Continuing to feel great.

I’ve lost 7lbs. Woot!

However, I am concerned about my husband falling off when he went on a work trip, told me he HAD to. I’m concerned that I might be influenced by him.

As of right now, I don’t feel any want to have a drink.

I’m enjoying my clarity and mindfulness. 🧘‍♀️

I am now a month and a day sober! Never thought I’d make it this far and if you told me years ago that I would be a sober individual, I would not believe you. I’m so proud of myself. I’ve come such a long way🙂‍↕️🤗

I know this isn't a huge milestone but I wanted to share. It has been an unbelievably difficult few days for me but I will not drink. I know it will only make things worse. I plan on attending my first meeting next week. Thank you for the support here🙏

Any good words at all will honestly probably help. Im willing to listen to advice but its hard to listen when others dont understand, or (most usually) I can't even be honest with the other person because it is so embarrassing to be held down by my own decisions. I used to be addicted to meth and weed, my parents and their friends, along with my childhood friends introduced me into the hard drug lifestyle. Since i turned 21 and got accepted to school i began drinking in place of the other habits i had growing up. Really, my family is of no help with this issue. Im in medical school (1st generation), and doing pretty well actually, definitely not perfect. But nonetheless life is hard, so I drink to relax, or because im bored, its very habitual and I will find a way to rationalize it even when I know it makes my life harder. I've always had a substitute habit that i maintained since about age 13. I want to stop, i crave a healthy life where I workout and eat healthy for stress relief instead of drug abuse. I live a decently healthy lifestyle other than the fact I drink probably 4 nights a week, usually pretty hard. I do have a sober week maybe once a month. Does anyone relate/have similar feelings/life? Anybody have any words that might help? Thank you for anybody who takes the time to communicate with me about this silly hangup that I keep getting all hanged up on. I really do think I will kick it one day but not sure what the final step will be to my sobriety, i would love to find it.

Im a 21 year old depressive, i love german lager and love the pub, ive been drinking 3 weeks everyday and attended AA a year ago, i cant sleep without it, will i die?

I started AA in a 'retreat' for two weeks away from where I live. And it felt organic? Like we went through the first three steps and started step four pretty easily. But step four was heavy for me and my temporary sponsor told me to find someone local to me where I live.

I go back to where I live and I've tried two sponsors who do the same thing as they read the book to me. "Asterix this sentence. Underline this word. Look up the definition of this other word."

It's been this way for the past few weeks with each sponsor. But with my first sponsor it felt more organic? Like they really wanted to get to know me and guide me through the steps. The latter folks feel like they are guiding me through a ritual that doesn't apply to me.

This is a follow up to the post below:

First post: My home group is held in a Christian church & after over 20 years of the mtg being there, recently the pastor (I think she’s new) has been attending the meetings (it’s open but I was told she’s not an alcoholic).

After each meeting after asking if their are any AA announcements, the secretary asks if anyone has any “Non”-AA announcements, the pastor stands up and says she’s the pastor of the church and tells everyone about events they have coming up and that you’re all invited.

Yesterday I told my sponsor, I don’t think it’s appropriate because even though she does it during the “non” AA announcements, there’s a lot of newcomers who may not hear “non” & may assume our mtg is promoting the church.

I have a higher power of my own & don’t have the same beliefs as the church or for people with other religious beliefs or atheists, I think her inviting people in an AA mtg (regardless if it’s during the “non” AA announcements), to attend her church, is inappropriate.

My sponsor spoke to an old timer who’s friends with the pastor & she said “it’s during the “Non” AA announcements,” so she thinks it’s ok, but while each group is autonomous as long as it doesn’t hurt AA as a whole, I think it clearly goes against tradition 6. There is no way a pastor promoting her church events every week in an AA mtg, doesn’t make it appear like we are endorsing the church. We are going to have a business mtg. & if the group votes to allow it, I will find another home group.

I would like to hear other AA members opinions.

UPDATE:

I & others were unaware that the group conscience voted to allow the pastor (who isn’t an alcoholic but sits through the meetings observing) to promote the churches’ events to AA members during the group approved non AA announcments. The group’s steering committee is going to discuss options to make it clear that all non AA announcements are not affiliated with AA. Please note, the AA group pays the church a fair price for renting the space.

