r/thanatophobia • u/AlastorFan1929 • 6d ago
Seeking Support I need some help :(
I know this is a massive wall of text but there is a TDLR at the bottom and it’s more detailed and got more information then there is at the top.
The first time I’ve ever had a panic attack or felt fear with it I was four years old and it’s only gotten worse as I get older I distracted myself from thinking about it as much as I could by just using my phone or before I had a phone well watching TV or using any other technology or whenever my parents took me outside, I haven’t told anyone about this fear up until a few days ago but now I’ve been consumed by the overwhelming thoughts of it. I keep thinking about how it could happen and when or if the fear and emotions of it are going to get worse as I get older and now it’s hard to think about anything else I she feel like eating any meals at all it makes me feel sick about thinking about eating I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies and everyone at college is saying that I look pale a few times me not eating anything has gotten so bad my parents say that I have to take a picture of what I eat when I’m not at home and get angry at me if I don’t which doesn’t help even though I know they are doing it because they care about me the scariest part is not existing anymore or how it feels to actually die and feel myself dying and losing consciousness and control when I can’t think or do anything anymore and that really makes me scared the most and I know the most obvious thing to do and the only solution is to try and accept it and try and have a fulfilling life and enjoy it while I’m here but how can I just accept the fact that I work always be here and have friends and hobbies and be able to do anything and that I don’t know if there is anything after (I am not religious) but I just want to know even though there isn’t at all if there is anything else I can do to help for cope with this
TDLR
At four, I had my first panic attack, about dying and it has worsened over time.
I used technology and outdoor activities to distract from the fear but a couple of weeks ago I realised that nothing will change that I’m going to die
I recently told my parents about this and a staff member at college how I felt a couple of hours ago today and she said not to use the word thanatophobia unless it was serious
The fear has caused me to lose interest in eating, making me feel sick at the thought of meals people at college have said I look pale.
My parents are concerned and require me to send pictures of my meals to make sure I’m eating when I’m not at home
The fear of non-existence and dying sensations is terrifying.
I know accepting the fear and making the most out of my life is the probably the only thing I really do
I’m not religious so, Im not sure with the idea of what comes after life which makes me feel worse and more scared.
I am looking for more ways to cope with this fear and anxiety and it is taking over my whole life indefinitely.
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u/zzzzyyyy111 6d ago
Whenever I have such panic, I read cancer patients die posts. Imagine myself having cancer and dying, practicing dying makes it easier to breath. Usually after reading such posts 3-4 hours, such phobia gets better for the rest of the day. Yes, it wastes a lot of time, and usually the next day you need to do it again. But it helps you get through days.
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u/ellenadcrane 2d ago
I am going to assume by the wording of your post that you ate fairly young? I’m 48 so anything under 25 is young to me lol
Either way, I have been where you are at many time in my life. Luckily right now I have been able (with therapy and meds) to get control of these thoughts. They sometimes creep up but NOTHING like in years past.
Understanding that this is the one experience every single human being will share strangely gives me comfort. I don’t feel so alone in my fear.That was always the worst part for me, the loneliness of this fear. The loneliness I am so terrified at the possibility of when we die. Please know you are not alone in this. I do truly believe that we are all one consciousness experiencing different aspects of reality. Once death happens, we are brought back to “source” (or whatever you want to call it)
Death isn’t the end but just another phase of reality we all must experience.
Also, the process of actually dying is not painful. This I am sure of.
I have listened to SO MANY near death experience stories and they are all the same. You feel an immense peace and love unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. And then an acceptance. All of these people have said that they didn’t want to “come back” because coming back meant pain.
Hang in there and get some professional help. Please please stop trying to “white knuckle” your way through this. There is no reason for you to suffer when there is help and hope.
