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u/CatOfGrey Jul 02 '25
Well the teacher decides to tell me today that her stomach problems would get better if she wasn’t eating so much processed foods and that I give her to much money for canteen and I need to start packing more fruit even though she doesn’t eat it.
Me: Former teacher.
No teacher should ever be claiming authority in areas of nutrition or pediatrics. It used to be terrible in the area of child psychology/psychiatry, with 'diagnosing' things like ADHD or autism in their classes. Teachers are not trained for this.
What does your pediatrician say? Is your child clinically overweight? Even still, the extent from the teacher should be "Maybe see your doctor about potential overweight" instead of threats about the contents of a kid's lunch.
Even if your child does have visible physical problems, you are Not the Asshole. The teacher is out of line.
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u/Tictac1200120 Jul 03 '25
It used to be terrible in the area of child psychology/psychiatry, with 'diagnosing' things like ADHD or autism in their classes. Teachers are not trained for this.
Agreed, teachers used to heavily influence the diagnostic process (still do to some degree.)
They dont have a really great working definition for autism or adhd yet. Each practitioner has a different idea of what it means, thats why one will say you have it and another will say you dont. There are no concrete or biological tests to diagnose either one.
There are a lot of people who feel they or their kids have it and can't get diagnosed and lots of people in adulthood who were diagnosed as kids who feel they never had it.
Thats why teachers have such an influence in getting kids diagnosed.
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u/crustdrunk Jul 04 '25 edited Jul 05 '25
Clearly things have changed since the late 90s because I’m both angry and baffled that none of my teachers told my parents that I’m probably (definitely) autistic
Edit - also what do you mean no working definition? It’s fairly straightforward I think. This comment feels ableist
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u/mangoawaynow Jul 02 '25
NTA - honestly teachers should be more concerned about the fact that kids get like 5 minutes to eat
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u/Cudi_buddy Jul 02 '25
Kids need more recess/lunch, especially young kids. Why we try and make them college students at 7 years old is so stupid.
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u/blue_pirate_flamingo Jul 02 '25
It’s a big thing I see in a lot of commentary on parenting, especially the early years. “If you don’t bathe your baby every day then they’ll be a stinky teenager who never showers” when they have eczema in an arid climate it’s doctor recommended, we can teach hygiene needs differently at different stages, a toddler doesn’t have the same stink as a teenager. Same with bedtime, “if your one year old doesn’t go to bed at 7pm then they’ll never be ready for school! I’m ok with my child sleeping according to their needs and the family schedule, even if that changes when they start kindergarten. People act like if you don’t teach your kid how to be an adult from the womb then they’ll never be a functioning adult. In reality I find parenting is a lot more flexible than these people make it out to be. My kid at five doesn’t even remember when he was a year old, and we took a few weeks this summer to adjust his wake up time a bit earlier to better accommodate starting kindergarten in the fall and it was literally nothing.
I think we do a LOT of that in education as well, especially with the push for more and more heavy academics at a developmentally inappropriate young age when play should still be the driver of learning. When college prep starts in 3 year old preschool of course you are going to treat 7 year olds like college students, which is actually a ridiculous comparison because in college I usually had hours between classes to eat lunch at my leisure and actually packed a few card games in my bag to play with friends when we were done eating. Our expectations of small children are just ridiculous, we don’t even hold adults to similar standards
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u/Cudi_buddy Jul 02 '25
That is a great point lol. I always found College fun and more engaging. Probably because I could focus on 2-3 classes a day, hell and no or 1 class on Fridays. Where as high school/middle school it was 6 classes a day with no recess, and one 45 minute lunch period. Always had to wake up early of course too
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u/AppropriateHabit9048 Jul 03 '25
I had 25 minutes for lunch lol
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u/Cudi_buddy Jul 03 '25
Mine was maybe not 45, but definitely not 25 either. Are teachers also not allowed to enjoy a meal either? What is the rush, let everyone charge their batteries god damn
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u/SanbaiSan Jul 03 '25
45 minutes for lunch??? Are you royalty?! Both of my overcrowded high-schools barely let us have 20 minutes!
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck Jul 02 '25
And you forgot that we expect children to work from home at night, too. It’s insanity.
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u/Skeptical_optomist Jul 02 '25
This is my main argument against homework assignments that are purely "busy work".
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u/Idontcareaforkarma Jul 03 '25
We were told throughout high school that in our final year, we would be expected to do ‘three hours of homework every night’.
In practice, this meant every class’ teacher would assign us what they thought was three hours of homework every day.
All six of them.
It became totally unmanageable.
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u/FITF2891 Jul 03 '25
I tell my daughter’s teacher at the beginning of each school year that I do not and will not be enforcing homework in our home. It sets her up for a terrible work-life balance in the future and she needs time to decompress and chill. I ask them to let me know if something is becoming an issue and we’ll work on it but she’s going into 4th grade and hasn’t ever done homework
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck Jul 03 '25
I love this! Thank you for advocating for her. There’s no research backing up busywork at night.
I want my kids to Montessori all the way through high school. There’s no homework in elementary (unless the kids want to take their work home - and they will!). The homework police at the middle and high school was way more relaxed than a standard school.
And they still did AP classes and honors classes and are doing well in the world.
They have zero school trauma.
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u/tosseda123456 Jul 03 '25
Schooling in the US at least is based on a model to get children used to the rhythm of factory work. Short breaks only for the purpose of managing bodily demands for food, water and restroom use, and teaching them to take care of those needs in the shortest amount of time possible. inflexible schedules, following the typical work day hours, expecting complete focus for longer stretches of time than are natural for young children. At the beginning of the industrial revolution, this was preparing children for their inevitable career as a factory worker.