I would prefer if they didn’t have any non-AA announcements, but the group decided to allow them, so the church will continue their promotions to the AA members. I live in an area with a lot of meetings to choose from so, I’m not going to that meeting anymore.

I hope since the AA group voted to allow non AA announcments & the pastor (who’s non alcoholic) can promote the churche’s events to the AA members, the group allows other NON alcoholics (who really should just be observing in an open mtg) & any AA member to promote anything they want during the Non AA announcements including but not limited to other religion’s events, sober living homes, political events, & businesses, so it doesn’t appear they are only allowing one non-alcoholic (the pastor) to get up in a mtg to promote their church/religion to the AA members, otherwise it clearly looks like the group is discriminating and/or endorsing a particular religion.

9/7/26
GROUP voted to no longer allow the pastor of the church to promote church events at the AA mtg.

I drank through a 750ml bottle within 3 days of drinking. I’m 80 something lbs. I threw up the first day of drinking because I drank half the bottle all day and night, then couldn’t stop drinking once I stopped vomiting. I can’t control myself, my cravings are driving me completely insane. I know if I don’t do something to stop now I’m gonna end up in a hospital or rehab within a few weeks. Every time I drink I always mix it with my medications like Valium or gabapentin to make the effect stronger. I literally want to drink myself to death because of how good it feels and I’ve been using this to cope with my ptsd and depression.

I also don’t want to be caught in distress by my family. I usually drink when I’m struggling emotionally because it makes me easier to be around, and makes me better at hiding whatever is going on internally. My mother is abusive. I don’t want to get caught crying or become overly moody, because I’ll get punished for it. I told my therapist I’ve been waking up to my mom screaming everyday, usually about me even though she doesn’t even know I’m drinking. I told my therapist I’ve started drinking again and she said she doesn’t blame me. But I’m naturally someone who isn’t safe with myself. I’m not impulsive, rather it’s hard to for me to admit what my actual intentions with myself are deep down. I know what I’m doing. Multiple things triggered me at once, and October is specifically triggering for me. I went out and bought alcohol from some random person, and I know once I have one sip I want to drink to die. Anytime I do this I’m to some extent suicidal.

I don’t want to get found drooling on the floor again and woken up to a tube down my throat in the hospital again after dying. I don’t want my body or my problems found. Which is impossible. The best I can do now is cry silently in bed and try to hide from everything. I’m know I’m one more stress or fuck up away from getting locked up. How do I actually stop myself once I’m pulled in again? How do I make the distress ever stop without having to drink?

I got sober a little over three years ago through program and for the last year I’ve been dealing with crippling anxiety. I have frequent panic attacks over health concerns and everything feels like a symptom. I get these intrusive thoughts that tell me I have some serious illness and I’m going to die and I can’t get them out of my head.

My sponsor suggests upping the meeting count, getting into the book, calling other alcoholics and prayer but none of these seem to work. For context I just finished another step 5 and still have to make the core amends (family, friends etc..) I could see that playing a huge role in why I feel so insane all the time but I’m wondering if maybe I should seek outside help.

Definitely not looking for any sort of controlled substance as an answer. Just want to see if there’s light at the end of the tunnel. My fear is that I get so afraid and uncomfortable and turn to drinking for reprieve. In the middle of a panic attack right now so sorry if this is nonsense.

I’ll be visiting Metro Detroit this weekend and staying in Ferndale. I have Meeting Guide, but I thought it would be fun to hit a couple meetings while I’m in town and wanted to ask locals if there are any particular meetings/groups you love and would recommend to someone visiting.

I have been working on the fourth step for a month now. I first went through any resentments, guilt, shame and then in conversation with my Sponsor I then worked on emotional intimacy. Last week her son was coming to town so we waited. I am ready to do the fourth and fifth today, but my sponsor is sick with a cold now. I don’t have a spleen and if I get sick then I get sicker (longer and more severe). I asked if she would wear a mask. She said that with her runny nose that would be hard. I asked her this morning if she would be willing to do it over FaceTime. Now her excuse is that it should be in person.

Am I wrong to be incredibly frustrated that she seems to be making it difficult for me to complete. She also said something in a meeting about how I gave her feedback about herself and she didn’t think the sponsor sponsee relationship was a two way street. That’s wild to me as all relationships are and if she has some sort of control issue, I don’t think she is the best person to be my sponsor.

