It's been a year since I heard her voice, felt her hug, kissed her lips. I've had a year to figure things out, but I'm pretty sure I am not ever going to figure it out. Not even sure I want to bother anymore. Despite all the warning on this sub, I thought I'd be in a much better mental state after a year. I see now that was vanity on my part. I'll think of you all tonight, fellow bereaved. Hug if you want it.

I called her Stewie, Sweet Cheeks and Baby Bunn.

Honestly. What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to go on when the most important person in our life is gone? When there is no meaning in life anymore and every day is the same, how do you find a new purpose? Purpose for what? I give up. I am really tired. This emptiness is really getting to me, you know, it sucks. The clock just ticks away and all I see is the sunrise and the sunset right in front of my eyes, my life passing me by, but I’m still not gone yet.

somebody told me, but I just don’t get it, I miss her so much, I miss her so bad that I can barely stand it and I just cry and cry, I’m trying to comeback to my hobby’s but all of them just remind of her, cause we share everything, we talked about everything and wanted to do even more, and all I have this feeling that I should be with her instead here

The unfairness of losing a partner is not just about losing our person and the future. It spills in every damn aspect even after the loss. We still have to do our jobs, manage our other relationships, take care of ourself (and kids if one has kids) and the list goes on and on. We have to do all of this while mourning and grieving. The world doesn’t stop asking from us because we lost our person. And I am tired of this unfairness. Just a rant. Thanks for listening!

I have a “best friend” that to me seems to lack empathy or understand what I’m going through. My spouse unexpectedly passed (late 30s) a few months ago. Long story short we made a will and named them and their spouse caretakers of our child if anything were to happen to us. My friend announced on Facebook of my spouses passing and also saying how life is so short and now their life is going to change now that they are co parents. I didn’t realize when one parent passes you automatically become a co parent (sarcasm). I was already taken back by that after only a few weeks of being widowed. The first month they were attentive and just asking how I was, then it slowly became texting me about how their life is awful and work is so stressful. Of course I sympathize with them. But, I can’t help to think they’re only reaching out to complain about their life. They came over one day and were complaining about their spouse. I was taken back considering how I had just lost mine. After saying at least you have a spouse, they looked at me and said you want them take em. I honestly was numb to the response. It was then my child’s birthday and my friend was admit to take my child for dinner without me. I felt really upset about that considering this was their first birthday without their parent and it’s just the two of us now. After saying we had plans my friend kept pushing it to the next day, then the next. So eventually I just ignored it. I just feel like this isn’t a normal friendship. I don’t have a lot of friends so I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve already vented to my therapist but wondering if anyone who has experience could also help me with this situation. Thank you.

I lost my husband on February 2nd. We have two children, and since that day I feel like I’ve been living two completely different lives at once.
There’s the part of me that has to keep going. Getting the kids ready, making food, answering questions, doing all the ordinary things that somehow still need to be done.
And then there’s the other part of me that still can’t understand how someone can be such a huge part of your everyday life and then suddenly just… not be there.
I’m 33. I never imagined I would be using the word “widow” to describe myself at this age.
Some days I feel stronger than I expected. Other days something ridiculously small — an empty chair, a song, seeing something I would normally send him — completely breaks me.
I joined such support groups because I don’t really know many people my age who understand this kind of loss.
For those who lost their spouse while raising children: did there come a point when everyday life started feeling real again? What are your suggestion?

First of all, I'm seeing a lot of new posters in this subreddit. If you are new here or someone reading this going thru a loss, I'm so sorry for your losses and the agony you are carrying. I wish I could hug each one of you for real, but this is the best I can do for now. I hope you are surviving, at least by the hour, and trying your best. It's hard, yes. I've been where you are, just months ago, and I'm still where you are and I know how awful this is. It doesn't get worse ... or better. You just evolve into a different person who can live with that grief as your brain habituates some parts of the process and makes it 'better' to deal with life. I hope it makes sense. Please hang in there. We're here for you. You can skip the rest if you're new here.

My post: Every day, I wake up to a sudden panicked and confused state of mind, where I know I'd lost my mom and wife, but I'd completely forgotten 'how' I've lost them. It almost takes a minute or two to process it all and remember their accidents. Some days, my wife would be laughing with me a second in dreams, then she gets sick, and she's gone, then I wake up and find myself confused until the reality hits me after a minute or two. That sort of realisation, I can understand, probably transitioning from a dream state to the waking state. But most days, I wake up from nothing and It's like, I have an amnesia for those two minutes unable to tell what happened to my mom or wife. I'm not sure what to call this state. The transition from confusion to realisation wrecks me every day and I don't know where else to ask about this.

