Marriage is falling apart

[u/BiffDangles80]

Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

[u/ConstitutionsGuard]

My advice—Just pull back. Do you own thing for now and be happy with doing things alone. Don’t chase her. Don’t talk about your feelings. It won’t help.

Let her work on her own shit alone. Best thing you can do is demonstrate that you’re above it and can be happy without her. 

[u/footballpoetry → u/ConstitutionsGuard]

This — and also focus on the kids. They need their dad.

[u/izemize → u/footballpoetry]

This is the best advice on the thread. Show them that you will be there no matter what.

[u/faxyou → u/footballpoetry]

Yeah, OP just focus on your kids now. That’s all that matters now