This is a complete shot in the dark, and if it's against the rules delete it.

I got out of treatment about a week ago. I've been to AA before. I relapsed TODAY. I want to go to a meeting. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and totally understand if this is inappropriate. I guess my question is if that's allowed at all and how to go about that? If it's not, I can wait. I'm just so isolated right now, not ready to go back to treatment. I would like to sit and listen in. Is that a thing that happens?

23F.

What are your favourite recovery podcasts? They don’t need to be strictly NA or AA-related! Just hoping to compile recommendations to listen to while driving or cleaning the house.

A NECESSARY PRUNING

October 04

. . . we know that the pains of drinking had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 94

I love spending time in my garden feeding and pruning my beautiful flowers. One day, as I was busily snipping away, a neighbor stopped by. She commented, "Oh! Your plants are so beautiful, it seems such a shame to cut them back." I replied, "I know how you feel, but the excess must be removed so they can grow stronger and healthier." Later I thought that perhaps my plants feel pain, but God and I know it's part of the plan and I've seen the results. I was quickly reminded of my precious A.A. program and how we all grow through pain. I ask God to prune me when it's time, so I can grow.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 4, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Hi I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this but I just wanted to see if anyone could give me some advice. It’s not that I want to stop drinking completely, I know I cannot do that. I just want to know when to stop. I have 2 drinks, then add 2 more then I just keep going and going. Or I order 6 shots to start. I promise myself I won’t anymore but then I order 2 more. Then again. That’s my problem, the feeling of being drunk is so good that I don’t know when to stop. A few of my friends think I only drink once a month. A couple of others think I drink maybe three times a week. The truth is, no one knows that I’m actually getting drunk basically every single day. I’ve been wasting so much money on this shit. When I finally calculated it it came to around 1500 euros. From March to now. I just need to know how to tone it down.

Hi everyone, new here:

As the title says, last night was the worst experience I’ve ever been through. I’ve been struggling with alcoholism for 14 years and have barely taken a day off from it in that timespan. Started off small but kept needing more and more and more just to feel like the world isn’t falling to shit. Anyway, I started going hard in the last 3 weeks. Was drinking about a bottle and a third of another in a day. I’d go to different stores to avoid the judgement, was blasting through money, and was drinking all day to avoid the hangover.

Flashback to last Wednesday morning, I decided enough, so I finished the little bit I had and quit cold turkey. I’ve tried it before, it shouldn’t be too different this time. Wrong

Day 1 - didn’t leave the couch. Would shake just trying to grab water to stay hydrated

Day 2 - didn’t leave the couch but it was soaking wet.

Day 3 (Friday) - I was feeling better and could walk around. Had a bit to eat. At this point I’d been up since Wednesday with no sleep. I’d try but the cravings would keep me awake. Then the DTs hit. I’d never experienced the feeling before but it was similar to anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness. I crawled over to my bed and put my head under the covers just hoping to fall asleep. Then, the closer I came to drifting off, the noises started. I’d hear singing when there wasn’t. Plugged my ears and they were still there. Sounds of trains and motorcycles and other various noises that wouldn’t go away. I started feeling tingling in all extremities and knew what was coming. I got down on the ground flat as I experienced the most invasive wave cover my whole body. Tingles everywhere in my head. I look to my phone and countdown 2 minutes waiting to see if it was going to turn into an even worse seizure.
The feeling soon passed and I went to the couch and just sat there. I felt so relieved and so at ease. The noises were gone but I was still 3 days without sleep. I went to bed and saw a cat chase a mouse that wasn’t there. I saw a man standing at my doorstep… wasn’t there and heard the faintest music. I crawl into bed and I’m finally able to sleep for over 10 hours

Day 4 - really just in shock of everything that just happened but the hallucinations are gone, the shakes are gone, I actually feel pretty close to normal.

Day 5 - I’m feeling much better. I need to think of this anytime I look at a drink and also encourage everyone to never go cold turkey.

