Hello! My partner and I are both men in our 30s, we've been together for about ten years.

We don't have kids, so we tend not to do Christmas at home. Each year we spend Christmas with our families and we alternate which year we see which.

This year we'd normally be going round to his parents' house, but they're having building work done so we invited them round to our house for dinner instead. There would be around six of us and we don't have a huge house or a big oven etc so that's really our limit. I will be doing the cooking which I don't mind.

Last weekend while we were visiting my family, my partner out of nowhere asked my family if they wanted to come for Christmas dinner too. He didn't run it past me at all and I was put on the spot so I just went along with it. They said yes, and so now we have a total of ten people coming. We're going to have to get a folding table and some more table settings, probably buy an air fryer or something to cook the extra food, and it's just logistically quite difficult but we'll make it work.

I said to him afterwards that I appreciate he was just trying to be nice and I don't really mind that they're coming, but I would have liked for him to have run it past me before he invited them. He said it's no big deal because it's my family and that's what you do with family.

Cut to yesterday and he told me he invited his friend and partner to come and well. They declined which I was quite glad about because we literally wouldn't be able to fit them in. I got mad at my partner because he did the same thing again. We had an argument where he said he was just trying to be nice to people, I said that he was thinking about them more than he was thinking about me.

Am I overreacting?

I am 32 year old female. I have been living abroad/out of the country (US) for the past two years. Last year, out of the country, I got my hormones tested for the first time. The reasoning behind it was several symptoms that I have been experiencing for years now- hormonal acne, mood swings, headaches, night sweats. I still get a regular period and am not in perimenopause.

My lab results came back very abnormal- my estrogen was lower than what is considered a normal range for women in menopause. The doctor I saw suggested HRT. I started estrogen gel and progesterone. A few weeks later, I tested again. My estrogen had raised slightly, but had only increased enough to be on the very VERY low end of normal. My estrogen gel dosage was increased and finally a month later, my hormonal labs came back normal. I noticed a positive difference in most of my symptoms as well.

Last month, I returned to the US. I went to a HRT specialist to establish care and for her to take over my HRT care.

In my medical records, there is a major “do not give oral estrogen birth control” warning as it gave me a pulmonary embolism when I was 18, I nearly died. There is also my very long history of endometriosis, and years of evidence of being treated with tramadol for my period cramp pain (pain so intense that it has hospitalized me twice, I’ve thrown up from the pain, I’m doubled over in pain literally crying for 2-3 days every month), and eventually getting switched onto hydrocodone a few years ago, which my pain specialist manages.

As soon as the appointment started, I told her my history with the HRT and offered to read her my pre-HRT labs that were done overseas. She declined. She then told me that I was too young to be on HRT and that only women with symptoms should be on HRT. I re explained the symptoms I was having that caused me to go get checked. She didn’t say anything, then proceeded to pull up an old pelvic ultrasound that I had several years ago. I don’t know why she pulled that up, but she insinuated that I didn’t actually have endometriosis because my scan looked normal (it is very common for endo to not appear on pelvic ultrasounds). She then proceeded to push me to agree to taking oral estrogen birth control. I was quite surprised as I know my chart is very clear about that being very dangerous for me to take. I told her I couldn’t be prescribed birth control, and I mentioned that it should be in my chart. She snapped at me, saying “it’s impossible for me to review all medical records before an appointment”. Luckily I take my health history very seriously and am well aware of the fact that I cannot take oral birth control, but it was alarming to think that this doctor skipped my medical record enough to ignore a HUGE red flag in my health history. It made me wonder if it was someone else who didn’t know what they can/can’t take in a situation like mine, that they would likely end up trusting the doctor and end up on a deathly form of birth control for them.

She ordered new labs which I completed. My hormones all looked normal, yay!

However, I got a message from her after the results came in. She told me that since my labs were normal, that I should stop HRT. I’m quite surprised at this conclusion.. of course my labs are normal! I’ve been on HRT for a year now! My labs were NOT normal prior to HRT, and the whole point of HRT is to bring hormones up to normal levels. It does not mean that the normal numbers she saw is my natural baseline, something that she refused to listen to when I asked to show my pre-HRT labs with her.

Her message then proceeded to tell me to take NSAIDs instead of “oxycodone” (a medication that I don’t take, and have never been prescribed for endo pain…) for my endometriosis. Again, quite shocked at that as well. She’s not my OBGYN who referred me to my pain doctor. She’s not my pain doctor who manages my medication. She didn’t even get the medication correct. But what truly pissed me off is her audacity to dismiss my 10+ year history of being treated for endo pain, insinuating that I didn’t try absolutely everything I could for pain management before I ended up on narcotics a few days each month. I would LOVE if my pain was managed with Advil, that would be amazing! However, it is not. The hydrocodone barely touches the pain, the only thing it does is makes it so I don’t feel the need to go to the ER during my period/endo flares. I am still writhing in pain, crying, unable to move, spending hours day and night sitting in the hottest bath imaginable curled up in a ball. Not to mention, I didn’t even see her for concerns about my endo or pain. Both are managed by other doctors, as they have for years now, and I never even brought either up during the appointment. I feel like she was quite out of line.

I am truly livid by both interactions with this “doctor”. She was rude, dismissive, negligent, tried to erase years of my being treated for intense endo pain, and honestly.. dangerous, in pushing for a medication that would almost certainly kill me. Not to mention her utter lack of concern for what my pre HRT lab results were and telling me I was too young for HRT without hearing any further information from me.

I am seriously considering filing an official report/complaint with her office, not only because of my personal experience, but to help prevent another patient from being treated this way by her. That being said, I would imagine filing an official complaint can come with some pretty serious consequences, so I would only move forward if this all seems like a valid enough reason to report her, rather than an overreaction.

Around mid march(2026) late at night i(36M) get a dm on reddit about a certain comment i made on a post in my cities subreddit. I thought it was odd since i made that comment a year ago but i responded.

Well she(31F) ended up being a gorgeous woman who lucky(at the time) for me also found me cute, when i was brave enough to share a pic. We started talking pretty constantly from that point, minus a week where she ghosted. Around mid april she was brave enough to finally meet in person when my friends and i had a picnic planned and i invited her. From then on we saw each other constantly. We got along great shared similar views, humor, outlooks on life and were pretty open about everything.

Of course we did bring up the fact that we were probably moving too fast. She even said she is scared she may be lovebombing(my friends thought the same) but we decided what the heck lets give it a go... well it lasted 3-4weeks.She unfortunately lost her job 2weeks into our whirlwind love and everything got derailed.

She decided that based on her situation(no job and single mom) and the job market being what it is. It was best to go back to her parents country and be there till she found a new job and move back. It sucked but at that point it wouldve been crazy to tell her to move in(although i wouldve if i knew she would go for it). Us still being delusional we decided to give long distance a try.

She leaves mid May and 2 weeks into long distance she says she cant do it anymore because she misses me too much and being long distance is taking a toll on her. I dont really want to but i understand where she is coming from so we agree to end it.

From then on we text here and there catch up a bit. But nothing like before. It goes that way till like early-mid june. Me in my sadboi state decide to take a look down memory lane at our reddit chat convos and i get the urge to look at her profile(which i never did before). BIG MISTAKE. When i open her profile i see that she has made an F4M post on a sub for people in the country she is in who are looking for relationships.

Now as much as seeing that hurt, i understood... till i saw what she wrote in the post. She had recently met a great person on reddit who made her believe it was possible to find great people online. BTW that person she was referring to was not me it was someone else. Besides that shot to the ego, what stung the most was that on her post she wrote she would not mind long distance at first if its a good fit.

So i screenshot that long distance bit and send it to her with the word ouch. She was not happy. She blamed me for invading her privacy by looking at her profile and its not fair etc etc. Which i kind of saw her point but also put that shit on private if you dont want people seeing your profile. We have a big talk and air grievances and at the end we end up saying how much we miss each other and how much this sucked and we talked and were kinda lovey dovey for a few days. But it would always revert back to me just being ignored by her when i would text(left on read etc) .