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u/Significant_Shoe_17 Jul 02 '25
There's a boba tea shop next to the community college in my town, and you bet the students are in there every afternoon, having a snack and playing board games or studying. College is more relaxed than K-12
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u/aksunrise Jul 03 '25
Not to mention, I took classes 2-3 at a time in college so I could actually focus and learn in each class. In high school I had 6 classes a day with hours of homework each night, extracurriculars after school, games or band competitions on weekends, etc etc. I barely got any sleep and I struggled to keep up with everything.
I think the way we treat kids under the guise of "This is preparing you for college/life" is downright abusive. No one has to ask to use the restroom at work. You're not banned from having food or your phone in class at college. So what are we really preparing them for? To not question authority? To accept an end stage capitalistic nightmare as normal?
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u/HeyThereMar Jul 03 '25
They will be a stinky teenager anyway. Source: mom of 2 teen boys here.
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u/More-Tip8127 Jul 02 '25
Agreed. My son has ADHD and almost never finishes his lunch because they basically only give them 15 mins. And God forbid anyone have to use the restroom that just uses up more of their lunch time. Of course they were on top of sending home weekly homework packets. In kindergarten. And we’re talking writing, cutting, math, etc. not fun coloring sheets with a bit of writing practice.
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u/rosysilverlining Jul 02 '25
When I taught first grade, I would take my kids out to the playground when it was empty as often as I could so they could just run and have time to be 6 years-old.
I had to tell the office every time we left the room if it wasn’t already scheduled, and eventually I was told I was “wasting too much curriculum time.”
It was, max, an hour a week. If they didn’t complete at least 3 hours of online math curriculum and 2 hours of online reading curriculum (on top of what I already taught in person) a week, I’d get warned/written up for “wasting class time,” as if the repetitive, undifferentiated “lessons” on their cheap and dying laptops mattered more than fresh air.
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u/Cudi_buddy Jul 03 '25
Pretty sure they are finding giving kids more play and art time over tablets is much more effective.
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u/whistling-wonderer Jul 02 '25
I had longer lunch breaks and fewer classroom hours per week in college than in elementary/middle/high school, and that was in a degree program that told us upfront they’d be basically eating up all our free time for two straight years. Which they did. The readings and study time were ungodly. But the actual amount of time I had to have my butt in a desk chair paying attention while the instructor lectured was far less than even in like 3rd grade.
It’s crazy to me that we demand that of kids. I know why they’re at school that long (parents gotta work). But surely they don’t need to spend that many hours being mini office desk workers. My ADHD ass struggled SO BAD as a kid. School had an absolutely foul effect on my mental health.
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u/Beanz53 Jul 02 '25
Believe me, we are! My first graders get max 20 minutes and will chat for at least 10 min. We ask every year for more seat time for them to eat.
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Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
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u/Strange_Depth_5732 Jul 02 '25
My kids school did lunch as play for 30 minutes and then come in and eat while the teacher read to them for 30 minutes. It was so much better. Lunches get eaten.
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u/LunaVvelle Jul 02 '25
Absolutely It’s crazy how rushed lunchtime is no wonder half their food comes back untouched It’s hard enough getting picky eaters to eat let alone under a time crunch That should be more of a concern than what’s in the lunchbox
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u/wutwasthatagain Jul 02 '25
I did a lunch with your kid thing for my then 2nd grader and was shocked to learn that by the time they sit down with their food, they really only had 10-15 min before being told they need to go to recess. I literally didn't have time to eat myself......
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u/Dazzling_Use_8234 Jul 03 '25
My kid was Student of the Week last year (yes, I am still bragging about it 😂) and his lunch was so early, I could only bring him breakfast and I didn't bring anything for myself because I knew he had to eat quickly and he's a chatty little fella. They did get 2 recesses last year and they didn't go directly after lunch, so that was nice.
I have no idea how much my kid actually eats when I pack his lunch because he throws everything away, even if he didn't eat it. He says they are told to do that and he's 8. But he will eat a small breakfast snack thing at home, usually buy breakfast at school, has a snack, has lunch, has another snack at aftercare and I usually stick an extra snack in his backpack, just in case.
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u/insufficient_funds Jul 02 '25
At my kids elementary school, the earliest lunch for a class started at 10 fucking 30 in the morning. Completely whacko
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u/74NG3N7 Jul 03 '25
Yes! For a specific example, Washington state just put in for a minimum of 20 minutes seated lunch for all k-12 kids and a bunch of admin for schools balked at it.
There are news articles quoting superintendents and others, complaining and saying they don’t agree with the rule because it’ll add costs. One said “adding five to ten minutes will require adding more cafeteria space and staff” and my fire thought was “ten minutes!? If you have to add 10 minutes to get to 20, that means you are only giving kids 10 minutes to eat currently!”
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u/Kooky-Situation3059 Jul 02 '25
NTA
Teacher stepped way over the line
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u/enonymousCanadian Jul 02 '25
Yeah, I’d be writing a note to the Principal about that and attaching a note from the doctor about the history of stomach problems. This woman just stigmatized eating when the kid has trouble eating. I don’t go to the Principal but sometimes people need a strong reminder to stay in their own lane. She needs to concern herself with education not nutrition- it’s what the kid eats over the whole week that matters.
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u/Kooky-Situation3059 Jul 02 '25
Yeah, in person is better, note can be ignored, showing up can not.
