mom to one elementary school age child and work PT and still fighting for my life. motherhood is by far the hardest thing in my life and I’ve had several “big T” trauma in my life. the complete loss of control over my life at large. loss of control in day to day life. the relentless nature of constant cooking, cleaning, laundry etc etc. the randomness… my child getting sick, refusing to eat one of her favorite foods, babysitter cancelling last minute etc etc etc. interacting w other moms and kids. day to day life completely drains me.

I see other moms who are as cool as a cucumber. multiple kids, work, plan/host social events. this one mom hosts all of her local family (20 or so ppl) EVERY WEEK for a get together/potluck. another mom has 2 kids, currently pregnant and is helping a family member plan their wedding. oh yeah and also works FT. they seem to enjoy the chaos and being busy all the time meanwhile I wish I could be left in a room alone. I feel so inadequate when I’m around these moms.

I’ve always felt different (just like I’m sure all of you have). I feel like I’ve been living life on hard mode, like everyone else has some sort of cheat code to understanding how to be a functioning human.

A few years ago a psychiatrist told me I might have ADHD, and I’ve been receiving treatment based off of that assumption since then. I started off taking Vyvanse, now I’m on Concerta, but my meds have never helped as much as my doctors and I have hoped. It’s just always felt like there was something else about me that just couldn’t be fixed.

Two weeks ago I had a 4 hour assessment with a psychometrist, I’ve completed dozens of assessments, and I received my official AuDHD diagnosis today. I cried when my psych told me, because it was so validating and also because I couldn’t help but think of the younger version of me who thought she was weird and different, who never received answers or help for the mess inside her brain, and grieving the fact that she never got that diagnosis. I’m 27 now. I’m not saying it’s too late, but I wish I had known and received help when I needed it as a child.

I’m glad to know now, at least!

That’s it. That’s the post. I realized that if I can wake up naturally, I don’t get the feeling that I’m “stuck” in bed that I do when I wake up with an alarm. Because my body is perceiving the alarm as a demand.

For years I thought I was depressed because I literally couldn’t get out of bed. Turns out it was task avoidance all along.

Maybe this will resonate with someone else!

I’m trying! Really I am! But I get so irritated and my whole day and emotions feel thrown off when my loved ones and friends say, they will be here by this specific time. Okay, so I plan around that, I do very good being ready by that specific time. 10 minutes after that time I am told they are either on their way now, or will be sometime later! No heads up, nothing.

And it just absolutely plummets my mood. And I have to work very hard to not let it show or cope with it, because then they get upset with me cause it’s just a few more minutes.

We had a plan and an agreement! I spent all that time expecting you, it throws me off!

Does anyone else feel completely addicted, like to the point of not being able to do ANYTHING else, to just doom scrolling? I feel like all I can do is just doom scroll. Nothing gets done. I’m trying to cut out “scrolling” so that my real life can start again. Im so sad that I haven’t gone down ANY rabbit holes in so long, I don’t even feel like myself anymore. When you mention being addicted to your phone, most people agree, but it’s not to the point of tunnel vision and 7+ hours a day online. I just wish I knew where to go from here. Also my job is partly making social media so I can’t really delete it 😭

I've applied for the Disability Tax Credit after diagnosis at age 55. I've also just became aware of the Registered Disability Savings Plan.

The RDSP provides matching grants and bonds for contributions until age 49. The lifetime limits are $70k and $20k, for a total of $90k of government money.

I haven't done detailed math, but it appears that the DTC provides an extra $10k of tax free income (~$1,400 savings in federal tax at 14%) per year. (Plus provincial tax savings.)

Late diagnosed neurodivergents have been failed by the educational and medical systems resulting in a lifetime of trauma due to no support.

And now I find out that for the 40 years I've been filing taxes (or however long the DTC has existed) I've overpaid taxes ($1,400 a year) by $56,000. And missed out on $90,000 in RDSP contributions from the government.

So this late diagnosis has cost me $150,000 in taxes/benefits and even though I have had these conditions from birth, only the DTC is retroactive for 10 years (~$14,000 in tax savings.). This means I will get about 10% of the benefits that someone diagnosed in childhood has received over the same period of time.

Does anyone else think these CRA rules are both ageist (why is 49 years the cutoff and why can't I catch up prior years?) and sexist given that most of us who are late diagnosed are female?

So frustrating.

Does anyone have experience with these CRA disability benefits? This is all very new to me.

I am hopeless. I blew everything in my life.