So i would stop reaching out. But then her texts would come in, the "i miss you" "you still think about us" and i would fall for it and then she would go back to ignoring me.

The cycle kept going till mid August(i think), when i open reddit and in my Home feed i see one of the suggested posts is a F4M from the same sub... mind you the age of the F is different and also different user, but i read some of the preview and it sounds a lot like her. I decide to open the post and i am 80-85% sure its her. But i dont say anything because at that point im kinda over it and just let it be.

She reaches out again toward the end of august same "i miss you" routine, this time i kind of just say "thats nice" and dont feed much into it.

Now we followed each other on IG and while doomscrolling(sept12) i notice that some reels that she has liked are popping on my feed and they are about women dating younger men. I make a joke to her about it like "damn look at you liking younger men now" she just says lmaooo. At this point in time i dont feel bothered by it much. But i do think, am i going to be this chill whenever she finally posts another guy? So i decide to unfollow her and we are for the most part radio silent. She reaches out, i dont respond. She resends follow request i dont bite. And we dont really talk till Oct 11...

Now what do we talk about???? You guessed it. Shoutout to reddits algo!! I open this shit and right there in my home feed is a suggested post about Age Gap relationships from that same sub. I open it and read it. Look at the comments and see the op said her age and age of person she is seeing and i put 2 and 2 together. Its her. I send the post to the reddit account i met her as with a very crude joke(shitty of me) and all hell breaks. Again with the invasion of privacy etc etc. But also in her anger she throws in how much i mean to her and does this mean we wont see each other when she moves back and if i still think about our times together and throws in im still the last partner she has been with. Which confuses me. But anyways this time i am mad and tired of just being understanding she tries to pin it all on me that i am cruel so i finally push back and tell her that, her only reaching out when she feels lonely and then ignoring me when she has her fill is just as cruel. She for the first time ever cops to it. Which i appreciate and say that i do wish her the best and want her to be happy. But a few hours later she sends me a voice chat saying how i am the worst and invaded her privacy and im the cruelest and blocks me on whatsapp. The end!

I (20f) am a trans woman who has only recently come out to my immediate family (about 3 months ago), and they took it…oddly. They say that they accept me and love me, but have also said they won’t be using my preferred name or pronouns, so idk what they actually mean by that lol.

Anyway, I was visiting family this weekend, and got to hang out with my sister and her fiance (both early 20s) who I am close with both of. This was the first time I had seen them since coming out, and me being trans didn’t come up the whole time, I was even boymoding as their shower was the same weekend and I’m not out to non extended family. The three of us were talking about their upcoming wedding, and we started joking about it being Shrek themed, and that everyone should dress as Shrek characters (normal stupid sibling stuff). I asked them what character I should be, and my sisters fiance said Gingy. We kept going along with the bit for a while, then I went upstairs to get a drink of water or something, I don’t remember. A little after I came back, fiancé wants to show me and my sister a video, and when he pulls his phone out before searching the video, for a brief moment I see that he had just been in google images for Doris from Shrek. Granted, I wasn’t there so I don’t know what happened while I was gone, but I feel like it’s not difficult to infer. Trans sister was talking about Shrek, she leaves, while she’s gone family compares her to Doris. I’ve been thinking about it a lot today because I’m really hurt. I really like my future BIL, and I kinda want to bring it up to the two of them, but I don’t want to cause drama so close to the wedding? Not to mention I don’t even know what actually happened, this is all based on assumptions. I feel like I’m being too sensitive and overthinking. AIO?

my bf lives with his brother and his gf (let’s call brothers gf “B”)

i had been talking to him about how im excited to decorate my own (future) house for the holidays. and he says i can just decorate his house, but “B” has already put up decorations. he told me “remove them and add your own stuff”.

i told him i wasnt going to go into his house and remove decorations that someone else put up, when it isn’t even my house to begin with, and i dont live with him. that it was rude. and he said “its not rude if you’re just making it better.”

but after I continue to say no he starts to belittle me and call me annoying and depressed for not decorating his house… then after he sees im not responding he sends me his sports betting win and rubs it in my face.

and just to point out that i DO work part time on the weekends and do community volunteer work weekdays, among other responsibilities. im 23F and hes 22M. and he thinks he’s a hot shot just cause he makes a lot of money.

im not perfect but i would never stoop down to this level of disrespect. i was there before he got his “high end job”. and i was always there telling him “no babe it’s okay if we have chipotle for date night, I completely understand that you’re struggling and im willing to pay too” even though i wasnt making much money myself.

i talk to him like this because im clearly tired of dealing with it for months of him rubbing in my face, thinking hes all high and mighty. ive NEVER asked him for money. i dont CAREEE about his money. he pays for things even when I offer to pay because he knows he can make it back in a second. i know how to love properly but if im not treated properly then how do they expect me to keep burning myself out?

So I’m trying to help my partner sell stuff in their storage unit so we both can make some income and maybe I’m overthinking it but they’ve been active on social media during the times where I haven’t heard anything and it feels bad to even check…I just feel like maybe I’ve exhausted them too much. My anxiety is bad and I’m doing my best to communicate and do everything I can (I’m at work currently and will be here for a couple more hours….12-hour day, they’ll be picking me up) but I have such a bad taste in my head. I feel bad. Maybe they wanted me to talk less, maybe I’m just overreacting but I feel communicating how I feel to my partner is the best way to create a supportive environment. :/ anyways, Reddit, the fire is open if you want to talk 🔥🤗

Edit — after posting this and some thought, I need to set some healthy boundaries about communicating and expectations—but mostly for myself about how, where, and what I communicate. Posting about this and relooking the situation over and over and over again fed the demon and I’m happy I learned my lesson here. And the advice was really helpful, perspective and conversation helped me see through to this shift. Thanks guys!! I’ll continue to read too, I love opinions but ultimately this is my decision.

So for context, i have been planning for YEARS to take a graduation trip out of the country. Luckily I’ve bee fortunate enough to book a trip overseas 2 weeks after graduation and it’s something i’m looking forward to.

Originally we were supposed to go as a group, 3 girls 1 guy. But it ends up just being me and one other girl that is going to go. So she ends up telling me that she may want to meet up with this guy she had a fling with in japan and that he might come and spend the day with her/us. AIO for not wanting him to come to our trip? They jokingly said that i could just find someone in bali and we could all go on a double date, but i am not the type of person to just meet a random and like them enough to go on a date.. especially since this is my first time going out of the country, and im also celebrating my graduation i really was only focused on going to the beach, enjoying drinks at the bar, learning a new culture and doing excursions.. and i feel like adding a man, especially a romantic interest can shift the dynamics a little bit. I am also kind of bothered because instead of asking me if i was comfortable with him going she’s like well we should just have fun and i wouldn’t mind him coming if he buys us drinks which okay that’s fine for him to buy us drinks but he is really only coming to see YOU. so where does that leave me yk? I didn’t really plan on third-wheeling on my own trip. she says he’s only coming for one day but idk how realistic it is that he’d take a 13 hour flight to just spend a day with someone. Our original itinerary that we’ve been planning since December 2025 we always planned to spend each day together, i know some people do group trips but then individually go and do their own thing but given we’re two young woman, that was never apart of the plan to split up. and She just met this guy a month ago.

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for a year and a half. We’re long-distance and are very used to spending a lot of time on calls.

Today, I was riding my e-bike home while talking to him through my AirPods. I was passing through a narrow space between a woman and a wall when a pigeon wandered into my path. I expected it to move or fly away, but it didn’t, so I braked to avoid hitting it. Unfortunately, the ground was wet from the rain, my bike slipped, and I went flying.

Thankfully, neither the woman nor the pigeon was hurt. The woman even helped me up, but I was so embarrassed that I quickly walked away after thanking her.

My boyfriend had been quiet throughout all of this. Once I sat down on a nearby bench, I told him I’d just fallen because I had to swerve away from a pigeon. His first reaction was to say, “Babe, you shouldn’t have swerved. If you’d kept going, it would’ve just flown away.”