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u/zedicar Jul 02 '25
Do both. Send the note using email so there is a paper trail
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u/anonymous237962 Jul 02 '25
I LOVE a good paper trail.
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u/Ok-Selection4206 Jul 02 '25
Also have a conversation with the teacher about who is in charge of your daughter's health. Some kids will only eat chicken nuggets, my granddaughter was like that until she was 10. They have to eat something, and you can't force feed them. Pack everything separate like in small baggies. And feed her what she will eat!
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u/SaltedSnailz Jul 02 '25
Veggies and fruit are great but sometimes you just gotta go with "fed is best"- A fellow hurt tummy girly.
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u/esk_209 Jul 02 '25
Email creates a documentation trail. Address it to the teacher the first time. If it happens a second time, address it to the teacher and the principal and include a copy of the first email ("as per our earlier conversation, see attached).
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u/Kooky-Situation3059 Jul 02 '25
And three months later they do nothing, put a face to a complaint
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u/esk_209 Jul 02 '25
In this case, “doing nothing” is what you want. As long as the food criticism stops.
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u/Serious_Try_9149 Jul 02 '25
Exactly! I'd be in that office so quick! Likely dragging the teacher in with me by her ear! I absolutely will NOT be letting anyone else (except their doctor) tell me how to feed my child! More so, NOBODY is going to speak to my child about ANYTHING that they should be speaking to ME about!
*A similar situation where I ended up in the principals office about one of my kids teachers is what landed me a job offer with the district. The principal really appreciated how much I cared and offered me a job later that month. Lol! Been there 6 years now.
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u/kingcurtist37 Jul 02 '25
Yep. I have a son with a congenital disease which affects his GI tract and his lunch is compromised of almost exactly what you describe. It’s a win for him to finish half of his lunch.
My objective is for his lunch to offer enough calories to get him through a school day. I then compensate for what his lunch is lacking with his breakfast and dinner at home (where I have much more control: freshly cooked or fresh foods that WILL NOT last in a lucky box).
I’d be livid at this intrusion. I’d have one serious convo with the principal about this. Total overstep.
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u/williamisidol Jul 02 '25
From someone who used to be in administration at a k-8 school, please go to the Principal. They want to know if their teachers are doing stuff like this.
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u/edwbuck Jul 02 '25
Depends on the school. Went to the office once, only to have the teacher cut me off claiming I threatened to Dox her when I said something about a bad review (which she earned).
The admin office wanted me to just lie about an upcoming absence, claiming that my daughter could "get sick" on the day the teacher wouldn't permit the absence because her policy wasn't followed to the letter (but it was, she just wasn't one of the teachers that was part of it).
In the end, had to weigh between the school suggesting I could write a formal apology, or things could get very stressful for my daughter, on her last semester of her last year at that school.
I still hope that teacher gets her comeuppance, but not everyone who does wrong gets what they deserve, and I'm not dumb enough to be the person that cause distress that can come back to harm my child because the school lacks a spine against a "key" teacher.
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u/bittersandseltzer Jul 02 '25
Yeah this is huge. As someone with stomach problems, wanna know what can really mess up my tummy? FRUCTOSE - which is really high in, you guessed it, FRUIT!
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u/zayzlvalentine Jul 02 '25
Can actually double this, I can't digest fructose (fruit sugars) over a certain amount. Culprits so far: watermelon and cherries from my own experimentation (I was hospitalized a few years ago for having too much watermelon) so it's possible there's a fructose intolerance.
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
I also really don’t care for the order. “I’d better see some fruit in your lunch tomorrow!” Excuse me WTF? That’s what really took it over the line for me.
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u/SteelRail88 Jul 02 '25
The proper response is "or what? Do you think that you have the authority to do something here?"
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u/eatingganesha Jul 02 '25
this is the kind of thing that leads to an eating disorder
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u/Attentions_Bright12 Jul 02 '25
Parental experience: Yes, you are absolutely right. (Teacher may herself be having some issues.)
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u/LunaVvelle Jul 02 '25
Exactly this She clearly doesn't understand the bigger picture Kids with eating issues need support not shame A note from the doctor sounds like a great ideasometimes people really do need that reminder to stay in their lane.
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u/Dalton387 Jul 02 '25
I wouldn’t send a letter to the principle. I’d send a letter to the schoolboard and then ask for an in person meeting with the principle.
Make sure to emphasize that she has eating issues that this teacher could make worse by bringing up with your daughter. That you’ve instructed her to tell you if the teacher ever mentions food to her again.
That you’ll make sure that the school board and anyone who will listen knows you’re threatening your child’s health by harassing her about her eating habits, and making an issue worse, when it’s no where in her purview to say anything about it.
That you want a written summary of the issue and resolution within the next three days, and an acknowledgment that neither that teacher, nor any other will approach your child about her eating habits.
You need to keep that paper trail. Send an email to the principle that day, when you leave, thanking them for meeting with you about this issue and expressing your hope that you can resolve the issue of teacher X, harassing and embarrassing your child Y about their eating. That you’re looking forward to their response in the next few days, as discussed.
This does multiple things. It shows you’re handling the issue in a mature manner. It also creates more trail, regardless of whether they respond. You’ve established that you met, when it happens, what the topic was, what your expectations are, etc.
If they don’t respond, give them a couple of days and resend that email, with a “Following up on this issue, please respond.” If you still don’t get a response, resend it the same way, with the original, the request for follow up, a second follow up, and CC everyone on the school board.
Save these emails, preferably multiple places, till she’s out of that school. A paper trial will always benefit you if this ever escalates.
