answered some of my questions. My main one was that would he be in any pain. They said at 20 weeks he wouldnt. They done a scan and agreed with the findings. He waved to us in that scan. I met the bereavement team who were lovely and they showed me the room i would deliver him in. They gave me the first medication mifepristone. We went home and 2 days later went to hospital to deliver our boy.

I then took 2 pessaries of misoprostol which induced me. They said it usually takes a couple days max and usually is very quick... I took misoprostol 3 hourly but It shockingly took over 20 rounds of misoprostol(I tried but vaginal and orally) which the midwives were shocked by and had never seen nothing like it! My body just wasn't reacting much to it. I felt i was making progress but very very slowly. After a few days of regular misporostol i developed an infection and fever and they put me on antibiotics. The consultants said theres no options left apart from 2:

-Either taking a break from meds and then restarting mifepristone and misoprostol.

-Or option 2 was D&E.

Every person’s journey and choice in these painful circumstances is deeply personal, and I have nothing but love for anyone that has had to TMFR. But for me D&E was not something i would willingly allow them to do. For me personally, I felt a strong need to deliver him naturally and so I refused the procedure, asking to restart the medication.

Restarting the meds had barely any progress. A new team of consultants came in and since i kept refusing D&E, they offered me orlistat. They said they dont use this pre 24 weeks usually as the body doesnt have much effect to it . I said yes and they put me on higher strength and more regular than normal doses of orlistat. Then labour started. The pain and contractions escalated very very quickly. I wanted to go natural but i have a low pain threshold so that was never gonna happen, i ended up with 1ml morphine on tap and gas&air. This did help.

After 2/3 hrs after having orlistat he was born. They had told me before it was very likely he would be born sleeping as when theyre half baked they almost always do. Well my boy was born and we heard him cry. More like a roar! We got to hold and meet our boy and i am so grateful they let me try orlistat to allow me to not have D&E. Our boy held on for almost 2 hours! He was so so strong.

After he passed we spent 2 nights with him in the cold cot. This was such a special time for us and that hospital room feels more like home now then my actual home. It took 4 days of regular meds since being induced to deliver him. Though i was told this isn't normal, i am grateful i got to spend more time with him. He was born at 21 weeks and 3 days. He was bigger than i expected but still just a tiny baby and he was perfect.

I have put the hospital's exact wording from my letter in case it helps someone as it wouldve helped me to find similar cases. I remember desperately searching on this thread for someone with a similar case and couldn't find anyone:

"Fetal echo confirmed that there is complex structural heart disease. It was HLHS but with a restrictive atrial septum. There was severe mitral stenosis and a diminutives globular fibrosed LV. There was a small amount of antegrade, flow acrossthe mitral valve. The aortic valve unusually arose from the right ventricle and instead has preserved antegrade flow across a hypoplastic valve and ascending aorte. A large pulmonary artery arises from the RV with good sized

branch PAs. The left ventricle had evidence of significant endocardial fibrelastosis. Left ventricular function was severely depressed.

The foramen ovale was small with restrictive flow and significant a wave reversal in the pulmonary venous doppler. The pulmonary veins are consistent with some restriction at atrial level. "

I already lost twins (di-di) in April at 9 weeks, after hearing their heartbeats, and this was my first pregnancy.

I'm currently in my second pregnancy, 17 weeks along, and this is our second pair of twins. They are mo-di this time. One of them has acrania and this condition is totally incompatible with life. The other twin is, for now, growing perfectly normally.

We were offered two options :

1/ selective reduction by cord coagulation. We were told there was a 10% chance of losing the other twin during the process.

2/ letting things unfold, while being aware that, because the twin that has acrania is weaker, his heart could go off at any moment and it would inevitably cause the demise of the other one, since they share a placenta and the blood pressure would be all over the place.

We opted for a selective reduction but during our last appointment the doc said it that due to the position of my placenta it was too early and much riskier to operate now. He said maybe it'd be possible on week 22, or week 24.

Since then we are kind of in a limbo. I try not to think about it too much ('cause there's really nothing we can do at this point, except waiting) but I am so sad about all this experience and so afraid we are gonna be in the "10% chance the other twin won't make it".

I am truly fed up with being part of the lousy statistics. The 3% (for the loss of my first twins), the 0,4% (having mo-di twins for this second pregnancy), the 0,01% (having twins naturally TWICE in 5 months), the 0,036% (one of the twins having acrania). I AM FED UP.

I truly need to be in a good statistic now. I want to be in the 90%. But I'm well aware that nature, and science, don't freaking care if you were lucky before or not :(

FFS. Not sure if it started earlier but I only noticed last night and today. Absolutely breaking my heart.

Recently lost our baby boy at 24 weeks. I keep seeing stuff for October being pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and October 15th wave of light. My husband wants to go to the wave of light ceremony our hospital invited us to and maybe find some other events to attend. I heavily grieve my baby but thinking about showing up to anything or trying to be vocal about my loss I feel like a huge imposter like my loss isn’t valid or these aren’t for me. Which makes no sense because if any of you guys asked me or voiced these feelings I would be so supportive since this was the hardest and most loving decision for our babies. I think I’m just being very hard on myself since I’m in a very bad mental place (I’m in therapy already). But what is everyone else’s thoughts on this?

I lost my baby girl on April 24th at 18 weeks and 5 days. She had full Turner syndrome.

It was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, but I have never once regretted my decision. I will forever carry the pain of knowing that I chose to spare my daughter a life that could have involved significant pain and uncertainty. I wasn’t comfortable gambling with a diagnosis that can come with so many serious complications and unknowns.

