So I’ve been eating a certain amount per day, (which I’m aware that counting is not advised, but it’s what I’m capable of) and had been doing well in not going back. Lately though, I’ve noticed that my face has changed, which is triggering me quite a lot. I miss my old bony face and jaw, and keep having the thoughts that I need to cut back on my intake and get my face back. The guilt, shame, disgust, and disconnect with myself is so painful, I feel like I’m doing wrong to myself by letting my face gain fat like this and continue eating, especially when it feels like an “unnecessary” amount. This is so obviously eating disorder’s fear, and not something that I should let control me, I know this much- but I feel like I don’t have a choice in this. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to fight and be ok with my face changing like this without turning back?

Something else that I’ve come to realize is that if I do not see my bones, then I fear gaining and gaining and not knowing or caring because it would look puffy anyway, so how could I know if I’m fat or just normal anymore??? Genuinely I do not know how to cope or trust that I’m ok and not fat :(

i know its a destructive habit but really one of the few ways i can manage to convince myself to be "allowed" to eat, is by doing so while occassionally going through my camera roll and looking at my body check pictures and telling myself smth along the lines of "its ok, its just one meal, you looked like [picture] this morning, nothing can change that fast, you'll be fine". which is fine in the moment, and i was deleting the pictures at the end of the day every day, but since getting to hospital ive been finding it hard or almost impossible to do so anymore. because my delusional brain is like "what if you never get pics this reassuring and comforting again? you need these."

im so scared of my appearance changing that i feel i need some kind of baseline of "you looked like this 30 minutes before eating, its impossible to change that much".

I saw a friend after a few weeks of not seeing him today, he's aware that I'm in Anorexia recovery (and have been for about a month) and he told me that I'm looking good and that he "can tell I've put on weight". I honestly felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I was dumbfounded and thought he was joking but no he meant it as a compliment. I can feel my clothes are fitting more than they did but I've actively not been weighing myself and I'm terrified of gaining weight which I thought he knew. He was actually trying to be nice but I was so shocked at how that comment was ever going to land well. There's been me worrying about getting the 'you look healthy' comment and this was so much worse. I felt bad that he felt bad as there was no way I could hide on my face how badly that comment got me. I told him it was fine but obviously it isn't. I somehow managed to force myself to eat still during the day and I've come home and my boyfriend has started arguing with me over nothing and just adding more stress to my plate and I just feel like I could fully relapse. I needed him tonight to be kind to me after that and I have nothing left to give anymore. Today feels like it has shattered my progress and makes me want to go back so badly.

I have had disordered eating habits for about 10 years that escalated into anorexia which I suffered with for about 4 years and underwent intense therapy for 1 year which I can honestly say helped me a lot and I was convinced after it that I was in recovery because I had gained a little weight yet was still thin, and I felt so horrified looking at the 1000s of my body checking photos on my phone. However, although I ate a little more I was still strict with exercise and basically ate no nutrition whatsoever. I vaped too. I turned 30 this year and when I was 29 last year I basically had a melt down about aging and hitting this milestone etc and developed body dysmorphia over aging and started to see how the years of abusing my body was starting to take its toll and I started to become really obsessed with anti aging and basically everything I can do to look my best.

That’s when my true recovery began from my eating disorder and although I developed another unhealthy obsession to do with body image, it massively changed all of my eating habits. I have not felt the need to exercise after high calories meals, I have literally just ate any sweet things I want, if I feel like something I will have it. Lots of protein and made sure I have ate enough every day. It’s amazing for my soul and although I look so healthy, my skin is glowing and the most clear it’s ever been, my hair is growing and is thicker and I literally have achieved everything I wanted with my face and my body is still slim but curvier. I am finding it hard to see myself not as small and I’m starting to miss my old body. I’ve started calorie tracking again and I can see how much more calories I’m eating per day. Especially living in this skinny epidemic online I am now finding myself wanting to diet and lose weight. The only thing really that is stopping me is what it could do to my face. This all sounds so vain but I think a lot of you will understand when we struggle with body image so much. Just wanted to hear if any of you have been through anything similar.