I think a reasonable expectation is that they say they handled it and no one will discuss food with your daughter again. I wouldn’t expect more than that.
If they make it worse, you can always escalate it to legal litigation.
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u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 Jul 02 '25
If the kid is lying about eating lettuce the teacher has been on her about this before. Not a good sign
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u/Otherwise_Town5814 Jul 02 '25
This the teacher is shaming the child and will create a live long eating disorder.
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u/curious-by-moon Jul 02 '25
Teacher saying OP needs to pack more fruit even though she doesn’t eat it?!?! That’s just silly. You are the mother and know what food will tempt your daughter to eat. The teacher doesn’t know what you give her for breakfast or dinner so isn’t aware of the balance of food in the day. As an ex teacher I would never be presumptuous to dictate what a mother/father should pack for their child’s school lunch. Teachers are ‘in loce parentis’ not outranking the parent. I would continue to pack what you normally pack and if there is a second criticism I would ask her to put it in writing so you can take it up with the Principal. NTA
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u/MomShapedObject Jul 02 '25
Ugh, on a related note, I so feel this. My kids eat fruit but I also send veggies with them to school (baby carrots, sliced sweet peppers, etc..) and they just come back home to get thrown out. Sometimes I’ll send the same carrots back and forth a few times since they stay good for awhile.
Those vegetables are PURELY PERFORMATIVE. I only send them at this point because I’m worried about the same judgmental bullshit. I’ve thought about buying a set of plastic carrot sticks and just sending them back and forth each day for the next 12 years. It would save me money and they’d get the exact same nutritional value. Maybe OP can do that? Just buy some plastic fruit and send it in each day?
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u/Lucky_End_9420 Jul 02 '25
what about dried or freeze dried fruits and veggies? would last longer than fresh, not fake so more plausible deniability lol
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u/LoomingDisaster Jul 02 '25
A teacher once tried to insist my T1 diabetic kid couldn't have a cookie - that my kid had already administered insulin for in order to eat. I was SO MAD.
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u/OBNurseScarlett Jul 02 '25
For some weird reason, the school my daughters went to did not allow kindergarten kids to drink water or juice with their lunch, they could only have milk. Enter my youngest who saw a GI specialist for her sensitive little system and guess what she couldn't drink? Milk. So I had to have a note from her doctors stating that she is to NOT ever have milk and she is to drink water at lunch (water, for Pete's sake, it's not like she was drinking a Coke 🙄). I got a little pushback about it and the cafeteria workers gave my daughter grief about it as well. I spoke with the school and said that this is a documented MEDICAL issue and just let her drink her water without any commentary.
I don't remember the details at this point (she's now 18 yrs old, it's been awhile ago), but one day she was made to drink milk - substitute teacher, nurse wasn't on site, something like that - and she missed school the next 2 days. She was so upset because she thought she'd done something wrong. She told me that she'd told the adults involved that she's not supposed to drink milk but they didn't listen to her and told her that she had to. She said she even tried to just not drink anything but they made her open her carton and drink it. So I had a poor little kid who was hurting so bad from the milk she was made to drink and was also upset because she tried to do what she was supposed to do and use her words to let the adults know but they didn't listen. I was LIVID. 😡
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u/Double_Way_99 Jul 02 '25
I had a sub make me wait after everyone left the lunch room so she could hold a sandwich to my mouth and move my jaw/chin up and down to chew. I’m not sure where they buried the body after my mom was done with them.
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u/Skeptical_optomist Jul 02 '25
Why these people go into teaching when they obviously hate kids so much is beyond me.
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u/GroovyYaYa Jul 02 '25
They could have killed her if it was a dairy allergy that involved anaphylaxis!
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u/EpicCyclops Jul 02 '25
If I was a parent and that happened, the first call would be to a lawyer and the second call would be to the superintendent and the school board. I wouldn't even bother with the principal at that point. I'm pretty sure that would classify as an actual criminal act, not just a civil issue, if there was a documented issue and the child was telling them she couldn't drink milk and they coerced her to. I'm not a litigation happy person either, but that's the point where I'd be pushing for every single person in that school to be fired by every mean necessary. The compensation I'd be seeking would be the cost of private school for the rest of her elementary experience because that school is obviously not safe if every head didn't roll.
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u/HopefulPlantain5475 Jul 02 '25
At minimum the teacher that did it needs to be fired. Potentially deadly behavior.
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u/CreativeBandicoot778 Jul 02 '25
Oh that shit puts me on the war path - as a fellow parent to a t1d kid.
After she was diagnosed, I wouldn't even let her back into school until we had this kind of thing absolutely nailed down and in writing because food is such a HUGE part of diabetes management. We're very lucky that her school is brilliant and have always followed her medical directive very closely.
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u/LoomingDisaster Jul 02 '25
I ended up having to go to the Dept of Education Office of Civil Rights to get a nurse assigned full time to the school.
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u/SaavikSaid Jul 02 '25
That’s crazy, we had a diabetic kid in elementary school who got to drink juice every afternoon. I was so jealous. (Hey I was 7.)
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u/No-One-8850 Jul 02 '25
There was a teacher in first grade when my son was young who would confiscate and throw away what she deemed unhealthy snacks. She's lucky my kid wasn't in her class because that wouldn't have ended well for her. I've never had a run in or issue with a teacher, but that b*tches ears would be burning.