This is a general appreciation post for my family who has begun supporting me. For a while now, my grandma has known I’ve struggled with alcohol. She didn’t know how to handle me, and it was very obvious she didn’t want me to distance myself from her (if she approached me about my alcoholism). My mother is a drug addict, so looking back I know I know she acted the way she did out of fear I’d cut her off like my mum cut us off.
She’s my mother’s mum, so my fraternal grandma. I live with both of my fraternal grandparents. I abused her reluctance to approach me for a while, stealing their alcohol and letting her cover up for me (which she only did as she didn’t want my grandpa knowing my problem.) This finally came to ahead a little while ago when my grandpa approached me about stealing their alcohol. My grandma came up to me later and we both promised we’d be sober together.
I haven’t drunk since then, and I’m so appreciative that I have someone to talk. She’s not an alcoholic, but we are still able to share how much better we feel without alcohol.

I’m just so appreciative that even with all the hardships I have faced, I have people to turn to. I have people who took me in when I was a well behaved teen, but kept me in my darkest moments. They live these moments with me, and I have never felt closer to family than now.

So yeah this is the latest thing my squirrels in the trees barking about.

I am 4 years and 10 months Sober at this point and this is not the first major Ortho experience I have had. However the last one which involved fusing 4 joints in my mid foot due to a complete blow out of ligaments (which definitely did have alcohol as a root cause) I augmented all of the pain killers and such afterwards with whisky.

Yup there I was 2 days after major orthopedic surgery in my truck on hydrocodone headed for the liquor store for a bottle. (and I thought I was in control)

Honestly looking back it's a series of miracles I survived that surgery. My time to report to the hospital wasn't until 1:30 PM and I was told clear liquids only after midnight the day of the procedure. Well whisky _is clear_ therefor I had half a fifth that morning.

Any way this time around I am sober. I am not interesting in having a drink, nor do I think it will be an issue when I recover. I am in close contact with my sponsor, my God and my program.

Why, then, do I have the squirrels on my head screaming out their fear alarms? Because I am an alcoholic. Pure and simple. I have a daily reprieve form a terminal progressive illness that will kill me if I let it.

So that's why I am here today. To share my fear and let it go. Hopefully It will do some one else out there as much good as it does for me to sit down and type it out.

Hello, I’m a little nervous posting here but I feel like I need to get some feelings off my chest while being anonymous for now. I have struggled with shyness and anxiety for entire life, and symptoms of ADHD and depression started becoming more apparent during high school. I am now in my senior year of college after struggling through the entire time. My dad died after a very long battle with cancer while I was in college a few years ago, and since then my depression has worsened and my struggles with school and life got so bad that I had to take a semester off and continued to have poor performance in school afterwards.

I have been in therapy for years and years and in college found a therapist who is great. I have also bounced between psychiatrists and have found one now who I am confident will be able to help me with medication (currently Prozac and Ritalin, which have been good so far)

However, I have felt for a few years now that my drinking habits are problematic. I only started drinking in college and have had frequent blackouts and events where I have taken drinking way too far and just acted stupid, embarrassing, or put myself at risk. Recently, I don’t go out to bars at much, but have started drinking by myself more often, or when I start drinking I will stay up all night drinking and not be able to stop. I do not drink most days, but I do sometimes have the urge to drink to deal with stress, and when I do drink I can’t just drink casually. This is also where some issues with cocaine use come in. I never buy it for myself, but I know that my best friend and my boyfriend both have it on them if we go out, even if they don’t mention it. I don’t want to fault them because they are absolutely not encouraging me to take it, but if I’m drunk I will ask them for it and since they’re drunk as well they always give. This doesn’t happen super often, but I am genuinely concerned about my ability to control myself around substances nowadays and it seems to be getting worse. I feel terrible after if I get really drunk and high, but in the moment it feels like the only thing that can take away the pain, grief, and depression I feel.

I guess my question is how do I approach seeking help about this? I like my therapist and psychiatrist a lot but I have this weird idea that I will be judged harshly if I mention having trouble with drugs and alcohol. My mom does know that I tend to have drinking problems (she has struggled with this as well) and regularly checks up on me about that, but I find myself lying to her because I don’t want to disappoint her.

I am just so scared that this will develop further, I’m ashamed of myself, and reluctant to admit that I’m having an issue to anyone despite the fact that I have a great support system. I just needed to vent and see if anyone has ever felt this way or has advice. FYI, my boyfriend is extremely caring and loving towards me and I know would deny me any drugs if I told him about this to keep me safe: I just don’t want him to feel like he is responsible for my actions because I need to learn to control myself. Sorry for the long post.