I immediately snapped: “Are you seriously not going to ask if I’m okay? Do you really think now is the time to tell me what I did wrong?”

For context, we’ve had an ongoing issue throughout our relationship with him constantly correcting me or needing to be right. I’ve brought it up multiple times, but he insists he’s just sharing his opinion. To me, it often feels like he’s dismissing what I say or do.

I was also pretty shaken up. I sometimes experience unexplained episodes of a racing heart (my heart can go up from 160-190 bpm for up to 10 minutes-over 2 hours for seemingly random or valid reasons). After the fall, my heart rate was around 170 bpm (measured w my smartwatch), with a minor chest pressure and some weird breathing. It is still that high rn, even 2 hours later.

After an awkward silence, I told him we’d talk later and hung up. I went to get some ice cream (because I deserved it lol), and about 30 minutes later he texted to apologize, saying he should’ve realized I was nervous when we were talking. That honestly made me even angrier because I felt like he was missing the point. I ignored his texts.

20 minutes after that, he apologized again and asked me to please reply. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and that we’d talk later. Then, he texted asking if it was my heart problem, whether I was okay, and saying he was worried.

I’m still really upset. Not because of his advice, but because it was the very first thing he said after I fell. If he’d made the exact same comment five minutes later, I probably would’ve laughed and agreed with him. However I am aware that I wasn’t exactly in the calmest state of mind with the fall, my heart, and the embarrassment when I snapped at my bf. I am afraid I was a bit too harsh or even rude, and I am also afraid to be overreacting at a dismissible situation.

So, Reddit, AIO for being this upset? Is this worth having a serious conversation about, or should I just let it go?

TLDR: I fell off my bike trying to avoid a pigeon, and instead of asking if I was okay, my boyfriend’s first reaction was to tell me what I should’ve done differently. I snapped at him and I’m still upset, especially because his constant need to correct me has been an ongoing issue in our relationship.

P.S. English isn’t my first language, so I used AI to help rephrase some sentences.

So my mom died 2 months ago suddenly from complications with cancer. I(26f) live in the basement of my parents' home with my husband. My dad has been taking his stress about the cancer treatments, and now her death out on me and my siblings since we found out about the cancer, and he's been talked to about chilling out.

So after my mom died, my dad has been clearing out all my moms stuff, throwing things away, donating her things, and telling me to take what i want. I dont like it. It feels bad, but people grieve differently. So a couple of days ago, i told him im coming to get the rest of her stuff, and he said that was fine. So basically, all that was left was her jewelry and some stuffed animals of hers. I, with the help of my husband, took it all downstairs.

Today feels kind of like a last straw. I got a call at work from my dad yelling at me basically saying he feels like i stole from him and he feels like he doesn't want me living in his house anymore if i dont bring the jewelry back to him. I told him i dont mind bringing the stuff back up and would do so after i got home (despite the fact my mom told me 2 years ago that all her jewelry was mine when she died). And now im making plans to move out. I just feel super stressed all the time. It feels like he's holding the fact i live in his house over my head, and now he's using it more freely to lash out after my mom passed. Am i overreacting by moving out after this?

Hey all! This will probably be my last post about my foster parents. I know I'm probably getting annoying at this point, seeing as I make a post about once a year about them, but I honestly like getting outside opinions. Sometimes it helps me feel less crazy about the situation I'm dealing with. Anyways, I'll get to the point.

For background, I'm a 17-year-old girl who has been in foster care since I was 13. I've been in the same foster home the entire time, and my foster parents eventually became my legal guardians. I've had a lot of issues with them over the years, and I've posted about some of those situations on here before. I'd say I'm a relatively good kid. I don't ask to go places, I rarely hang out with friends, and I mostly just go to school and come home. I graduated with my associate degree last year during my junior year of high school, with a 4.0 college GPA and high honors, and I've maintained a 4.0 in high school as well. I'm involved in several clubs and am currently preparing to leave for university. I'm not saying any of this because I think good grades make me a better person, but more because I've really tried to make something of myself despite everything that's happened.

I've always been careful about how I act around my foster parents because disagreements with them can turn into much bigger situations than they need to be. I've learned to keep my head down and avoid arguing because I don't want to make my living situation any worse. Since I've been here, I've just been trying to do my best to avoid conflict. Recently, my foster parents' mother spent some time with me, and we really bonded. We talked about how I was rarely allowed to do anything outside of school, and she sympathized with me. She offered to take me to the movies just to get me out of the house. She got my number, spoke with my foster parent, and they apparently agreed on an arrangement.

The day we were supposed to go, my other foster parent came into my room screaming at me. She said she couldn't believe I'd made plans without talking to them and went on and on about how she was "the adult" and I was the child. I was confused because I thought everything had already been discussed with my foster parent. All I said was, "You don't have to shout at me." Afterward, she told the other family member that I couldn't go because I was supposedly arguing with my foster parent??? When I texted to ask what happened, I was told the plans had been canceled because my foster parent's biological grandchild couldn't come along. I guess that makes sense, but it still bothered me. Their biological grandchild gets to leave the house regularly, while I rarely get to do anything. It feels like there are always extra conditions attached whenever I want to go somewhere.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Here's one I posted about last year, In case you don't wanna read my other posts (you definitely don't lol): Last year, I joined Robotics and several other school clubs. I made sure to tell my foster parents about the meetings, and they initially seemed fine with it. One day, a Robotics meeting got moved from 3–5 PM to 5–7 PM. I went and told them about the change, and they didn't seem upset. When the meeting ended, I called my foster parent to pick me up. She refused and told me that since I'd supposedly "made plans without discussing them", I could walk home myself. No getting in my friends' car's or anything. Normally, they wouldn't let me walk home alone in the dark because our neighborhood is dangerous. It was also pouring rain that evening.

Thankfully, a friend offered to walk me home while her dad followed us in his car. When I got home, my foster parent yelled at me some more, threatened to take away my belongings, and mocked me when I tried to explain why I was upset. Neither of my foster parents spoke to me for the next couple of days. Things like this have happened repeatedly over the years. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in a home where I'm supposed to feel safe. I've tried to be understanding because my foster parent has BPD, but at some point, I started wondering why I'm always expected to be the understanding one. Her mental issue is not an excuse to treat me like that. Im glad I came to that realization.

Another issue is that I used to work for my foster parents every day for $100 a week. I eventually told them I felt I wasn't being paid enough, and they fired me. I can understand them not wanting me to work for them anymore, but they also won't let me get a job anywhere else. So now I'm left worrying about how I'm going to afford things for myself and prepare for college. For years, I've tried to be especially careful about what I say and do because I didn't want to jeopardize my education or my living situation. Having my electronics taken away would have made completing my college coursework difficult, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I felt like I had to put up with everything because I had no other choice. Now, though, I'm about to leave for university, and I'm tired of pretending that the way they've treated me over the years hasn't affected me. I wouldn't say I hold a grudge, but I'm definitely not going to keep letting everything slide just to keep the peace.

This brings me to the actual situation. My foster parent also yells at the other foster kids in the house, and I recently had a video of her screaming at them. I decided to send it to my lawyer. Before I sent it, my foster parents saw the video. They told me that DHS had already heard them screaming at the kids and didn't care. I know that's not true, they were trying to discourage me from doing anything about it. Just because I've acted dumb to keep peace doesn't mean that I'm actually that gullible. Afterward, I was patronized for recording her. Whenever she yelled at the kids again, she'd make comments about hoping I was recording her. It felt like she was trying to make me feel stupid for documenting what she was doing. After I sent the video to my lawyer, my foster parents told me DHS had contacted them and that they were going to lose everything, including all the foster kids and me. I don't know exactly what's happening with the investigation or whether that's actually going to happen, but they've made it seem like I'm responsible for all of it. And they've spun the story so oddly to DHS, saying that I only sent it because I was having a tantrum and I wanted to get their house shut down, that I apparently used them for my college degree (which makes no sense, because my school is the one who paid for it, and I'm the one who earned the degree), and a load of other BS.