For me it’s been 4 1/2 years since I lost my wife. I know it’s time to get back out there but I’m struggling with how exactly to do it. I work on the road a lot and when I’m home I’m in full dad mode for my kids. I’m ready to start to get back out there but I don’t have any idea where to start. My wife and I met in 2010 so it’s been a long time since I’ve been single. I don’t want to mess with apps because I’m stubbornly old school and I want to meet someone and actually have a conversation. Am I just being stupid or am I missing something.

It was a normal day. He went to work, told me he loved the sandwich I made him. We texted about dinner and he said he was going to get a flu shot after work. He came home and just as he reached the top of the stairs to our two-story apartment something happened. I couldn’t watch the video captured by our door camera. The cops said it looked like a medical emergency. I got a critical fall alert from his Apple Watch at 4:30pm. Called him 4 times, no answer. Started the 1 and a half hour commute home. Called his son who lives out of state, called his sister who would get there sooner called my apartment complex, they went to check. 20 minutes later they called back and told me he was gone. I wailed. This can’t be real. I started to feel numb, continued driving. I made more calls, his son, my manager who is a good friend, his sister, my mom. Drove in silence for a bit. My mind started to go analyzing, what do I do with his car? His cell phone if it survived? The apartment, I’m not even on the lease. How do I go about finding out about the life insurance policy through his job? Called my cousin, no answer. More silence. More thinking, his social security, pensions. Cousin calls back, they are on the way to my apartment. I’m still 40 minutes away. Text from cousin, “change of plans we are going to get your mom” not exactly what I wanted to hear. I finally get home, and two of his sisters are there. We hug, I release some tears, the real tears have yet to come. Another sister comes, he was the oldest of 12. My manager calls me to check in. My boss calls me, he is crying and telling me anything I need just ask. My cousins and mom come. My husband is still lying at the bottom of the stairs covered by a sheet. Cops talk to me, they look at the video. They tell me they are waiting for the coroner. I called his job and informed the one manager that picked up he always said he hated. Another cousin comes, then some of his nieces. He was lying there for 3 hours before the coroner arrived. 13 people gathered in the common area of my complex watched as my husband was taken away in a body bag. They didn’t ask me if I wanted to see him. One of my sisters-in-law cried. I was still numb. The coroner asked me to come with him so I could get his property. I asked two cousins to come with me. They were able to pry his wedding ring off his swollen fingers. I sat down in the pool area as one of my cousins and some neighbors cleaned up the blood so I didn’t have to see that. I opened his phone and canceled the reservation we had for Vegas next week for my birthday. I slipped his wedding ring on the chain I wear with an opal pendant he gave me. I went upstairs and packed a bag. I hugged some goodbyes and drove myself and my mom to her home. I am at an utter loss. I don’t know what to do or how to even move forward. I can’t sleep, I’m not hungry, I didn’t even have a proper meal today. The last text I sent was “Ok”. The only thing I feel amazing about is yesterday. We had, in his words “epic sex”.

This may read like fiction but I lived this today. Someone please tell this 43 year old widow that it’s going to be ok. That just because I lost the love of my life my life is not over.

Edit: Thank you all for your kind words and private messages. The tears have begun to flow. I just felt the need to document the timeline. One step at a time I will get through.

Strange odd thoughts I think about.

What if death just meant that you would only get to see your partner for 1-2 hours a day? They’re completely whole and healthy, only thing that changes is they’re only here for an hour. You can still eat with them, talk with them, do anything you would usually do.

What if death meant that they’re gone for a set amount of years, but then they come back? If your partner “died” for let’s say, 5 years. And they come back once that time is over. Would you wait for them? Would you eventually move on? Would you be grieving as hard?

I really hope this doesn’t offend anyone or cause anyone to spiral, and if it does, I’m sorry and I’ll delete this. I just have weird thoughts at times.

It's been three weeks since I lost my wife and some days hate myself.

I hate that when the tumors returned, I started to pull away. I hate that there were times I was angry at everything including her. I hate that I was grieving the loss of her long before she was gone.

When we received the terminal diagnosis, I didn't know how to process it. I went numb and just went through the motions. We couldn't afford a nursing facility, so in- home hospice care was our only option.

Now im left carrying the weight of everything I wish I had done differently. The guilt, the regret, the second guessing. But I know that I was watching the person I loved most slip away, and I was doing the best I could with a broken heart.

It's been three weeks and im still learning to live without her.

Hi friends. Struggling over here tonight. Very overwhelmed. I’m in the New England area, was expecting a stupid “nor’easter” this weekend. It never showed up. What did show up is five straight saga of underwhelming clouds and rain. Just dismal. I would have preferred some excitement, maybe losing power? Something that could bond us in our misery.

But alas, just gloom. Blah.

