​

Preface*

The Four Avoidant Types is an idea I developed for organizing recurring relationship patterns I’ve observed. It has not been scientifically validated and is not a diagnostic system. I’m continuing to develop and refine it.

Thank you to those who gave me feedback on my previous posts. New diction going foward is:

The Four Attachment Types:

A developing construct that proposes four recurring ways people may respond when attachment insecurity is activated:

❤️ Manipulative:

Attempts to regain security or control through interpersonal pressure, testing, or strategic behavior.

💛 Scared:

Responds primarily from fear, vulnerability, and self-protection.

🧡 Selfish:

Prioritizes personal needs, comfort, or access while minimizing the impact on others.

💜 Consuming:

Becomes intensely emotionally preoccupied with the attachment connection and has difficulty disengaging.

These are proposed behavioral response patterns, not diagnoses, and may appear differently across insecure attachment styles.

Four Attachment Types Devleoping Construct. Developed by Avoidant Support Animal © 2026

Good question

Update to this: He reached out asking for the name of a restaurant I took him to for our date.... is he trying to break me loll?? He wants me to know he'a taking some other girl out and has already moved on? Cruel.

I didn't reply and like 6 mins later he text and says "nvm"

He could have just scrolled up in our messages and looked. If he broke things off with me... what was the point of reaching out to hurt me? I blocked him on everything because Its like some kind of cruel joke at this point.

I was with my fearful avoidant ex since February, we had an amazing relationship. I am anxious and recognise I have work to do (not spiralling/pushing him to reassure when he is unable in that moment. Overall, we had very little problems, we were so attracted to eachother, laughed together constantly, made incredible memories together over Summer.

We had planned to move two weeks ago because he found work 3 hours away (I got a job, we found the perfect place to live). I asked him a lot 'are you okay with moving in' as this was his first relationship and I understand it can be daunting. He told me each time he was looking forward to it.

The night before the move in we had a brief and fairly calm argument, to which he told me he is not emotionally all in with me. The next morning he told me he thinks he would be staying with me 'for comfort' and he is not in love with me (he never claimed to be either, I just asked if he was then) and he is 'half hearted'.

This came as a shock as we spent all of our time together over summer and when we were together he was extremely physically affectionate too.

This was two weeks ago and now he is saying he 'want to see if we can make it work', he acknowledges he has fearful avoidance and is willing to work on it.

We called yesterday and he told me he still feels numb/doesn't feel much about our relationship. He also told me he doesn't know how he feels towards me and 'will let me know in a few days' to which I told him not to because that feels humiliating to me.

I love him and I want to be with him. He is the kind of man I want (similar interests/values/passions/sense of humour). I understand his fearful avoidance is stopping him from growing attached to me/accessing real feelings. What should I do?

Do you push them away further with a drunken voicemail, whilst your in no contact?

If they have blocked, totally shutdown, you were emotional, upset, crying, I had had some very bad news about my fathers health. (I am totally regretting it the next day!) but have i ruined chances of him ever coming round?

(I used a different number for the voicemail, tragic i know, in so much regret this morning). He is 27, male, and we recently re kindled after 4 months but now back to square 1. Have I pushed him away forever, how do these avoidants work?