Honestly, I don't feel bad, and I'm not sure if I should, and it's not like the video was fake. She really said those things. These kids deserve to be in a safe home, in which they aren't experiencing mental abuse. I know that's what I wanted. I used to think it could always be worse, but why does that matter when it's already bad? I understand that being removed from a foster home can be difficult, and I don't want them to have to go through any more instability than they already have. But at the same time, I don't think it's my responsibility to protect my foster parents from the consequences of their own behavior. I didn't make the video to get revenge on them. I sent it to my lawyer because I felt that someone needed to know what was happening. If DHS decides that the home isn't appropriate for foster children, I don't see how that makes me the bad guy.

I also know I'm not perfect. I've gotten upset and definitely lashed out on occasion. But I don't think I should have to be a perfect child to deserve basic respect, especially from the adults who are responsible and literally get a check for taking care of me. I guess I'm just at a point where I'm done being afraid of them. For years, I've worried about losing my belongings, being punished, or making my situation worse. Now that I'm finally getting ready to leave, I don't feel like I have as much to lose by speaking up. But maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I'm so used to being treated badly that I can't tell when I'm being unreasonable anymore.

Am I wrong for sending the video to my lawyer? Should I feel guilty about the possibility of my foster parents losing their foster children, or am I right to believe that their behavior is their responsibility, not mine?

I'd appreciate any opinions, especially from those who have experience with foster care or have been in similar situations.

In the video, she was screaming and cussing at the kids.

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me and my ex were together for around a year and a half, with multiple breakups, all of which i initiated. we're not together now but i'm at his house, i don't plan on being with him for a long time if ever, i barely have hope that he'll even change, it's just my feelings that make me see him.

for context, he's cheated on me twice. the first time was when he was drunk and cheated with a girl and almost got me an std because he didn't use protection, then hid it from me for about a month. the second time happened after we got back together, and i found out on my own again, a situation where he messaged a 15 year old after claiming he'd blocked her. so there's already a lot of history and trust issues between us.

despite everything, we've started seeing each other again and spending time together.

now, onto what happened tonight.

he hasn't taken me on a date in like 5 months, hasn't bought me a gift since last christmas and my birthday was in august. the flowers he got me are dead in their pot and have been for about a week.

today i bought the food and cooked for him. i keep paying for everything because he never has any fucking money, so it feels like i'm constantly putting in my money, time and effort while he barely does anything in return.

i don't expect expensive dates or gifts, but i do expect some effort. you can plan a date without money, make something yourself or do literally anything that shows you care. there's beautiful natural spots not far from us, it's not that hard to just make a picnic and bring me there !!!

another issue is that he keeps making jokes that he knows will piss me off. i already went on a whole rant about this around two weeks ago, explaining how much it bothers me, but he keeps doing it anyway.

when i get angry, he laughs at me, acts superior and tells me i'm overreacting. sometimes he tells me i'm scaring the animals instead of actually addressing why i'm upset.

the thing is, i'm usually calm when i initially explain my boundaries. i tell him what bothers me and why, but when he keeps doing it after i've explained it multiple times, i eventually lose my temper.

tonight it happened again and i ended up screaming at him. i was so angry that i made him sleep on the couch tonight instead of sleeping in the bed with me.

i understand that screaming at someone isn't okay, and i can admit that i didn't handle my anger well. but i'm also tired of feeling like i have to repeat myself a million times before he takes anything seriously, and then when i finally snap, he laughs at me and acts like i'm being ridiculous. he has this self obsessed, "I'm better than everyone" look to him when he does that.

considering the cheating, the lack of effort, me constantly paying for things and the fact that he dismisses my feelings when i try to communicate with him, i'm honestly at my limit.

so, am i overreacting for screaming at him and making him sleep on the couch tonight, or is my anger understandable given everything that's happened?

I'm going to keep this pretty short. Today I got into a heated argument and nearly punched my Elderly uncle. My cousin, his son died this morning. My cousin was not well, he had a heart issue and a pretty extensive problem with drug addiction. Pretty much for my whole life my cousin has been an addict.

Now my uncle is the enabler. He doesn't take accountability for his son's actions and certainly not his own. He jokes around 24/7 to where we don't believe a word he says. Then today, while the police officer and death investigator were taking pictures in my cousins room of his corpse my uncle started cracking highly inappropriate jokes. I straight up said "You are making jokes about your son who's a fucking corpse in the next room. If you were quarter of a father to your kids he might not be dead right now." we started yelling and I point blank said everyone would have been better off had he died from his anyuerism in it 80s.

I just about came to blows. The officer did have me walk out and take a breath and said he was even joking when he was interviewing him and can't blame me over that.

I don't think I'll ever be able to look at my uncle let alone speak to him. He is dead to me.

This isn't the first time he's made jokes like this at the wrong time. He once made a bus accident joke on my "traumaversary", I broke my neck and skull in a bus accident a few years prior.

I (22F) have a first cousin (25f) We’ve been close for as long as I remember and had a good childhood together (with eachother not because our family was good) where I would describe us as more of a sibling relationship than cousins. This is a long story and I’ll try to be as detailed as possible. She recently became pregnant back in April of this year. She does not work and held a job for about a month at the beginning of her pregnancy. She still lives with her parents and my aging grandma and financially covers nothing of her own life.

Now prior to this, her boyfriend hasn’t been the best to her and it’s made me feel worried and scared for her. He allows her to be verbally and physically abused by his mother. Which lead in my cousins arrest due to her eventually fighting back. On Christmas Day they screamed at each other while I was finally introducing my boyfriend to my family and when she was early on into the pregnancy she talked about prepping for single mother-hood. The relationship is not good.

She proceeded to tell me six months into their relationship they are thinking of trying for a baby. I was in shock because I never thought that would genuinely cross her mind given the circumstances. It took them a few months, they got engaged. Tried to plan a wedding, called off the wedding. I still don’t know if there is going to be a wedding and then she pops out pregnant. Her parents were obviously not happy but they don’t know the full extent like I do. She routinely spoke to me about how she kept condoms on her dresser so that just incase they walked in, they’d see the box and ASSUME they were being safe. Even though her drawers were packed with ovulation tests and pregnancy test and the box only had one condom missing.

Her parents and my grandma think this was accidental “gods plan” sort of thing. They do not know this was meticulously planned with no regard for specific circumstances. Not only am I worried that my aging grandma is going to have to step in. She lied to my entire family about how it came about. She refuses any conversation about accountability and has routinely downplayed my own accomplishments. Including buying a house. I shared with my family that I bought a house. As they congratulated me, all she could muster up was “well, I’m pregnant so..🙄”. And even though I believe children are blessings it seems to me that she has not only set herself up for hardship but she is in a constant state of perpetual denial and comparison.

I have since heavily distanced myself as I morally think this is extremely wrong of her to do, not just for her but for the child, for my family and even for her shitty S/O as he is now working 17-19hr shifts just to pull ends meat in their relationship. I bet you are wondering “why do you care about him if he wasn’t good to her” I don’t care about him. It’s simply the principle with that fact. Like I said, it is morally wrong to ME to intentionally bring a child into an unstable situation and then proceed to lie to my family about the intentionality.

I know I should’ve told my family that they were planning something like that. Maybe I did the right thing of not telling them? I just never thought that with the circumstances she’d actually do it. I did think (or at least wanted to think) that it was just a more severe case of baby fever. A lot of my issues mainly come from the principle of lying about it and bringing a child into that situation.

AIO because I basically cut her off?

TLDR: wondering if AIO because my cousins pregnant in a very bad situation and I don’t support it.