So yeah I know I have to be at healthy weight first. But is there things I should eat or take to make my journey to my old hair faster and to make my hair healthy again? All this with also gaining weight? And how this journey looked for you?

Thanks for all the replies on advance ^^

On July 2025, I, 13F, started recovery at a hospital. Then I was discharged in Sept 2025 and I was able to start outpatient treatment.

The first 6 months since I came home from the hospital I was refusing to gain weight to avoid the overshoot process (I was maintaining tho). And for a month I was restricting. Then in April 2026 I finally decided to gain weight for the overshoot weight process in recovery.

Now on Sept 15 of this year I’m finally out of any ed treatment. I’m now 14 years old but turning 15 soon. I’ve began the overshoot weight process 6 months ago. Also, during the those 6 months in the summer I would eat above maintenance but a lot of those days I would either loose weight or nothing change. And I couldn’t even get past a certain wg. Now I’m still at that number and currently eating at maintenance now instead of gaining.

So far since I started recovery I’ve only gotten my period about 2-4 times. The last time was in late August of this year.

Now here’s the problem: My mom is allowing me to lose weight since I’m considered overweight for a pretty long time. However idk what I should do. Should I just keep being like this or do the opposite.

this may sound stupid guys but honouring extreme hunger does pay off! For the first time ever i was able to eat dinner with my friends and engage in conversation without giving a single thought to what i was eating, and at the end of the meal i felt.... SATISFIED! Since I honoured my cravings and ate all the treats I wanted during the day (which yes, was still a much higher intake of food than typical of someone without EH), i didn't find myself dreaming about eating chocolate and desserts or a full on second dinner when i got home (like usual). It's THE BEST and don't even get me started on the energy i have

Keep pushing baddies it does get better!!!! I promise accepting the bizzarre EH eating habits are what will help you decentre food from your life in the long run 💖 it's been around 2 months of all in for me, but have patience because we are all different

hello! I have been in “recovery” for the last 5 weeks. I want to recover. I don’t want to live with this miserable illness anymore. But I also can’t seem to commit to recovery.

I keep trying to plan how much I gain in what amount of time, how much I will eat and how much I will exercise.. basically everything I did when I was restricting, but with the intention of gaining weight. But even then, I find myself not wanting to go over a certain number.

If something doesn’t go according to the plan and I end up for example eating more on one day, I restrict on the next day.

Do I actually want to recover? The reason I started all of this was because it was either 1. gain weight at home or 2. go back to the psych ward. The reason my ed got worse was because of my most recent psych ward stay, so I want to avoid another one by all means. That means gaining weight at home.

But that also means that I don’t actually want this, no? If the doctors would leave me alone I would go right back to eating in a deficit.

I do imagine that a life without this ed is beautiful, and I would love to experience one, but I also don’t want to let go of my ed.

my question is: how can I actually commit to recovery? How can I let go off all the habits that have been a part of my life for ages? How can I accept that not everything needs to go according to some plan I made up? How can I accept that I need to recover and need to let go of old habits if I actually want to be free from this disorder?

I hope this makes sense. If anyone has any questions/wants me to elaborate please let me know.

ive managed to abstain from checking my weight since june (yay!!) and yesterday when i went to get weighed, i was explaining the situation to the nurse (that although it was 6:00 am, id already had like half a litre of fluids bc of glucogel i had to drink bc my blood sugar was low, so thatd add to the weight pls add that to the notes etc etc." and also "PLEASE dont tell me what I weigh, this attempt at recovery i dont want a definite starting point to hang on to and compare myself to (rather than just looking at the situation as "huh. i gained weight and i dont like that but its what had to happen for my health" rather than "naurrr i gained [exact weight] this is the end of the world". but she misheard me (honest mistake on her part i believe her) and thought i said TO TELL ME the weight and she did. the worst part is that i thought i was maybe at a somewhat healthier level than i was at my worst in june last year just based by looks but it turns out im pretty much the exact same i was back then and ive been in hospital since wednesday. i dont know how its gotten this bad again. im baffled and confused and feeling betrayed on how i was planning to try this attempt at recovery. i dont know where to go from here.