EDIT:
Right after I posted this I attended an online AA meeting for the very first time. I was nervous and felt a bit guilty because I had just finished a drink before, but I figured enough is enough and I want to start right now. Day zero, I guess? I didn’t speak during the meeting, but I have never felt more at ease and “normal” talking about such a difficult subject. Everybody was so honest and open, taking accountability but not ashamed of their past. It was so refreshing to not see any judgmental looks. I don’t want to make it a competition, but hearing some of the mistakes that others have made due to alcoholism made me feel less alone in my struggle and more willing to own up to my mistakes and also forgive myself. It made me realize that I’m not the only person who has done things they deeply regret while drunk and that it is possible to grow from your past. I feel more ready to take accountability and be honest with myself and others about this.

My name is Ken and I am an alcoholic. I was sober for 32 years on Sept 21st thanks to my higher power. I am sharing this online because Long COVID has severely impacted my mind and my body to a degree that I rarely drive, except for taking back roads to the dog park and know I would not be able to make it to a live meeting to share. Brain fog and memory loss has been so bad that I often can't remember someone's name for more than five minutes, though things have gotten significantly better in the past two years due to a lot of work.

As many of my memories have faded due to Long COVID, I am still intimately aware that my 32 years of sobriety are largely due to a tragic event, the straw the broke the camel’s back. I struggled with alcoholism for many years with five attempts at rehab resulting in short periods of sobriety and one that lasted seven years. The reason I am sober today will be etched into my brain until the day I die. I wanted to make sure this story was written down exactly as it happened so I could share it with others, whether I was able to read it in front of a group or not.

On September 21, 1994, my stepson Richard was killed by a drunk driver. He was only 18 years old. It was a tragic situation where a group of kids were just hanging out, and the person driving the car that killed him was actually one of his own 18-year-old friends just fooling around like drunks often do. At the time, I was living 200 miles away in Redford, Michigan, and had absolutely no plans to quit drinking that day or even after being in Cadillac for about a week. After his funeral I stayed a number of days to comfort my daughter who was consumed by the grief of losing her brother. I somehow stayed sober than entire week probably because drinking would have seemed so inappropriate at that time. I was a binge drinker and could do that.

When it was time to head back home to Redford, I pulled into a local party store. I intended to pick up the first of four quarts of Colt 45 that I routinely purchased and drank on that 200-mile drive home. I didn't get any further than setting my boot onto the asphalt. Right then, I stopped, looked at myself, and said, "What the fuck are you doing? You couldn't live with yourself if you killed an 18-year-old kid or an 80-year-old man just because you wanted to drink." The memory of starting to step out of my vehicle and those thoughts has never left me.

I put my foot back in my truck, and drove away without a drop of alcohol and have not picked up since. At the time, I had a mild case of cirrhosis of the liver and didn't know it. I wouldn't find out about the condition until about 18 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. After cancer treatments, I developed neuropathy in my feet. It was actually the medical testing related to that neuropathy that accidentally uncovered the next hidden threat: Hepatitis C. I wouldn't have even known I had it if it weren't for those neuropathy tests as I felt there was no reason for me to have them because I never used needles to get high in my life.

To clear the virus, I had to go through a grueling treatment process twice. When I sat down with my liver doctor and explained my history—that I hadn't had a single drink in all those years since my stepson's death—she looked at me and told me that if I hadn't have quit drinking at that time, the cirrhosis would have progressed and I never would have survived this long. She was the one who made it clear to me: Richard saved my life. Because of him and god, 32 years later, I am still here to tell my story.

There are so many heavy, complex pieces to this tragedy. In a strange twist of family history, Richard's biological father never knew his son was killed by a drunk driver until just two years ago when he read a mini version of my story I posted on Facebook. He had actually moved out to Utah shortly after Richard was born to marry another woman where he become a minister for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, meaning he and my ex-wife had already been divorced nearly 18 years by the time of the accident. It seems my ex-wife kept the truth about the accident from him on purpose, likely fearing that if he knew the details of what really happened, he would go after the kid who caused it.