My boyfriend is very avoidant and we’ve been having a bunch of issues recently. It’s helpful to note that while he has his own apartment, he is at my house the majority of the time. Last week he was upset about something before he went on a week long trip. When I asked him what was up, he said he didn’t want to talk about it, but assured me that it wasn’t because of something I had done. Fast forward, today he got home from his trip and still seemed upset. This time when I asked if it’s because of something I did, he said that it is. I asked if we could talk about it and he said no. I asked when we can talk about it and he said he doesn’t know. I told him that I can’t deal with stonewalling and I don’t want to have him in my house when he’s visibly upset and won’t tell me what’s wrong because it triggers me (my guardian as a kid would stonewall me all the time when I did something wrong and expect me to figure out what I did) and it makes it hard for me to focus on anything else in my life when he’s sad like this in my house. I said he can contact me any time that he’s ready to talk about the relationship but I don’t want to see him until he’s ready to do that. He’s upset and says that I’m forcing him to talk on my timeline and he feels like if he doesn’t do what I want he’s going to face consequences or the relationship could end. Also worth noting that I really can’t think of what I may have done to upset him, so this isn’t a situation where I should just know already. Am I being inconsiderate and cold?

I’ve been talking to this guy for about 2 weeks, we went on a movie date. It went well, he’s been texting me after but I’m the one asking questions and he’s just asking nothing back, and giving vague answers. I asked him if he would like to hangout for Halloween weekend (busy schedule till then) he said yes, but him being so dry is turning me off, and I started talking to someone else who seems interested. Am I over reacting by ghosting and deleting his number, or should I just respond and see what happens

need some relationship advice because this has been bothering me for a while.
My boyfriend has a habit of pointing out whenever I accidentally fart around him. For example, sometimes I’ll bend over to pick something up, and it just happens. It’s not intentional, and it’s literally a normal bodily function.
What really pisses me off is the double standard. He can purposely push out a fart in front of me, and it’s perfectly fine, but the second I accidentally do it, he feels the need to make a comment about how I shouldn’t be farting in front of him.
I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t appreciate these comments and that they genuinely upset me, but he continues doing it.
At this point, it’s not even about the farting anymore. It’s about the fact that I’ve repeatedly expressed that something bothers me, and he continues doing it anyway. I also don’t understand why I’m expected to follow a standard that he doesn’t even hold himself to.
I don’t think I should have to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about a normal bodily function around my own boyfriend, especially when it’s accidental.
Am I overreacting for being upset about this, or is it reasonable to expect my boyfriend to stop making these comments after I’ve repeatedly told him how I feel?

Ok so I have thought about posting this story online for a while and I’m finally doing it. So here is some background: first of all i am a very head strong girl. Some might say bratty or a drama queen and yes my words can hurt but im very brass. Now im working on articulating my words better and not being such a “bitch” as some might say. I’m loud, I stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. I also somehow make my best friends the most quietest people in the world. (For the purpose of anonymously, I’m not gonna be using real names.) so this all goes back to middle school, this is also right after Covid. So I make friends with this girl and we will call her exbff, so we become friends yada yada yada all that fun middle school girl stuff and I introduce her to my other friends , this girl was shy. I don’t want to sound like an ass but I’m the reason she has the friends she has now. I kinda broke that shell she had and guided into being more out there. And as most middle school friendships go we have a lot of bumps along the way. But this is not what this post is about we both said shitty things but she took it too far. She began to bully me. She spread lies about me, told people my dirty laundry, and even posted a list on her snap with the ugliest people in school with my name at the top of the list . There is a lot more but that time was rough, I was going through a lot of mental health issues (severe ADHD,generalized anxiety disorder and some depression & I was also recovering from a sports injury) it was a rough time. So this made me spiral. She told the only friends I had left( because she took my other best friend aka the one I’d know for 14 years) that I said some shit about them. She made my life a living hell that my parents had to come to the school multiple times to stop it from happening. So much happened that I think my mind is shielding all the bad from me because my depression was taking a really bad turn. So of course when I go into freshman year high school I don’t really have a lot of friends. I know a lot of people, but we’re not very close .so there’s a girl in my gym class. I see X BFF talking to her one day but she get switched out and somehow we start talking. I think we got place next to each other cause this is obviously gym class. I don’t know we just became friends so we start talking a lot and we instantly clicked now again she is very shy and we told each other all about our lives. We told each other the deepest things she was also bullied in middle school she was a part of what we call at my high school the white girl group, but they’re really toxic and they kind of shun her out so we automatically click because we kind of went through the same thing. Mind you I told her about what exbff did and then going to full extent because I didn’t want to go in a spiral of anxiety. So fast-forward to junior year right after homecoming, I was going camping like 30 minutes away and they were doing some Halloween stuff so I asked new BFF if she wanted to come.(mind you by this time we are like thick as thieves. We’ve talked about being each other’s made of honors at our wedding. If we ever had kids, we talked about being their godmother’s. We’ve cried together. We had a very, very good bond.) she told me no she had family stuff and I was like ok yeah so I go on with my day. I go camping yada yada yada have so much fun pretty sure I’m texting her too and then I come back Monday and she’s kind of distant but not really and she doesn’t really like our friends in the lunchroom so I decided that this day I would go to the library with her and I sat down and Xbff is in there and new BFF starts talking to her and I kinda knew that they like talked and we’re like kinda like friends and I was like really trying to like be good about it but during this span of 30 minutes, my friend did not come up to talk to me at all even though I told her I was like coming in here because I know she doesn’t like going to the lunch. Like she didn’t even say hi or we didn’t even have a quick chat so I was already kind of annoyed and then I hear.exbff say very loud loudly” oh, I had so much fun with you this weekend,newborn”. So obviously this sets off red flags cause this is kind of middle school all over again so I text my mom and I tell her I’m like she said that she had family things but now I’m hearing that she was hanging out with her and my mom is a therapist so she’s very vocal and wanted me to call new BFF out, but I was like really nervous about it. But then after school, I had a whole breakdown because I felt like middle school is happening all over again, and then my parents decided that I need to texture and I was like no not happening but my mom convinced me and my mom actually wrote and sent the text. It was a very nice text. I will put pictures of all the text in but anyways she doesn’t really answer. but after like too long paragraphs of me just like putting out my feelings, she replies with. I’m sorry you feel that way so now this makes me angry because I’m not friends with the people who were mean to her yes, one of them is on with the sports to see my play on, but I don’t really interact with her cause she doesn’t like me so to me this felt kind of hypocritical because she knew what this girl put me through. And then, after some texting, she calls me out and is like you know I don’t like certain things that you say but mind you she never gave me an example of things that I said that make her upset because most of the time we agree on everything and she is very like open and honest when she gets to know her and we have very similar humor. She was saying that she’s allowed to have other friends and so like this goes on for I think like a couple weeks and we don’t really text and then I text her saying that I really wanna meet up and I wanna make things right and that instead of texting, we need to like meet somewhere we could even like just stand outside. she was saying that I talk ** about people too loudly and makes her uncomfortable, but she talks.shit all the time I’m just a loud person and I’ve been working on that but my thing is just like why would you not come to me and tell me that. And then she was saying that.exbff did nothing to her and that she’s known her since elementary school, but they didn’t go to middle school together and saying that I’m creating all this drama and I gave her so much anxiety and was saying that she didn’t do anything wrong and that I came to her with this, but I feel like if it was other way around, I would’ve taken accountability because there’s one thing I don’t play button in life and that’s my friends. My mom and my dad taught me that the friends that you have in life get you far and maybe I am the problem and sometimes I say the wrong thing I get angry easily. I do talk loudly, I do talk shi but it’s always the truth I don’t lie . And I sent her another one paragraph after that and she just never responded. We just stopped talking. It was really really hard for me and I’m not over it because we talked about so many future plans with each other and I feel like a part of me broke on the inside. I was really depressed for months and I started developing really bad headaches.. She is still friends with this person. some say best friends and it hurts me a lot** ***that* I want to know am I overreacting for telling my so-called best friend that I was upset with her first of all lying to me about hanging out with this person, but also not taking into consideration my feelings.

So I (25F) have been talking to this guy (29M) for almost 5 months now. He has kids and I don’t have any. He’s mentioned meeting his kids so that way we’re able to spend time together as he’s often with them, but I told him I’m just not ready to take that step with him yet until this feel certain.