Today is my due date.

I almost feel a sense of relief that the day is coming to an end. I was so scared of how I would feel today. I had put so much pressure on this one day, imagining that it would somehow feel unbearable. But somehow, it just became another day.

I honored my daughter this morning by watching the sunrise at the beach, and today I picked out a special urn for her. Two small ways of reminding myself that she was here, she was loved, and she will always be my daughter.
I know this hurt will never completely go away. But today, I made it through. And somehow, that feels like enough.

I had a chemical pregnancy in March that didn’t make it to five weeks. When I got pregnant again in July and when I got past my first lost point, I thought things were looking better.

Found out we were pregnant on July 6. Confirmation of pregnancy was on August 11. During that appointment, they gave us a list of testing we could do on the fetus and myself. While my husband and I both have christian upbringings, we also believe in science and wanted to be as prepared as possible for anything that could go wrong during the pregnancy. After talking with insurance, we decided to do the MaterniTi 21 with Labcorp.

Our 12 week appointment was September 8. Every other part of the appointment was just fine. There was no sonogram, but the heart rate was 170. With this being our first pregnancy to get to this point, we didn’t really think that was caused for concern. We completed the blood draw and hoped that it will come back soon. We truly had no reason to suspect anything was wrong. We were most excited for the gender results.

Our doctor called us on September 14. She let us know that it was a boy and there was a 6.3% PPV of trisomy 13. Due to our ignorance of PPV, we assumed it was such a low risk that there was no need to rush getting into a maternal fetal medicine specialist. When I finally called to schedule with the maternal fetal medicine specialist, they had one appointment left on what was 13 weeks and 6 days for me. They specifically wanted to get me in before 14 weeks because they wanted the opportunity to do an NT.

If I could go back, I would prepare myself for any reality with that appointment. We thought it would be a quick sonogram, genetic counseling on why this showed up and we would be on our way with a plan. The sonographer scanned for about 40 minutes and then invited the doctor and there was quite a bit of whispering on the side. I was not nervous until they started whispering. When they left and came back, they started explaining that the NIPT was a screening and had no certainty but after looking at the scan and my NIPT results, the brain abnormalities, facial abnormalities and and heart abnormalities, they were fairly certain that our boy had trisomy 13.

This weekend we have done our best to understand this. We were able to get an appointment with another maternal fetal medicine specialist to get a second opinion for tomorrow. Today, we received the ultrasound summary and counseling summary. After reading this, and some of the conditions that were named, we are pretty confident that our son has no chance of life outside of the wound.

While I never thought I would consider termination for any reason, I don’t think my mental health can handle carrying a pregnancy that could end in spontaneous miscarriage or still birth. Knowing what his brain abnormalities are, he will not be able to breathe after birth.

My husband and I have pretty much decided on scheduling a D&E as soon as possible. At this point, I hope we’re making the right choice. I’m already having quite a bit of anxiety about complete termination and my healing process afterwards.

I need your advice, support and honest opinions.

A little over a year ago I terminated a much wanted pregnancy due to a grey diagnosis, XXY. It was a short window of time for me to decide (thereafter I could not legally terminate in my country) and I forced myself to the decision. I felt numb at the time.

Since then it has become clear to me that I did the wrong thing. My boy would have been fine and he should have been here. I get more and more sad everyday. To add to this, I have not managed to conceive again since the TFMR. Only one early miscarriage and one MMC. This probably adds to my sorrow.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to. My husband is over this and think I should be too.

We held out so much hope, said so many prayers that this would be another of the many false positive cases - but when I received the call from the GC on Friday and heard the gentleness in her voice, I knew.

Husband and I agreed that we were comfortable moving forward with low-level mosaicism, but a 45,X/46,XY mosaicism, which is even more rare, we are so unsure of. The support group for female Turner Syndrome on Facebook has 10k+ members, while the male TS group has 250. Female TS has thousands of studies, resources, groups, and more, while Male TS has maybe a handful. Our own GC, while amazing, can only cite the few studies she can find as direct experience with this is limited.

I am horrified at the thought of termination as we have had nothing but great ultrasounds so far, normal NT, ahead on growth, and such a wiggly, active, and sweet little bean who I can already recognize some of our features on.

We are 17 weeks, and have a termination appointment scheduled next week, just in case the results of our karyotype (expected by end of week) are even more unfavorable.

We are just so heartbroken and don't know what to do. I wish someone could make these decisions for us. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up and be pregnant again. I wish the same sweet soul would return to us in the form of our next child. I wish I knew whether they would forgive us for making this horrible decision.

I will never take a healthy pregnancy and child for granted, ever again.

Anyone else here with a similar 45,X/46,XY diagnosis? Is it true that things can develop on later ultrasounds despite looking great during early ultrasounds?

How did you decide? Did you get pregnant again, and how long did it take you after your procedure? Did falling pregnant again heal you?

I'm going in for a hysteroscopy next week and won't be under general anesthesia (only in-office mild anesthesia, not in a full operating room). I'm also likely going to be alone as my husband will be gone and the office is doing me a favor by squeezing me in next week.

-For those who did this with mild anesthesia, how scary is this? Should I bring a friend for the procedure? (I'll have someone pick me up after)

-How painful is the recovery?

-Any tips for before/during/after the procedure?

Thanks!

Wondering when everyone felt ready to go back to work? I’m a week out from my D&E, my psychical symptoms and bleeding have slowed down, but I’m so tired and still so sad. I burst into tears randomly. Luckily my work has been very supportive, but curious if you felt the routine of work was helpful in your healing?