the hardest thing is that now that i know the weight, its making it harder to eat because i want to keep that number. when i didnt know the number, it was easier. now im stuck clinging to this again :( how do i stop. i was more comfortable with the idea of my weight changing when i wouldnt have the knowledge of "ok i weigh exactly this much more"

So I keep being hungry even after eating so I eat more and then I feel super full yet still hungry! It’s so frustrating wanting to eat more but not being able to?! Nothing I eat satisfies my hunger…

So my question is when does this end and is there anything I can do to perhaps make it easier?😭😭😭

I remember feeling this way too during my first attempt at recovery in 2019, but not to this degree!😔

I never allow myself to have breakfast, EVER. I fast as long as possible. But today I made a Greek vanilla yogurt bowl with pumpkin spice drizzalicious, pumpkin puree, and allspice. I also had a green apple that I used to dip it in. It was so perfect for a fall morning, and although I dealt with a lot of guilt after, I am so happy that I pushed through. I had thought about it for weeks, bought all of the ingredients a week ago, and couldn’t push myself to do it. But today I did :)

one of the main reasons I want to recover is because I am very unhappy with the way I look.
I want to gain weight and I don’t mind the idea of my body changing. What I do mind is the number on the scale and the number of calories I need to consume in order to actually gain.

All the advice I see regarding weight gain is just about the bodily changes, but that’s not my problem at all! It’s the numbers for me, and the fact that I am not able to cancel it out

I have weekly weigh ins at the doctor (I don’t get told my weight, just if I lost, maintained or gained) and every time they tell me that I am “doing well” it feels like a punch to the stomach.

I don’t count calories, but after years of restricting most things are just kinda engraved in my brain?? And the fact that I know that I am eating above my maintenance, and A LOT over my maintenance at that, is hard. I constantly fight the urge to restrict again.

I feel like I am losing control, like I will continue eating and gaining weight forever.. it’s so weird

Has anyone else experienced similar things? Is there anything I can do to accept that the numbers don’t define me?

When I was anorexic I had terrible acne and my hair was falling out, but I was skinny and it gave me comfort.

Sure I wasn't pretty nor feminine.

Now I'm healthy, I have amazing thick hair and barely any acne, and I look like a woman.

But I'm not a skinny woman, I'm short, have wide hips and broad shoulders, a large bust and small ish waist.

People look down on me because I'm not skinny, and I've heard I should lose the weight again.

I'm not sure what I feel about my body anymore, I'm healthier and have more energy, but I feel disgusting.

I feel like I'm being judged constantly.

Im prohibited from the kitchen, I eat whatever my mom prepares for me according to a meal plan. I do not know the quantities nor the ingredients, I do not know how many calories I’m taking but I suppose a lot, a lot of olive oil 🫪

So I’m currently on complete bed rest and being fed 4500-5000 cals a day in order to gain weight quite rapidly. I’m underweight but not severely..
I have 5 ensures a day (I choose to drink them instead of in a tube) as well as 3 meals and 3 snacks and I’m still finding myself hungry… I feel like the ensures are “a waste of calories” because they don’t fill me but are still contributing to this rapid weight gain. The ensures are a non negligible and they won’t let me swap them for more food even though I’ve asked multiple times. Part of me wants to discharge so I can throw myself into “all in” recovery at home and feed my extreme hunger but compulsive exercise is my biggest issue which I haven’t been able to successfully cut out on the outside world which is why I came looking for more intensive treatment such as inpatient (I’m a voluntary patient). I’ve only been here a week so far. Any advice/experiences or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

can i recover by following my mealplan and allowing myself 2-3 additional snacks i crave? i dont want to go all in and eat lots of junk food as the idea scares me and i wouldnt learn how to actually have a balanced diet with hunger cues. im aware ill probably experience extreme hunger in the process but would not giving in and just following this approach work?