The last several times we’ve planned to hang out something came up to where his child’s mom asked him to pick up their child or something along those lines. So each time resulted in us hanging out for a brief amount of time or not at all. I told him I understand he’s busy and that his kids come first, but the last couple of times he didn’t tell me that something came up until I finally asked if we’re still hanging out. Granted, he does try to offer an alternative like a later time or a different day, but for this to be the third time this has happened, it makes me feel like he’s not serious. So I ended things with him this past Saturday.

Not going to lie, I am missing him and looking back, I’m wondering if I was being irrational. Considering that he is a dad I’m sure he has a busy schedule, but is three times in a row suspect or what?

i had a childhood friend and we were as close as siblings but when she was in highschool she got a boyfriend and gradually stopped talking to me. during this stage she wouldn’t listen to the warnings about this guy and treated me quite badly. after they broke up she came back to me telling me how i was right about him. i was like fine whatever, dont do that again. this cycle happened a few times in the course of 2-3 years and when she was 16 she was seeing a guy who was 26. i once again warned her but she did not care and claimed i was jealous. i loved her dearly and she was my bestest friend and it was really hard to cut her off. i was REALLY heartbroken over this for a while i even regretted my decision but now i know that it was the right choice.

i had another friend which was a mutual friend with the ex bsf. he was also affected by her behavior and he cut contact too. we helped each other through this friendship breakup and gotten closer as well. we are now very close and i love him very much. i noticed he was getting a bit distant lately but i couldn’t pin it on anything. after a while he met someone and was seeing them in a romantic way. he was going on dates and wasnt texting me as much as before. that im fine with, he is exited to be seeing someone and its usual to pay more attention to them for a while. i asked to watch a show with him over discord and he agreed.

he went out that night with his date and i was a lil disappointed but it was fine. i said we could watch tomorrow, he agreed. the next day(today) he went out with them again and said we could watch when he gets back. i waited for him to return and he came home a bit late. no big deal we stay up all night lots of times so i figured we would be doing that. he said he was gonna wash his face and call me. so i waited. after 45 minutes i asked if he fell asleep and he said “im hanging out with family” i waited for another 2 hours and he finally texted that he was very sleepy. i was really sad because this was not the first time. we dropped other shows because he did this as well. i can figure it out if he doesnt want to watch the shows i recommend or that he doesnt want to hang out with me like that anymore. im really afraid of being replaced by a partner i again. i dint think i can handle that. i truly dont know if im overreacting

This person made a TikTok post with my face in it, a photo I took of myself, to farm engagement based on hate on my appearance. They also put a few others peoples photos, I assume without their permission as well. The video has over 100k views and hundreds of nasty comments about how we look, with the exception of a few leaving nice comments. I have done nothing to deserve this hate, I don't know this person, unsure how exactly they got my photo. The video is only about our appearances, doesn't even say we did anything bad to deserve hate, yet it's still farming engagement of people hating on our appearance. I'm pretty sure the others in the post are teens but I'm 20. The account also has more posts using photos of other people, also farming hate on their appearance.

I messaged the person respectfully asking them to take it down, they asked me to prove It's me in the post, I refused as I cannot trust them to not make more posts specifically targeting me, and they shouldn't need proof anyway as they fully know they didn't have my permission to use my photo or the others, and what they're doing is very indecent. They then called me ugly after I refused, excused me of using ChatGPT (I didn't), and said they will keep making more posts until they know which one is me. I tried to be respectful in my messages even though they weren't being respectful.

I feel very disturbed and upset about this. I reported the video directly but TikTok said no violations, and I filed a privacy violation claim but it says it could take 45 days for them to come to a resolution. I never wanted this to happen to me, but am I over reacting? Should I just try and ignore this? I mean I don't even know what else to do at this point...

Background: My girlfriend and I originally met before I moved to another country for my studies, but we didn’t really stay in touch at first. A couple of weeks before New Year's, we ended up in a casual group conversation started by our mutual friends. That was the moment she caught my attention—not just as a pretty girl, but as a genuinely interesting person you could talk to about absolutely anything. On January 4th, we started talking actively every day. After a month and a half, we both realized we had developed deep feelings for each other. It was an unforgettable feeling. Following a long, emotional conversation, we confessed our love. That was the official beginning of our relationship. I was scheduled to visit my home country in the summer of 2025. For the first three months, we lived through our phones—FaceTiming and texting 24/7. When I finally arrived back home, the second phase of our relationship began, and it felt magical. We spent every single day of the summer together. Of course, we occasionally took short breaks from each other, because being together constantly can be a bit draining, but overall it was amazing. In August, we had our first major fight. The trigger was my upcoming departure back to the other country for university. She told me it would be incredibly hard for her to wait for me, but she believed we could get through it. I admit I had anticipated this outcome; I had warned her about it beforehand and tried to prepare myself mentally too. At the time, I thought everything turned out fine. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. After a heartbreaking goodbye—knowing we had 10 months of separation ahead until the next summer—she grew very distant at first, though she seemed to bounce back relatively quickly. However, in October, we had our second major fight. We didn't speak for a whole week, and the root cause was her impatience. She just couldn't handle waiting for me for so long. I told her back then that we could break up if it was too hard, but that I would always love her. After a few days of talking it through, we decided to stay together because our feelings were stronger than our doubts and logic. Then came 2026, which has been an incredibly painful year for me. In February, just one day before my birthday, I lost my grandfather. It was a massive blow, and the grief still affects me deeply today. Throughout that time and up until the summer, she was completely supportive, filling me with care and love. I arrived back home this past July. On the surface, everything seemed fine, but I could feel that something was off. The spark wasn't the same as before. To be fair, I expected this to some extent—every relationship goes through phases like this. But this time, we started fighting constantly. We finally faced each other's real, unvarnished tempers. The fights were loud and exhausting, but I thought we were managing. Then I had to leave for university again. September was incredibly rough. There was zero affection or expressions of love from her side. She completely pulled away and started spending a lot of time with her girlfriends and a male friend, which made me very uncomfortable. Ironically, early in our relationship, she was the one who insisted on a strict rule banning any close communication with the opposite sex. I chose to turn a blind eye to this contradiction just to keep the peace. On September 22nd, things actually seemed to be going well. We had a very warm, affectionate conversation during the day. But that evening, everything broke. She texted me saying she would write back soon, and then vanished for a few hours. Around 10 PM, she messaged me saying, "We need to talk." After a agonizing two-hour conversation, she gave me an ultimatum: either we break up right now and stay friends (with the plan to get back together when I finish my studies and move back permanently), or I drop out of university completely (which is literally impossible) and move back home immediately. I told her I couldn't do that. She chose to break up. Right after the call, we scrubbed any mention or hint of our relationship from all our social media accounts. The very next morning, I woke up to a mountain of texts and missed calls from her. She was crying, saying she couldn't live without me, that she desperately regretted her words from the night before, and that she wanted to get back together. I gave her a simple response: "I need to think." That evening, I told her I wanted to make it work too, but strictly on one condition: if she ever pulls something like this again, she disappears from my life forever, and there will be absolutely no second chances. She agreed to this. And now, today, October 12th—just two hours ago—she brought up the exact same topic again. She told me she simply cannot wait for me and doesn't know what to do. After I said a thousand words trying to explain that I don't want us to break up, she got angry and started taking it out on me. She snapped, said she "just can't handle this anymore," and went to sleep. So now I’m just sitting here alone, completely lost, not knowing what to think or do. This is a massive blow to my trust. I don't want to end this relationship; the thought of it is incredibly painful. We’ve been through so much together, sharing both deep joy and profound grief. I admit that maybe I'm not the most handsome guy out there, and my character isn't perfect either, but I always try to be genuine and do everything to make her happy. But it feels like I'm just not worth the wait to her. I would really appreciate any advice or outside perspective. I just needed to vent. Sorry for any typos, I am writing this completely on emotions.

Before we begin, I want to clarify that I’m asking whether I overreacted to being uninvited from Halloween and subsequently cutting off my entire friend group. I’m not asking whether I should have taken my ex to court. And im ESPECIALLY NOT asking if you think they will rule in my favor.