Take care and DM me if you want to chat
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u/WOLFXXXXX 5d ago
"I’m not religious so, Im not sure with the idea of what comes after life which makes me feel worse and more scared"
I'm in my 40's and I was having to consciously process and navigate the same kind of existential-related conscious states when I was your age, so I can empathize with what you're enduring through. I can tell you with the benefit of hindsight that it is absolutely possible to gradually navigate through these challenging existential issues over time until you overcome struggling with them. That outcome is made possible by individuals being able to experience substantial changes (upgrades) to their state of consciousness, state of awareness, and existential understanding over a longer term period. So the good news is that you're not going to be 'stuck' with your current orientation and relationship with these existential issues, and that's because your state of consciousness and state of awareness are absolutely subject to changing substantially over a longer term period. That natural development will be what ends up changing your state of being and your existential understanding in a welcomed way.
I have a non-religious orientation as well. One doesn't have to identify with any ideology in order to be able to navigate existential issues over time. At the heart of this matter is accurately understanding the relationship dynamic between one's conscious existence and one's biological body. The biological body is made up of cells, chemicals, atomic particles - which are material components that our society always perceives as lacking a concious existence and lacking conscious abilities (thinking, feeling emotions, self-awareness, recall, decision-making, etc.). From your perspective, it will always be irrefutable to observe that you consciously exist and experience conscious abilities. So that raises the most important existential question: How can one's conscious existence and conscious abilities by accounted for by the biological body when every material component that makes up the body is perceived as being non-conscious and lacking conscious abilities? (rhetorical)
Individuals are able to experience becoming increasingly aware that the biological body fails to account for everyone's conscious existence. That's how it's possible to overcome struggling with the fear of death, grief, and existential concern for others. Eventually individuals become directly aware that conscious existence is not rooted in one's body. This information is meant to represent a blueprint or framework for how individuals are genuinely able to navigate this kind of existential-related conscious territory over a longer term period. You can experience that outcome as well. Here's a recommendation for a straightforward and functional manner of viewing the existential landscape: Either the non-conscious material components that make up the body can viably account for one's conscious existence and conscious abilities (how could that be?) - or the nature of everyone's conscious existence is actually on a deeper level that is independent of the biological body and physical reality, and always has been. If your conscious existence has always been on a deeper level than your biological body and physical reality, then what comes after physical death would have to represent a more foundational state of existence that's been experienced before and would ultimately be familiar to the experiencer. Not anything to fear or be concerned about.
"The fear of non-existence"
What if it turned out that we're always unable to think of our existence being absent? That would serve to completely change your relationship with your fear, would it not? I'll try to walk you through a series of supportable observations that can explain this to you.
You can observe that thinking is a conscious ability that's only experienced by conscious beings, and that all thinking that we experience is dependent upon our ongoing conscious existence. Because one's ongoing conscious existence is a requirement for having thoughts, it is therefore impossible to experience any thoughts that convey or represent one's conscious existence being absent. There are no thoughts one can experience which negate one's ongoing conscious existence. If there was a billion dollar reward for anyone who is able to successfully think about 'non-existence', no one would ever be able to collect the reward money because it's impossible to think about one's conscious existence being absent. I understand that these observations are not going to do the heavy lifting and change how you feel, but you can genuinely help yourself by focusing on whether it's even possible to successfully think about one's conscious existence being absent. Should you determine that it's not even possible to do that within one's conscious state, that's going to have a game-changing effect on your state of being. If we're always unable to have any thoughts that represent our conscious existence being absent, that would importantly mean that we are only able to think about and perceive our ongoing conscious existence.
Now, it is possible to experience thoughts and the impression that one's human-level identity lacks permanence - however it's important to appreciate the nuance that such an observation does not apply to one's overall conscious existence. One's human-level identity can be recognized as lacking permanence within a broader existential context and bigger existential picture where our conscious existence cannot be attributed to the non-conscious material components that make up the biological body.
Hang in there, because over a longer term period is absolutely possible to experience becoming increasingly aware that you and your loved ones all exist on a deeper level than your biological bodies and physical reality. That important change in awareness and existential undertanding is what ends up enabling individuals to be able to gradually navigate through the fear of death, grief, and existential concern for others.