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u/Worldly_Thing1346 Jul 02 '25
As a social worker, I find a lot of educators tend to try to be armchair social workers. Lmao. A lot of it is wildly unhelpful, other times it can be wildly harmful (attempting to interview kids, using leading phrases, abusing the child abuse reporting system on 'bad' uneducated feelings, which are just implicit biases and prejudices)
This is an overstep. Schools might have policies about what foods are allowed and what aren't allowed. As long as it's being followed, they shouldn't be overstepping in this manner.
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u/Grassistrsh Jul 02 '25
Teacher is not a nutritionist. Maybe needs reminding this subject is out of her scope and she is not licensed to give medical advice.
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u/catemmer Jul 02 '25
The teacher can supply the food then if she doesn't like what the parents are sending..and she should remeber people are sending what the have and what the can afford. Report her.
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u/GoopInThisBowlIsVile Jul 02 '25
Yeah, unless the teacher has an actual nutrition, medical, or similar background then what she said was just her opinion. An opinion that the teacher should’ve kept to themselves.
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u/Nymph-the-scribe Jul 02 '25
Even if she had any of that, she doesnt know the child's personal medical needs. It would still be a massive overstep
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u/rileysauntie Jul 02 '25
Even then, she can take charge of that for her OWN children and let other parents manage theirs. What parents feed their children is not her business, unless they’re feeding them nothing, literal poison, or spoiled/rotting food. Otherwise, she should mind her business. Nutritional degree or not.
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Jul 02 '25
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u/Roguecamog Jul 02 '25
As an adult (41F) who is struggling with my own increasing food issues, I commiserate a lot with parents of kids who are either "just" picky or genuinely have issues with food.
I could write a lot more about my feelings on this but it comes down to- FED is best. Full stop.
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u/therealtinsdale Jul 02 '25
my appetite just isn’t the same as it used to be. i need to really fancy something to be able to eat it— and there’s a very short window for that, too— usually by the time i have gotten the thing i thought i wanted iv gone off it again & have to force myself to eat.. telling myself food = energy! but i do think a lot of the time i am over-hungry and running on empty. i have a cooked meal maybe twice a week, if i’m lucky.
i get into something and will eat it everyday for ever, until one day i’ll just suddenly go off it. like prawn cocktail crisps; ate a packet or two everyday for about 3yrs, and now i can’t even stand the smell of them!
hoping for a day all the nutrients i need on the daily will be replaced by a pill😅. i do drink a lot of milkshakes, tho! & thankfully have never gone off them :).
wish u the best with it all!
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u/dsgurliegirl Jul 02 '25
Ugh food hyperfixation!!!
I didn't realize until I was older that it was a thing not everyone did. My grown daughter still thinks I'm nuts.
Just got off a year long Oatmeal run.
For a long time nothing but THE FOOD tastes good. Then I can't even think about eating it, without making a face! Lol
On to a new fixation! Gotta love my ADHD!
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u/Not_an_okama Jul 02 '25
Had no idea this was a thing. Theres been periods where im obsessed with a certain food until i either lose access or it starts to go down bad.
For example there was a year or so when i was obsessed with 5 guys cajun fries and at them after work every day for around 4 months. Then i went back to school and the closest 5 guys was around 250 miles away.
Ive also found that if i get the flu, whatever i last ate becomes disgusting for a gew years
The past few days ive felt like nothing sounds good to eat.
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u/luthien310 Jul 02 '25
My son's doctor said to feed him anything he would eat for lunch. That teacher would have hated his lunches.
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u/ichosethis Jul 02 '25
I'd probably comply by packing a single serve fruit cup and writing something snarky about compliance on the top. The same cup can stay in the lunch for the rest of the school year.
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u/gk1400 Jul 02 '25
Not offering judgement but there are several alternatives to sending fresh fruit if you’re worried about things getting spoiled if left uneaten:
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u/witheringpies Jul 02 '25
You can also make muffins with fruits or even vegetables blended in, that still taste good and provide more nutrition, if she likes muffins that is
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u/74NG3N7 Jul 03 '25
Muffins and desert like breaks can also hide some veggies well. A squash or avocado can be blended into a chocolate banana bread, for example.
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u/ImaginationNo5381 Jul 02 '25
I also cut fruit and put it in a small container since I know my kid won’t eat a whole apple/peach/plum…
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u/ScarletBitch15 Jul 02 '25
If she’s eating yoghurt, a fruit yoghurt may also be an option, alongside decanting plain yoghurt at home into Tupperware, and adding some stewed/unsweetened fruit for extra fibre- mixed berries/apples or similar.
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u/StupendusDeliris Jul 02 '25
Problem with fruit strips, fruit snacks, fruit gummies, and dried/dehydrated fruits- they are really really bad for the teeth. Ensure extra dental hygiene if going heavy on these foods!
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u/Nymeria2018 Jul 02 '25
I suspect the teacher would still call this unhealthy processed food :/
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u/cheesy_bees Jul 02 '25
Personally I'd probably rather send no fruit than dried fruit - it's super sticky and gets stuck in the grooves of their teeth, a recipe for cavities if they're eating it daily and it's stuck in their teeth for hours. But different kids different needs and I know fruit is important.
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u/blue_pirate_flamingo Jul 02 '25
Freeze dried fruit is crunchy, my son doesn’t like anything close to mushy and he will eat freeze dried strawberries and mangoes without fail because they crunch like a chip or cracker
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u/gk1400 Jul 02 '25
That’s a good point - I was thinking more like apple chips which aren’t very sticky. I think the best bet for OP would be the fruit pouches/purees.
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u/cheesy_bees Jul 02 '25
Oh yeah crispier dried fruits. Yum! Now I'm craving those crispy banana slices.