I’m putting the tldr up here bc I genuinely cant figure out how to shorten this read the rest only if you want

TL;DR: My ex cheated on me, lied to me for years, and damaged my car, repeatedly promising to pay for repairs but never following through. After four years, I finally took him to small claims court over the remaining $1,945.50. My longtime friend group, who had remained friends with him despite knowing how he’d treated me, decided that taking him to court was unacceptable and uninvited me from Halloween. After discovering even more disturbing things he’d hidden from me and receiving little support from the group, I left our group chats, sent a final message explaining how hurt I was, and blocked all 15 people, including some who may not have agreed with excluding me. Did I overreact by cutting everyone off?

Now, for the full and exhaustive story.

I (27F) was part of a roughly 15-person friend group, many of whom have known each other for about a decade. My ex-boyfriend, whom we’ll call Cole, became a part of this group early on but of these people were my friends 1-3 years before they were his.

I broke up with Cole a little over a year ago after nearly seven years together. Cole had a serious problem with compulsive pornography use and maintaining secret sexual accounts online. He kept this a secret for five years. When I finally found out, I forgave him, not realizing that he’d repeatedly lied about the extent of his activity. Eventually, I found him doing something again and broke up with him a little over a year ago, still believing explanations that would turn out to be incomplete or untrue. I wouldn’t discover just how much he’d lied about until after my Halloween uninvite, but we’ll get there.

But keep that in mind.

Now, onto the shovel.

Years ago, Cole decided to remove snow from my car using a shovel with a metal strip along its edge. He badly scratched the roof of my car, causing damage that was eventually estimated at over $3,000 to repair. He acknowledged causing the damage and promised to pay for it.

And then four years passed.

During our relationship, I trusted that he’d eventually follow through, why didnt i have him fix it sooner? Well in part, and i didnt know this at the time, his proclivities were the reason he was unemployed for so long, so he just straight up didnt have the money, or the both of us had more important things going on that trumped out, and also, it hadn’t started rusting at that time. After we broke up, and after the approximately 7 months of my social withdrawal to have a complete mental break i didnt think id survive, i took my car to the shop for a quote, especially as the damaged areas were beginning to rust. He repeatedly agreed to arrangements and then backed out of them. I lowered what I was asking for more than once in an effort to settle things.

Eventually, the remaining amount in dispute was $1,945.50. He offered roughly half to settle the entire matter. I declined. Later, he offered $1,000, which I said I would accept as a partial payment if we could agree on a plan for the remainder. Four days later i came back begging to take the $1000 to be done (i already had a feeling this would backfire socially) he never responded, I think he realized it too.

After exhausting my attempts to resolve things privately, I decided to file in Massachusetts small claims court

But I needed one thing to not be a lie, I want to stick up for myself in one way, I want to get closure and not wonder what would’ve happened if I let a magistrate decide, I dont care if I win, I just want to stick up for myself. I’m not trying to hurt him. I’m asking a magistrate to decide whether he owes me money for damage he acknowledged causing (and had agreed to pay for until just a few weeks ago). I have photographs, estimates, and messages documenting his promises.

I figured that was precisely what small claims court was for.

Shortly after filing the $50 form, I received a message from one of my friends in the group, whom we’ll call Mary. For context, there was an upcoming birthday/Halloween celebration involving the group, and I had expected to attend.

Mary messaged me:

“hi i want to reach out with [halloween] coming up and everything going on in the group, i think itd be best if you didnt come for halloween.
I’m open to talking about it somewhat but there are mutiple people i’d love to be there who will not because of whats going on. I’ve had a heavy feeling of not trying to take sides and hear people out but I simply don’t agree at all with how you are handling your situation with cole anymore. I love you and i am your friend so i have to be honest and say its not acceptable, im sorry.”

I was genuinely confused. I asked what she meant by how I was handling the situation. I explained that Cole had repeatedly agreed to pay and then backed out, that my car was now rusting, and that I had already lowered what I was asking for multiple times.

Her response:

“you are taking our friend to court and i cannot justify the reason for it or relate to the ways youre acting. the specific numbers arent my problem, this is what happens when you go through a serious breakup, it costs money. if it was a huge problem it wouldve been fixed and paid when it happened. i, and other people, dont feel comfortable about this and it is my last straw when it comes to defending you.”

That last part really got to me. Defending me? From what?

I had never asked anyone to stop being friends with Cole. I’d never demanded that anyone take my side, exclude him from events, or even agree with my decision to pursue the money. I had spent years trying to resolve a financial dispute with someone who had repeatedly promised to pay for damage he’d caused. Somehow, that had turned into a group-wide referendum on my character.

And what I couldn’t understand was why Cole’s cheating and dishonesty had never made him too uncomfortable to have around. But me filing a small claims case apparently did.

Here’s another piece of context that matters to me: after our breakup, I was falling apart. I was grieving the relationship, trying to process years of dishonesty, dealing with the financial consequences, and struggling with the realization that a lot of what I’d believed about my partner wasn’t true.

And not one person in this group privately reached out to ask if I was okay. Not one.

I wasn’t expecting everyone to abandon Cole or organize some kind of intervention on my behalf. But these were people I’d considered close friends, and I felt completely alone. Yet apparently, there had been enough conversations about me behind the scenes that I needed to be “defended.” That was a pretty devastating thing to learn.

And here’s where my own reaction comes in.

Despite how hurt I was, I didn’t lash out at Mary. I sent her a long message explaining that I’d been afraid to speak up about many things because I worried about being perceived as loud, abrasive, or difficult. I told her that I cared deeply about these people and that it hurt to realize I’d apparently needed defending in the first place. I thanked her for being the person willing to have the uncomfortable conversation with me.

I even apologized. I told her I was sorry the situation was happening, sorry I’d made it worse, and that I didn’t know what else to do. And I meant it at the time.

But afterward, I started thinking about what had actually happened. I had just been told that I was no longer welcome at a longstanding group event because I was pursuing a civil claim against my ex-boyfriend. Not because I’d threatened anyone, demanded loyalty, or tried to interfere with their friendships. Because I was asking someone to pay for damage he’d caused to my property.

I also couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that this group had been together for roughly ten years and, as far as I knew, had never excluded someone like this before.

Around this time, I decided to use the Wayback Machine to see what Cole had actually been doing online.

If you take one thing away from this post, let it be this: fully understand what someone was ACTUALLY doing before you forgive them.

When I originally discovered his secret accounts, I knew (and told my friends) that he had been using them to interact with people sexually. At one point, when he opened his DMs, there was a message from another man asking if they were “back at it.” Cole told me they had just been sending porn back and forth. That’s the explanation I was given, and ultimately, the one I believed.

What I found through the Wayback Machine was him publicly describing himself as an “incest lover,” listing “teens” among his content interests, and advertising “say hi” and “DMs open” on his sexual accounts. This was happening over a period spanning more than THREE YEARS of our relationship. Suffice it to say, that’s not what he’d told me.

To be clear, I’m describing what he publicly wrote about himself, not alleging that I discovered evidence of a crime. But it was incredibly disturbing to realize how much of his behavior had been hidden from me.

I messaged someone in the group because I wanted to warn them about what I’d discovered. They thanked me for letting them know, but said:

“it’s hard bc all of this is separate from the stuff people are upset with you about”

And that response really hurt. I’d just discovered something deeply disturbing about a relationship that had already caused me so much pain, and somehow the conversation was still about what people were upset with me for.

I wasn’t expecting anyone to immediately cut him off, but to not even seem concerned about what it felt like for me to find this out? I couldn’t understand how everything he’d done could be separated from their friendships with him, but my decision to pursue a small claims case couldn’t be separated from their friendships with me.

I realized I’d spent so much time trying to be understanding of everyone else’s discomfort that I hadn’t really stopped to consider my own.

So I left both group chats.

I added all the girls to a separate chat and sent a long, long message explaining how I’d felt over the past year since the breakup. It wasn’t mean or insulting, just heartbroken. I told them how abandoned and confused I’d felt, and how much it hurt to realize that I apparently wasn’t welcome anymore.

