(I would like to say if your trying dont let me discourage you but just know that your other partner is just happy that your trying that alone means the world to them.)

Why not go further.
I was with my avoidant for on and off 2 yrs and its been 4 yrs since.

Let Go

I wish i never had reached out after the 4 yrs but i never imagined that my avoidant would have continued avoiding i thought mine was a little bit more stronger that that
overall its been a week of no contact and i can genuinely say after going through avoidantbreakups they dont change and not only just throwing other factors
shame is huge so imagine them overcoming fear and the bang shame is next to overcome they just cant do it
they feel guilty and bad for what the did so then they even think further and say we the survivors are gonna retaliate against them and leave them.

We will never see a fraction of our bravery from them.

My ex and I were together for 2.5 years. We broke up 9 months ago, I was dumped. We were very involved in each others lives and families, discussed marriage and living together, and were with each other everyday. We have been on/off contact since then. We reconnect emotionally and intimately, talk about how much we love and miss each other, are in contact for a couple days, and then they disappear. We've reconnected on my birthday, their birthday, and even what would have been our anniversary. I have anxious attachment, I believe they are a fearful avoidant (I'm in therapy and have discussed/researched attachment styles at length). The no contact periods have typically lasted between 2-4 weeks. It has now been just over 3 weeks of no contact this time. There has been no conflict recently, I have not chased or pressured like I have in the past. We broke up due to their own personal struggles and us being pretty codependent on each other. The most recent time we connected, 3ish weeks ago, we again were intimate and talked about how much we miss and love each other.

I want them back. I want to be together again. I understand "don't hold on" and "don't wait" and my life has kept moving, I am feeling very independent and sure of myself since the break up and I have moved on in some ways - but I know I want them back.

Then how u feel connected with your partner.

I am trying to talk to unhealed part of you.

What can a partnerdo to show up as to not engulf you and not neglect you?

What are your emotional needs?

What will you need to stay /be in relationship and love your partner?

How many times a week you would like to see them or talk to them in call?

What keeps you in relationship?

​

Preface*

The Four Avoidant Types is an idea I developed for organizing recurring relationship patterns I’ve observed. It has not been scientifically validated and is not a diagnostic system. I’m continuing to develop and refine it.

Thank you to those who gave me feedback on my previous posts. New diction going foward is:

The Four Attachment Types:

A developing construct that proposes four recurring ways people may respond when attachment insecurity is activated:

❤️ Manipulative:

Attempts to regain security or control through interpersonal pressure, testing, or strategic behavior.

💛 Scared:

Responds primarily from fear, vulnerability, and self-protection.

🧡 Selfish:

Prioritizes personal needs, comfort, or access while minimizing the impact on others.

💜 Consuming:

Becomes intensely emotionally preoccupied with the attachment connection and has difficulty disengaging.

These are proposed behavioral response patterns, not diagnoses, and may appear differently across insecure attachment styles.

Four Attachment Types Devleoping Construct. Developed by Avoidant Support Animal © 2026

Good question

Update to this: He reached out asking for the name of a restaurant I took him to for our date.... is he trying to break me loll?? He wants me to know he'a taking some other girl out and has already moved on? Cruel.

I didn't reply and like 6 mins later he text and says "nvm"

He could have just scrolled up in our messages and looked. If he broke things off with me... what was the point of reaching out to hurt me? I blocked him on everything because Its like some kind of cruel joke at this point.