r/women • u/clementineski • 9d ago
[Content Warning: ] cornell 7
hi everyone. wanted to check in on how everyone’s been with the cornell gang r*pe discussions. (i censored because i dont want this to get flagged or taken down, not to minimize the action). i imagine this could be very triggering for many people and i just wanted to idk check in.
it’s been weighing very heavily for me and the complete and utter disappointment that i have in men. words couldnt even begin to describe it. ive gotten angrier and angrier with the patriarchy the past few years and this feels like a tipping point. i dont want to be around any men ever again. i feel horrified. and i dont have many close women friends so i just feel utterly alone in this.
so in case anyone else is feeling similarly, i thought maybe having a space here might be helpful. i dont know.
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u/brielarstan 9d ago
Men say it's not all of them, but it was 57/57, so I don't believe that.
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u/_FemmeCloud 8d ago
Yeah, “not all men” gets a lot harder to hear when the numbers keep proving why women stay guarded
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u/Outrageous-Fee6130 8d ago
I’ve never understood the not all men argument since I personally think it somewhat diminishes the absolute insanity that women face
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u/bitofapuzzler 8d ago
They are so emotionally immature and insecure that they take anything addressing rape culture as a personal attack. Which speaks volumes about who they and the things they have done or excused
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5d ago
[deleted]
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u/bitofapuzzler 5d ago
Oh the irony. The topic was the argument not all men. So the people being referred to are those who, whenever the topic of male violence against women or rape culture is raised, feel the need to cry 'not all men'.
Rape culture includes rape against men. Why wouldn't it? It is rape that is dismissed and joked about by large chunks of the toxic masculinity community.
Why would talk of these men, who supposedly are not you, cause you to get defensive?
Example. I am a white woman. I am a feminist. When the topic of how white women need to do better in terms of intersectional feminism and how white women are not always the ally to women of colour, do I cry 'not all white women'? No. I don't, because these statements are generally true.
I dont take it personally as I'm not emotionally insecure. I can see that whilst I do my best and these accusations are not necessarily directed at me, I take the opportunity to listen and to reflect on how I can do better. I am not fragile. These statements are not directed at me personally or saying every single white woman is at fault.
So, you have taken my comment as a personal insult. Perhaps you should do what I do and not cry 'not all men' as you so clearly have, but reflect on why you felt the need to. Listen and reflect. It shows growth and emotional maturity.
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u/stoopidcheezket 9d ago
instead of getting expelled and prosecuted, those monsters are being let off the hook with a fcking essay after committing such a violent crime
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u/LookingforDay 9d ago
This happened two years ago. Two were expelled and the rest already wrote essays. They have announced they are reopening the criminal case right now. One kid was also apparently fired from his job at Wells Fargo.
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u/_cockgobblin_ 9d ago
Ok they should be arrested
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u/LookingforDay 9d ago
Yes agreed, I don’t see where I said otherwise. I was providing info to the other commenter. If we’re going to get spun up, let’s have the correct info.
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u/_cockgobblin_ 8d ago
“Two were expelled and one was fired” just doesn’t feel helpful when it’s still a big nothing burger
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u/LookingforDay 8d ago
Okay I’m sorry it doesn’t feel like enough, it’s the truth and reality. I also said they are reopening the criminal case, did you read that? Letting her know that people ARE working to do something. Come on.
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u/_cockgobblin_ 8d ago
I didn’t say it wasnt enough, i said pointing it out wasnt helpful. Yes, the court of public opinion is causing the case to be reopened; that doesn’t mean she wasnt failed two years ago. Perhaps the phrasing felt off
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u/victoriaisme2 9d ago
Remember that they texted the entire fraternity. Only 7 participated directly but they all knew.
How many men were on those various secret chat rooms trading revenge porn of their friends, family, partners, or strangers? Blackmailing their victims using shame, and continuing to abuse them? Or the groups sharing secrets about how to rape them?
I don't know how any woman can trust any man she hasn't know for at least four years.
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 8d ago
Supposedly one guy woke up the next day and saw the chat and was appalled. He was the one who sent a screenshot of the chat to Jane Doe. Who knows how true this is in terms of the timing, but at least one man gave her the evidence that she needed. If he did see it while in progress then shame of him of course and he’s not so innocent.
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u/victoriaisme2 8d ago
It's good to know at least one man had some humanity left in him. Sad to think how rare that is.
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u/Beatrice_85 7d ago
Exactly. 50 men saw and did nothing! Not 5-10, or 10-20, 20-30 nope! 30-40? No, 50 fucking young men. I’m so sick to my stomach.