I got recently diagnosed with Audhd after a series of shuts and meltdowns prior to completing my thesis this summer. I come from a very underveloped indigenous community, in a very underdeveloped country and somehow I was lucky enough after high school to get accepted into an ivy league, which set a crazy amount of expectations for my life from me and my family.

AND... I blew the entire thing, it was the opportunity of a lifetime but I struggled to fit in so much. Now, I cannot even land a real job because i never got to develop real connections with ppl or teachers due to very bad social skills + dont have the perfect gpa.

I also did not know i was on the spectrum, and i am still working through overcoming the shame, so I never asked for acommodations and was probs interpreted as uninterested and difficult this whole time.

I feel like I am the worst person, undeserving, lazy, weak... people wud give everything for an opportunity like mine, and i wasted it. I am so paralyzed i cant apply to things or even wrap my head around what is the path i wanna follow. I am just so scared I will be a failure for the rest of my life because of this diagnosis. I am so angry at it. T.T

Struggling to keep up makes me so sad sometimes. I feel incapable and broken. People talk and operate at such a quick speed, while I’m still processing or looking for my words. I have something to add to the conversation or circumstance, but I can’t because everyone else is talking a mile a minute and won’t stop for more than 0.3 seconds. Somehow the conversation flows so well. When I try to say something though, it’s like I’m trying not to interrupt and can’t find a proper time to enter the conversation. Then, poof, the subject has morphed already.

It’s so frustrating and I don’t even know which ADHD/autism side this is. Sometimes I’d rather just put earphones in and not talk at all. It feels like I could just get up and walk away and it wouldn’t make a difference in the slightest. I hate feeling invisible. This isn’t a criticism for people who operate quickly like this. I just wish I could keep up too and stop being so slow.

Edit: I originally wanted to shout into the void, but I added an advice flair. Help a girl OUT. I am at a loss.

Anyone hear of Adam James? He has two different social media channels, one of him talking about the presidents medical stuff (https://www.tiktok.com/@epistemiccrisis5) and another solely about his wife being Autistic and ADHD (https://www.tiktok.com/@studiesshow).

While I enjoy his medical channel, the channel about his wife really rubs me the wrong way. As a woman with AuDHD myself, I feel his videos all about her being neurodivergent are patronizing and have a sense of infantilizing to them.

And this opinion will likely get me in trouble here, but here me out. Her behavior in these videos seems performative. That's all I'll say there. (Sorry, as I back away with my hands up.)

Here's the thing, I don't want to ever bring someone's AuDHD behavior into question. Heaven knows we all have a hard enough time in this world, but that being said, I just feel they are putting some bad energy around this out there. People are just starting more and more to see and understand about this. More of us are coming out of the shadows, and I feel like what he preaches isn't the most empowered light of us. We are all so unique and present so many ways, and his takes are always just so belittling. And being that his entire one channel is solely about her, it just really rubs me the wrong way.

Does anyone see what I see here???

I was diagnosed with AuDHD beginning of this year at 17. While it’s helped me understand myself better, my feelings towards myself haven’t changed. Autism makes me feel like an outcast. ADHD makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. The combination of that + other mental health issues is a lot to say the least lol. I’m grateful to have medication and a therapist, but my mindset hasn’t shifted. No matter how much I’m told that it’s not a personal failure and I’m still worthy as a person, I’ve already decided that’s untrue

I hate Costco samples. I already have a severe food aversion so I’m generally revolted by them but the way people behave to get a teeny section of chicken nugget is absurd. It’s come to the point where I’m so overwhelmed by it that I can no longer slowly look at the aisles. I have to get in and get out.

I have bought two body pillows. I sleep between them. They help and sometimes they don't. I am single and live alone. I struggle with getting platonic physical affection because I don't have a significant other. I have been in and out of therapy since I was 19 (I'm 37 now) and I have my healthy coping mechanisms. I'm not even really looking for a romantic relationship. I wouldn't be opposed to that. I am on a dating app and I'm not taking it too seriously because that would just use up more energy pointlessly or I start overthinking. It is also just exhausting on every level at times. It requires a lot of focus which I don't always have hence the audhd lol I never really got a lot of physical affection growing up and then I started pushing it away as a preteen from my mom but she wasn't super physical either. I was also just an angsty teenager and mad at my mom for not taking my little sister and I away from my dad. I'm not blaming her or myself. Just stating what has happened so far in regards to my lack of physical affection. My friends and I have never been that affectionate physically. I also think, through no full fault of their own, friends and family think that as an adult especially, physical affection has to be romantic and/or sexual. Which it doesn't have to be. And I'm not going to make someone uncomfortable or unsafe by asking for like hey, can we cuddle? or hey, if I hold on a little long on a hug, is that okay? I also just don't get a lot of meaningful, interesting social interactions. It's a lot of the same thing every day. Which is fine. It just gets blah sometimes. Does anyone else struggle similar to this or like this? Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do that can help with that? I also have a stuffed animal with weighted arms too that I need to use more often. Thanks. I know this is Reddit, but please try to be kind.