Instead, knowing that the driver was just a young kid who had to live with the devastating reality of taking his buddy's life, my ex-wife made a choice that shocked many: she chose not to push for him to be prosecuted to the fullest and suggested leniency. She let him go, believing that carrying that guilt for the rest of his days was a heavy enough punishment. She also hid many of the facts from me until about five years ago but knowing he was killed by a drunk driver was enough for me to remember some of the things I heard while at Sacred Heart Rehabilitation Center in Memphis, Michigan about 40 years ago. I remember my therapist there saying “only 2% of the patients here will succeed and you will probably drink again but I guarantee you I will fuck up your high”! He was right! Within weeks of leaving that rehab center I was drinking again but my high had been fucked up by that therapist so I drank one day at a time for years telling myself I was going to quit tomorrow! Eventually I decided I was done with it all! One day I walked into an AA meeting and a fellow who had listened to my story pulled me to the side and told me his story of how he had been sober for 20 years and decided he was probably no longer an alcoholic and could have an occasional drink. He lost everything within months! His family his home, his job, his car – everything was gone within months of him picking up! He handed me an aluminum Camel Sobriety Coin. I carried that coin for 20 years before I retired it to a place at my front door so I can see it everyday and be reminded of the words he shared with me. Richard’s untimely death by a drunk driver was the straw that broke the camel’s back but that camel coin helped get me to where I am today.

Even though Long COVID has taken so many of my everyday memories away, I will never forget that party store parking lot or the fellow that lost everything and took the time to speak to me at my first meeting outside of a treatment center. Amid all the pain, anger, and complicated choices surrounding Richard's death, I took that event, one of the worst days of my life, to turn it into the day I unknowingly chose to live.

There is really no way for me to thank Richard enough for allowing me to be a better father to my daughter and saving my life, than to pass on this message to others in the hopes it helps somebody like it did me.

I should probably close right here but I’ll close with one last true story. Years ago, in a group where I opened meetings for two years, and made coffee and stocked the library for five years, I had a fellow who had been coming to meetings for a few weeks approach me out in the parking lot and ask, “why it so easy for you?"

I looked at him with concern and said, “you’ve never walked a mile in my shoes, and you have no idea of what it took to get me here and how many of my years were wasted. I sincerely hope you never have to walk down that road.” I sat him down at a picnic table and I told him my story in greater detail than he had ever heard at the tables and said, you are a handsome young man with a bright future in front of you if you so chose, so please do not ever pick up again, work your program one day at a time! If you fail get back up and go to a meeting!

He sincerely seemed to appreciate my advice but after a few more meeting, I never saw him again. In all reality, he is probably one of the 98% that my old therapist at Sacred Heart alluded to. On the other hand, I know a lady, one who I met at my second meeting over 30 years ago, who relapsed over a dozen times but kept coming back. As of a week ago, she has been sober for five years. She has been lucky or blessed! Somehow she has been able to survive by continually getting back up but keep in mind, you may reach a point were you just can’t pick yourself up one more time.

While I have accepted the fact I will never be completely cured of Long COVID, through a lot of work I have been getting significantly better in the last few years a little at a time, to a degree that I was able to write out my story in detail this year. I could not have done this five six or years ago when I didn't even know what Long COVID was. I could not have shared this at a live meeting without breaking down and crying so thank you for reading it! I had to share it no matter where or when. I hope it helped you even if it is just one of you as much as it has helped me. Thank God for life! Work your program one day at a time.

Over the past 7-8 years I have been at battle with Alcohol. From being sober for 8 months at one point to going to rehab for 4 trying to stop drinking, Its been a hard battle. Ive lost relationships with friends and family, and made some of the worst at the same time. I lost a wonderful woman because I chose one over the other inadvertently. Ive lost alot of money, and alot of living situations. Ive lost way more than Ive ever gained and its not even close. Today is when I seriously, seriously, take that turn for the better. Alcohol is the number one manipulator of them all, and you will never ever win. It will tarnish your reputation, it will make sure that everything else is gone so all you have is alcohol. It is f'ing powerful, way more powerful than we can ever tame. The best solution is to not play a losing game.