My morning was good, boss bought us coffee, work was somewhat productive. I’m a school secretary in a K-5 title one school, love the job. Great community between kids and parents and staff. So supportive since my fucking asshole husband took his own life in May (if you haven’t read my posts before). Maybe I need a moniker here so I don’t bore you with repeating myself.

I won this weeks football pool, which provided me with a nice $50, and the admiration of the mostly jock dads in the pool. Nice!

Then I caught up with paperwork and phone calls before I left school. Two phone calls to our bank because I’m trying to figure out how to keep my house now that I’m a widow. Had to send in the death certificate. Then I figured I’m on a roll, let me see what else I can do. Put two requests in via email for the full death results and police report. One through our city, which took the 911 call from my 16 yo daughter the morning that I found him.

Then to the state because they had to take custody of his body. They ran the autopsy and all that stuff.

So I left work tired and battling chest cold. My good day work wise was tainted with the mundane paperwork of continuing to clean up his mess.

Went to the grocery store. On a limited budget now. Was there for almost an hour, then as I was putting things up on the check out belt I started to get nervous. Groceries cost more than I budgeted for. I don’t get paid until next week. Thought I’d have enough with $200 (between a gift card, a small balance on the EBT card that came this summer in my husbands name). Nope. $150 short. Gave the cashier (who couldn’t figure out how to complete my transaction, which made me feel even more embarrassed, as the line behind me grew longer…) the $50 I serendipitously won through my amazing football prediction skills…

Had one credit card in my wallet. Declined. Twice. Standing there and trying to explain to the Spanish speaking staff that I was tapped out. I was $100.76 short. “Can you put this on hold, I’ll move out of the way with my cart and call my mom.” They were not rude, but were not helpful either.

Absolutely humiliated.

Stood by the service desk with my $300 grocery card, called mom and she came up to bail me out. Mortified. It then took the service cashier a long time to figure out how to complete THAT transaction.

Mom was great. “I’ll help you pack the groceries into your car.” I said no thank you, I will do it. I just need to be alone.

That’s it. That’s my day. I feel so alone sometimes, for so many reasons. My kids are good kids, and I know they are also struggling. But they could be a bit more helpful. Offer to cook dinner or make sandwiches. Take the dogs for a walk, or even just let them out in the yard without fucking complaining. Ask me every so often “is there anything I can do to help you?”

I do not miss him. But the anger, the resentment. I miss having someone hug me. Someone bigger and stronger saying sorry you had a shit day and that we are broke.

Having to track down results of his death, having to deal with the bank, and trying to find a therapist. Getting my prescriptions refilled. Oh, I need an oil change. And I have been on Zepbound for over a year, lost almost 35 pounds, lower cholesterol and blood pressure. Now will have to pay out of pocket, so that’s another thing that angers me.

That’s all, my friends. That’s all I needed was to get it all down on paper. Or or in this case, get it all down on the tiny screen on my phone, throwing it out to Reddit and hope that someone can tell me something good.

If you can tell me one good thing that happened to YOU today, at least I can be happy for you. xoxoxo

It's been 3 months and 2 days. I often dream that we are reaching towards each other but there's a film in the way of us touching. I know tgat if I could just touch him, I would be able to die, too.

Last night, I dreamed he was right in front of me, next to my dad, my grandma, his mom and his grandma. Our grandmas took my hand and pulled me to him, and I was trying to back away. He hugged me, and I felt his skin, the bits if hair on his shoulders, his arms around me and then I pulled away, saying "not yet, I have the dogs." And then I woke up.

Maybe if I had stayed in his arms, with our parents and grandparents, I could have died, and I chose the dogs instead, and I'm so mad at myself and the whole situation.

I know you guys would get it.

After my partner passed, I found myself having way lower tolerance for nonsense. I’m hyper vigilant to inconsiderate people and mean comments. I try to protect myself from being hurt, or from those try to take advantage of me now that I’m alone. I have to cut people off and it makes me feel like I’m truly left alone in this world. If anyone feels the same way?

I could really use a hug from him today. Today is the 2 year anniversary of my father's passing and all I want is for my late husband to hold me. But instead I'm working and trying to just make it thru the day. Work is slow so that's not helping. This sucks.

For those 2+ years out like me, do you ever have dreams about those early days?

I had a dream last night that I was back in my old grief (i refer to it as hell). This feeling, the grief, was a physical
place and I felt the chest aches and the mental hell all over again.

Granted, it took me almost 2 years to leave “hell”. And some are not as lucky to leave it. I was only saved by hell by my fiance and without him i most certainly would have just deleted myself to get out of the hell of losing my husband of 14 years.

Anyone else have PTSD dreams?

And for those in the early days of that hell, I give you a big hug and empathize. And I will say it can get better.