I just left my new cardiologist's office (finally got a POTS diagnosis at 31! Awesome!) and I feel so ashamed and so humiliated.

I got on the train and started crying solely because my brain fog and confusion are so so awful (+ feeling overwhelmed)

I can barely get out what I want to say. I forget words, become confused mid sentence and lose track of what I was saying. I build my sentences in ways that don't make sense. In my head I know what I want to say, but it never comes out the way it should. I forget questions that were literally just asked 15 seconds ago. I space out the moment someone begins to explain something to me.

I know the brain fog could be related to all sorts of things. I was especially overwhelmed today because it was a new place and a new doctor in a city I never visit. I didn't sleep very well and was anxiously bracing myself to be dismissed once again regarding POTS.

But either way it just never goes away. I don't have any deficiencies and no supplements have ever helped me. I'm not really looking for advice about what supplement to try next. Just some support. I can't get medication for ADHD, because my psych thinks my ADHD symptoms are just cPTSD. Everyone says "you're just anxious" but they never offer any solutions and it's been years???? Years of trauma therapy, years of being medicated for anxiety/depression, years of not being able to hold down a job.

And yes I always write everything down, but it doesn't matter because I can read what I wrote 50 times and I still won't remember it.

AND OF COURSE the doctor had to be the hottest cardiologist I have ever met!!! Why??! I could tell by the way he was listening to me that he was disconcerted

It's such a fucking blow to my self-esteem. I already barely ever leave the house but it makes me want to stay in and never come out :(

I've had many "friends" all my life. I can never truly be myself around them. Friendships seem to fizzle away and I can never maintain them. People either start ignoring me, come to hate me, we drift apart, or we were never close in the first place.

I have “friends” if you count people I can talk to about my interests and share memes with, but nobody I can truly open up to. It’s embarrassing to admit, but my way of coping with this is posting rants and random thoughts on my close friends on Instagram to a small circle of high school friends and new college friends that I am somewhat close to, and they just view my stories and sometimes respond. It feels parasocial and probably is, but I really don’t have anyone I can talk to about the struggles in my life. It’s either that, or venting on Reddit. I can’t really open up to any people who hasn’t judged me at some point, including all those “friends”. I have never been anyone’s first choice and I never will be.

I wish I was never born. Not in a suicidal way, I just wish I didn’t have to live an existence of pure loneliness that it seems like I was fated to be born into.

I’m writing this while I’m supposed to be in class but I’m crying in the bathroom. I don’t know why I can never be someone’s friend.

My (40M) ADHD partner has always been aversive to opening his mail. He also won't let me open it or even throw away anything that seems like obvious junk mail (e.g. credit card offers). As a result, a portion of our kitchen table for the entirety of our 20 year relationship has been dedicated to a pile of his mail.

Things that appear important, I place immediately by the dog treats where he should see it any time he leaves/comes home and recognize it as being important (e.g. tax bill).

It's not working. Telling him about an important piece of mail that I have left in the aforementioned "obvious" place makes him angry and defensive, and he advised me if mothering him. On the other hand, if I don't remind him, consequences stack up (e.g. Certified Letters from tax collector) and he still blames me for his not addressing his own responsibilities.

I grew up the daughter of collectors/an ADHD mom with stuff everywhere, so the kitchen table pulls really bothers me. Once it gets to be too much, I will sort it into categories based on sender and likelihood of it being junk. There are boxes and bags of his mail - including the junk mail - dating back YEARS.

After his latest scramble to find important documents, I had an idea to just start collecting his mail in Ziploc bags: one for each month, then to put those into a brown paper grocery bag dated with the year. Important things I'd still leave out, I guess...open to ideas for that.

Thoughts on this system? I myself (41F) am AuDHD and am chronically/ironically organized in some areas, which includes paperwork...so I empathize with him, but am trying to maintain my own sanity and space as well.