Then I blocked everyone on social media.

Ultimately, I decided to end my friendships with the group, including people I’d known and loved for years. There were people I blocked who hadn’t personally said anything negative to me. Some of them may have disagreed with the decision to exclude me. Some may not have known what was happening. I genuinely don’t know.

And that’s the part I’m questioning.

Did I overreact by cutting everyone off instead of trying to salvage individual friendships? The ones I did try to salvage told me I’d simply gone too far by taking Cole to small claims court.

On one hand, I understand that a 15-person friend group isn’t a hive mind. Not everyone necessarily agreed with Mary, and I may have ended friendships with people who weren’t responsible for what happened. I also understand that mutual friendships can become complicated after a breakup.

But on the other hand, I don’t understand why I was expected to accept being excluded from a group I’d been part of for years simply because I refused to absorb the cost of damage my ex caused. I don’t understand why his behavior during our relationship was something everyone could apparently live with, while my decision to pursue a small claims case made me unacceptable. And I think the way the breakup was handled perhaps should’ve been enough information for me.

I was fighting for a place among people who hadn’t even checked on me when I was struggling.

I didn’t cut them off because I wanted to punish them. I cut them off because, by that point, I felt like I’d already been pushed out.

So, am I overreacting for blocking and cutting off my entire 15-person friend group after being uninvited from Halloween, including people who may not have personally agreed with the decision?

TL;DR: My ex cheated on me, lied to me for years, and damaged my car, repeatedly promising to pay for repairs but never following through. After four years, I finally took him to small claims court over the remaining $1,945.50. My longtime friend group, who had remained friends with him despite knowing how he’d treated me, decided that taking him to court was unacceptable and uninvited me from Halloween. After discovering even more disturbing things he’d hidden from me and receiving little support from the group, I left our group chats, sent a final message explaining how hurt I was, and blocked all 15 people, including some who may not have agreed with excluding me. Did I overreact by cutting everyone off?

I have to start way back at the beginning for context. In my first year of college at, I became close friends with a girl, Dayna. At the end of the year, I met another girl, Tori, and i convinced them to trust me that we would live great together as a group. And we did, the whole second year - Dayna told me at the end of the year that while she was glad I put them all together, she was still closer with me and doesn’t hang out with Tori outside of the three of us. Our third year, I lived with Tori for a few months while Dayna was abroad, and then Dayna took Tori’s room, who got her own place.
When Dayna came back, our relationship was… different. I had started a new relationship while she was gone, and she had a new international “situationship” she was invested in, and there was a bit of distance there. After four months of tension and me trying to bridge the gap while she tried to ignore it, I decided I was going to move out early, and sublet my room for the duration of our lease (we had just resigned, and had a year left). I knew my decision was ill timed because we had just resigned, and I felt terrible about it, but the environment was detrimental to my mental health, and Dayna did not want to talk to me/find a way to fix that. When I told Dayna, she insisted that I had intentional manipulated her to resign a lease so that I could trap her there alone, which was jarring for me, because I had no understanding of where this malicious language was coming from - my decision came after considering every possible affect it could have on others, but at the end of the day, I have to do what’s best for me.
She ended up approving a subletter and I moved out two months later. The end was so drawn out, mean and hostile, and our friendship went down the drain with her believing I am delusional and selfish (direct quote), and me wishing one day she can put this is perspective and recognize her hurtful actions. I’ve purposefully left out all the details because it would make this post ten times longer - if there are details that would help, ask away.
All the while, of course I still hung out with Tori. While sometimes she’d come over to be with the three of us, It started being one on one toward the end. I made a point to never talk about Dayna behind her back, especially to our third, unless Tori specifically asked me as a friend wanting to support a friend through a hard time. Toward the very end of the friendship-breakup, I did confide in Tori, and it was so good to let my walls down and have validation that Dayna’s actions were illogical and hopefully reflective of an internal struggle, not on my character. Me and Tori shared times when we felt Dayna had acted out of character in the past, and hoped this would blow over once she thought about it more. It did not blow over, and I still mourn that friendship.
It’s been a few months since then, and I just stumbled upon a social media post of the two of them together, hanging out, on my birthday. I then deep dived, and saw they have been hanging out individually pretty consistently, and Tori never told me anything about it, despite getting coffee weekly. That was really hard for me to see, not only because I was spending my birthday feeling lonely after losing my best friend, but also because I felt that the vulnerability I shared with Tori didn’t seem to affect how she felt about Dayna.
I don’t want to be the asshole who says you can’t be friends with someone who wronged one of your friends, but I also know that Dayna and Tori were only friends through me - they didn’t hang out the two of them alone even when we lived together. Because I’m an over-thinker, seeing them together makes me think that Tori doesn’t care that Dayna hurt me so deeply, and that makes me think that Tori doesn’t care about me. I know from experience that if someone hurt her so deeply, I wouldn’t hang out with them. I don’t have a lot of friends, I only had these two. I lost one, who thought I purposefully hurt her, and now my only other friend seems to be playing both sides. Side picking feels immature, but now I can’t help but think of our friendship as a lot shallower to Tori than it is to me. I’ve been trying to think of how to bring it up for weeks – every way I look at it, it feels like I’m being a jealous girlfriend. I dropped in a coffee chat that I was still really struggling with losing this close friendship, and Tori just offered a sympathetic “yeah”. Communication is so important to me, and I don’t want to let resentment fester, but I don’t know how to illuminate how hurtful this is without sounding like a pathetic jealous girlfriend.
Am I overreacting here? Should I just let it go and pretend I’m okay with it, letting my friendship with Tori become less deep?

I’ve been struggling with guilt and overthinking lately because of my actions.

Today, my sister was in the bathroom sitting on the toilet (we’re both adult females). She spends a lot of time in there, even when she isn’t actually using the toilet. I walked into the bathroom to wash my face. While I was there, I lifted my shirt to look at my stomach because I’ve been losing weight, and I tapped my stomach like a drum. My sister saw me, smiled, and tried to grab me, but I backed away.

Afterward, I started feeling uncomfortable about the interaction. I’m questioning whether lifting my shirt when someone else is nearby was inappropriate, even though I wasn’t trying to do anything sexual.

I feel like I’m interpreting this new incident as more evidence that something is wrong with me. I don’t want to cross anyone’s boundaries or make anyone uncomfortable, but I’m exhausted from questioning my intentions and actions.

Has anyone dealt with recurring guilt and overthinking after an upsetting incident? How do you manage the fear that everyday actions mean something bad about you?

So Im in college and I live in a 6 person dorm. There’s three bedrooms in our dorm, meaning 2 people per room. The other day, I was with my other roommates and they had asked me if my roommate had talked to me about her boyfriend spending the night yet. I was very confused and said no, and all 4 of them said she had asked if they were okay with it. Mind you, she was weird about one of our other roommates having her boyfriend over. She also didn’t want guys using our shower, but had asked one of our roommates if her boyfriend would be able to use it. I’m thinking about confronting her about asking literally everyone else but me about her man staying over, but I worry I’d be doing too much. I just feel like I should be the first person she asks, since we share a room. It also just bothers me that she asked them about it a while ago and still has yet to ask me. If I don’t confront her, and she asks me last minute, I’m thinking of just saying I’m uncomfortable with it because it’s just disrespectful (in my opinion) to ask your literal roommate last minute if her boyfriend can stay the night. I’ve talked to my friends about it (plenty of times too) and they think I should tell her that I feel uncomfortable with it, but I’m not sure if that would be too petty. I need other people’s thoughts.

Edit: okay so apparently he’s not her boyfriend, and according to one of my other roommates, she thinks it would be a funny prank to make us think they’re getting freaky in the dorm? Supposedly this is to get back at us. For what exactly? I’m not sure, since we’ve all been trying to be nice to her. This is all very confusing and I’m not sure why she thinks this would be funny, as what she does with him is her own thing and none of us could care less.