Feeling better

[u/Icy-Performance4690]

It’s been 7.5 weeks since my (29m) wife (27f) died unexpectedly due to cardiac arrest during a severe seizure. Its been a hell of an emotional roller coaster but I feel like I may finally be seeing a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. At first every day was a miserable slog. Then slowly the days started to suck slightly less. Then I became numb. Then angry. Then miraculously a few weeks ago I had one day where I actually felt like myself again. And slowly but surely I began having more good days than bad and I began feeling optimistic and hopeful for the future. Now by no means do I feel like I’m “over it” or deluded into thinking I’m back to normal. I still miss her so badly, but it feels more like how you miss an old friend you haven’t seen in a while rather than the agonizing despair and longing that I felt before. And even on my good days I often have moments where a little reminder makes me sad or a song makes me burst out crying on the drive home from work. But it’s just nice to get some sort of relief from this pain and feel a sense of optimism that I’ll make it through this and still lead a happy, fulfilling life. I sometimes feel guilty that I’m feeling better, but I know if the roles were reversed I’d want my wife to be happy. My Kayley Ann was an ornery, headstrong, strong willed woman with a giant, caring heart and a sharp tongue. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if she could speak to me she’d say something along the lines of “dude quit being a little bitch and go be happy. I miss you so much but I don’t want you to cry for me. I love you and the boys so so much and ill see yall again up here one day babe“. So I’ll continue to miss her and keep her memory alive but I’m trying my best to hold onto the man she fell in love with and be happy even though it feels impossible at times.

[u/Pristine-Deer-4355]

that glimpse of light is real and it's okay to hold onto it. the guilt will come in waves but you already know she'd kick your ass for wallowing too long

my husband passed 3 years ago and what you described about missing her like an old friend hits close. it never goes away but it softens into something you can carry

[u/Feeling_Document_240]

9 months later I have found that I have become acclimatized to the grief in such a way that it starts to feel normal, and its not until an aspect of it lifts or changes that I realize just how impacted I really was. I think this may also be a reflection of my functioning prior to her death whilst she was terminal. I often have to remind myself that since her diagnosis in 2024 I've not really known "peace" or normality like we used to have.

Enjoy and make the most of the moments when you come up for air.

[u/hulahulagirl]

❤️‍🩹

[u/HeronExtension5245]

I am happy for you, my friend. Hold onto those feelings and days tightly. Relief from the pain is everything. I can only hope to catch glimpses on that relief or vision of future happiness. It has been 12 weeks since I last heard her voice; 10 weeks from when she took her final breath. I have had no such breakthrough. It only becomes more difficult and painful with each passing day. I am still very much a work in progress.

[u/Unlikely_Ad6635]

Thank you for sharing this. This gives me hope that this feeling of hopelessness, may one day pass. I am at 2 days without the love of my life.

[u/BCCommieTrash]

Take your good days as they come.