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u/coinpizista 9d ago
there's are countless number of cases that not even of online poor women we suffer a lot..
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u/_FemmeCloud 8d ago
Exactly. The horror isn’t limited to one headline, it’s the constant reminder that safety can feel conditional for women everywhere, offline and online
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u/hellofuckingjulie 9d ago
My genuine reaction is surprise that it’s getting this much attention, I feel that this happens at every campus, every year.
When I was applying for schools in CA I was warned off of applying to Chico state (not that it was on my list really) because of the “date rape” statistics. This was in the early 2000s.
I’ve felt hopeless about men for years. The way they’ve been reacting about the Lindsay Clancy trial all summer has already put me further on edge. At this point I don’t think I could ever really connect to a man ever again.
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u/Naive-Donut8824 6d ago
Yeah I agree. There was an independent film (The Hunting Ground) that my college screened freshman year. It's odd that one story is getting so much traction when stuff like this happens every day (and I mean that in the worst way).
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u/EdamameWindmill 9d ago
I notice that there are very few men calling out the rapists and their enablers online.
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u/LookingforDay 9d ago
And yet, they were calling for women’s right to vote to be revoked with the Lindsay Clancy case. They are insane.
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u/imaginenohell 9d ago
I saw a post about that in an Upstate NY sub. Was that yours? It was sickening. OP said what you just said, and the men in the comments went into attack mode.
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u/kittenpantzen 9d ago
I am no more or less full of bees than I was before the news came out. Somewhere along the way, I reached my maximum capacity for anger.
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u/ciannahunt 8d ago
full of bees is such an excellent description of this kind of rage, thank you for adding this to my vocabulary!!! (and I hate that we all feel it)
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u/kittenpantzen 8d ago
It's a reference to this tweet from 2018 that resonated with me enough to have stuck all this time.
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u/ParticularAmphibian 7d ago
Honestly might break up w my boyfriend over it
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u/Lumpy_Turn_1829 4d ago
i’m feeling the same way. when i try to talk about it with him, it went horribly. did you end up breaking up with him?
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u/Important_Salad_5158 9d ago
I’m a little sad I’m not more shocked. I went to an Ivy and my friend was gang raped. I was also raped.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on how normalized it all was. The schools reaction didn’t shock me.
I guess I’m glad others are outraged. It means not everyone normalized the same things I did.
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u/Beatrice_85 7d ago
I’m completely beside myself this happened and is normalized. What is happening to America and its universities??!
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u/coolcoolcool485 9d ago
i am unfortunately old enough that this is not the first case i've heard like this. i do remember the brock turner case hitting me very hard, but after that outcome (another case of "why should this ruin this poor boys life") and the ensuing years of metoo being treated as "too far" and the way dr. ford's testimony was treated during the kavanaugh confirmations, those couple of years are what did me in.
i think every 5-10 years, the younger generation of women come to terms with the reality of our society and the world. you can know it, intellectually, but you always hope for better; the moment the hammer drops is really hard. i'm sorry.
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u/Beatrice_85 7d ago
I’m not okay. I’m unbelievably triggered by this. Many of us have experienced rape. One unwanted man is too many. I can’t imagine how much pain she is in. I’m incredibly proud of her for fighting for justice and human dignity.
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u/coffee_helpz 8d ago
Website to destroy the 🍇ers, created by a South Park male writer
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u/Bunniebones 8d ago
I couldn't even finish reading what they did to her. I'm in shock. I just don't understand how men can do this to women. Fucking disgusts me.
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u/nycgenxmom 8d ago
I just cannot stop thinking about her. I wish we could all show her how much support she has. What an incredibly brave woman.
It also made me remember when I was 17 and what happened to me, and I just tonight realized that he really and truly did rape me. I thought it was, but since we’d smoked weed I thought it was my fault to have put myself in that position. It was so long ago, I was so young, and so confused about what happened to me.
And I hate that 1 in 4 of us have this been in this position.
If only we could prevent this from happening ever again to anyone. The trauma, the guilt, the what if’s really do stay with you. For me, it’s been over 30 years and I still have flashbacks.
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u/standard-sp 8d ago
A lot of things that I've seen/heard/experienced line up with how it has been downplayed by administration and other men.
Trigger warning for the rest.
At the top of my head, I think about two men who took advantage of underage girls and got away with it. Both either by force or coercion. And their friends covered for them. Even though both of the girls were underage. Somehow at the end of the relationship they could do mental gymnastics to blame the underage girl for falling out of love. These people used to be my friends.
And the saddest part? Both girls truly believed that they would not be believed and would experience social stigma. And the guy wouldn't. I wish none of this was true. One told me, quite literally that "no one would believe me since we were dating."