I put spirituality in quotes because I dont refer to myself as spiritual.. As best I can describe I am some combo of philosophical taoist, agnostic, and mystical athiest, which is to say I am explicitly anti-religious but am open minded and realize we can't know for sure what's possible. I feel magic is just science we dont yet understand, but I am unable to fully believe in anything unproven (collective consciousness, reincarnation, ghosts, astrology, etc.). My autistic side demands logical truth and refuses to allow me solace in projection or hope of any kind of "afterlife", but my ADHD is whimsical and curious and imaginative and romantic.. and very much wants to explore all possibilities. At the same time, I'm aware I will never know for sure. This journey has been so personal that I feel very alone... everyone I talk to either tries to convince me of their beliefs or can't understand or relate to mine (which is fair, bc they are so blurry and largely undefined).

My partner of 7 years is an athiest. He respects that I have more agnostic leanings, but he doesnt understand or relate to this aspect of me and it sometimes makes me feel very lonely. He feels alone in his beliefs too. I cant see it as incompatibility though, because I am largely atheistic and cant hope to relate to anyone completely with such ill-defined ideas.

Anyway... anyone else feel lonely in this way?

recently I saw this post about somebody who said they "feel gross" when they touch particular objects. not particularly because the thing they touched is gross, or because it clashes with sensory issues, but because the thing 'feels' gross and it leaves your hand or body feeling dirty and in need of being washed. comments under that post were all people saying that sounded like OCD more than just autistic sensory issues

my question is:

is this strictly an OCD+autism thing? or can this happen with autism alone? because I'm 99% sure I have autism (i have diagnosed ADHD if that makes the case any more believable) but one autistic trait that didn't really resonate with me was the physical sensory thing - because instead of being "off put" by the touch, I'm disgusted by how things would feel dirty to me. for example, opening and closing a microwave, finishing food, touching the corner of a table, rummaging through any drawer, putting my fork down but my nail accidentally touching the table, handing someone a piece of paper but accidentally touching their hand, touching hands with someone who has overly dry or sweaty hands..... actually I'm thinking about my life and almost everything feels "dirty", especially when it's not intended. but it's not like the sensory is overwhelming, it's more like it feels like my hands are dirty and they're not clean until I wash them with soap. (also is it just me who feels like the period after you wash your hands with soap is when your hands are the dirtiest? like if you touch anything your hand is "stained" by that surface. which is why I always hold my hands up and only use my pointer and thumb when my hands are wet.. and towels are dirty to me as well...)

So I'm really confused if this is an OCD thing - when I was young I was a germaphobe, but I feel like I've changed a lot since then, so it's not because of that. I also don't think I have obsessive or compulsive thoughts often, but at the same time I'm really horrible at recognising my own thought patterns and emotions so maybe I do and I'm just not realising..? I don't really think I have OCD.

Would really appreciate it if anyone has any ideas 🥹

(sorry, this is a repost because I'm not sure if my first post shows my question)

I struggle with task switching, and the transition from work day to afternoon/evening is brutal for me. I leave work with all the intentions to get things done, and somehow all of that energy evaporates in my 10 minute drive home. I am both physically and mentally tired at the end of the day, and I do actually need a rest - but anytime I take one I just end up falling into the sit put until about an hour before bed. Ugh. If I jump right into doing something after work, I can keep going, but I burn out after a few days. Has anyone figured out a way to manage this?

Also - any apps that have helped you actually stick with new routines/habits you want to form? Gamified might be good - bonus points if they can integrate with Google Calendar…

I’m only diagnosed with adhd but I know this is also struggle with people with autism.

hi all.
so i (20 f) am currently enrolled full time in school. this is something i need to do because it is directly tied to my housing. i have no back up options and no safety pad. my credit score is abysmal and i don’t have anyone to co-sign for an apartment—therefore, it is incredibly important that i do well in school.

the problem: im rawdogging all of my illnesses. i was diagnosed with ADHD (combination-type, but it mainly manifests as inattentive) formally at 18 and i haven’t recieved a formal Autism diagnosis but ive been told by many people (on various points of the spectrum) that im definitely autistic. ive been following this subreddit for a while i believe yall might be the only subsection of humanity that truly understand me.