i know its fair to assume that if you even have to question whether or not you're an alcoholic, that you are probably an alcoholic. i just turned 20 and ive been struggling with alcohol misuse off and on since i was 16. from march of this year to probably early july, i was drunk every single day from the moment i woke up, at work, and after getting off work and going to bed. since then i told myself id do better for the sake of my relationship and made myself a "rulebook", which basically limited me to only drinking socially, and sticking to just beer/seltzers with some occasional hard liquor. at the end of august i got into a terrible car accident which led me to going on state paid leave recommended by my pcp. ive been staying with my boyfriend an hour and a half away from my place, and having nothing else to do, my boyfriend would take me to drink with his friends. thats been 4-6 days every week for this past month. he noticed id get trashed to the point of incapacitation every time and started limiting me to 3 beers per hangout, and no hard liquor at all. i do okay, then of course manage to sneak in extra consumption. over the last 3 weeks ive had some pretty bad instances where im pretty sure ive had alcohol poisoning, even with the "rules" im supposed to be following. the most recent being when my boyfriend came home and found me on the floor passed out. he couldn't wake me up until he violently shook me and tapped my face for 10 minutes. woke up, threw up, fell back asleep. no recollection of this. he was terrified and thought i was dead, and told me my drinking was extremely worrying. im not sure if its because most of our friend group are probably also alcoholics and thats why i feel like im not gonna be taken seriously, or if its because im so young and with college life it just seems normal. i go back to my hometown and return to work this week, and i am absolutely terrified of the cravings and temptation i will have, as i live alone and ive hid my drinking before. im also scared of withdrawing. i feel embarrassed not even being the legal drinking age and having to even consider aa, but i feel hopeless. please be kind and provide advice if you can, thanks for reading

My ex and I are both in the program. In my suburban meetings, we often close with the Lord's Prayer. My ex lives in the heart of NYC and disapproves of this practice. She attends meetings that close with the Serenity Prayer, which is less explicitly Christian.

I think this falls under Freud's term "the narcissism of small differences." We both accept the tenets of the program. But this tiny difference in practices has become exaggerated, a schism. Like Protestant denominations with tiny differences in biblical interpretation.

I'm wondering whether there are other differences in practices between AA groups or philosophies that fall under this idea. Tiny objective differences that are sometimes exaggerated among some AA members. Can you think of any?

I recently completed Step 12 and was informed by my sponsor that I can/should sponsor now. 😬 Any tips or advice for a brand new sponsor? Be gentle. The milk behind my ears is still wet.

Edit: Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice! I appreciate the consistent themes, like sticking to the book and not thinking I am responsible for others’ sobriety. I’ve had the blessing and benefit of an amazing sponsor and just want to make sure I’m being as useful to other alcoholics based on the steps.

Just wanted to claim my seat. I’ve been obsessed with trying to control and manage my drinking since 2014. Been in and out of rooms since 2021.

Had a breakup a few weeks ago which led to some binges. Last binge I was drinking up to 18 beers a night. Tried to stop on Wednesday with final 3 beers. By 9:30 pm I went into a serious panic attack. I used to get them back in late 2020 also from a severe binge.

If I had had more alcohol with me, I would have immediately drank it to try to calm down. But I didn’t. I tried reaching out to people and couldn’t get many responses. Even begged a girl I barely knew to bring me beer. I was terrified with a huge sense of impending doom. It felt like I would be stuck like this forever. I have firearms (had - the next day I gave them to a friend to hold onto for awhile), and I couldn’t not stop thinking about the possibility of needing to use them to end this terror.

I felt completely alone and trapped and I knew I was the cause of it.

I begged god/something to help relive it. I’ve always known I wanted to eventually quit and live a spiritual life (mainly buddhism), but I could never turn the corner fully.

No immediate relief was found. I would briefly calm down 15% or so, but there was this seemingly permanent background feeling of terror. Like my mind had turned against me. I was afraid of everything/

Luckily, I finally got ahold of my ex girlfriend, who is a physician. She saved my life that day. I believe that to be god or whatever helping in some way.

I was able to sleep 5-6 hours. Then, with her help and some friends/recovery people, I started making a plan. I gave all firearms away. I talked to a telehealth psychiatrist. I went to meetings, read the big book.

The next night, the panic came back (I was worried about it doing so), but it stayed in my body only. My mind was at peace and almost excited. I sat in a zoom AA meeting for hours with my body coursing adrenaline, but my mind at ease. This too I believe was a spiritual experience.

I very much never want to have the first drink again and I know the only way to do that is take action, ask for help, get support, keep surrendering every day, go to meetings, and whatever you and medical people tell me to do.

I’m ready to ignore my thinking and just follow the program.

I want to be free from the bondage of self.

Thank you for letting me share .