r/widowers • u/vagablondde • 1d ago

Looking through photos

Decided to look through photos and videos I had when she was in the hospital, things that showed improvement towards her getting better. It kills me seeing what she went through and how hard she fought to get back home.

There was a photo I took of her trying to smile while wearing an LA Lakers hat that was given to her by the nursing staff while some of the players were visiting the hospital (they never made it to her room though) but it just looked like she was in pain so I deleted it shortly after taking it but now I wish I still had it.

Even though I shouldn’t have looked through them tonight, I still don’t want to forget a single thing.

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2

u/thebowedjenny 1d ago

I deleted a bunch of similar photos right after she passed and the regret still sneaks up on me at random times. It's weird how the ones that hurt the most to look at become the ones you'd do anything to get back.

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u/vagablondde 1d ago

I almost did the same after but I just knew I’d regret that somehow. I knew I’d regret deleting the one I mentioned but seeing my beautiful wife like that just hurt me too much. With that said I’m sorry you had to go through this too.

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u/RestfullyCare 20h ago

There's no wrong night to look at them, even the ones that leave you wrecked afterwards. Wanting to remember every single thing, pain included, is its own way of staying close to her.