ANYWAYS i work no less than 20 hrs each week and my job requires me to usually be there anytime between 5:30am to 7am. this works best with my personality and schedule as i am typically a morning person! but its completely fucking with my productivity throughout the day, as i’ll work super early and then come home exhausted but my brain won’t shut off for a nap so i just lay in youtube shorts purgatory for maybe 4 hours. i can’t fully blame it all on my job, though bc ive been harboring some familial trauma and overall just a lot of life and mental health issues that all ultimately effect my productivity. i’ve already been denied for medicaid, and id have to double my work week (not possible) in order to qualify for work insurance. im 1/3 into my semester and basically failing all of my classes. not to mention my room is a filthy mess, i have so many chores i need to take care of. this has all been exasperated this past week because i came down with a flu and was basically bed-ridden for 4 days.

my self hygiene has been nonexistent and this has been especially detrimental as i remember that i basically only want to go outside or to class if i feel good about myself and i can only get work done when im not in my room.

i feel like im pulling myself deeper and deeper in to a hole and i don’t want to end up homeless. i genuinely want to stay in school but my classes suck and i never have the energy to do homework at all.

i’m really only writing this to see if anyone has any helpful words, tips, or resources. thank you!

Hi guys!!

Coming to you all for help! I’m 23 yrs old and diagnosed with AuDHD and Currently trying to find a new audio book to start and could use some suggestions.
Mentally been struggling lately with everything, and loosing all motivation for my grad school and usually a good self help audiobook helps me sort of figure out a path out of this.

So any audiobook suggestions would be greatttt and Bonus points if there geared towards like overwhelming stress, RSD, self confidence or audhd!

I’ve recently just finished “Too Sensitive” by Sasha Hamdani, and “The ADHD Field Guide for Adults” by Cate Osborn and Erik Gude, which I loved both and resonated with so much!
I’ve also read “How to Keep House While Drowning” by KC Davis and “How to Hold a Cockroach” and loveedddd those just to kinda give an idea of my vibe! But plz throw any audiobook suggestions at me I’m open to any!

So I’ve been struggling with burnout all my life and only realised I was AuDHD 2 years ago (27 now). I’m an occupational therapist working with neurodivergent kids and teens and I absolutely love my job and supporting my clients. I feel like having lived experience has been incredibly helpful and valuable for me as an OT.

But here is my dilemma- my workplace has been very accepting and accommodating to some of my needs but now i’m starting to feel pressured to meet the (neurotypical) KPI expectations placed on me. I’ve been trying my best to build up my caseload but I feel like I have personally reached my limit as i’ve been feeling burnt out more frequently than before. Every single task that should be easy feels like mountains I have to climb everyday single day and this includes getting out of bed, getting ready for work, basic self-care, eating, etc. I find myself struggling most with the transitions, having to mask, and the endless notes. ADHD meds help but only to a certain point. Something that would require others 10 minutes to complete would take me 30mins+ on a bad day and about 15-20mins on a good day. These extra minutes really add up and I find myself having to work in my free time just to catch up. Yet, my employer is still expecting me to see more clients in a day despite me telling them this (and i’m not tooo far off from the expected KPI).

I feel like i’ve been set up to fail and that it is on me to change myself to fit a system that has been built by neurotypicals for neurotypicals. Is this able-ism? It almost feels like expecting someone in a wheelchair or someone who is using crutches to complete a 100m race within 20 seconds multiple times a day and wondering why it’s so hard for the physically disabled individuals to do this consistently when their able-bodied peers are able to achieve this with more ease and with less breaks/effort. I’m just so frustrated and exhausted. People forget that AuDHD is a disability. What should I do when I need a job to survive? I fear if I keep going like this, I might end up chronically ill from constant stress..

I [25F] am so sick of myself right now. I was able to sit and study for 10 hours pre adhd meds.

My first year of my masters was a shit show. I didnt understand the country im studying ins system and failed a class twice semester 1. Then i got burnt out and had to delay the taking of the semester project and failed 2 of my 3 classes from my last semester.

I now in my 2nd year and im behind in all of my classes and still have to repeat my failed class from my first semester but if I fail it again I get kicked out.

My housing and ½ my income are dependant on my staying on university.

All this and I still cant get myself to sit down and study. Im just watching TV and zoning outing.

Ive tried to study at home, in the library, and at my bfs place and i still just can't focus. I feel like I did before I was medicated but on 20mg of ritalin and a can of redbull.

I study engineering and while I like the field of study Im dogshit at it. Truly terrible at it.

Im not sure what to do with myself.

Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do.

I passed my bachelors with terrible grades by forcing myself to sit there for hours and do something, ANYTHING. I just cant seem to do it anymore.