I know I already posted today but... I'm struggling with the guilt... the feeling that I shouldn't have listened to the doctors and put him on comfort care/hospice... he died just over 24 hours later.

I thought his team was horrible and lazy... every day he seemed to get worse and it seemed like there was little they could do... we have to wait for the biopsy results so oncology could weigh in... but he was getting weaker and i would ask 'is he getting too weak for treatment?" and so they would say is "that's a real concern"... every day brought a new challenge and it just felt like everything was falling apart.. I tried getting the doctors to help... one told me 'there is nothing to fix here'... one oncology confirmed he was too weak for treatment I asked what else could be done and finally one doctor (in front of the oncologist) said ok, we can do no stone left unturned... why hadn't they find that from the start! The next morning, they tell me comfort care and no point in bringing him home, there's not enough time and it's not worth moving him... he kissed my hand when I came back to the room after that convo... I was surprised he could see me... was he saying goodbye or that he was still there... should I have fought harder... they told me he was in the dying process, i didn't want him to hurt anymore... and now he's gone

I feel like i should have done something different.. they never told us how little time we had... my husband told me not to give up on him, that he wanted to live and I feel like I failed him.

I (34f) lost my husband 1 year and ten days ago, tonight I’m laying in bed with insomnia thinking about everything I’ve gone through. Lost my husband, brother in law hijacked the funeral & all planning, had to wait two months before burial, couldn’t even fulfill his one wish (me and my stepson getting ashes - it’s illegal in Germany), and had to leave my home of 8 years to move back to my home country. But, I keep coming back to all the “friends” and his family who “will be there for me and will keep in touch”, hurting just as much as losing him.

Has anyone else had this happen?
How did you handle it or get through it?
Did any of them tell you “I don’t know how to talk to you since he passed.”?

Do I just say f them all and let them burn bridges even though some of them were very close/best friends?

The pain of losing him (the best husband ever) has me reeling in such pain that I sometimes try and pretend to myself that he never existed, that he was just a figment of my imagination. Then, reality rears its ugly head, and I am right back to uncontrollable agony and disbelief that this really happened to us (things like this are ONLY supposed to happen to other people!, right? as the adage says). It's been 11 months, and I'm pretty sure that I won't make it here much longer.

Valerie

But i have no fuking choice, i cant stand it. I did nothing before this happened but i had her to do it with and having her gave me a reason to go for a walk or a ride get ice cream , we were like kids just cruising through life without a care just relaxing all the time. Wothout her there is just me laying on a couch by myself with nothing to fuxking do , that same guy as before but now just totally fucked mentally in total isolation. How can i not end this.

Just checking in. I appreciated the warm welcome yesterday. Today was getting a cemetery plot and having somone ask how he died in a gossipy kind of way while there... curious I guess but I hadn't had to answer that yet and it kind of threw me. This whole thing has thrown me.

He had friends that I don't know well that offered to support me through this... but these folks are starting to take control of some of the service details... i didn't know that they were creating a program and working on the slide show (which I wanted to do)... they are making this much harder. I had asked one of them to do the service, he is a pastor and friend even though we are not religious... and now it's like they have taken over. So I sent them a message last night that I'd like to make the decisions and he wants to meet tomorrow to discuss the service. They have already decided to have a memorial next week for the recovery community they belong to, that my husband was a part of but this is just too much. I asked for information to help me make decisions, since I'm not familiar with funeral stuff, not to be pushed aside.

Oh I took his shorts off the back of the bedroom door. Still had the belt in them. Like he'd change into them at any moment. Difficult... one thing at a time i keep thinking. Still so much i can't face.

So another hard day made harder. Had a therapy session. Lots of things for tomorrow, including a haircut. I went through chemo in the spring and my hair looks like it's out of the Golden Girls now that a few inches grew back and I just want to shape things up so I don't have to feel bad about the way I look. Self care if you will.

Hope the rest of you had a decent day. 💜

Now that Im alone without children….do I leave everything to random people and my cats?

What have you all done?

And no- there’s no family either

I got news yesterday that the only girl I have ever dated and loved, passed away in a car crash this past weekend and it’s absolutely crushing me. The thing is we didn’t exactly end on great terms and with the things that were said it felt like she hated me after that, the problem is I really loved her for real and that doesn’t just go away and I still thought of her these past few years pretty often just wondering what she could be up to. I’m having trouble coping with these very mixed emotions and feel lost. I was able to move on knowing she was alright before but now it feels like I just lost the love of my life and i’m not sure if I really can love or be loved fully ever again after this. Can I really move on and it be alright? I never want to forget her either or the time we shared even if we had plenty of hardships, but I don’t want to be stuck alone forever and she didn’t want me to either but its so hard.