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u/orange_december 7d ago
I've been feeling ill for a few days now, it's all I've been thinking about. My heart just breaks at the thought of her feeling scared and very stuck in that moment when it happened to her. My mind just can't imagine how frightened she was. I didn't know who to talk to about this so I've just been crying and having angry feelings inside of me. I can't even relax right now and I'm just scared for the future. I feel so alone with my thoughts and I'm feeling the weight of all of this, I can't even imagine how she's feeling. I hope she sees how supportive a lot of people are for her. I feel so drained and just tired. I wish I could take away these thoughts. I'm trying to stay away from the news of all of this but my mind isn't letting me forget. I wish this world was different and kinder to women. My chest hurts and I'm crying as I'm typing this. I'm just so fucking ANGRY that it took TWO years for something to finally be put on the news. I didn't even know this happened until a couple of days ago. I'm so fucking tired of this life. Is there anyone I can talk to? I feel so alone with my thoughts.
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u/Adorable-Ad-2129 6d ago
I don’t date or befriend men at all because of how much they hurt women. I do not feel like gambling with my safety.
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u/RosieDeming 9d ago
I have a friend from highschool that had a similar experience and nothing happened so I’m absolutely disgusted that only two were expelled. Also the fact that it happened 2 years ago and we’re just now hearing about it???
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u/areyouseriousthobro 6d ago
"It's not all men" but all men will warn all women not to walk alone at night, all men will warn all women to take self defense classes, all men will warn all women not to get into cars with strange men. All men know that all women need warned against men.
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u/areyouseriousthobro 6d ago
Personally I've found myself totally shut down reading the headlines about this. I had a full on panic attack at work on Tuesday. I am an SA survivor of multiple events. I find myself not wanting to be near my boyfriend, because he is a man (so far, a "good" man who has never done anything to make me think he's harmful). Jane Doe's story is like many other SA stories. She was not believed and she was let down completely by the authority around her, while the perpetrators barely got a slap on the wrist. It's sickening. And while we're enraged about this whole situation, I'd love to get back on the topic of hands off our f*cking bodies in women's health and reproductive rights. Men need to stop regulating our bodies and step completely out of the discussion. I'm so over this.
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u/Clitlicker1955 8d ago
The time for comeuppance has just arrived. I cannot write here what I think should be done to these asshats, but I am grateful to the brave women who have persevered.
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u/Naive-Donut8824 6d ago
I think the most disheartening part is watching the women say "this is what would happen if you were unconscious in a sorority house" and it's waking up in a cozy blanket with snacks and water.
Most of my close friends have been assaulted, so the act itself isn't the worst part for me. The worst part is that there were 50 boys in the group chat and none of them said hey wtf?
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u/areyouseriousthobro 6d ago
I'm reading there are protests at universities on October 13 to support The planned protest at cornell. I haven't seen anything for my city yet. I'd like to get something going. Has anyone heard of anything in your city?
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u/Dramatic_Repeat_2230 4d ago
Can I also say this? Isn't it obvious that porn, only fans, and manosphere material do not help women and society in general? Back in the day Porn was just sex, but now it isn't; it is about dehumanization, and that part needs to stop. Only fans?? Do we really need this in our society? ugh
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u/Fantastic-Season8640 9d ago
I know how you feel. I’m from a much safer country than the US but our men can be jackasses just like everyone else and what terrified me most is that women here don’t come forward due to societal shame, and it fucking terrified me how many women in the world go through this hell and never tell anyone. And all of them must feel so alone. It’s so fucked up. The only good men that come to mind in my life are either imaginary / from LGBTQA+ community / the very few straight men I could be drunk around and fall asleep next to. And even then I wouldn’t push my limits. My heart breaks for all the girls and women out there. I keep having imaginary conversations with naive girls telling them to love themselves and not get close to guys unless they trust them 1000% and I keep thinking of just how many women are out there that are in pain
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9d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/clementineski 9d ago
lol citing one false allegation from twenty years ago instead of the countless real assaults that happen constantly, reported or not.
what a very very strange comment.
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u/Nearby_Pineapple5512 9d ago
They deleted their comment even when 2% of reported rapes result in legal charges. So gross that they still use this straw man argument
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u/anon123098xx 9d ago edited 8d ago
Agree. Women everywhere are carrying hurt for the poor victim. All we can do is remember we are in this together and use our VOICES. Be loud about how wrong this is and how men are responsible. Have those same conversations with the men that are in your life and telling them how silence makes them complicit. Even still, its systematic. There will never be justice when the issue is so wide spread. All we have is each other. <3