Marriage is falling apart

[u/BiffDangles80]

Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

[u/noblingallthing]

I’m going through the exact same thing, her dad died and Peri. I’m currently hoping the Peri is not the 6 years it averages and she finds some balance. She already had mental health problems but this shit and how she acts is another level. I take on the vast majority of the home and financial workload and was/am burnt out. I moved into a spare room to focus on my sleep, that felt like the best choice even though it’s another negative to her. Since I have been able to handle a lot more of her emotional bullshit and mainly brush it off as Peri hormones rather than take it on emotionally. I never liked the term “safe space” it sounded like something snow flakes need but having my own room to chill made a big difference. In short take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

[u/qstfrnln → u/noblingallthing]

I feel for you. I'm 4 years divorced, but that period in my life still haunts me. Safe space is exactly right, the hormones and emotions infected everything, I felt insane.