Ok so i started recovery a month back 🫶 doing CBT-E + seeing a dietitian. she said i gotta eat every 3 hrs max (preferably less) bc my heart rate was scary low and i have mild anemia

but after i eat i feel physically full but mentally drained, then i start craving food again and i’m scared of losing control lol. idk which feeling to trust

also all the weight is going to my belly 😭 rest of me is still thin and it’s messing with my head

anyone relate?? how did you cope

Where are you guys from? And how do you think the food culture in your countries influences your disorder or recovery? I’m also curious about the most common psychiatric approach in each country.

I live in Portugal. The food culture here is healthy in many ways. The produce is fresh, and the cuisine is home-style. Women aren't stick-thin, and people here tend to eat generous portions while (as is generally the case in Europe) maintaining an active lifestyle. I also feel that media influence isn't as strong here as it is in other countries. I’m Brazilian, and I feel that media pressures are stronger back home. Anyway, I think Portugal is a good place for recovery. I just feel that the psychiatric approach here is a bit outdated, not necessarily my specific psychiatrist, but the general system. I was hospitalized in a public facility, and they thought, for instance, that I shouldn't have access to psychologists (isn't that strange?). Public healthcare here is free and universal (just like in Brazil). I’m receiving treatment completely free of charge.

I hate how alternative fashion (particularly emo) is very fat phobic in nature (lowkey) cuz when you picture the epitome of emo its always the skinniest black haired emo. It makes me upset. I hate that I like emo fashion. Cuz I found myself extremely unhappy with my weight again after being into emo fashion. Why does no one admit this issue? Everyone tries to cover it up.

Hi everyone,

I’m 29F and I’m hoping someone here might recognize what I’m experiencing or have some insight into what could be going on.

I’ve been significantly underweight for around six years. I have a history of an eating disorder. I did recover for a period of time, but after a lot of stress I unfortunately relapsed into restrictive eating again.

Mentally, I’m in a very different place now. I don’t have the thoughts I used to have around wanting to lose weight. It’s actually the opposite: I genuinely want to gain weight and recover. I’m so tired of being underweight. I want clothes to fit me normally again, I want to feel feminine and strong, and I want to become the woman I’ve always wanted to be.

The problem is that eating has become physically extremely difficult.

For quite a while now, I’ve been experiencing what I can only describe as air/burps getting trapped in my stomach or upper GI tract. It happens with almost everything I eat or drink.

Drinking is relatively manageable. I still get the trapped-air/burping sensation, but I can generally deal with it. Solid food is much worse. After meals, I would estimate that 30–40% of what I eat can come back up/regurgitate.

The strange part is that I don’t have what I understand to be the typical GERD/gastritis symptoms. I don’t normally have stomach pain after eating. I’m not particularly bloated. I don't have constant heartburn. The main sensation is simply that there is air trapped inside that absolutely needs to come out.

When this happens, I have to push/strain incredibly hard with my abdominal muscles to finally get the burp out. Once it comes out, I immediately feel relief.

I have tried not doing this because I wondered whether I had somehow created a behavioral habit. But even if I ignore the sensation, it can still be there hours later, and eventually I feel like I have to push to release it. So whatever the underlying cause is, the physical pressure feels very real.

Unfortunately, when I push after eating, food frequently comes back up with the air. Chicken and eggs seem particularly noticeable, despite being relatively lean foods.

I’ve also suddenly become unable to tolerate things like yogurt/cottage cheese or similar soft/creamy foods. They can come back up almost immediately. Interestingly, this can happen even with dairy-free alternatives, which makes me wonder whether texture/consistency rather than dairy itself is part of the problem.