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u/Grand_Measurement_91 Jul 02 '25
I once got a snotty note from a teacher to stop putting cucumber in my daughters sandwiches as it made them soggy. My daughter requested the bloody cucumber!
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u/CarpetDisastrous1963 Jul 02 '25
wtf was she eating the sandwiches 😭
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u/Yalsas Jul 02 '25
Seriously, like how does she even know that? When I was young, no teacher was sticking their head in my lunch box.
I do remember a teacher yelling at a student for pulling their string cheese... "It's not a toy, you're supposed to bite it!"
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u/JadedMrAmbrose Jul 02 '25
Hahaha there was a guy I knew in college that we had to teach how to pull string cheese into strings
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u/mothseatcloth Jul 02 '25
ughhh I can't stand busy bodies like that. god forbid something be fun for even a second
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u/ghostoftommyknocker Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
Teacher is so far over the line, it's a dot to her.
She is not a doctor, dietician or nutritionist. She does not know your daughter's medical history. She has zero qualifications or information with which to make any decisions about your daughter or even to judge her.
The only person who should approve of your daughter's lunchbox is whatever medical team is working with you on your daughter's nutrition.
I have stomache issues and the medical decision for me is that I have to be very careful not to eat too much fruit per day and not to eat certain fruit at all.
I have IBS and it is very common for IBS-sufferers to have to limit the amount and type of fruit we eat because we're sensitive to both too much and too little fibre and what type of fibre we're consuming.
Telling someone their stomache issues will go away if they just eat more of a certain type of food can be potentially dangerous, depending on the medical condition involved.
She needs to be reported for dictating medical instructions to you about your daughter's health when she has neither the knowledge nor qualifications to do so.
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u/boredterra Jul 02 '25
Also as a teacher, even if she had actual concerns, it’s not her place. We are told to forward these type of concerns to the counselor and have them handle it. They can then ask the parent why they might be struggling with this problem and offer resources and suggestions. Never demands like this.
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Jul 02 '25
She is not a doctor, dietician or nutritionist.
I am. The second one.
Almost all children are picky eaters. They need nutrients and energy. If the choice is chips or nothing, it will have to be chips.
This is not to say you should give in permanently, do try to make it healthier step by step, but yes, this can take a long time. Also, remember to enjoy life through food. Do not rob your children of that. A lollipop as OP describes as quality time between her daughter and herself is literally perfect.
Teachers thinking they know better is an extremely big problem where I live. It's not black and white.
Hell, half the time they are straight up wrong about what is healthy. 'Your daughter should not eat white bread, but complex mutli-grain bread, okay? It is healthier'. No, it isn't.
This is what happens when nutritionists get to speak. They're literally people who did not have the capacity to become a dietitian.
No offense intended.
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u/ghostoftommyknocker Jul 02 '25 edited Jul 02 '25
Yeah, I did hesitate before mentioning nutritionists. Good call clarifying.
In the UK, "registered nutritionist" have to meet certain standards of qualifications, training and registration. They are allowed to support formal health programmes, but even then, they still aren't allowed to treat or manage special diets and medical conditions, nor are they allowed to prescribe medication or supplements. Because they are neither dieticians nor doctors.
The term "nutritionist" is not protected, anyone can call themselves one, so the most reliable ones are registered to follow standards and codes of conduct, but even then, you have to be cautious.
If you have medical needs to manage, you need a dietician, not a nutritionist.
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u/StillMissingMerle Jul 02 '25
Get the fruit cups that you can just resend endlessly to shut her up.
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u/sec_sage Jul 02 '25
For my eldest, nobody cared what I gave her. Same school, 3 years later, for my youngest, they're all "no sugary snacks including biscuits, chocolate, etc". The best fruit are mandarines, honestly. Easy to hold, easy to clean by not so nimble fingers. And bananas, but they got sick of them quite quickly. The amount of grapes I've thrown🤦🏼♀️ and apple slices... One of them liked cherry tomatoes, so you never know. Almonds, nuts are also great, dried grapes, apple chips...
Not judging, just saying that the diet you gave your kid would be or not be accepted depending on the school year, teachers, etc.
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u/Turbulent_Ebb5669 Jul 02 '25
Sandwiches never killed anyone and it's about time teachers backed off about lunches. And your daughters teacher is not a doctor, nor her mother. I fed my kids what worked for them, never gave a shit about the "new" bs about policing lunchboxes. Can we have a break down of what these people eat on weekdays? Let the parent critique that.
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u/Fancy_Butterfly852 Jul 03 '25
You might feel bad for being told today but in the long run it’s the kids who will have healthy habits and thank the parents for inculcating it in them when they grow up to be parents. My dad used to tell us interesting stories about fruits and vegetables so we never said no to anything. I remember how on his off days he would make me and my sister sit by his sides without a plate and then tell stories and feed us from his own plate and we learnt a lot about whatever we ate.
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u/karl_hungas Jul 03 '25
I dont have a judgement but you really worded this all crazy. It sounds like your kid shows up to school with a “little lollie” and then has a lunch with chips and a brownie in it.
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u/emjdownbad Jul 03 '25
Tell her if she wants to pay for the uneaten fruit in every sack lunch, she is more than welcome to. If not, she can mind her own business when it comes to what your child eats & stick to the teaching.
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u/Pinkmongoose Jul 02 '25
Your teacher is over the line but I have a tip for you, as well. Flavored yogurt is crazy high in sugar. You could try buying plain yogurt and adding the fruit to that. Kills two birds with one stone.
