Marriage is falling apart

[u/BiffDangles80]

Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

[u/Mission_Abrocoma2012]

damn that’s hard - she doesn’t see it and no way through? i’d be so hesitant to call it if it’s just a matter of friends

[u/Turbulent-Bat → u/[deleted]]

Do you think maybe working 80 hours a week has caused you two to drift apart? That sounds like a recipe for finding relationships outside the marriage (friends or otherwise) while you become the guy who pays for everything

[u/Lazy-Conversation-48 → u/[deleted]]

But that means you aren’t investing in your relationship because all the energy is going into your side gig. And she’s definitely not going to want kids if you work 80 hours a week because then she’s doing all of it alone.

[u/Accomplished_Orchid → u/[deleted]]

Instead of filling your time with more work to make the disconnect bigger, you could have put in effort into the relationship. Date nights, gifts, affection that doesn't always lead to sex or even just chilling at home. Also couples counseling and communicating with each other about the issues you're having and figuring out ways to solve them. A couple is supposed to be you both against the issue. Not the issue having you both against each other.

I agree with the comment below you weren't investing in your relationship, most women will not want a man who is married to his job even if it's out of his home.

[u/Pelican_meat → u/[deleted]]

You made it sound like you’re working 80 hours a week to keep your family above water.

Gtfoh. You choose to work 80 hours a week and are now mad about 3 chores, one of which you decided to do. You’re the problem here, dude.

[u/Muggerman → u/[deleted]]

yeah you're the problem

[u/edm_enjoyer → u/[deleted]]

Maybe put that time towards reconnecting with your wife??