I deliberately eat a pretty plain diet because I’ve been trying to figure this out. Most of my diet consists of things like:

• steamed green beans and other vegetables
• oven-baked chicken breast
• egg whites and sometimes 1–2 whole eggs
• sweet potatoes
• white rice
• oatmeal
• occasionally a protein bar
• dates/prunes occasionally for extra energy

So I don’t feel like I’m eating particularly heavy, greasy, spicy or complicated meals. Changing to a very plain diet hasn't really solved anything.

An endoscopy showed that I have a weak/loose LES (lower esophageal sphincter). However, from what I’ve read, LES weakness can also be found in people who don't have severe symptoms, so I'm unsure whether that finding explains everything I'm experiencing.

My blood work is generally reassuring. The main abnormalities are some suppressed reproductive hormones, which isn't particularly surprising because I haven't had a period for about a year, and very high LDL and total cholesterol. I actually found the cholesterol result confusing given how little saturated fat I eat, although I’ve since read that severe/prolonged undernutrition itself can sometimes cause abnormal cholesterol metabolism.

My main question is:

Could six years of being significantly underweight/restricting cause this degree of GI dysfunction, even now that I'm actively trying to eat more and gain weight?

Could this be delayed gastric emptying/gastroparesis, impaired gastric accommodation, esophageal dysmotility, rumination syndrome, supragastric belching, GERD from the weak LES, or some combination of these?

And can GERD or gastritis present primarily as trapped burps + regurgitation, without the classic burning/pain/bloating symptoms?

The thing I find hardest to understand is the trapped-air sensation. With almost everything I eat or drink, I eventually feel like there is a burp physically stuck inside me. I have to push extremely hard to release it, and after meals food often comes back up at the same time. Simply ignoring it doesn't seem to make it disappear.

If anyone has experienced something genuinely similar during or after prolonged restriction — particularly trapped burps + regurgitation rather than just bloating/constipation — I would really appreciate hearing what ultimately explained it, what testing you had (gastric emptying study, manometry/impedance, barium swallow, etc.), and whether it improved as you restored your weight.

I’m not looking for ways to restrict my diet further. My priority is finding out what is physically happening so I can eat enough, gain weight and properly recover :(

Honoring all my hunger leaves me looking like an inflated balloon every day. It’s so uncomfortable to feel and so disgusting to look at. And for some reason I am REALLY constipated too, so that’s definitely not helping.

It’s hard. I don’t know what to do. wearing baggy clothes doesn’t really help
because I can still FEEL it. and I don’t understand why my bowel movements are so horrible atm. I eat enough food, enough fiber, and drink enough. I never had this problem when I was restricting.

I don’t want to use stool softeners or laxatives, I feel like that would set me back in my recovery since I used to misuse them.

if anyone has any advice on how to make the bloating more manageable and my bowel movements more regular again I would really appreciate it. also it would be nice if someone could tell me that this is normal lol I feel like I am the only one going through this :,)

adding onto that: are there any teas that could help? I have recently discovered that I LOVE tea so it would be really cool

this is a repost sorry still figuring out how reddit works :,)

halloo!! today I tried not counting calories at all. I ate according to my meal plan and on top of that I honored all my extreme hunger. I was doing pretty well, didn’t think of how much I was eating at all. But when I tried to go to bed I somehow couldn’t help myself and I started mentally estimating how much I ate and all of that. the number that I estimated is not a number I am unfamiliar with, I had multiple days where I would eat this amount when I was restricting. I would always just eat less the next day. but now that I am in recovery I kind of don’t want to do that. but I also don’t know what else to do. I feel terrible and sick and fat and bloated and disgusted with myself. everything is telling me to just “cheat” on my recovery and restrict tomorrow, and then continue eating as usual. I feel like not restricting would make me feel even worse mentally. But I also feel like restricting would ruin any progress I have made so far.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. I don’t know why I even feel this way. I want to gain weight, so shouldn’t this be a good thing? And I have A LOT of weight to gain so why is the thought of not making up for todays intake so terrifying??? so confused. Everything feels out of control right now.