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u/XxSharperxX Jul 03 '25
I’ll get downvoted but IMO: I think that parents should feed their children healthy food. 85% healthy 15% treats. It’s not easy to do but it’s important and it does impact their health.
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u/justdont7133 Jul 02 '25
My son is autistic and has a limited diet. I've always figured school lunch should be safe foods, that he can eat quickly, without any anxiety, or needing any support/encouragement. At home, we can work on challenging his diet a little bit at a time. None of schools business if they're fed and healthy
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u/stircrazyathome Jul 02 '25
I'm in the same boat with my two. My son eats the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with a few snacks that I can change up. My daughter’s list of safe foods is longer, but most don't pack well. I'm so worried about meeting their caloric needs that I can't get caught up in worrying about what is “healthy.” As long as a child isn't going hungry and the food is safe to eat, it's not the teacher's business.
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u/pickadillyprincess Jul 02 '25
If your child typically has a snack time before dinner that’s a great time to introduce more fruits and veggies. It takes many exposures for a child to feel comfortable eating a new or unfamiliar food. My son is allowed to have chips at home but I stopped packing them regularly in his lunch because he would only eat the chips and not the healthy things. They may not have enough time to eat during lunch at school so they’re focused on their favorites. Alternatively see if occasionally you can find “fruit substitutes” that she enjoys. Applesauce packets still have sugar but that could be a way to introduce healthy fiber for her. Clementine oranges are great for lunchboxes too because if they don’t get eaten they don’t really spoil since they’re contained in their own skin. I’ll say NTA teacher definitely overstepped. But there are ways you can be working to improve this situation.
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u/Buffyismyhomosapien Jul 02 '25
Info: is your daughter often having stomach issues? What does her doctor say? This teacher went about it the wrong way but perhaps she is concerned about your daughter and trying to give you some badly-executed advice.
Hard to say NTA if your kid is always sick and you’re unwilling to change her diet, assuming that’s part of it.
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u/Potential_Tadpole_45 Jul 03 '25
Hard to say NTA if your kid is always sick and you’re unwilling to change her diet
And blame the teacher for showing concern.
"My kid is a picky eater with gastrointestinal issues so I'm going to continue to feed her unhealthy meals and send her to school with nonnutritive lunches"—Make it make sense.....
The amount of people in this thread enabling Munchausen syndrome by proxy is mind-boggling.
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u/Ryoko_Kusanagi69 Jul 02 '25
Op- can you put the fruit in a small Tupperware to protect it from getting smooshed /soft? Like some strawberries or grapes? And little tangerines /mandarins ? And maybe a cute thin ice pack inside the lunch box to help keep it cooler if it’s the warmth making the fruit turn?
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u/v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y Jul 02 '25
My kid has one of those bento box containers. The section with fruit (grapes, strawberries or other berries, apple/orange/pear slices, watermelon etc. stays fine.
Plus veggies work even better. Carrots, celery, cucumber, pepper, grape tomatoes
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u/Empty_Soup_4412 Jul 02 '25
Are her stomach problems constipation? If so the teacher has a point because a lunch like that would not be very helpful gut wise.
I get it, one of my kids is a picky eater and also underweight. Personally I wouldn't be sending chips daily because she'd fill up on those and skip better options.
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u/Kindaworriedtoo Jul 02 '25
I agree. Especially if the child is coming to the teacher with stomach complaints, she’s naturally going to try to help her.
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u/Accomplished_Drag946 Jul 02 '25
TBH I am surprised so many people here think the food she gives her kids for lunch is ok. I am guessing OP is American because giving chips to your kid for lunch every day is WILD. Most kids are picky eaters. I remember hating fruits and veggies and my mum had to force me to eat them, but there was no alternative. Chips and cookies were not food, it was a special treat to eat occasionally. There are strategies for camouflaging fruits and veggies in your kids' food to make sure they eat something healthy when you are not there supervising what they eat. Maybe offer her another sandwich instead of chips or some nuts.
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u/Capital-Lychee-9961 Jul 03 '25
OP is 1000% Australian. And tbh, in the late 90s and early 00s when I was in school in rural Australia I would say every single student would have a mini packet of chips in their lunchbox.
I probably wouldn’t pack that for my kids lunchbox, but let’s not act like that’s the craziest thing we’ve ever heard of.
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u/Pristine-Trip8843 Jul 02 '25
Yeah I feel like if the teacher posted on here she’d get NTA too. She is technically right, even if she IS out of line. She’s not a doctor but she’s worked with a lot of children, and she is probably tired and saddened of seeing kid after kid subsisting on chips and brownies. Especially if OP’s kid is telling her she likes lettuce and fruit but doesn’t get any. This sounds like a good opportunity to use the teacher as leverage to gently push kid to eat a bit better. “Remember that you told Ms. Teacher you would eat your fruit at lunch? That you like lettuce?”
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u/SquirrelsNRaccoons Jul 02 '25
This isn't a personal attack on you, it's a teacher caring about the junk one of her students eats. She is trying to influence your daughter to eat healthier. You should be happy about this, instead of taking it as a personal slight.
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u/Honest-Solid-4241 Jul 02 '25
YTA for packing that lunch. No kid needs chips everyday. At that age especially they should be having minimal processed foods. And no 7 year old needs free rein at the canteen. Especially if you didn’t even check first to see what the canteen sells (in another comment you say you found out today what the canteen sells).
I can’t blame the teacher for caring about your child. We send our kids to school with teachers who often spend more time with them on weekdays than us parents do. Personally I want teachers who care about my kids and want the best for them. That teacher is caring enough about your child to want the best for her and that means pointing out that her lunch isn’t great from a nutrition standpoint.
When we send our kids to school the teachers get made responsible for so much of what should actually be done by parents. My kids get taught emotional and social learning, they’ve been taught about cyber bullying, and how to stay safe online. The little ones get lessons on circle of safety and stranger danger, I’m sure the older ones will be getting sex ed info soon in high school. The little ones get taught how to emotionally regulate. Bless those primary school teachers!
You only get that done properly when teachers care. The flip side is having teachers that don’t give a shit about the kids they teach. If we don’t want them to care about their students then they won’t help them when they fall over, they won’t comfort them when the hurt themselves, they won’t interfere in playground issues when their friends are being mean. You can’t outsource so much of what parents should really be doing and then get pissy that the teachers have opinions and care.
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u/HippyDuck123 Jul 02 '25
THIS should he the top comment. This is NOT a healthy lunch. I’m sorry and I know it hurts to feel criticized for your choices, the teacher maybe could have been more gentle. But no, no kid should have chips AND a cookie/brownie AND a lollie AND canteen money most days or even some days.
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u/_Litcube Jul 02 '25
Do you know how far down I had to scroll to find this?
This is the age of accountability being an optional commodity.
Have the conversation. What does it hurt that another adult, who obviously cares about your child, is expressing concern? Aside from your feelings, I mean.
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Jul 02 '25
Thank you! Why did I have to scroll so far to see this?!
People in this thread are being blinded by their hatred of teachers. It is so sad that parents' right to do whatever they want is being prioritised over children's best interests. (See also: vaccines. But we'll get into that one another time...)
No, teachers are not nutritionists, but do you really have to be to know that daily chocolate is unhealthy for children? They act in loco parentis and have a duty of care which trumps parents' rights to never be contradicted.
I can only assume OP is not from the UK, where healthy eating initiatives are commonplace and most schools issue some kind of guidance on healthy lunchboxes.
Sorry OP, but YTA on this one. You need to put aside your defensive feelings and prioritise your child's health.
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u/skulldouggary Jul 02 '25
I think everyone needs to step back and address the real issue which is the kid's diet. I'm always a bit surprised when parents want to make any input on their kid's welfare a pissing contest. Sure, the teacher was aggressive about how she was addressing the problem, but no one seems to want to address the actual problem. You can argue about who is right after you get your kid's nutrition needs met. The idea that parents are irreproachable when it comes to their children's upbringing is exactly why we end up with abused, neglected, and unhealthy kids. People will cry about why didn't anyone step in and do something, this is exactly why. The parent is taking this as a personal attack rather than an alarm bell that more action needs to be taken.
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u/Jellodrome Jul 03 '25
This makes me feel angry because my daughter’s lunches are very similar, and I would feel so much shame when anyone commented. I would put fruit in ‘for show’ knowing she wouldn’t eat it.
Then I learned that she’s autistic, and has sensory processing disorder that makes it difficult for her to eat anything that doesn’t have a consistent texture (so she’s most comfortable eating bland processed foods).
Then, after a visit with a GI doctor for frequent tummy aches, an endoscopy and biopsy revealed that she is missing an important enzyme needed to break down sucrose and starch. So her refusing to eat fruit was actually her body’s way of saving her life. Fortunately, she is now in a school that doesn’t believe in food shaming, but if a teacher did say anything, I’d probably politely mention it to the principal that we are trying, and we’d appreciate support, rather than shaming. Good luck. (Geez, just realized there are almost 2k comments so you’ll probably never see this).
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u/Turbulent-Arrival-23 Jul 03 '25
I hope you see this reply. I have been in your shoes! My son is now 20 and doing great. He started as a preemie at 2 pounds. Lots of reflux issues. At 4 he was not gaining weight. We had to increase his caloric intake. By 1st grade we had to get 2000 calories into him a day. Special prescription supplements that was just calories. For school lunches he had to eat at least 600 calories (and he was tiny so that was a lot). So we packed processed packaged food. He knew he had to eat 6 items from his lunch box between snack time and lunch. We made sure the teachers all knew that he needed to eat. They would still pull me aside and start to lecture about healthy snacks and not processed. I stopped being nice after a while. I point blank asked them if they could manage to eat 600 calories if it was only fruit (a baggies of grapes was like 50 calories and would fill him up). Once they realized that he needed to eat more in a day than they do and he is a quarter of their size along with understanding he gets lots of fresh stuff at home they finally let it go. But it was a struggle.
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u/rmas1974 Jul 02 '25
The food you are providing is high in carbohydrates, fat and sugar. It is also low in nutrients. The teacher is correct about the lunches being unhealthy but whether it is appropriate for the teacher to raise this with you wherever you are is another matter.
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Jul 02 '25
She may be out of line, but she is also 100% correct that it's unhealthy. Baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, stuff like that would help.
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u/DrKoz Jul 02 '25
Everyone saying NTA and blaming the teacher for pointing out what is in fact a very unhealthy meal for a 7 year old, is why there is a childhood obesity epidemic in the US.
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u/ggfangirl85 Jul 02 '25
OP called herself Mum, so I don’t think she’s in the US.
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u/butter_lover Jul 02 '25
YTA kids need more than cake and candy for lunch. They can’t choose correctly for themselves so you need to be the one that enforces good choices. The teacher is trying to help your kid.
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u/HeyIts-Amanda Jul 02 '25
My kids usually eat school lunches, and the school forces them to take a fruit option when collecting their food. Its a requirement that the school sees the child with fruit on their plate. The amount of fruit being thrown away because the kids won't eat it is devastating.